Justin POV
I walk silently not knowing where I am but this place gives me chill. It's dark and only a little light helping me see where I'm walking. I've been walking for so long, sweats were dripping all over my body. I don't even know why I didn't stop walking even though I'm running out of breath and my mouth feels so dry. I finally stop walking bending on my knee to catch a breath. I wipe my forehead with my arms.
Suddenly I heard some footstep near me making me panic. "Who's there?" I ask but my voice was small. I didn't have the strength to talk any louder. Everything seems quiet for a minute until I heard a familiar chuckle, my whole body froze. "Did you miss me Justin?" the voice asked sounding amused. I gulp closing my eyes. This is not real! He's dead! This is not real! I keep yelling in my head. He chuckles again. "Are you trying to make me disappear little Jay?" "Are you trying to make all the memories that we have created together vanish?" he laugh this time. I could feel his breath in my right ear but I still didn't open my eyes.
"Come on Jay. We both know, I'm always and will always be in your head no matter how hard you try to erase me. We both know, I'm always going to be your first." My eyes widen instantly staring at his evil smirk looking down at me. I yell at the top of my lungs wanting all this to be over.
"Justin! Wake up!"
"Justin!"
"Baby boy! Shhh.. Wake up!"
"Justin! Please baby boy!" someone keep begging holding me in their arms as I was thrashing trying to get away, I don't even know from what.
My eyes flutter open as I blink it rapidly, my breathing was uneven. My vision is finally clear when I saw Jason worried face staring down at me as he was still holding me. He removes my sweaty hair from my forehead and caress my cheek softly. "You're okay. You're okay now." He coo. I didn't say anything just staring at his face. I'm feeling so drain suddenly.
I felt a soft kiss on my forehead to see Jason still looking at me worried. I let out a breath as I cuddle more to his chest closing my eyes. "Are you okay baby boy?" Jason asked rubbing my arms. I shook my head honestly. I don't know why I cannot lie to Jason, it's like every time he ask me something, I will respond truthfully and if I even tried to hide what I really was feeling, he'll still know that I'm lying anyways.
"What did you dream about Jay?" he question softly now also lying down with me basically on top of him as my head still resting oh heartbeat chest. "Him." I whisper. I felt him tense. "You know it's just playing with your mind Jay. Don't think about it too much. You've been doing well on your session." He remind me. It's true it's been 2 months now and my session with Doctor Ethan has been going great but my nightmares seems to never let me be in peace.
I don't have nightmares as often as before but every time I have it, things will get bad again. I will get scared again, each time I'm one step in front, those memories will come haunt me again. I'm just scared, I can't erase them from my head. I just want to forget about whatever happens. "Jay?" Jason soft voice make me look at him tiredly. "What's wrong baby boy?" he asked again.
"I just want to f..forget.. Jason." I croaked. He frown playing with my hair softly. "I know Jay." He sigh heavily staring in to my eyes and suddenly he smiles at me. "I wish I could do it for you." He whisper in defeat. I furrow eyebrows not liking seeing him upset. "I wish every day in my life that I could just erase all those horrific things that happen to you and fix your beautiful self Jay." He smile caressing my cheek. "But I can't, so I'm going to be here by your side for as long that you need me too." He sincerely tells me.
I could help but felt my heart flutter with everything Jason said and do for me. I've been feeling all this weird feelings lately and sometimes I don't even know what is it. It's just every time I'm around him, I felt all this warm and fuzzy. He makes me feel so safe and secure, I just couldn't have good sleep without him by my side and every time he compliment or say something sweet, I will always feel like smiling of how cheesy he is sometimes.
I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now with my messed up head but I'm grateful that Jason is by my side and I'm not even going to deny that he always makes me feel a little bit better. I need him.
Jason POV
I laugh loudly at Chaz stupid but somehow amusing story. I've been hanging out with Ryan, Chaz and Fredo the whole day just chatting and joking around. Justin is also with us but he didn't talk much. He was just sitting beside me with his head resting on my shoulder and his eyes on the TV. We didn't really say anything to him knowing Justin still a lot in his head. That nightmares 2 nights ago really affects him. Justin always gets like that when he have those dreams.
He was doing well few days ago, he started to talk a little, smile more even it was a broken smile, he can joke a little bit. His session was really helping him but there's nothing we could do with his nightmares. We just have to be patient and be there for him. I don't even ask what he dreams about because I could practically know from his pleads and begs as he keeps repeating and gasping for help. Just like when he was tortured by Mark. I was there and I still find it hard to erase it from my mind.
"Hey you boys." Pattie greet us walking from upstairs. She's dressing up, means she's going somewhere. "Hey Pattie." We said in unison. She flash her motherly smile at us. "Umm. I need to go somewhere, so I need you boys to be here with Justin alright?" she request as she gaze at Justin sadly knowing Justin is in his own world. We smile and nod at her. "Where you're going Pattie?" Chaz ask. She frown a bit. "I need to settle something at the police station." She said softly still staring at Justin worriedly. She said goodbye and make her way out of the house.
