on the longer side and pretty boring (+ unedited) with an important note @ the end :)
1:35 am
felix couldn't sleep.
in fact, he had been trying for almost two hours now. and yet even the mere idea of sleep was unreachable.
first came a crushing headache, the painful squeezing type pressure that had his eyes glazing over with unshed tears. then it was waves of nausea, the want to get rid of everything in his stomach, organs included.
and his mouth was uncomfortably dry, as though he hadn't had a sip of anything in years let alone a big cup of water just an hour ago. and yet he could only accept his fate. it was his fault after all.
what had he been thinking? to go and drink carelessly when he didn't even find the taste of alcohol appealing. he knew better and yet he allowed his emotions to weigh his decisions.
he had spent too much time mauling over what went wrong, how he could've fixed it. and why for the second time in his life were the severed ties of an important relationship loose threads between his fingers.
it hurt him sure. deep down in his heart, it felt like a small puncture wound that may never stop bleeding. but felix felt like a terrible person because it didn't hurt the way he thought it would—the way that he hoped it would. that faint relief that washed over him was sour, bitter even. he hurt for jaehyun as his friend and nothing more.
".." pushing his thoughts away in hopes to stop making himself feel even worse felix sat up with a low groan, his dry tongue peeking past his sore lips to wet them.
carefully climbing out of the bed and trying his best to ignore the wave of nausea that washed over him once more felix swallowed harshly as he left his and seungmins shared room. jesus.
the trip to the kitchen was short, only the faintest thuds of felixs sock covered feet meeting the floor to accompany him on his way through the silent dorm.
pushing the white door open just enough for himself to fit through felix slipped into the kitchen quietly, brows knitting together as his eyes widened a tad.
freezing just as felix had minho slowly pulled the spoon from between his plump lips, his other hand placing his cup of yogurt down on the kitchen island.
"what are you doing up?" minho asked in a hushed tone, the alertness on his face melting away slowly.
"i could ask you the same thing." felix murmured once he had collected himself, the faint illusion of a smile making its way to minhos face.
"i was hungry." the man said with a shrug, fingers tapping the side of the yogurt cup "this was the quietest option."
"hm. i don't feel well, i was coming to get something to drink." smiling awkwardly felix crossed his arms over his chest.
"do you want me to make you something? seungmin has some tea in the cabinet." minho offered pointing to said cabinet, his gaze curious although there was a hint of worry behind his dark irises.
"you don't have to. i was going to get some water-"
"it was a yes or no question love."
blinking slowly felix shook his head stiffly, his movements almost robotic "no thank you." as good as tea sounded he didn't want minho going out of his way for him.
"you should take a warm shower. it promotes circulation." minho suggested after a moment of silence, felix tilting his head.
"i don't know if i'd make it that far," felix mumbled slowly, his tongue heavy as he weighed his next words "not without help."
felix didn't know what really spurred his words. was it the faint alcohol taste that lingered in the back of his throat no matter how much mouthwash he had practically swallowed. or the simple want that bubbled deep in his chest. want that he felt nervous to act on, it was like kissing jeongin all over again. that rush of excitement, nervousness and fear that filled him inside and out.
"are you asking me to help you?" pausing minhos teeth sunk into his lip briefly, studying felixs face for a few long seconds before he continued "because if so, i'd prefer you speak up and say it."
shifted his weight around from one foot to another felix nodded meekly, "would you mind helping me?"
"i'm only helping you so you don't fall," minho murmured lightly, that faint ghost of a smile returning "so don't get your hopes up princess."
flushing at the nickname and the way it had his insides running warm felix rolled his eyes (regretting the action as he did) "didn't plan on it. it's just a shower."
chuckling minho nodded as he picked his spoon and yogurt back up "you're right. just a shower."
-
"is the temperature to your liking?" stepping away from the shower with a lifted brow minho watched as felix shifted forward. nudging the curtain out of his way just enough felix extended his hand, the water warm against his dry palm.
"yeah." withdrawing his hand and shaking it lightly felix nodded slowly. he wasn't going to further comment and let minho know it felt like the perfect temp.
"good," mimicking the boy with a short nod minho cleared his throat before he shuffled around until his back faced felix.
"you can get in first. i'm not looking." the man spoke after a few seconds of silence, the air already growing warm and heavy.
flushing felix mumbled a quiet thanks before he began taking his clothes off. he was eating his words now, his body hot with shyness for a good reason. he had never undressed in front of anyone other than his parents and chenle—and even then it hadn't been like this.
watching the door with sheer interest minho ran his tongue over his teeth repeatedly, his fingers pulling at one another.
it wasn't until the sound of the curtain moving ever so before felix spoke again did he break out of his thoughts, the boys voice soft and almost too quiet for him to make out.
