when i get outside, my attention is quickly averted to the pool area.
it's a fenced in section of the hotel's backyard. in it are a few chairs that are sitting under umbrellas. however, considering its well past midnight by now, the umbrellas are useless.
i walk over to the fence and unlock the gate using the key that the hotel staff provided me with when i bought the hotel room.
"lee?" the sudden sound of someone's voice makes me jump.
i turn around and see kit sitting on the edge of the concrete surrounding the pool, his legs dangling into the lit-up water. smiling, i sit beside him.
i take off my shoes, setting them on the concrete beside me.
"i was wondering where you'd ran off to." i say. "how long have you been out here?"
"i don't know." kit admits. "i left during the movie. i didn't tell anyone."
"during the movie? it's been over an hour since then."
"has it?" he asks, unfazed.
i lean forward, getting a closer look at kit's face. he seems upset. he notices im looking so he quickly covers up his fatigue with a small smile.
"are you okay?" i ask, placing my hand on top of his.
"mhm," he hums, "i'm fine."
despite what kit says, i can tell he's lying. the way his eyes are darting all over the place and he's tapping his fingers together one by one. i recognize that habit. it's something people use for anxiety, i think.
"kit." i say, demandingly to get his attention. he looks at me and he can tell in being serious. "i can tell you're not okay. what's up? you can talk to me."
"not about this." he whispers.
i don't know why he can't talk to me about whatever is going on, but i respect his privacy.
"that's okay." i tell him, coursing my thumb over his knuckles, soothingly. "i'm your friend, you can tell me what you feel comfortable talking about."
kit smiles at me, and i can tell it's genuine.
"thank you, lee." he takes a sharp inhale of air, building confidence to talk about what seems like a difficult subject. "there's been a lot on my mind lately and i needed a break. so i remembered what you said about how looking at the stars helps you calm down."
"did it help?" i ask.
"yes. it helped enough that i've been out here for over an hour." he says with a chuckle, adjusting his hand under so he's holding mine back.
"i'm glad i can help you. even if it's indirect."
then there's a pause where we're both looking at each other.
he leans closer to me, just slightly. but it's enough that i begin to feel nervous.
like he's going to try and kiss me.
however, to be honest, a kiss from him doesn't sound like the worst thing. for some reason, the idea of it excites me. i lean closer in response.
kit lifts his hand, grabbing my jaw with his thumb and his forefinger.
with out lips almost touching, his uses his other hand and places it on my back. he smiles, his lips barely an inch away from mine.
this feels wrong. this all feels very wrong.
a few moments ago, i was trying to cheer kit up. i was trying to help him feel better and now i'm doing this? god, what is wrong with me. he's clearly upset and vulnerable.
i gently push him away from me, slightly shaking my head.
"i'm sorry, kit." i tell him. my voice is barely above a whisper. "i can't do this to you."
i don't even wait to hear kit's reply before i stand up from the ground and walk all the way back to the hotel room.
☆ ★ ☆