It's been a few weeks since my confrontation with Hanni and I have been spending a lot of time in the past. Hanni has also been avoiding me. I'm just letting her too. I know she needs her space. I hurt her and I can't take that back. But during the meantime I've grown extremely close and fond of Haerin. We haven't talked again about our feelings for each other since that time by the tree. I like her a lot. I know I do. I just don't see this working out. Sometimes I wish I never met her so I wouldn't be having these feelings.
I just came back, finding myself in past Minji's room sitting at her desk with her journal open. I looked down and realized she was in the middle of writing something.
March 1, 1998
Minji, if you're reading this something weird is happening. When you come it used to just feel like I was asleep, but recently it's like I'm aware? If I try really hard it's almost like I can hear someone speaking or you speaking I can't tell. It only happened a couple times. I'm going to try harder so I can figure this out.
Minji (owner of this body)
What the fuck. She's awake now? This is horrible. This is so shitty. At first I was kinda okay with it because at least she wasn't suffering because she was asleep or just unconscious I'm not sure, but she can hear me? Or she can hear something? I have to figure out how to control this.
"A girl named Haerin is on the phone." I whipped my head around and there was Mr. Kim stood at the door with a house phone in his hand. SHIT! I was supposed to meet Haerin at the park at six. I look at the clock and it's nine o'clock. Oh my fucking god. I ran up to him, taking the phone from his hand watching him walk down the stairs then immediately shut the door putting the phone to my ear.
"Haerin I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I just lost track of time. Are you okay?" I pace around the room as the other end of the phone was silent. Shit I can't believe I did this to her. I should have left a note for past Minji. God damn it im so fucking stupid. "Haerin?" Is she still there? I took the phone away from my ear looking at it and saw that she was still on the line. I put the phone back to my ear and when I do my heart breaks. I hear her little sniffles and heavy breaths.
"I waited for three hours." Fuck. Her sniffles continued.
"Haerin I'm so sorry. You don't know how sorry I am. How did you get home? It's late and dark." It was silent for a little while. "Haerin are you home? Where are you?"
"I'm at the park." I sigh, closing my eyes trying to calm down my nerves. Why did she wait there for so long? It's not safe to be out alone at night.
"Listen to me—stay where you are, don't move. I'm gonna come to you. Okay?" I said all this as I found a random pair of shoes putting them on and throwing on a sweatshirt. I realized I'm in pajamas, but I don't care. I don't want to leave her there longer than she has to be.
"Okay."
"Don't move I'm coming." All I hear is a hum and then the phone beeped meaning she hung up. I threw the phone on the bed and ran out the door and down the stairs and threw the front door open hearing Mr. Kim called after me but I didn't stop. I keep on going to get to the cat-eyed girl.
I ran for about ten minutes before I came across the park just outside past Minji's neighborhood. After looking around for a while I found Haerin alone on top of the slide with her head hanging down. I run to the back climbing up the stairs and once I get to the top all I'm met with is Haerin's small back shaking.
"Haerin." I sit down on the platform behind her, placing my hand on her shaking back. She didn't say anything for a while. I looked at her and saw she was wearing a thin shirt and no jacket. God she must be cold. I grabbed her hips sliding her back so she was sitting between my legs and so I could wrap my arms around her waist to warm her up. "Why didn't you bring a jacket?" The girl just shrugged in my arms. I wrap my arms tighter around her pulling her even closer to where her back was pressed into my chest.
"I thought things were changing. I thought you might like me." I furrow my eyebrows at the smaller girl's words. I do like her. What does she mean?
"I like you. I like you a lot." I could feel her deep inhales and exhales leaving her body. I could feel her heartbeat against me. I could feel her. I like her a lot. I don't care if this will never work out. I'm going to cherish it while I have it.
"Taking things slow feels a whole lot like you trying to avoid me." I shake my head placing my chin on her shoulder nudging her a little.
"I'll never avoid you again Haerin I just forgot about it. I'm sorry I won't do it again." I felt her body physically relax against mine as she gave in to my touch and leaned into me. I smiled feeling her finally release all her built up tension.