"i'm in."
"okay." taking a short breath in minho twisted around, his hand's already pulling at the hem of his shirt. this is easy lee. simple and easy.
"was the water temperature okay for you too?" felix asked dragging his hands down his wet face, eyes squinted as he tried to focus on minhos response over the water and jumbled noise of rustling clothing.
"whatever is fine with you works." minho muttered, nimble fingers untying the string of his sweats. it was quiet, much to quiet for his own personal satisfaction. or maybe he too was just too anxious and felt as if he needed a good distraction.
tugging at the raw skin of his bottom lip felix stepped forward just a little as the curtain bristled, a cool draft kissing his damp skin just enough to send a chill up his spine.
"sorry."
releasing his lip felix shook his head before taking a small step backward this time, the spray of water a little too much "it's okay."
"do you want me to wash your hair first?" minho asked peering closely at the back of felixs head, he was trying his best to ignore the intimacy of the situation. and although he wasn't thinking anything sexual it still felt strange, the warm, giddy feeling in his chest that was.
"yes please." felix sighed. the air between them was warm, so warm that felix couldn't tell how close minho was to him. not until minhos fingers brushed his naked side, disappearing as quickly as they had appeared but leaving a tingly sensation behind. breathe felix. breathe.
too busy trying to calm his racing heart felix jumped a tad as minhos finger gently touched his neck for a moment, the man humming lowly, "lean your head back some."
doing as asked without a word felix braced himself, his shoulders tenser than a stiff board as minhos hands finally touched his head. minho was gentle, his fingers applying the soap into felixs hair with nothing but pure care. slowing down here and there to really massage the boys scalp, the heavy pressure felixs skull had been harboring gradually melting into nothing more than a faint lull.
"turn and rinse."
inhaling sharply felix nodded quickly, his chest rising and falling fast. there it was, the first wave of sleepiness hitting him like a ton of bricks and all minho had done was wash his hair.
shuffling around felix closed his eyes and allowed the spray of water to wash away the suds from his hair, minho double checking to make sure they were all washed out before applying conditioner just as he had shampoo. the process silent and quick.
"rinse." grabbing his bottle of body wash minho poured a bit into his wet palm as felix rinsed his hair out once more, the boy's movements growing more sluggish by the second.
"hey," tapping felixs cheek once he had placed the bottle back where he got it minho let a small chuckle leave him "don't fall asleep on me yet. we're almost done."
"sorry..it felt nice." felix uttered, his words thick.
"i'm sure it does. i'll wash you real quick and then we'll get out and make you a tea." the man said, a low hum of approval leaving the boy. his mind apparently changed from his previous disagreement.
rubbing his hands together minho looked at felix for the permission to touch him before placing his soapy hands on the latters arms first when the boy nodded. felix watching minho with a half lidded gaze as his fingers worked diligently against his slippery skin. the older mans concentration tied on making sure every inch of felixs soft skin was covered in the light scented soap he loved the smell of.
"mm." tilting his head as minhos thumb pressed into a sore spot on his shoulder blade felix squirmed, a small huff of air leaving his lips.
"does that feel good?" minho asked after a moment, thumb pressing once more into the spot.
"your hands feel nice." felix breathed out, a warm glow on his cheeks. from the shower or from their closeness—he wasn't too sure.
tilting his head minho hummed quietly, a small smile overtaking his lips "yeah?"
ignoring the heat that bubbled in his stomach from the simple action felix nodded wordlessly, his mouth opening before closing again. the heavy look in his soft eyes making minho bite down on his cheek.
pulling his hands away minho smiled stiffly, felix pushing the urge to protest at the lack of touching deep down in his chest.
"i'm sure you can do the rest by yourself. i'll keep an ear out for you." minho muttered although he was already turning around, felix staring at his back for a second before puffing his cheeks.
"r-right." ignoring how cold his body felt with minhos hands gone felix picked the same body wash up again before squirting some into his wrinkled palm.
he didn't mean to act so odd, his eyes studying minhos face naturally. his brain muddled with different things all at once. he knew that feeling that stirred inside, he wanted to kiss him. and yet he had to remind himself minho was helping him, nothing more.
washing his torso and his legs (carefully to not knock minho out) felix rinsed himself off as well. quick to regret his decision as he made the mistake of moving much too fast when he stood upright. his foot sliding against the smooth tub too quickly and his hands scrambling to grab onto anything.
