🎶life goes on, it gets so heavy.🎶
-coldplay
#2023
Omniscient~
Nearly 7 years ago....
Michael's head was laid gently on his arms as he sat by his grandmother's bedside. He was 16 years old here, but felt himself growing at an alarming rate at how much he has to deal with on a day to day basis.
His grandmother was in and out of the hospital due to her health scares and he would be out of school to watch over her at times—although she insisted she'd be fine with his absence at school.
His grandfather hasn't been around since he was 12 due to his death, so it's just been the 2 of them.
He felt a bit of movement underneath his arms and he jolted up, eyes focusing on his grandmother's who stared right back at him with hazy ones.
His lips curved upwards slowly and lightly. "You're awake." He breathed.
She looked around confused. "What happened?" She asked.
"Cardiac arrest." Michael simply stated. "Again." He added.
She looked up at the ceiling and exhaled, running a hand down her face. It stressed her out that she's in and out of the hospital, but mostly because it affects Michael too. She knows he's been through a lot, and she feels she's a big burden on him.
"Michael, I'm sorry." She shook her head.
His brows knitted. "It ain't somethin' to apologize for. I'm just glad you're fine." He scoffed.
His words usually contrast with his true feelings at times. He doesn't like to showcase his emotions and puts those things aside.
"You're constantly missin' school 'cause you're always here. In fact you're missing out on a lot of things 'cause you're always here with me. I'll be fine. I jus' want you to have a normal life while you're still young."
He shook his head. "I'on care about school, Maw. We both know that. An' my nerves keep tellin' me that one day you're never gonna wake up next time your heart problems return. I can't help worrying bout you 'cause you're always so busy worryin''bout me. So lemme just worry 'bout you for once."
She cracked a smile and raised her hand to run it through his curls. "I appreciate it but-" she paused and sat up. "I'm always gonna be here. I won't let my illness take over. You won't ever have to worry about me, Michael. I'll live to see the day you beat it out these streets and finally be happy and even married."
Michael smiled at her words but couldn't help but scoff once more. "Married. Thas' real funny."
She laughed as well. "I'll live to see the day. 'Cause I'll always be here."
**
Stage 1: Denial
MICHAEL snapped out of it as he stared out the window in the moving car—which Naija was currently driving.
She had gotten the hang of driving lately and she does some of the driving now anyway, so it's a normal gesture at this point.
After the chilling phone-call from Michael's mother about the death of his grandmother, he was unable to think. To move. To process. Everything just became blank. He was numb.
Naija had come to see what the noise was, due to him dropping the glass cup to the floor, only to find him with a phone in his hand and looking into the distance like an injured and helpless deer. It nearly scared the living daylights out of her the way he stood as still as a statue.
She had taken the phone from his hand and found out for herself what had happened. His mother then told her that she wanted to have a talk with Michael at Maw's house any time they could.
It took just 24 hours to finally convince Michael to have this talk with his mother—she was expecting him to take much longer and to be much more stubborn—but the thing is he hasn't said a word since that night. So she has to read his body language to make decisions.
As Naija drove, she glanced at him from time to time. She'd never seen him this quiet. This empty. His eyes were black. Filled with a void.
It was hard to get him out of bed, get him to eat, get him to leave the house. It took approximately 4 hours. And through those 4 hours he didn't say a word.
Again, it's only been a day and a half since he got the news. He didn't cry. He didn't react. He was numb.
She parked in the driveway carefully and turned off the car. She looked over at Michael who sat still and made no effort to even move. His eyes stared at the house that was his grandmother's. They had a firm gaze on it that she couldn't read.
"Michael," she called lowly but loud enough to at least get his attention. "you wanna go inside?" She asked carefully, knowing he really doesn't considering he's about to have an unwanted and unpleasant talk with his mother.
He didn't answer, but let out a long sigh before releasing himself from his seatbelt, getting out the car as she followed.
They walked up to the house and Naija rung the bell. Michael used to obnoxiously bang on the door just because it pissed his grandmother off. His arms were now limp and stayed at his sides.
The door slowly opened and revealed Giselle, Michael's mother. She looked a bit more healthy than she did when they last saw her on Christmas Day. She had gained a bit more weight and looked fuller and more lively in just 3 months.
Giselle has a petite physique and often wears heeled shoes to heighten herself. Her hair reached her shoulders. Her skin was just a bit darker than Michael's and was nearly shining today as opposed to Christmas Day. She effortfully did some light makeup and looks more fresh. She's 39, but still looks 20.
