Friday 2:45 pm
My face burned with embarrassment and anger. My mind buzzed with a thousand things I wanted to say, but my mouth just couldn't seem to settle on any one of them. My eyes did the talking for me and I stared down my tormentor, my breath coming in little huffs. Why could I never find my voice at a time like this? It wasn't like Hector being a dick was something new; I just hated having attention called to my disability.
All the eyes staring at me—it was more than being seen. It was being seen as a broken thing. And I hated it.
Maybe I hated myself a little in these moments too and all the swirling emotions were too much to bear. I felt the weight of them settle into my bones like the world was crushing down on me. I felt llike I was going to explode.
"Quit playing with your balls," Sy, one of my best friends, arrived to my defense and deftly snatched the basketball Hector had been dribbling, "and fetch like the little bitch you are." He threw the ball and it made an echoey thump-thwack in the gymnasium as it bounced away.
"Oooooooh," came a small chorus and a few laughs from Hector's posse.
"You gonna let him talk to you like that?" said Garret, one of Hector's major hangers-on.
Hector's face had already darkened and, at the goading from Garret, he stepped up to Sy, "Now is that any way to talk to your betters, Cry? I was only trying to include her in our game. Right guys?" Hector sneered broadly, and his crew smirked and nodded agreeably.
"Yeah, for sure, we were just offering the cripple a chance to play with us." Garett couldn't keep the amusement from his voice.
My hands were shaking in frustration and I was certain my voice would tremble with the same emotion. But I opened my mouth to speak anyway. "I'm not bothering you. Why don't you stop bothering me and let me get back to my walking." I gestured to the little path I'd be making back and forth in front of the wall of bleachers.
"Walking," Hector snorted. "Is that what you were doing? Looked like some kind of duck waddle from over there, but whatever." He shrugged.
"You can go to hell." My voice shed any tremor it had.
I knew for damn sure that I didn't look like a duck while walking. It wasn't until I ran that I started looking like a duck. And frankly, if a Tyrannosaurus Rex appeared in the gym I'd rather die than do my duck waddle run in front of Hector or any of these bro dudes. Just eat me, lizard king.
As I stood there, mouth set in a determined line, ready to spew forth more invectives in his direction, Hector laughed. His crew started laughing. That hatred from before started bubbling up inside me. It was white hot behind my eyes as I rolled them dramatically.
Then I stepped up into his personal bubble and kneed him right in the nuts.
"Twwwwwerrrrrrrrrppppppp." The sound of coach K's whistle cut through the gym just as Hector doubled over clutching his family jewels. Of course, Coach had to pick this moment to return from wherever he always disappeared to. Gym class usually ran like Lord of the Flies. Just my rotten luck.
"What's all this?" Coach approached where we were standing, "DelaRosa, why you all hunched over, son?"
I expected the dirtbag to rat me out and took a breath, preparing myself to argue that I was provoked beyond the bounds of human reason. Shockingly, Hector did the unexpected. He glanced in my direction and simply replied, "I mis-timed a dribble with the ball, sir. I was doing a 'between the legs crossover' and...."
"Ouch." The coach sucked his teeth in sympathy. "Just walk it off and save the fancy stuff for the playoffs."
I listened to coach admonishing Hector to be more careful as the crowd dispersed. I couldn't help but smugly note that it was Hector who was walking funny now. Serves him right. I probably shouldn't have resorted to a physical altercation to solve my problems. I knew that. My dad would be disappointed when I told him about this. And I would tell him—because I told him everything.
Sy elbowed me and grinned, "Good goin'." I shouldn't have been praised for losing my temper. A breathy sigh escaped my lips.
I looked down at my shoes. The tops of my braces poked out of them. The little purple birds decorating the side of the plastic, forever looking like they were ready to fly away. Like I wanted to right now.
But I wasn't going anywhere, so I lifted my head and screwed on my smile. "Thanks for the save."
"Anytime."
I wasn't sure what I would do without Sy and Jess. They were both my BFF's. Both immensely different from one another but both equally amazing. Jess didn't have last period gym with Sy and me, but we shared a lunch period. Between the two of them, they made school bearable.
"You wanna hang out later, binge watch Marvel movies and eat a buncha of junk food?"
Sy's eyes darkened. "Can't. Dad's in a mood. He's been super busy with work and needs my help with stuff around the house."
I knew better than to pry. Sy's dad was a subject all to itself. I just nodded. "K. I'll catch you another time then."
He smiled brightly. "You absolutely will. Dad can't stay like he is now forever."
I reached up and touched his shoulder with a reassuring smile. The bell rang. Sy headed for the bus with a "See you soon, Rain." and I made my way to student parking where my Baby Blue sat waiting patiently for me.
She wasn't much, my little Ford Explorer, my metallic hunk of freedom, but how I adored her. She wasn't new by any means, but she had faux-leather seats that were perfect for sandy beach trips. Living on a small barrier island like I did, this was a priority. That and working air conditioning. Not much else mattered. In the end, she was fine and she was mine.
"Watch it bitch!" Rick, one of Hector's Bro Dudes ™ , pulled out dramatically behind me, screeching tires and all as I was backing out. I casually flipped him the bird. Douches gonna douche. I wasn't gonna let anything else get to me today.
My window was rolled down and the local rock station crooned random indie songs as the breeze caressed my cheek on my drive. The weather was perfect.
By the time I pulled into my driveway, the stress from the day had melted away. I opened the door, threw my backpack on the side table and bellowed for my Dad.
"Dad, I'm home."
I heard my father's voice, "In the kitchen, Raina bug."
I traipsed into the kitchen with a smile plastered on my face. "'Sup with you?" I asked him.
"The usual," he smiled at me, "making my poor starving child some food."
I laughed at him. My dad knew Jess and I had early lunch together and typically spent our lunch period in the library working on calculus homework so we didn't have to do it later. While we may not have been hungry at 11am early lunch, we were ravenous by the time we arrived home.
My father walked over to the oven and peeked in. "Those look about right." He pulled out a couple of open-faced ham and cheese sandwiches with the cheese all melty and good. "You want some coleslaw on top?" he asked.
"Mmmmm. You know it." I was salivating by this point.
As my father walked to the fridge to get the slaw, he grabbed some mail off the kitchen island. "There are some college letters here for you." He threw some envelopes at me. I idly scanned the college names and fiddled with my necklace.
My father sighed. "Isn't there one in the pile, you're maybe excited to open?" my father looked at me with raised eyebrows and a stupid smile plastered on his face as he added, "You keep pulling your charm like that and you'll need a new chain again before you know it."
I huffed and stopped fiddling with my dragonfly. A nervous habit—a comforting habit.. Dad had given me the charm when I was little, and it was true; I've had to have the chain replaced many times throughout my life. So, yeah. Best to stop fiddling.
It was then I noticed. My eyebrows shot up into my hairline. What. Had. He. Done?
"I know it goes without saying..." he began.
"What...?" My voice rose in pitch.
"I used the essay you wrote to the University of Florida. It was excellent.".
"You can't just apply to a college in my name dad. I think thats illegal!"
"Well, maybe you didn't get in. Maybe you did." He shrugged. Same stupid grin on his face. "Point is, you never tried for anything but state schools. With your grades and scores, you could try for a little ivy."
"Dad, state schools offer a great education and they are a safe bet. I don't need to waste my time applying to some ivy league dream."
"That's the problem, bug. You don't even have a dream school. Not one in the bunch you are excited about."
"That's because as long as I get into a good state school, that's all that matters."
"Bug-"
I cut him off with my silence by grabbing my sandwich and leaving the table. I headed to my room to eat. I left the college envelopes where they sat.