"shit," squeezing his eyes shut and waiting for the embarrassing impact felix held his breath, the fall never coming though thanks to minhos arm wrapped firmly around his waist. how the man had turned so fast he didn't know but he was more than thankful.
"i look away for two seconds and you've almost given yourself a concussion." snorting minho shook his head, his warm breath kissing the shell of felixs ear.
"s-sorry. i moved too fast."
"be more careful yeah?"
"minho," swallowing felix closed his eyes for a second. minho was much too close now. his hold on felix keeping the boy firmly pressed against him—nothing left for felixs ever growing imagination.
"sorry." apologizing quietly minho wasted no time to step back as if he had been burned, his blushed face covered by the redness that bloomed thanks to the warm space. god this is awkward.
rubbing his wet lips together felix turned around slowly, his brows furrowing as he peered at minho.
"do you want to switch places? i-i can help wash your hair too.." felix proposed, his voice cracking. jesus get a grip..
ignoring the small jump in his heart minho nodded stiffly, his lips lifting into a tiny forced smile "sure."
-
2:49 am
"here." pulling a thick cotton shirt he never wore out of the closet minho handed it to felix.
"thank you." shuffling in place the boy quickly put the shirt on, a relieved noise leaving him as the fabric shielded his skin from the cool bedroom air. it was like a freezer in their room.
"don't mention it." grabbing one of chans shirts for himself and shutting the closet door minho shrugged. their shower had ended pretty quickly. both boys now clean, pretty damn sleepy and thankful no other awkward moments happened again.
toying with the hem of minhos shirt felix cleared his throat "sorry for making you take care of me."
smoothing the shirt down once he got it over his head minho waved a hand "you didn't make me do anything."
"but still..thank you."
"no need to thank me. it's what friends do. they take care of friends." minho murmured plopping down on his bed, the room felt pretty empty without chan although felix's presence made it a bit better.
pursing his lips felix squeezed his hands together "i suppose so."
staring at felix minho tucked his arms behind his head, the briefest flash of an unreadable expression on his face although it was gone as quickly as it came.
"you can sleep in here if you want. it'll save you the possibility of waking seungmin up. plus, it'll give me a bit of company."
"i don't want to be more of a bother. plus i'm sure you're tired and-"
"felix just lay down." moving his arm so he could pull the blanket back minho nodded towards the spot, felix mauling it over for a brief second before giving in.
"okay.." carefully climbing into the bed and laying down felix stared at the ceiling as minho let the thick comforter fall on him.
"you do that a lot you know, ramble about minuscule things i mean." the older man mused quietly.
finding his cheeks warming felix could only agree "yeah."
"not everything needs a question or an answer or even a thank you." minho mumbled softly. sometimes things were insinuated, they were there behind the actions or the words. not everything needed to be written in bold font smacked across your forehead.
"but-"
"what did i say?"
closing his mouth felix pursed his now heavily moisturized lips. right.
"good. now get some sleep. i don't want you walking around all zombified later okay?" flashing the boy a playful look minho sighed.
agreeing wordlessly felix relaxed himself as best as he could, his eyelids growing heavier as the minutes passed until he finally fell asleep leaving minho to think.
staring at the small stars that floated across the ceiling thanks to the little nightlight chan installed minho couldn't stop his brows from raising as felix subconsciously snuggled closer to him.
he wanted to shift away some, to give himself space from the boy. but he couldn't, not when felixs hand gripped his shirt tightly and he made a noise of pure contentment. so instead minho sucked in a hefty breath before carefully and cautiously sliding his arm under the boys head for a more comfortable position.
he didn't know what he was doing, only being able to remember how chan had held him when they cuddled. but he hoped it was enough for felix.
shaking his head the man sucked in a short breath, he was thinking too much.
-
8:49 am
"can you hold still?" directing hyunjin's face back up with a small chin nudge chan huffed.
"t'shit stings." hyunjin grumbled dryly before jutting his swollen bottom lip outward again, a small guff of air leaving chan.
"no shit. it's a wound sweetheart." giving the boy a strange look chan lifted a brow before slowly inching the cotton pad he had drenched in peroxide closer. only when he was certain hyunjin wouldn't smack him out of reflex did he press it to the boys injured lip, the smallest flicker of a grimace passing hyunjins face momentarily.
