I wake up in the morning and feel a lot better.
I made up with Rosé, Jisoo doesn't know which means she's not going to yell at me and everything's cool. I feel so much better than I did yesterday and today is a new day. I'm going to make a good one, too. Yesterday was just pretty damn awful so yeah, today will be good. I'm one hundred percent sure.
I get up, dress, eat a bit of breakfast and then head off to work. When I get there, I smile at that Yeji chick and she tells me her and her boyfriend made up and is so thankful for what I did yesterday. I tell her that it's okay and that I actually needed a distraction, and she asks me why but I'm a closed book when it comes to people that aren't Jisoo and Rosé. I never tell anyone anything unless I trust them and so I just shrug and tell her it doesn't matter. Clearly she was asking out of curiosity and not politeness beaus she doesn't pry anymore. Bitch.
Anyway, I'm behind the coffee machine, making a customers latte when I hear the front door swing open. Rosé comes bouncing in, looking a lot happier than yesterday and I feel myself smiling as she looks at me. She smiles back, we two are good now, and we push down the awkwardness because we two can't be awkward. We're both forgetting what happened and that's that.
I drop my eyes back to the coffee machine and get on with the latte, but two seconds later a hand settles on my waist and I hear a small, "Hey," whispered into my ear.
It's always how Rosé used to greet me, but this time I jump a little and feel my skin flare up at the touch. She didn't actually touch my bare skin, but her palm seemed to sizzle through my work shirt and now I'm trying not to spill the foam I'm putting into the latte as my mind races. Why the hell did I just jump? And why can I feel the imprint of her hand tingling on my skin?
I shake it off, not wanting to know and finish it up before leaning over the counter and shouting out the order. A woman comes to pick it up and I smile as she takes it, before turning back to find Rosé walking out from the back room, tying her apron around her waist.
"Hey," I greet. "You scared me when you came in," I add, not knowing why.
Rosé giggles. "Sorry," she apologizes but she's smiling. She meant to scare me.
I narrow my eyes playfully. "You can be an ass sometimes," I say and her grin widens.
"I know," she replies and skips off to the till.
I turn back to my position at the coffee machine and pick up the next order, but as I do so, I notice Rosé talking to a guy over the counter. He's an older guy, not that old but like, my boss' age, and he's got silver streaks in his hair. At first I smile a little, because Rosé's always friendly to her customers to get a bigger tip, plus she's just generally a nice and friendly person, but then I notice that the customer's lingering around for longer than necessary and that Rosé still hasn't taken his order. The marker's in her hand, and she looks like she isn't moving to grab a cup or a sticker to take it any time soon and I feel a twinge in my stomach as I watch them, realizing that they're flirting.
The guy's grinning-and damn, he must have one killer dental plan 'cause he's got a set of pearly whites on him-and I see Rosé duck her head and bat her lashes up at him when he says something and I know that Rosé flirts with her customers, occasionally winks at that weird computer guy that always sits over in the corner on Thursday's, but this is different. The guy's still standing there and he has been for at least three minutes-according to the timer on the machine. I'm totally not counting-and Rosé's ears are pink and she's doing that ridiculously adorable thing where she circles the point of her shoe on the floor in a circle; but that can only mean that this customer's complimenting her in a way she can't take. That's the only time she does the foot thing.
My eyes narrow and I feel that twinge in my stomach again, but this time it's heavier and goes on for longer as my vision flicks between Rosé and this guy; but I supposed that she's my best friend. She's allowed to flirt with a customer and I just support her in whatever she does, even if this guy is like ancient.
So forcing my eyes away, I look back to the coffee I still haven't made and shoot a fake smile to the impatient customer waiting for it.
Because whether or not Rosé's flirting with this guy, it's none of my business.
And so I just ignore it.
***
When the guy's order comes through, I pick up the cup and scowl at it for about thirty seconds before Rosé looks to me with a quizzical expression.
I just blink out of it, letting my hands work robotically to fulfill the order and when I'm finished, I turn to the little table where I dispense the order and find the guy grinning at me. I can't help that my natural reaction is to snarl, but I still try to make it as subtle as possible and carelessly slide his coffee over to him and offer the fakest smile I know how to summon, but he doesn't falter and grins back, thanking me before he walks out the store.
Why am I so bothered by him?
***
I don't talk to Rosé for the rest of my shift.
