Expectations.
Expectations disempower you by making your emotional well-being dependent on something external that you cannot control.
Making requests or hoping for something is one thing. Basing your emotions on the outcome is quite another.
These are ideas that we have about how we want things to go, or how we want other people to be. When what we expect to happen doesn't occur, we feel disappointed, upset, and angry.
This often stems from unrealistic expectations –when we expect things and people to be different than they are. Or when we want other people to change their personalities, their beliefs, their values, or their behavior to line up with our ideals.
Simply, expectations hurt the most...
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With a usual cold face, I seated in the middle of the meeting room, I studied the documents prepared for the meeting while others silently took glances at me. While playing with the pen between the first two fingers of my right hand I turned the pages and finished reading the presentation.
I look up and found everyone's head was hung down while the person who was presenting the presentation was sweating and shivering badly. I rolled my eyes and raised my hand a little higher and the poor old man stopped his actions, I look up at him in his eyes. At this it's moment man almost peed in his pants, he hung his head low waiting for me to speak.
I scoffed and pushed away the file on the table, I stood up and spoke,
"Dismiss and you are fired"
I pointed toward the shivering man, silent gasps left everyone's mouths while the man kneeled on his knees begging for his job but I ignored everything and left. Weakling. I hate those people who can't be confident in themselves...
My heels clanked through the silent hallways of the company while a girl and a boy followed me, Sara and Du-sik, these both are my secretaries.
As I stepped in the elevator I ordered them,
"Call the driver"
Du-sik immediately called the driver while Sara handed me the iPad and spoke,
"Ma'am, your schedule for today is completed"
While reviewing the schedule silently I nodded and handed her the device back. The elevator dinged and I made my way to the car followed by them, the chauffeur opened the door and then I sat in the backseat of a black shiny Mercedes.
The atmosphere in the car was uncomfortably silent, I massaged my temples feeling tired already, soon the driver turned towards the central hospital and a sigh escaped from my lips. The car stopped at the main gate of the hospital and Du-sik opened the door for me, and I step out of the car and walked towards a known ward followed by my secretaries.
As I reached in front of the room I saw Gum-ri, Grandma, talking to the doctor, which make my heart panic. I took a deep breath and calmly walked toward them and asked,
"What's wrong?"
The doctor after glancing at me asked the elder for permission to which Grandma nodded,
The doctor sighed and replied,
"His condition is getting worse"
My eyes widened a bit but I kept her calm face, and asked again,
"What happened to him?"
The doctor gave me a pitiful face, which I despise the most, and replied,
"He is suffering from Immune dysregulation"
I didn't understand a word he spoke but the look on his face was telling that it was something dangerous, the doctor cleared his throat and continued,
"To save him, you would have another baby with your husband, the new baby's umbilical blood can only save him".
I closed my eyes for a moment digesting the fact that the doctor spilled out just now, I can't do this, but I have to save Eunwoo, there must be another way, the doctor seem to read my mind he sighed, and spoke,
"This is the only way"
"You have a year only"
I look shockingly at the doctor, the elder signaled the doctor to leave us alone to which the doctor bowed respectfully and gave us privacy. Grandma spoke to the secretaries,
"You both can go out for a while"
They both immediately bowed to her and left us alone, Grandma sighed and stood in front of me. No, I can't do this, I don't love him, and he'll also never agree to this, she hold my shoulders and spoke,
"He's coming back today"
I shockingly looked up at the elder and took a deep breath trying to calm myself, no this can't happen, I have to find another way soon, I have to save my baby as soon as possible, I look up at her and spoke,
"I'm sorry Grandma, but I need some time to think about this"
The elder frowned at my words but silently nodded.
After bowing to Grandma I stepped inside the room alone to see a fragile boy sleeping peacefully on the bed while numerous wires are attached to his body and an oxygen mask was attached to his face.
As I saw my baby's fragile state a tear escaped from my eye, but I took a deep breath controlling myself, and took a seat beside him. I carefully hold his small hand and kissed his knuckles, a weak smile crept on my face, I blinked my tears away and spoke,
"I'm sorry baby, I again got late today but I promise I'm not leaving you alone here..."
As I completed the sentence the tears start flowing from my eyes, I tried my best to keep quiet and silently cried sitting there watching my baby's state. I can do anything to save my baby but this...this is too much, there must be another way, yeah there is, I'll talk to other doctors.