"Jason?" a small voice startle me make me turn to it. Justin was staring at me with his big brown eyes as his chin rested on my shoulder. He looks so cute right now. I smile widely at the site not caring if I look like a freaked. "Yes baby boy?" I whisper. He bite his bottom lips and release a breath. "Can we go outside today?" he ask timidly. My eyes widen at his question. "You.. you want to go outside?" I ask not believing. It's been 3 weeks since the incident that I bring him to the park, he never asked to go outside of the house, he practically locked himself in his room for 4 days feeling scared.
He nod blinking his eyes. "Yeah, can I?" he asked again. I smile and nod. "Of course you can Jay. Why don't you get ready and we wait for you downstairs." I answered him. He smile small and nod before making his way up stairs to get ready. I straight away turn towards the boys. "We're going to the park." I said out of nowhere that they immediately stop their conversation. "What?" they ask confuse. "Justin wants to get out of the house so.. I figured the park is the nearest and less people." I told them. The grin at me with wide eyes. "Oh my god. He really want to go outside Jason? Oh my god! This is great." Chaz beamed excitedly. I chuckle at how happy at their reaction.
I know they were also worried for Justin and this is something to be excited about. Justin asked to go out of the house without we forcing or giving him the idea. "Yeah guys. But I do need to contact Kenny though. And I forgot to save his number the other day. Do you guys have it?" I ask taking out my phone. "Yepp. I got you bro. I'll just call him to come here then." Ryan took out his phone and head to the kitchen to call Kenny I guess. Justin footstep were heard as he made his way down and instantly took a seat beside me.
He wore a jumper, jeans and a cap to cover his head. He look so cuddly right now. "You're ready Jay?" I asked him. "Yeah. All done." He reply softly playing with the hem of his jumper. "What's with the cap Justin?" Chaz asked. He shrugged. "A disguise." He simply answered. I frown knowing he's actually scared of what happen the last time. We kept quiet until Kenny finally reached and pick us up.
We reached the park and this time Kenny comes with us making sure of our safety, well most important is Justin's. Ryan and Chaz immediately went to the other side of the park to get some ice cream. Leaving the three of us. Justin walk slowly about 5 steps in front of me as he sits on the grass. I didn't follow him thinking that he might want some time alone for awhile.
"When do you think he's going to be okay?" Kenny asked suddenly falling on the grass beside me. I then took a seat as I put both my knees in front of me. "I don't know Kenny." I sigh keeping my eyes on Justin. "It scares me you know." Kenny's voice sadden. I turn my gaze to him as frown evidence on his face that was also looking at the broken boy in front of us.
"I've known him for so long. He's like my nephew or even a son or a little brother. I don't even care but he's a part of my life. I've been protecting him since the beginning of his career, from 2-3 paps to now. It's kinda hard to see the person that you're supposed to protect, to make sure he's always save is actually broken to pieces, hurting badly and there's nothing you could do." He sigh looking down at his hands.
"Kenny.." I try to say.
"I wish he could've just tell me Jason. I was always with him. I should've known why he was so pale, looking scared, drained, he fainted twice and one time was exactly in front of me. His pranking, his bubbly self, and his 'don't know how to shut up that sometimes annoyed the shit out of me'" he paused and chuckle but frown again as he continue.
"They were slowly disappear right in front of me. How he was talking about his fans leaving him. I should've notice at least something but I didn't. When he was limping.." he stop and I could hear the shakiness in his voice. He wipe his face and stood up immediately.
"I'm just going to the toilet for awhile. Call me if anything happens okay. I'll be back." He said quickly walking away not giving me a chance to say anything. I get up from my place and make my way to Justin. "Hey baby boy." I said softly. He looks up at me giving me a small smile. I took a seat beside him. "What are you thinking about?" I asked. He stare ahead as the wind flew his hair out of his face.
He shook his head. "I don't know Jase. My mind is just blank right now." He reply sighing resting his chin between his knees. "I want it to be that way sometimes." He continue. "Does it calms you down?" I caress his hand softly. He nod answering my question. "We can come here anytime that you want, you just have to tell me and you're wish n in my command." I smile sheepishly at him. He chuckle, the sound of music to my ears.
"You're so sweet sometimes Jase. I might just fall for you." He blurt out making the both of our eyes widen. He instantly slap his palm to his mouth. We stare at each other in shock for a few seconds before he stood up making me do the same. "Oh my gosh. I shouldn't have said that. Oh god. You might think I'm a freak now. Why did I do that?" he scolds himself as he walk back and forth. I snap out of my trance and reach his wrist stopping him.
He looks at me with tears threatening to fall. "Please don't leave me Jason".
Hello Lovelies!
Finally update this story.
Anyways,
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Is it too early for Justin to blurt that out?
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