My sister's arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace. I was too shocked to hug her back. I was thrown back in time, back into the body of that shy, insecure thirteen-year-old who sobbed for hours over her sister's departure. My muscles were frozen. I didn't know how to break out of my paralysis.
"Kayleigh." Stephanie whispered my name as she held me.
I came out of my daze and grabbed onto her, clinging on for dear life. She chuckled as my grip tightened around her. The flowery perfume she wore stung my eyes, stuck in my nose.
It wasn't Stephanie's choice to leave—our parents had basically forced her out. Of course, I didn't know it back then. All I knew was that my best friend was leaving and I didn't know when I was going to see her again.
Five years our parents kept me from her. Five long, horrible years. We'd sneak phone calls and secretly message each other, but that was the only communication we were able to have. Our relationship suffered for it and the only people I could blame were my parents.
But that's why I had flown across the country to spend time with her. I wanted our relationship to be what it was, to undo the damage my parents had inflicted. As soon as they turned their backs and left me home alone, I went straight to Stephanie.
Stephanie managed to wrangle me off her body and hold me at arm's length. The sight of her blue eyes filled with tears made my heart wrench. Her plump lips drew over her teeth as she forced herself to smile. Her hand found its way into my hair, brushing the strands away from my face as she looked over every inch of me.
"You've grown up," she whispered. "My baby sister, eighteen at last."
"You've changed too," I managed to say.
Steph chuckled again. She untangled herself from me and stepped aside, revealing the inside of her apartment. It wasn't what I'd expected.
From what I remembered, her bedroom was a hippie paradise when we were growing up. Jamaican flags, tie-dye clothes, wall hangings, and posters of wild animals everywhere. She'd always had incense burning, so much of it that it made your head swim just going in there.
In complete contrast, the room ahead of me was ultra-modern. Everything was positioned for maximum aesthetic, not a single item out of place.
"Wow," I breathed. I stepped into the apartment and took off my shoes. The cold, slick tile floor pressed against my soles as I stared around at the sterile walls and furnishings. It was all so unexpected. I'd only said what I said before to fill the silence, but my sister really had changed from the girl I remembered in my childhood and this was proof of it.
Everything was gleaming. The kitchen was white and chrome, glistening under the off-white lights. The dining table separated the kitchen and living space, a huge circular table with uncomfortable-looking plastic chairs placed around it.
"I'm glad you like it! Let me show you to your bedroom," she said happily, shutting the door behind me.
She walked between the white couch and glass table, her rushed footsteps clapping hard against the floor as her light jeans rubbed together noisily. I followed her, careful not to catch my shins on the sharp edges of the coffee table, and watched her as she swung open the bedroom door.
Inside was nothing spectacular—a walk-in closet with a double door, a twin bed, and a bedside table, all of it white. I set my bag down on the end of the bed and nodded slowly, staring around at the empty walls. "It's... lovely."
"It's a bit bare," she apologized. "We only moved in a month ago so we're still looking for art for the guest bedroom."
"It's lovely," I repeated, forcing a smile onto my lips.
She had invited me into her home. I wasn't about to insult her decorating choices, even if it wasn't to my taste. I perched on the edge of the bed, my bag pressed tight against my back, and looked to my sister.
She'd thinned out since I last saw her, now her shoulders were boney and her waist was slim. Her hair was long now, and her natural color. Last I'd seen her she had purple streaks running through it. All the hints of her wild past seemed to be tucked neatly behind her.
The sound of the front door opening and closing shuddered through the apartment. Steph instantly turned on her heels and edged out of the bedroom to get a look at whoever had just walked into the apartment.
"Hey-oh," a cheery voice called. "Where are you guys?"
Steph waved her hand at me, beckoning me to follow.
"It's Alexander," she said with a grin. "Come meet him, won't you?"
She rushed into the living space to meet a tall, dark-haired man. As soon as she was close enough to him, she jumped into his arms. I watched in horror as she wrapped her legs around his waist and moved her hands up to his face before kissing his lips. I stood awkwardly in the doorway to the room, staring at the floor. This was a private moment of theirs that I was clearly intruding on. I shifted my weight from foot to foot, not sure where I should look or if I should clear my throat to remind them of my presence.
Soon enough, my sister lowered herself from his body, her feet connecting to the floor. The man leaned down and continued kissing her, his mouth moving wide and his tongue tangling with hers.
My sister's head blocked my view as she kissed him. But, from what I could see of him, he was attractive. His dark hair was tousled and covered in product, keeping it solidly in place. His cheekbones were prominent, creating a sculpted appearance, and his chin was dimpled.
The rest of his body was muscular. I could tell that even through his baggy clothes. His shoulders were capped and broad, his arms thick and strong, and his stomach was probably covered in tight abs.
Our parents had always come up with excuses for why I was never allowed to see Stephanie. You're too busy with school; your sister lives across the country and we don't want you flying on your own; we don't think it's a good idea.