She attempts to make small talk with me but I'm just not in the mood and I only grunt or make a noise of acknowledgment back whenever she asks me a question. I don't know why, because this is totally not how I used to treat her when we two were 'just friends,' but I just can't stop myself. I just don't really get how Rosé can tell me last night that she likes me, and then today be all over some fucking customer who admittedly, did have the smile of an aangel
It's just bothering me, or so I think, because one second she says something and the next she's doing something else, and it's like, how am I supposed to know if she was telling me the truth? I mean, I know she wouldn't lie about liking me because that would be pointless, but clearly she didn't like me that much if she can go and so obviously flirt with a guy in front of me not even twelve hours after our conversation.
In fact, I guess it was probably good that I don't have some unspoken deep love for her because if I did, she could've just seriously hurt me.
It's lucky I don't even like her because seeing her flirt with George Clooney after telling me she liked me would've seriously pissed me off or sent me into some rant about how she could do that.
So yeah, it's lucky I don't.
***
Later that night, I get a text from Jisoo inviting me over to dinner since Stella's with Haein for the night.
I head on over, taking a bottle of wine and my purse and when you get there, Rosé opens the door. I smile at her, a little shocked that she's here but really, why didn't I think she'd be there anyway? She steps aside and I walk in, and it's all good; I don't feel (that) awkward and Jisoo's already serving dinner which means I'm not going to be hungry for long and I've brought my favorite bottle of wine so yeah, nothing to complain about.
"So," I start, swallowing my mouthful of pasta. "How was your date with the crip?"
Jisoo looks to me but shrugs. "It was alright," she says and I frown. I thought she was excited.
"Just alright?" Rosé chimes in, sipping on her wine.
Jisoo nods again. "Yeah," she sighs. "I think we're better as friends, though. There wasn't really any chemistry."
I nod along, and try not to think about how when she said 'better as friends' my mind instantly shot to Rosé. Though I'm so focused on that, that I don't realize my eyes snapping over to Rosé and how she looks at me like I'm on the same brain wave, but when I do, I force myself to look away. Damn it. I really need to stop making associations to the thing that both of us said I'd forget.
"But anyway, enough of that," Jisoo says, lowering her cutlery and folding her arms on top of the table, resting them there. "How was your night out?"
I can't help but tense at the question, my breath hitching but thank the fucking heavens that Rosé's here because she always picks up on things when I can't.
"It was good," she says and I just keep my head down. "We met a bunch of people and they were cool."
Jisoo smirks, her eyes shifting to me. "And did you finally get laid?"
The entire room goes silent after the question, and I know I need to say something swiftly because Jisoo's definitely not stupid and will most likely pick up on the silence and interpret it for something else. The truth that I did get laid, but hopefully not the truth that involves me and Rosé. So I clear my throat, lift my head and roll my eyes-because that's typical Lisa Manoban style-looking straight to Jisoo.
"There were a few hot people there," I say with as much nonchalance as possible. Rosé stares at me from the left but I keep my vision centered on to Jisoo. "And I could've but you know," my eyes dart to Rosé quickly as my hand stretches out, fingers playing with the stem of the wine glass in front of me. "I could've done better than them."
I'm referring to Rosé's words from that night, where she told me, I totally could have had sex with one of those chicks I met, maybe the one up by the bar because she was just screaming for it, and I know she knows because I feel her eyes burning warmth into the side of my face. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing, or what it means that I brought that up, but I just wanted to say it and so I did.
"That sounds nothing like you," Jisoo draws out and my face drops, from where it was apparently shifting into a smile, as I glance at her. "You always hook up with someone at clubs. Even if they need a bag over their head."
"Well I didn't," I hiss back, lifting a brow. "And we had to go home early anyway." Jisoo eyes me so I elaborate, "The electrics blew out or some shit."
Jisoo's head jerks back and my eyes widen slight at what I just implied. "You went home? Did you stay with each other then?"
I knew it was coming and I still blank out. My breath hitches for what feels like the millionth time in two days and I gulps because yeah, I did stay with Rosé and okay, that doesn't necessarily imply that Rosé and I had sex because all three of us sleep over each others places sometimes, but that time it just so happened that I did and now I'm freaking out because I think that Jisoo's suddenly developed a mind-reading ability and will instantly know that two of her best friends slept together. Shit.