"What were you doing that made you forget?" Fuck. I feel bad lying to her but I can't tell her that I'm not from this time. It would freak her out. She would hate me.
"I was doing school work and my uh dad was getting upset about me skipping class." There that's believable, but not really that good of an excuse for making her wait out here for three hours. Haerin turned around slightly, her nose brush against my cheek making her back away a little bit with a confused look on her face. What is she confused about?
"Why are you so close?" I unwrap my arms around her backing up to give her some space.
"I'm sorry you just looked cold so I wanted to warm you up." I laughed awkwardly, backing up more so I was against the railing. Haerin furrowed her eyebrows crawling closer towards me until she sat crossing her legs right in front of me.
"Why did you stop?" Huh? She clearly was confused why I was close.
"Because you seemed uncomfortable with me so close so I backed up." Haerin frowned, making her cute cheeks poke out more. I had to stop myself from cracking a smile at her fluffy cheeks.
"I wasn't. I just didn't realize your face was close." Oh. I guess I read that wrong.
"Well come here then." I pat my lap hoping the smaller girl would get the hint. A cute little smile spread across Haerin's face as she climbed onto my lap laying her head on my shoulder.
"I like when you touch me. It feels warm—safe." I smile wrapping my arm around her waist leaning my head against hers that's resting on my shoulder. I feel my heart rattling in my chest at her words. I knew right then and there I was one hundred percent sure that I wanted Kang Haerin and I don't want to wait any longer.
"I don't want us to take it slow." Haerin lifted her head off my shoulder looking at me curiously. I reach out caressing her fluffy cheek looking into her beautiful cat eyes. "I want you to be mine." I know it's wrong. I know the ending of this story before it even begins, but I'll hold out for hope that maybe there will be a happy ending for us.
"I'll be yours." Haerin bonked her head against mine with a toothy grin. I laughed a little, grabbing her head before she bonked mine again.
"Are you okay with that? If you don't want to label it this soon then that's okay." Haerin grabbed my face between her hands squeezing it making me make a funny face.
"You're my girlfriend." Haerin says as she continues to make me make funny faces with her hands. I just laugh letting the happy girl do whatever she wants to me. "Tomorrow after school we are all going to Hanbi's house. Are you coming?" She asks as she plops back down on my lap. Honestly I'm a little worried about going. I've been getting close to all the girls and Jungwon except Dani. Danielle still refuses to speak to me longer than is 'required' and I can tell it's hurting Haerin because her avoiding me means her avoiding Haerin since she's with me a lot.
"Dani might not want me to be there." I frown picking up a rock and throwing it at the slide with a ding as it slides down. Haerin leans over, placing a kiss on my cheek.
"I want you to be there." I smile a little at her words. It's nice knowing someone wants you. I nod, pressing a kiss on her cheek. I saw her cheeks turn a cute pink color making a smirk form on my face.
"Okay I'll come on one condition." Haerin furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head.
"What?" I gently poke her lip then poked mine.
"I'll go if you kiss me right here." Haerin's eyes widened larger than I've ever seen them making me laugh a little. "I'm just kidding, you don't have to, I'll come." I close my eyes leaning against the railing again, relaxing as much as I can with the smaller girl in my arms. The next thing I know I felt something soft being pressed against my lips. My eyes shot open and I realized Haerin was kissing me. She quickly pulled away and crawled to the slide going down it while giggling. I stood up watching her run around the park laughing and smiling big.
"Kang Haerin! Get back here!" I smile sliding down the slide chasing after the running, giggling girl. After a couple more seconds I caught up to her, grabbing her, lifting her and spinning her around as she continued to laugh.
"You caught me." She said after I placed her down on the ground. There was this weird tension between us after we both stopped laughing. I felt my mouth go dry looking into her beautiful eyes after a while my eyes drifted to her lips. I want to kiss her. I want to kiss her forreal not a quick silly kiss.
"I caught you." Haerin's smile faded a little bit, but it still remained.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She looks so confused right now, it's so cute. I grab her hands pulling her closer to me.