"hey," knocking on the door twice johnny made a loud throat clearing noise "i'm coming in so, please have your clothes on."
rolling his eyes at the teasing assumption chan chose to ignore his friend and continue cleaning hyunjins lip, a hand holding onto hyunjins jaw gently to keep him from moving.
something that had the tips of hyunjins ears turning red ever so. thankfully his hair hid his embarrassment from chan completely.
"i'm pushing the door open.." opening the locker room door with a skeptical look johnny peeked inside first, a fake sigh of relief leaving him before he entered completely.
"you're annoying." chan commented tossing the soggy pad towards the trashcan, slight grin tugging at his lips as he made it.
"me? i was simply trying to protect my eyes." the american muttered with a scoff "who knows what you two could have been doing."
"ha ha." moving his attention to the first aid kit he had balanced on his thigh chan skillfully pulled the little travel container of vaseline. it wasn't the best really but their options were pretty slim, especially since someone had forgotten to pack the actual first aid kit.
"i came by to let you two know practice is over for now. some kid sprained his ankle and then with hyunjin getting smacked in his pretty face—coach has finally blown a gasket. said he needed a smoke break." taking a seat in the empty and very hard plastic chair that was placed close to the door johnny crossed his arms.
"i told him i was fine. it's just a busted lip." hyunjin grumbled, chan giving him a be quiet look so he could finish tending to the wound.
"y'know how he gets. yuta went to go get the food he ordered. we were gonna eat on the field." tilting his head johnny watched with slight interest as chan slathered more than enough vaseline over hyunjins lip.
the man careful and tender with his movements. a stark difference to how he had been treated when he had a busted lip, the australian had simply tossed a bottle at his chest before leaving with a stupid grin.
"on the field? do you want your ass kicked suh?" chan asked with a small laugh. it was one thing to eat on the bleachers—even on the sidelines. but the actual field? their coach would kill them.
"we need the space, my legs are too long." johnny uttered simply.
"ahuh."
"all done." closing the vaseline up and placing it back into the little box chan leaned back "you should probably ice it again at some point for the swelling, but it's clean so."
nodding hyunjin outstretched his legs, his lips rubbing together out of habit "thanks."
"mhm."
standing up hyunjin pulled his jersey down "what did he get?"
"he ordered burgers. it's a universal food, plus you're picky."
"i'm not." hyunjin mumbled dryly, chan looking at him for a moment with a tiny smile.
"what? i'm not. just because i didn't eat that fucking eggplant one time doesn't make me picky. that shit was nowhere near ripe." hyunjin said firmly. he definitely didn't think his dislike for that one specific meal would attribute to whether or not he was picky.
"it's definitely not simply because of the eggplant incident and you know it. what about the little cream egg things? that chocolate?"
"too sweet."
"and the ramen i made?"
"dry. i quite literally had uncooked noodles in my broth." hyunjin uttered placing his hands on his hips.
"he's right about that one." chan added standing as well. johnny placing a hand on his chest as a slight gasp left him "what? they were definitely cooked."
"no they weren't. how do you even fuck up ramen so badly?"
"listen," squinting the man went to say something else although he decided to change his mind, wounded expression on "this wasn't about me. this was about you."
"and now it's about you." hyunjin muttered with a shrug "you can't cook to save your life. my response was fight or flight—and i definitely was fighting for my life."
turning his head chan stared at the lockers with newfound interest his lip's quivering as he tried his best not to laugh although his attempt was anything but successful.
"wow," shaking his head johnny let out a disappointed sigh, a small knock drawing his attention away "this conversation isn't over."
"come in."
"are you doing anything tonight?" turning his attention away from johnny hyunjin wiped his hands off on his shirt, his tone of voice forcefully bland.
"nope."
"do you want to hang out this week coming up? i saw a post earlier, they're having some stargazing thing at a place near our dorm."
trying his best not to look as surprised as he felt chan crossed his arms over his chest "are you asking me on a date hwang?"
"..i guess." pursing his lips hyunjin ignored his ever warm face "if you want to."
"i'd love to. i'm surprised you know what i like." chan teased lightly, the comment making the taller snort.
"i listen sometimes."
"—can you stop pushing you stupid bitch—get off my foot!"
turning their heads at the exact same moment chan and hyunjin both stared at the doorway in surprise, a big smile gradually spreading across chans plump lips.
"what are you guys doing here?"
shoving changbin forward minho huffed "surprise."
"hi!" waving excitedly jisung squeezed past jeongin to greet the two, seungmin smacking his forehead before approaching both boys as well.