"Uh, yeah," Rosé cuts in and my eyes snap to her. "The cab drove off because Lisa could get back in," she continues and shifts her vision to me. I nod along. "So she stayed over mine since we'd been drinking and well, it's New York," she says through a chuckle and Jisoo joins in.
"Yeah, totally," Jisoo agrees and nods, but then there's a buzzing sound and I frown, wondering if Jisoo's got to lonely that she finally took a trip to the sex shop a few blocks down, but then she whips out her phone and I inwardly slap myself in the face. "I'm just going to take this," she points to her phone and I smile, picking up my wine glass.
But then as my friend leaves the room, I realize that I'm left alone with Rosé again. In an awkward silence.
I need to stop this from happening, goddamnit.
"Thanks," I splutter around a mouthful of wine. "For you know," my chin juts, pointing toward Jisoo's empty chair. "I kind of blanked."
She smiles at me, but it's not as warm as I'm used to. "That's fine," she waves me off. "You looked like you were a little frozen."
I bob my head and the conversation trails off, leaving me to awkwardly look around the apartment as my fingers tap against the wine glass I'm grasping. And it's then, when I'm listening to the uncomfortable silence between us two that I realize just how fucking much I hate that our friendship's turned out like this.
"So... how was work?"
My eyes slide to Rosé as if to say really? Still, despite Rosé making small talk, I suppose she's trying to make the effort and so I answer. "Yeah, it was okay. How was yours?"
Rosé nods, lifts a shoulder. "It was okay."
The corner of my lips curve up but then the silence begins settling in and I think back on the day. Rosé said it was okay. Not great, but just okay, and I get this smug little smile on my face because apparently that old guy from before didn't make that much of an impression. Ha fucking ha. Still though, she might just be wanting to tell me because it might get weird but I want to know, and so I can't help myself when I pry that bit more.
"Anything interesting happen?"
Rosé lifts her head, eyes narrowing like she's not sure why I'm asking her this. I don't really know either. "Not really," she says, brows furrowing a little before they straighten out again. "I mean, I broke the marker and I've gotta pay to replace it."
"Yeah, we've had that for marker for a few months now, so it was time to get a new one."
Rosé offers me a slight smile and then it goes quiet again, and damn, that was definitely some quality small talk right there. Fuck, seriously, why is it this fucking awkward? We both said we wanted to be friends and I thought that meant going back. Obviously I wasn't naïve or dumb enough to think that everything would snap back, and okay, it's only been a day, but it feels like this is going to drag on forever. And I just don't want that. I want to go back to being best friends with her.
Although I do acknowledge that she likes me, or had done in the past, and that maybe it might take a little longer because of that.
Actually, come to think of it, I'm not sure if she still likes me or if it was in the past. I never really cleared that up with her.
"What are you guys doing this weekend?"
I snap my head around to find Jisoo skipping into the room. I didn't even hear she was coming. "I'm free," I say and look to Rosé who repeats my words.
Jisoo grins at me. "Perfect," she says excitedly. "Now let's clear up, move to the sofas and I'll tell you what we're doing."
Not totally sure what's going on, but being entirely intrigued, I nod, find Rosé nodding too and begin clearing up with her as Jisoo types away on her phone.
***
Five minutes later and we're all sitting on the sofas. I'm on the armchair, my leg swung over the arm rest and my back leaning on the opposite one, and Jisoo and Rosé are on the sofa, legs folded beneath them and glasses of wine in hand. I chose to sit here purely because I didn't want to make Rosé feel uncomfortable, or like I was pulling Jisoo to my side-not that she knows what's going on but it could totally be interpreted like that-and so this way I won't be on the offensive side... Even though there aren't any sides.
"Are you going to tell us what the plans are for this weekend or are we playing the guessing game?" I ask sarcastically.
Jisoo throws ms a glare. "Shut up. I was just getting comfortable," she says and shifts on the couch before speaking up. "Right, well basically this weekend there's a reunion type thing for all the workers that have been and gone at the coffee shop."
Every year, the coffee shop gets a flood load of college students applying for temporary employment as they need money to get through their summer, or to survive their next term at college and Seokjin, our boss, is a decent guy. He usually hires quite a few people, and some of them have been useless but, Jisoo, Rosé and I-being permanent employees as we all go to NYU-have met some pretty decent people.
"Who's going?" Rosé asks at the same time I ask, "Why are they coming back?"
