"Yeji?"
"Hmm?"
We're currently in my bedroom right now. We're both laying on our backs while staring at the ceiling. I have my hands on my stomach while Yeji is resting her head on hers.
Yeji decided to spend the night here because she said she missed me a lot. I was hesitant at first because we would be sharing a bed but we already kissed so I think we're intimate enough.
I really like kissing Yeji now. We kissed a few more times after the first one. After our kiss, Chan and Felix walked in on us and Yeji's face turned pink again. I feel like she blushes a lot more than an average human. But then again, what is considered an average human?
"I really like your lips" I say to her.
"I'm your first kiss, right?" She ask.
"You are. I've never kissed anyone on the lips before. Never even imagined it but now your lips makes me want it. Is that bad? Am I bad? Am I becoming a sex addict!?" I sit up to look at her.
"What?!" She sits up too.
"We just kissed, how would you become a sex addict from that?" I think she's really panicking.
"Isn't that how things work with addiction? It only takes one" I seriously question.
She chuckles, "We just kissed, Ryujin."
She lays back down and I do the same but this time I'm laying on my side so I can see her.
"I never imagined this is what it feels like to love someone" I state.
She's still staring at the ceiling, "Do you like it?"
"It's scary so it's mixed feelings. I'm happy because you love me too but it's scary because things can change very fast. What if I do become a sex addict and it becomes too much?"
She laughs, "There's so many different examples to use but you chose being a sex addict."
"It was already mentioned so I thought I'd stay on that same lane. I feel like that has a higher chance of becoming true than smoking or drinking or drugs when it comes to me" I laugh too.
"Can I have another kiss?" I ask and she finally looks at me with a smile.
"I was so worried before that you wouldn't like kissing in general because you're very particular with things but I'm glad you enjoy it."
"Is that a no?" I say when she doesn't answer with a yes and just started talking about something else.
"Come here" she turns her body and I scoot closer until our face is extremely close to each other.
She cups my cheek while moving her thumb, "You're so beautiful."
"Isn't that what I should say?" I ask.
"I know I've said it to you before but your beauty is absolute perfection for me. It's not too much where it could look fake but it's also not bad where I can mistake you for a monster" I add and she laughs again.
She does seem different this time around than before. I can't quite put my finger on it but she seems more relaxed? Or maybe she's tired? I don't know but her eyes are different too.
I paid attention to her face so much before and her expression so I'm actually able to differentiate them but I just don't know what it means. Like when she frowns, there could be multiple reasons why she would make that expression. Same with if she smiles. It's so confusing but I'm able to tell when something changes.
I don't know why but I really made sure to take notice of everything about Yeji.
"I'm glad you don't think I'm a monster" her eyes struggle to open. I think she's tired.
"I love you" I say and she smiles again with her eyes closed.
"I love you too."
She brings her face closer to mine and were kissing again. How are her lips so soft? How do our lips move so naturally with each other? I thought kissing would involve more teeth because I mean they're right there but somehow it's like they don't exist when kissing.
I expected Yeji to stop after a few seconds but somehow our kiss gets deeper. She pulls me closer to her and her movements intensify. This isn't the same kiss as before but I'm enjoying it.
I also cup her face and I return the same intensity she's giving me.
I'm not sure how or when but she's suddenly on top of me. I'm not sure how it happened because she hasn't stopped kissing me yet.
She suddenly bites my lower lip and some weird noise came out of my mouth. This time Yeji finally stops and she hovers her face in front of mine. She has a different smile on her face. A smile I've never seen before.
"I like that noise" she comments and this time my face gets hot. Am I sick?
"Wow, I didn't think I'd ever make you blush" she chuckles.
"Your face is red too" I point out.
I touch her lips with my finger while she just looks at me.
"Why do I feel so comfortable with you being this close to me? Why am I not bothered that we literally just mixed our saliva? Why is it that my heart wants to burst right now while looking at you?" I genuinely ask.
"I want to say because you love me" she answers.
She lowers herself again to give me one more long kiss before laying back down next to me.
"Can we cuddle? Like what Binnie and Felix do on the couch? Can you wrap your arms around me?" I ask.