Little did I know, it was all code for we think your sister is a whore.
What was happening before me now would give them all the more reason to believe it.
I cringed away from the sight of them. Seeing them kiss like that stirred up some strange feelings inside of me.
First, it was disgust. Watching my sister debase herself like this before marriage was so unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Next it was anger. Why had she decided to do this, especially in front of me? She knew how we grew up, what morals were instilled into us. Maybe she really hadn't changed much at all if she still chose to disrespect our parents like this at every turn.
The anger burned through my body like lava up the vents of a volcano, picking up speed as it coursed through my veins. It rushed through my heart, my chest, before speeding into my stomach.
The hot pulse went lower, moving its way between my legs and down my thighs.
I clenched my teeth together as I watched them eating each other's faces, wondering why they had to be so damn disgusting. My stomach churned, the back of my throat tasting of bile. Frowning, I stepped out of the bedroom, trying not to draw too much attention to myself.
It didn't work. My sister turned around and faced me, her hands still gripping her boyfriend's face. His crystal blue eyes stared at me intently, looking me up and down from behind my sister's body.
A shudder ran down my spine. My throat clenched around an instinctual gag. He was undressing me, drinking my appearance. I folded my arms across my chest and rolled my shoulders like I was trying to shake him off.
"What?" Steph asked, her eyes wide with concern. She looked back to her boyfriend and searched his expression for a moment. The concern dropped away fast, replaced with exasperation. "Oh, come on. You can't be serious?" She moved her hands off his cheeks and let her arms drop down to her sides, her hands slapping her tight thighs.
"What?" Alexander asked from behind her.
"My sister is already annoyed at us," Steph said. "She still believes everything our parents indoctrinated us with."
"That religious shit?" Alexander asked. "Oh, boy."
"Right," Steph snapped. "All of that bullshit."
I wasn't sure what to say to her. I knew that our parents were strict and tough on her, but they did it out of love. They tried their best for her and did what they thought was right, though I didn't really agree with their methods.
"Why do you think I left as soon as I turned eighteen?" Steph asked, a harshness to her voice that I didn't recognize. "Because they suffocated me with their crap. I couldn't take it anymore. Don't you start with that holier-than-thou attitude either, okay?"
She stormed up to me, her nostrils flaring. There was pure anger inside of her, just bubbling beneath the surface. It shocked me to my very core. For a second, I couldn't remember what I'd been so upset about. I couldn't think at all. All I knew was seeing Steph like this was like a knife through the heart. I just wanted her to be happy. I didn't want to make her feel like this, not ever. She was my big sister and I loved her.
"You're in the real world now," she said, her voice growing husky. "You need to get a grip and realize just how much they've stunted your personal growth. The world is a big, scary place. The sooner you learn that, the better."
"I don't understand," I murmured, chagrined. "I'm sorry, Steph. I didn't mean to upset you."
"You haven't," she said. "They have. The world they've prepared you for doesn't exist. It's going to be a culture shock for you when you go off to college, you'll see."
I couldn't deny that her words frightened me. My heart pounded in my chest as I stared into her eyes. My eyes, really. We shared them. Got them from Mom.
That was where our similarities ended. Compared to Steph, I was always so quiet and reserved. I did what I was told, when I was told. I never fought against our parents and took their word as gospel.
"Grow up," she muttered bitterly. "Jesus Christ."
I opened my mouth, about to warn her for taking the Lord's name in vain, but stopped myself short. I kept my lips firmly closed and let her rush into the arms of her lover.
Alexander wrapped his bulging arms around her and hugged her tightly, letting her head rest onto his broad chest. I couldn't help but watch them. The way he touched her, so loving and gentle, surprised me.
Our parents had said that boys only wanted one thing—that special place inside of us—and once they got it without a lifelong commitment, they would treat us like dirt.
That wasn't what Alexander was doing. He loved her. I could see it in the way his arms rushed around her body protectively, the way he leaned down to press his lips on the top of her head.
He loved her.
I tried to clear my head of the anger I was programmed to feel and tried to see them from their perspective. They were happy, healthy, and seemingly in love. Why did that have to be a problem for me?
Still, the rage flowed through my body, the rage I had been raised to feel. The urge to go over there and get between them to force their bodies apart was overwhelming, a magnet pull. I struggled, conflicted, torn.
"Okay." Alexander clapped his hands together, making me jump. "Now that we have that out of the way. How about I leave you girls alone to catch up while I grab us some food, huh?"
He glanced down to Steph, looking for her approval. She nodded curtly and untangled herself from his grasp. Without another word, he stepped out of the apartment.
I stuffed my hands into my pockets, feeling my shoulders rise up to my ears, suddenly feeling like a traitor even though I didn't know who exactly I was betraying. Steph had no such doubts. She stared at me, shaking her head slowly, before barging past me into the bedroom.
"Come on," she snapped. "Let's get you unpacked."