Trust me to be the one to get suspicious at all of their simultaneous arrivals.
"The people who will be there are Jennie, Tzuyu, Jaehyun, Somi, Vernon, Eunwoo, Mingyu and Mina," Jisoo recites off the top of her head without even faltering. Girl's got her plans down. "And they're all coming back for a break or something. Apparently when they were back for Christmas, they all matched their terms up and have the same weeks off," she says with a shrug and sip on her wine.
"Isn't that a bit weird?"
"Not really," Jisoo answers to my question. "But anyway, are you guys in?"
"Definitely," Rosé beams and I nod, lifting a shoulder because even though I want to go out with everyone again and see them, I know what happened last time I drank alcohol and I don't want to make anymore mistakes.
"Great, and Rosie," Jisoo looks to said girl and I can tell in her tone that she was planning for something. "You can ask that guy who gave you his number to come with us."
Something cold drops in my stomach at those words and my eyes dart to Rosé. There's a guy? "What guy?" I ask slowly.
Rosé doesn't even look at me, just keeps her head down and eyes focused on the wine swirling around in her glass. "It's nothing," she mumbles beneath her breath.
"You're such a liar!" Jisoo half-yells, pushing playfully at Rosé's shoulder. "Earlier on the phone you were going on about it and now you're trying to play it off!" My heart drops for the second time in a second. Rosé was going on about this guy? What, and she just happens to forget to say anything about me and her? That's bullshit. "Come on, Rosé, we're dying to hear."
I bring the glass to my lips, muttering, "Yeah, you are," to Jisoo beneath my breath and take a sip to cover it.
Because I don't quite know how first, Rosé can be interested in a guy not even twenty-four hours after me and her had a conversation about her liking me, how second, she can have the freaking cheek to tell Jisoo about it and not me and how last, but certainly not least, she can lie to my damn face about it when I asked her literally ten minutes ago how her day was and whether it was interesting or not. Clearly something interesting did happen today because a guy fucking gave her his phone number.
I thought we both agreed to be friends, and now she's keeping things from me? What the fuck?
"It wasn't really anything," Rosé mutters and I clench my jaw, trying to keep my cool. "He'd just been hitting on me for a while and finally gave me his number today."
It's then that I realize who that guy is and the hand I've got resting in my lap curls into a fist. It was that fucking old guy. The one who might as well have had a fucking cane he was that old. Like shit, I was actually tempted to round the counter and ask him if he needed any help to a damn chair because he was looking a little frail. And really? He's been flirting with Rosé for a while? How have I never heard about that? I thought we were fucking best friends and now I'm starting to doubt it.
Maybe that's why it's so hard to get back to being friends. Maybe we both weren't as good of friends as I thought.
"So are you gonna go out with him?"
I take in a deep breath, half of me wishing that Jisoo would shut the fuck up and half of me too interested for this conversation to stop. I have this thing inside of me that just wants to know.
Rosé just shrugs, looking smaller than ever as her eyes flicker around the entire apartment, finding everything that isn't me. "I don't know."
"Why not?" Jisoo asks and yep, I'm going to punch her. "You said he was cute and we wouldn't mind if you bought him to the reunion thing," she continues and I drop my vision to my wine glass. I still have at least half in there but I have a feeling that's going to be gone very quickly. "Right, Lisa?"
I freeze at the sound of my name, and even though it looks like I wasn't listening, I was and slowly lift my head. Rosé's staring right at me, and I don't dare to meet her eye, fearing that a scathing remark about the age of this guy or a comment about how Rosé sure does move on quickly, will spill straight from my lips. I don't know why I'd say that, because I know that it would make me look jealous and I'm not. I just really don't like the idea of Rosé going on a date with some guy from the coffee shop because not only is it against the rules, but it was supposed to be a reunion thing and the only reunion that guy should be going on is a World War Two veterans memorial.
Plus, I'm still a little ticked off that she's just thrown away what happened between us and picked up with the first guy that she saw to get over it. Apparently it didn't mean that much to her.
Not that it meant anything to me either, I just... I don't even know.
I look up to meet her eye then, and I know she and Jisoo are both looking at me like I should answer soon because I've been in my thoughts for at least thirty seconds now and okay, I might be a little slow at times but I'm not that slow. Something's definitely up, and I know Jisoo's going to say something soon because her eyes are narrowing the further the seconds tick by and shit, I hate this because I don't know what to say.