Naija smiled meekly as Giselle made the first gesture. "I'm so glad you guys agreed to come." She stepped aside to let them in, and gulped as soon as Michael's eyes landed on her's. Eyes full of resentment. It was so hard to escape it.
She led them to the dining room table to sit. Naija looked around, seeing the house looked a bit more cleaned out and spacious. The picture frames were still on the walls and the furniture was in the same place, but there was just an unfamiliar emptiness that accompanied the absence of Maw.
They sat down at the table. It was painfully silent. Neither one of them wanted to speak. Wanted to catch up. Wanted to relive.
Giselle cleared her throat and her eyes landed on her son who sat slumped and looking straight ahead at nothing. He truly looked like he didn't want to be here understandably.
"I...wanted to just tell you what was going on behind closed doors and what happened to her. Then you're welcome to leave if you want. I don't want to keep you here any longer than I should. Is that okay?" She asked.
Silence took over as they waited for Michael to respond as her question was mainly towards him, but Naija answered for him. "Yes. That's fine." She politely replied.
Giselle folded her hands and sat more straight before clearing her throat again. "So um...almost 2 days ago now your grandma died of cardiac arrest, Michael. She died in her sleep that afternoon." She exhaled afterwards, like it was difficult to get those words out-
-but Michael didn't budge. He didn't respond. He didn't move.
Naija's eyes were staring down at the table. She cried upon hearing the news already, but felt her eyes tearing up every second that passed now. She knew Maw for a short period of time, but felt like she's known her for centuries.
"Um...as you could guess, her arrhythmia became out of control again a few months ago, and I've been accompanying her to her hospital visits-"
"Wait," Michael's voice finally boomed, making them both focus their eyes on him. It was the first time he's said a word since he got the news. It was just his voice, but Naija couldn't help but he shocked at hearing it. He slowly looked up and over at her. "you knew she was sick? For months?"
Giselle swallowed and avoided eye contact before clearing her voice again. Naija could tell how nervous she always is and it's mainly when she's in front of Michael. She's obviously afraid of him.
"W-well she became sick again in November-"
Michael interrupted her with a scoff, but he then began to laugh. His laughter didn't have a hint of genuine amusement. "Since November." He repeated. He then stopped laughing and his face went dry again.
"I'd drop by every once in a while to take care of her a bit and-"
"Why the fuck would she ask you?" Michael asked. There isn't a hint of anger in his voice, but his voice held the coldness and micro aggression that Giselle hated.
She swallowed. "She didn't want you to know about it because she didn't want you to worry and put more stress on you."
"Bullshit." Michael shook his head with another scoff. "So you been comin' here since November without my knowledge. So when you said you didn't come often back in December, it was to ask for money 'n to 'check on her'" he air quoted.
Her words from the past flashed through his mind:
"I...don't come often."
He raised a brow. "Often?" He chuckled painfully again and crossed his arms towards her. She was a bit shorter than him and again, it amazed her at how much he's grown. "So this ain't the first time you been here?"
It had just clicked that she said that because she had been visiting occasionally for money from Maw, but also to check up on her due to her illness.
"I did ask for money at times, but I mostly came to check on her-"
"You asked a sick woman for money." Michael nodded his head at his realization and sat back again. "You fuckin' cunt."
Naija nearly gasped. "Michael-"
"I didn't know she was sick the first time I asked for money, I swear. During my visits afterwards, she offered the money to me but warned me not to use it for drugs—which I didn't listen to." Giselle quickly defended herself with a hand to her chest to show her unjustified sincerity.
"You never gave a shit about her so I'm just confused as to why she told you of all people that her heart problems got worse."
Giselle shook her head. "I do care-"
"If you cared you wouldn't have jus' left her wit' me to take care of 'n leave everyone for years."
"I-"
"It should've been you who died." He coldly said with not one ounce of emotion on his face and in his voice.
Naija's eyes widened and she glanced at Giselle who looked like she could cry at any second before nudging Michael gently. "Michael," she scolded lowly but he didn't budge-
"I'on understand why she's the one who had to go through this shit. Why good people die, 'n cowards like you jus' roam free. I'on get it."
His words didn't surprise her, but his attitude sure did. She'd expect him to be more angry and possibly be yelling, but he's as cool as a cucumber calmly spewing out rage.
"I mean shit." Michael muttered. "She told you she was dying but not me." He nodded his head sarcastically again and pursed his lips.