"you two?" looking at yuta and johnny hyunjins brows rose, the two shrugging in response.
"we figured you could use some extra love. maybe a little stress relief."
"gross." elbowing the man yuta snickered.
chewing his lip felix shuffled into the locker room, his stomach jumping in jumbles. he didn't know what had been wrong with him all morning, just having someone breathe near him had him hotter than the sun.
"group hug!" tugging jeongin who had been skeptically getting closer to hyunjin by his sleeve jisung smiled brightly, his hand motioning for the others to join "not yuta or johnny though. boyfriends only!"
"there he goes again." rolling his eyes changbin shook his head before moving seungmin out of the way so he could hug chan, the brunette laughing before hugging him back and reaching for seungmin with his free hand.
"felix," elbowing hyunjin in his side jeongin waved the boy over "you too."
"oh i—" taking a short breath felix closed his mouth. he didn't want to embarrass himself further. choosing to comply felix shuffled over to their messy little circle, hyunjin tilting his head as the boy walked right into his chest and hugged him.
it was a good feeling, dismissing the awkwardness of them trying their best to hug one another while practically being on top of each other that was. it was warm, comforting. only when the loud sound of yuta's flash going off did that feeling melt away, a bunch of groans replacing the laughter.
"come on man. i have a reputation to uphold." pulling away first jeongin glared at yuta, the other boys also moving apart. yuta simply pulling an innocent face as he put his phone into his shorts.
fixing his hair from where chan had grossly pressed a few kisses to his temple minho huffed "i thought we're getting food."
"oh right." snapping johnny clasped his hands together "yuta?"
"it's in the lobby." pulling the door open yuta sighed, minho, changbin and jisung taking their cues and leaving the locker room without a second thought.
"is that a hickey?" pulling the flimsy hat he was wearing down a bit more seungmin cleared his throat, hyunjin blinking slowly "hm?"
"on your neck." touching his own neck for example seungmin lifted a brow.
"no," rolling his shoulders hyunjin lifted his hand, fingers covering the spot as he and seungmin left the locker room behind the others "it's not. it's a bruise."
"we should probably catch up no?" grabbing his sweater off the bench chan pointed toward the door. everyone had already left — leaving just him and felix.
breaking out of his thoughts felix exhaled "right, yeah."
"you okay? you seem off."
"yeah i'm fine. just a tiny bit tired." felix replied before pressing his hands to his face.
"minho told me about last night."
"did he?"
"don't be upset with him," clicking his tongue chan folded his arms "he was worried he'd say something wrong and he asked for advice."
shaking his head felix gave a clothed mouthed smile, his gaze moving to the floor "i wouldn't be upset with him. he helped me a lot yesterday..."
"are you sure you're okay? i know we're still getting back to better terms but," tonguing at his inner as he tried to find his words chan tilted his head "i care. but i definitely won't push you for information. i'm here though."
"i'm fine—really.. being here is making me feel better. being with you guys i mean." felix replied honestly. it was the truth. if he ignored the way he was overthinking— he was in a good mood, his soul content with just being surrounded by people he cared about.
"i'm glad we can do that for you then..."
chan looked like he wanted to say more, to let felix know something else but whatever it may have been he simply pushed it away.
"we should catch up with the others. m'not sure how much free time we'll have left before we get forced back to practice." the brunette said , corner of his lips raised into a soft smile.
"right.!" nodding felix walked over to the door with chan in tow.
"uh chris.?"
"hm?" stopping right in the doorway chan glanced at the boy who was holding the door with a awkward look.
"thanks.." grimacing at how gross he sounded felix flashed chan a shaky smile.
chuckling the man hummed "it's nothing."
but to felix it was something.
".." nodding felix just swallowed before looking away, his brows pinched together as chan left him standing with a confused expression and an all too familiar jump in his heartbeat.
he was in much too deep.
-
7:39 pm
chewing his lip felix sat up a little straighter, his nose wrinkled as the man who sat in front of him moved the same direction he moved. slight annoyance bubbling inside of him.
"pst," tapping felix shoulder with an amused grin changbin placed his cup between his legs "you good?"
"i can't see over," motioning to the man silently felix huffed as he sat back "his fat ass head."
laughing a little at the boy's brash honesty changbin glanced forward "he does have a big head doesn't he.."
suppressing a laugh felix nodded "humongous."
"why don't you switch with me? there's nobody in front of me so you wont have to worry about large objects obstructing your view." the buff man mumbled, his hand grabbing ahold of his drink. ready to move for felix.