But finally, I make up my mind. Rosé and I are trying to get back to friends so that's what I'm going to be; a friend.
"Yeah," I say, my voice a little hoarse. "You should bring him." My jaw clenches and I wet my lips because once again, my body's screaming at me to take the words back.
I won't.
"Exactly, Rosie," Jisoo picks up the conversation and looks back to the blonde. "You should bring him because if it turns out you don't like him, we can totally just tug you away from him if he makes a move," she reasons, taking a sip of my wine.
And that's when I just stare at Rosé, my eyes challenging her because I know she's hesitating on the decision. I know she doesn't know whether to say yes and even though I have no idea whether it's because of me, I think there's a good chance it might be and so I just wait out her answer, ignoring the way my heart's thumping loudly in my chest and how the grip I have on the stem of the glass is tightening so much that I could actually break it.
After exactly forty-one seconds, I finally hear her answer.
"Yeah," Rosé says through a breath, nodding and letting her eyes meet mine. "I'll bring him."
I don't know why I instantly regret not saying something, but I don't want to really know because this is all too confusing. Before when Rosé went on dates with people, I never felt this way, and since we had that night together, apparently yore hating it. It feels like that night has broken open gates within me and now I'm hyper-aware of everything Rosé does and have personal opinions and emotions about who she does it with.
I'm sure that's something friends don't do.
But I don't know why I'm feeling like that because I don't like her. I don't like her like that because we two are just friends. Having sex with someone has never changed my feelings about them before and I'm staying adamant that it hasn't this time either. Just because we two had sex doesn't mean I'm developing feelings with her, and okay, even though she was like, incredible in bed, I'm sure that wasn't enough to make me suddenly feel something for her. That kind of shit just doesn't happen. Especially not to me.
Still though, I'm irritated by my own feelings and now I can feel a headache coming on from where my brows have been furrowed for the past ten minutes and so I just shake my head, bring the glass of wine to my lips and down the amount left in it, wincing as it settles in my stomach and climb off the armchair abruptly. If staying here means thinking more and having to hear about Rosé and how much fun she's going to have with a guy who's so old that history class in school for him was probably current events, then I just want to go home.
"Where are you going?" Jisoo asks and I blink, realizing I've just stood up without a word.
"I've got an early bird shift tomorrow," I lie and I hate that I don't even need to look at Rosé to see her narrow her eyes suspiciously. "So I better be going."
Jisoo doesn't even really question it and just shrugs before standing. Though as I walk to the door, I hear Rosé get up and turn around, eying the way she's finishing her wine and reaching for her shoes on the floor like she's going to follow me.
"What are you doing?" I ask and Jisoo stops, looking over her shoulder to Rosé.
"Are you going, too?" She pick up my conversation and I'm glad because I think I sounded a little pissed off with my question.
"Yeah," Rosé says, sliding on a boot. "I'm tired and it's getting late so I thought I could go with Lisa."
I instantly still because it's already been awkward enough and I really don't' feel like having to share a cab home with a woman I'm finding myself a little mad at. I don't know why I'm mad, but I can just feel it in the pit of my stomach and I sort of uncontrollable when I'm angry so I have no idea whether I'd completely ruin my recovering friendship with her by making a stupid comment about her going on a date so soon.
"No, it's fine," I snap and stick my hand out in a 'stop' motion. "You've still got half a bottle of wine to go to finish it. I don't want to ruin the evening."
Rosé's crow creases and she tilts her head to the side. "No, Lisa, it's fi-"
"Yeah, Rosé," Jisoo chimes in with a slightly dazed smile. The wine's kicked in then. "You can stay and we can have a slumber party with just us," she suggests and I'm not even bothered that I wasn't invited because I just want to get out of here. "You don't have an early shift, do you?"
Pausing in her movement of sliding on her other boot, Rosé looks to Jisoo, then to me, then to Jisoo again and swallows. "No," she replies and Jisoo grins.
"Great," she says, clapping her hands together and turning to me. "You sure you have to go?"
I nod because even though I could probably stay for another hour Iwo, You really don't want to have to listen about Rosé and how cute that guy is and I walk to the door opening it.
Jisoo kisses me on a cheek after I say goodbye and I offer a small not-really-there smile to Rosé over Jisoo's shoulder before turning and walking away.
I just want things back to when they were simple.