"I like that you're not embarrassed to ask things like that. I would be" she gestures for me to get in her arms so I do.
"Why would I get embarrassed? The worst thing you can say is no and that's okay" I frown.
"How come? If you say no, I'll respect it but it would still hurt me a little" she says.
"Because words necessarily don't hurt me as much but actions will. When you got upset with me, I wasn't crying because of the things you were saying. I was crying because I was afraid of what you were gonna do which is leave me."
She holds me tighter and I enjoy that feeling. I like that she squeezed me like a stuffed animal.
"I'm sorry" her voice lowers.
"Why? Everything you said was true because it's how you saw it and felt it."
"I shouldn't have left. I should have worked it out with you" She explains her apology.
"You leaving me hurt but if you felt that was the right thing to do for yourself then I understand. If you didn't show up at my place, I would have left you alone. I would have respected your decision even if it hurt me. My dad has always told me since I was young to never stick with someone that doesn't want me. Whether it's friends or family or something else" I share.
"I won't leave again. Even though I was upset, it still hurt me to be far away from you. I'd rather be mad and be by your side" she kisses my head.
I look up at her and I pout.
"What's that face for?" She ask.
"Kisses are for the cheeks and lips now" I answer.
She laughs and she quickly kisses my lips.
"You've been laughing a lot tonight" I rest my head on her chest again.
"I'm just happy."
"Is it because Chan and Felix were arguing earlier?" I ask.
"You feel happy when they argue?" Her tone changes. I don't think I'll ever understand the meaning of tone changes in someone's voice.
"Yes but not because I like seeing them argue. It's because it kinda reminds me that even though they don't get along all the time, they're still choosing to be friends. I know they hide their anger from me a lot or they really try not to be angry or maybe they do get angry but I just don't see it. My point is, I like knowing that even if they get mad at me, I know they'll still be there for me."
"I'll prove to you that I can be one of those people" she breathes out heavily.
"It's okay if you don't stay" I say and she lightly pushes me away from her to look at me.
"You don't want me to stay?" She frowns.
"I do. I don't want you to ever leave me but I also can't expect you to stay forever. It's different with them because our relationship is friendship. My relationship with you is romantic. I know in romance, there are different expectations. I may not live up to those expectations and it's okay if you want to find them from someone else. I can't ask you to stay with me if there's something I'm lacking."
She hugs me again, "Stop. There's no one else I want but you."
I don't say anything to her because I think she truly believes that. I'm happy that's how she feels about me and I hope it stays like that but I'm too afraid to fully accept that.
"Do you have work tomorrow?" I ask.
"I do" I become sad with her answer.
"I'm gonna text Beomgyu to give you a day off tomorrow to spend time with me. I'll tell him it's crucial for my mental health" I say and she hums in response.
"What do you wanna do tomorrow?" I ask and she doesn't answer.
"Yeji?" Still no answer.
I finally look at her and she's sleeping. Did she just fall asleep when I asked her a question? That's so cute.
I carefully sit up so she can be comfortable. Maybe my head will become heavy for her and she won't be able to sleep well.
While sitting up, I take this chance to look at Yeji. I've seen her awake multiple times but she seems different while she's asleep. Her beauty is somehow different.
When she's awake, her beauty has a powerful aura of fierceness but right now she looks like a baby that needs to be protected.
"I don't know how to love like how other people love but I'll show you my way of how to love someone. I'll try my best to show you how I feel about you so I hope you don't leave again" I take a deep breath.
"I love you, Yeji. Good night and I hope you always have sweet dreams. I want to kiss your cheek or forehead but I don't know if I'm allowed to do that. I'll make sure to ask you when you're awake."
I lay down on my side of the bed and I cover myself up with the blanket. I try to think of things that we can do tomorrow. Our last date didn't do so well so maybe we should take advantage of her day off, which hasn't been approved yet, to do another date. I don't have a lot of time to plan something though.
I take out my phone to search for last minute dates. Nothing stands out for me which is sad but I'm sure we will figure something out.
I continue my search until I feel my eyes start to feel heavy. I don't want to fall asleep because what if I wake up and I'm still at the hospital? What if everything that happened today with Yeji is all just a dream?