"you sure? honestly i can just wait it out. maybe he'll have to use the bathroom since he's been downing cheese dogs the whole time." the boy said low enough that the stranger wouldn't hear him but still loud enough that changbin could understand over the loud cheers and yelling.
"positive."
"okay."
switching seats quickly (felix didn't want to get in anyone's way) felix muttered a soft thank you as he sat down, minho glancing at him briefly before looking back to the field. changbins seat a much better view than his own, one where felix could actually see chan and hyunjin.
unlike his first time at a game he had a better understanding of what was going on. something he mentally thanked renjun for.
meshing his lips together felix placed his hands into his lap, his gaze flickering between chan and hyunjin.
watching them made lacrosse seem like the simplest thing in the world. hyunjin was light on his feet, moving so fast that felix thought he might not even be touching the ground. and chan was just as smooth, a bit more sturdy with his movements and definitely more rough.
it reminded him of just how difficult it had actually been for him when he tried it.
"are you coming with us tonight?"
"to where?" tearing his eyes away from the field long enough to look at minho felix blinked.
"somewhere johnny wanted to go. if not he said you could stay in his hotel room, i told him you might want to stay back. wasn't sure if you were feeling better."
"oh i'm fine now. i'll go."
"will you be okay going with hyunjin and chris? johnny and yuta wanted to go with us so i was going to give chan his keys and we were going to take an uber."
"that's fine." smiling felix shifted in his seat, before he moved to get his phone out. he had completely neglected the device all day.
h(yuck): hey
h(yuck): are you okay?
h(yuck): chenle said he couldn't get ahold of you but i told him you weren't feeling too good
h(yuck): whenever you see these pls send him a text and tell him youre fine so he will stop calling me every hour
h(yuck): love you!
12 hours ago?
pursing his lips a tad felix moved his attention to the most recent notifications, his eyebrows furrowed in pure confusion. why did my phone not go off til now..
lele: normally i'd be cussing you out
lele: but i have become enlightened abt the situation and so— firstly fuck jaehyun.
lele: secondly, are you doing good? ik you—liked him. as a friend or whatever it may be so...i wanna know if you're okay.
lele: thirdly, you're out with the people who make you happiest (minus me bc they cld never compete) make a move.
lele: do something. ik you. and you're probably freaking out right?? melting away on the inside.
lele: so using my very last—triple dog best friend dare, i dare you to tell them how you feel felix. let it all out. you might be surprised at how it turns out.
lele: im cheering for you in my room rn with jeno (he's at gun point but still)
lele: but really yongbok for once don't think. just follow your stupid sappy heart.
unsure of whether he should laugh or be mildly scared felix tucked his phone away without responding. it was silly, for chenle to bring up something they hadn't even used since middle school. a tradition that had never in his years been broken, it had always been followed according.
but it was even sillier that it crossed his mind. that for a brief moment he did think it over. if he came out and said 'i like you' —let them know everything he was thinking.
what was the worst that could happen? feelings of sheer embarrassment? would they laugh in his face and tell him that he was weird or would it be strange? his confession putting them back on the edge of the thin line, the line he had walked once before. loosing them as his friends once more but this time permanently.
in his head, he was pleased with just being friends. but in his heart he wanted nothing more than to be selfish, to have something much more than just a friend's title.
but he was afraid. so very afraid.
-
hello:)
this was definitely not my best even in the slightest. but , im just stopping it here . the next chapter will be normal + hopefully more progressive bc it took everything in me not to just throw them together @ the beginning and call it a day 😭.
now i do wanna clear some things up really quick, i haven't neglected or forgotten about this book or any of my works for that fact. i've just been dealing with the worst writers block ever and then to add to that i haven't had the best few months. my mom had kidney surgery this summer only for us to turn around and find that she has late stage 2 cancer and then a few nights ago she had to be admitted to the hospital again and almost died and its just not the best. im not feeling the best in my daily life and it's definitely inserting itself into everything i do. and in no way and im saying this for pity or anything like that but i felt as though i should give a better explanation.
i want to continue and finish this book but with everything that's going on i dont have a timeline for that and i don't even know how many chapters this may have bc i definitely feel bad for prolonging everything and want to make it up to you guys.
so, with that being said i hope you guys can look forward to the future of this book and ill try my absolute best to not disappoint any more than i have :) . thank you for sticking around though if you have. it means a lot.
ps. sorry for using some of the same terms — when i tell u my mind is on .0% — 😔☝️