"Can I kiss you?" Haerin doesn't say anything, but she does nod. That's not good enough. I have to know if she's okay with this. "Use your words." Haerin seems to be startled by my words, but I need her to be sure.
"Yes." That's all the confirmation I needed. I placed my hands on her face pulling her more towards me and connected her lips to mine. It was a soft slow kiss that made me feel like I was flying in the clouds. After a couple seconds I pulled away not wanting to overwhelm the girl I'm holding. Before I could say anything else Haerin threw her arms around me hugging me right to her. "Thank you."
"For what?" I felt her exhale against my neck making shivers go down my spine.
"Treating me like I'm normal." I wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her impossibly close.
-
It's the next day and we're at Hanbi's house playing some board game I've never heard of before. The atmosphere is tense. Haerin doesn't understand that she can't be all over me in front of Danielle. She can't help it. I know she can't, but she clearly can't see how hurt Danielle is right now watching her lean her head on my shoulder.
"This game fucking sucks." Hanbi throws down her piece crossing her arms.
"You're just saying that because you're losing." Jungwon leans over ruffling Hanbi's hair. The small girl scoffs, hitting his hand off of her.
"Because you keep cheating!" She stands up, crossing her arms. Jungwon stands up mimicking her. The Vietnamese girl tried to launch herself at the boy but Hyein got up holding her back.
"Hanbi calm down, it's just a game." Heyin whines with a thrashing Hanbi in her arms. She eventually stops thrashing and that's when the tall girl lets her go. I look over at Haerin and she has her eyes closed and soft snores are coming from her. I laugh a little at the cute noise. I don't know how she's sleeping through all this chaos right now. Heesoo is even up screaming with them about the game.
"You should probably take her home. She seems tired." I looked up shocked that Dani was talking to me.
"I uh yeah I probably will soon." Dani just nods, playing a piece of the game in her hand.
"Have you talked to her?" Dani looks up with a frown on her face. It's hard seeing a girl who always smiles upset. It's even worse knowing I'm the cause of it.
"No." I nod looking back at the sleeping girl.
"I think she would really love it if you guys were friends like you used to be." I looked back up and Dani was looking longingly at the girl on my shoulder. I feel bad for her, but I won't give up Haerin now that I know what I feel and have her.
"I will, I'm not ready yet." How long does she need? It's been almost a month since they broke up. I get that they were together for a long time, but it's not going to get any better unless she speaks to Haerin. I don't even give a fuck if she talks to me, but she needs to talk to her.
"Don't avoid her because you hate me. Don't let me be the reason you guys aren't friends anymore." That seemed to catch her off guard by her surprised expression.
"You are the reason we aren't close anymore. You are the fucking reason." She slams the piece on the table causing everyone to stop the chaos and look at her. Danielle scoffed, grabbing her jacket and walked out Hanbi's house.
"Jesus couldn't you just be a bit nicer Minji." Heesoo grabs her jacket following after her. Damn it. I look over and Haerin is still sleeping. Honestly I wish I was the one sleeping now.
"Worst game night ever." Hanbi sighs plopping down on her couch. God why do I always ruin everything.
-
I got back to the house earlier than expected since I ruined the game night. I didn't take Haerin home and let her just go home with her brother. I needed to think. This is wrong, all of this is wrong. I'm messing up everything. I'm not supposed to exist here and I'm ruining everything. I need to figure out how to stop this. How to stop myself from time traveling. Not coming back means I no longer get to see Haerin. I no longer get to see my mom or the girls, but it's what's right. It hurts because I know if I figure it out I have to stop coming here for Minji's sake. For the girls and Jungwon's sake. For my own sake.
I went to the journal on her desk and wrote an entry for her to see.
March 2, 1998
I'm going to figure out how to stop this. Don't worry. I'll make everything right and end this. I won't waste away your life anymore. If you can hear me I'm sorry I'm doing this to you. I hope you're okay.
Minji (not owner of this body)
-
Updates won't be as consistent since I started back at school. I will try to update at least two or three times a week