After some time I wiped my tears away and calmed myself down, as I sighed the door clicked and opened revealing Dad, Mr.Kim, he passed me a smile which I returned weakly. He seems to notice my state, he handed me a glass of water and whispered,
"If you want to, can I talk to you?"
I accept the glass of water and nodded at him. He smiled and walked out of the room, after gulping down the water I kept the glass on the side stool, and after glancing at my baby boy I head outside.
As I walked out I saw Dad and Jennie, my sister-in-law waiting for me. Jeenie is younger than me and just opposite to me, she's the most cheerful and lovable person I ever met. I took a deep breath and stood beside Dad, Jennie noticed my presence and hugged me tightly which I weakly tried to reciprocate. She broke the hug and asked,
"How are you unnie?"
I failed to smile but replied to her,
"Better than last time"
She smiled but didn't ask anything further which I appreciated, Dad cleared his throat and spoke,
"Mom wants you to attend tonight's family dinner"
I sighed and look away from them, I don't want to meet him ever, I'm not ready yet to face all this, after a moment I spoke,
"I promised to stay with Eunwoo tonight, I'm sorry"
Dad nodded silently and gestured something to Jennie which I didn't understand, he cleared his throat and spoke,
"I'm sure you didn't eat anything so I'm going to bring our lunch here"
Without waiting for my response he left me alone with Jennie. There was a comfortable silence until she decided to break it,
"Unnie you can't avoid him every time"
"Did he tell Grandma about his mistress yet?"
---
I sighed looking over at Sunmi, right now we're heading to the airport, I'm leaving for Korea because Grandma called me earlier and told me about Eunwoo's condition. Although I never met him, he's my child after all and Grandma strictly ordered me to come back, I entangled my hand with Sunmi's and smiled at her sulking face. She pouted and look out of the window, I snaked my left arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me, she gasped and with an angry face look up at me and puffed in annoyance,
"What?"
"I promise baby I'll be back soon"
"But tomorrow is the main event"
Tomorrow is her dream day, she'll be on Cleine's runway, it was always been her dream to be a model but she has something with that brand, her dream brand. I pulled her face closer to mine by holding her chin between my thumb and index finger, still angry she glare at me, I smiled and attached my lips to her, she immediately closed her eyes and melted into the kiss.
I also closed my eyes and pulled her on top of me and held her in place by her waist, her lips moved angrily against mine while let her do whatever she wants to, almost after a minute she break the kiss being all breathless, I smiled at her red face and cupped her cheeks, I look into her eyes and spoke,
"I love you"
"I love you too"
She said and while whining hugged me tightly, I chuckled and caressed her back while she neither cared to move a millimeter, nor I cared. She put her head on my shoulders and while drawing circles on my chest spoke,
"You have to call me at least 3 times a day"
"Okay, ma'am"
"You can't ignore my call or messages, I don't care whatever you're doing"
"Promise"
"I might sound selfish but don't spend much time with Yn"
I chuckled and hugged her tighter,
"Okay my girlfriend"
"Have your meals on time"
"Hmm"
"Take care of your health"
"Mmm"
"And lastly don't forget me"
She looks up at me with doe eyes, I smiled and attached my forehead to hers, I cupped her face and spoke,
"I'd rather die than forget about you babe"
She smiled and pecked my lips, I smiled and put her back on her seat as we reached the airport. Her clinging to my arm, she walked me to the security checkup, I took my luggage from her grip and turned towards her, she was about to cry I can tell by the look on her face, I sighed and hugged her tightly.
She immediately wrapped her arms around me while caressing her back I spoke,
"You are not allowed to let a tear fall from your beautiful eyes"
She hummed, I put my chin on her head and continued,
"All the best for tomorrow"
"Take good care of yourself"
"Have meals on time"
"Take your medicines on time too"
"Take proper sleep"
"Stress less"
"Ha-"
"Okay okay"
She cut me in between and broke the hug, she smiled slightly and pushed me away gently, I smiled and entered the security area, she waved at me and I did the same too, and at the next second, she disappeared from my sight. I sighed and head towards my flight as it was almost time, I dropped Grandma a text head towards the lounge area.
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How was it? Any thoughts??