Desire

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I tossed and turned in my bed, causing the mattress to bounce wildly beneath me. It didn't help my situation. I kept wondering if this is what the mattress did beneath my sister's back as she got pounded by Alexander.

My mind refused to stop, no matter what I did. I had no choice but to leap out of the bed, keeping my back turned to the mattress. The rage was still running through me, heating up my body until my skin was white hot, all my blood pulsing through my body before settling in the spot between my legs.

I didn't know what was happening to me. I'd never felt anger like this before. It was all-consuming, taking hold of every inch of my body and staining every thought in my mind.

The worst part about it was that I couldn't escape. I came here specifically to spend time with Stephanie. There was no way she was going to let me go home early, not when we had made all these plans to catch up and spend some quality time together.

Quality time, I scoffed.

As if there was anything quality about this. All she was doing was dry humping her boyfriend in front of me. She could do that while I wasn't there. Hell, she could do that literally any time she wanted. Why did she have to do it in front of me?

For a moment, I considered that it might have been some weird punishment. After all those years I went without really talking to her or trying to see her, could this be what I deserved? Or maybe she was trying to cut the link between me and our parents, trying to show me how good life could be out of their clutches.

If that's what she was going for, she was failing miserably with her demonstration. I wasn't interested in boys, or relationships, the only thing that mattered to me now was getting into a good college.

Trying to talk myself down didn't help anything. I was still furious. The rage was coursing through my body unlike anything else I'd ever felt before. Another hot wave washed over me, causing my skin to sweat like crazy.

I moved my hair off the back of my neck and fanned myself with my free hand, pacing around the spare bedroom. I was making myself dizzy but I needed to move, otherwise my legs would tremble and shake involuntarily. I could feel the adrenaline in my muscles, powering me and fueling my rage.

I couldn't help but think that my parents had been right. If they knew Stephanie acted like this, then it wasn't surprising that they wanted to keep me out of her clutches. I had been so young, so impressionable. They had acted not a moment too soon.

And now not only was she ruining my stay, but she was going to succeed in ruining my life. I could already feel myself slipping off the rails. It was her idea for me to come here in secret, but I'd agreed. I had gone behind my parents' back and come here against their wishes.

What was I going to do next? How else was I going to betray their trust? I didn't want to change, I didn't want to become a bad person, but now I had a sneaking suspicion that it could easily happen.

Guilt started to pile up on top of me, aimed towards my parents, towards Stephanie for not being happy to see her after so long apart, towards myself for not knowing what was right for me. The weight of it all was too much for my weak shoulders. I stopped pacing and slumped onto the edge of the bed, listening to the sheets rustle underneath my butt.

My shoulders drooped and my back curved as my mind continued to spin so fast it made me feel dizzy.

I had imagined this weekend being blissful, full of laughing and hugs and sisterly love, but instead it was everything but that. I just wanted to curl up in the bed and pretend that I was back at home under my parents' protection, safe from all of this weirdness.

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