"She didn't want to burden you." Giselle spoke up after swallowing her tears. "She didn't want you to worry-"
"'N tellin' you was the way to solve it." He cut her off. "A fucking drug addict."
Naija mouthed "im sorry" to Giselle for his words, but she knows she deserves it. "It's fine." She said and cracked a false smile.
"I...understand what you're going through and I know she was like a mother to you. I'm sorry that this is the way you had to find out about this." Giselle continued.
He just stared at her with those menacing eyes of his and shook his head. "I ain't surprised y'all kept this shit from me. You kept your whole existence from me a secret. Thas' all y'all are good for. Jus' keepin' secrets."
"Don't be mad at your grandmother too, Michael." Giselle found her voice to finally scold him. "She was only following my wishes not to tell you about me."
"I don't give a fuck anymore about that." He shrugged. "I don't care. Is this conversation over?"
She inhaled through her nose and raised her brows, preparing for her next subject. "Well...I was hoping since your grandmother is gone....that we could rekindle our relationship a bit."
Naija's brows raised. She's been quiet all the time being since this isn't her place to contribute anything but even she was surprised at these words. She expected Michael to get angry all over again but once more he just stared at her.
Michael rolled his tongue against the insides of this cheeks and scoffed.
"You been waitin' for this day huh?" He crossed his arms, leaning his head far back like he's in a limbo of boredom. "You look real cleaned up right now like you wasn't jus' popping pills months ago. And you show up only when my grandma's dying. It's like you can't get any more stupider."
"Michael, please." Naija breathed. "Can you be nicer?"
"I didn't use this as an excuse to get closer to you, I promise." Giselle desperately said.
"I jus' don't get why I'm still here." He rolled his eyes. "Everything that comes out your mouth is the same shit I've heard before."
"I just want to clarify some things-"
"Clarify all you want." He shrugged with his eyes half closed. "Do whatever you want I'm bein' fa real. I'm so happy for you though." He sarcastically began to clap his hands.
Giselle looked around like she was embarrassed and sighed once more. "Happy for what?"
"That you finally found a good enough reason to push your way back into everyone's lives. I'm happy you found your purpose in life. You're good for bringing more disappointment into existence. Iss all you do. So I'll clap for you."
She felt stupid. He hits her where it hurts every single time they talk—despite not even having many conversations overall.
Although Naija understands where he's coming from, she knows he can be harsh with his words and can quite literally hit you where it hurts.
"Michael, you can stop with the taunting." She lowly muttered as her eyes were stuck on the table. "I just wanted to come and explain things and make things right."
He shrugged once more and finally stopped clapping. "Again you can do what you want I can't stop you. The drug addict wants to come and try to make things right again. That makes sense. Makes sense you're so sentimental right now and only showin' up when things turn to shit."
"That isn't the only reason I'm here-"
"Maybe it's 'cause you know nobody's gonna miss you when you die. So you felt pity and came back just to ruin more lives like you always do to get pity."
Naija tried her best to tune his harsh words out but couldn't escape the awkwardness and the thick intensity in the room. "Michael that's enough." She softly said.
Giselle pursed her lips, her throat burning with an urge to cry, but cleared her throat again. "Please just listen to what I have to say."
"I don't give a fuck." He shrugged once again and exhaled. "I don't give a fuck. I'm goin' to the car." He stood up and walked out casually without a care in the world. Amazingly didn't hold an ounce of anger throughout the whole ordeal. Just bitterness.
Giselle sighed and unfolded her hands, letting go of the tension she felt since Naija and Michael walked through the door. Naija scratched the back of her neck, not knowing what to say or what to do.
She finally looked up. "I'm...sorry for your loss." She said, making Giselle just smile lightly and nod. "I never got to talk to you before, Naija."
Naija smiled back. "Yeah. I'm sure he wouldn't care now but he wouldn't want me talking to you."
"Just a quick note." Giselle eased off a bit. "I'm just happy he found someone and that he has someone like you right now. He's gonna need it. These next few months aren't gonna be easy." She paused and sighed, beginning to tear up-
"I really do wanna get closer to him. I wanna be in his life now and I've been wanting to for a while now. I know my words won't get to him, but if you can convince him to talk to me again when he's ready, I'd really appreciate it."
Naija drove home with Michael's mother's words in her mind. She knows Michael wants nothing to do with her, and she knows the entire story of what happened when she initially left Michael and seeing him this upset makes even her not want anything to do with Giselle—
But Michael now has no other family that she knows of left except for his mother. It's not her place to butt in, but she truly wants to see them get closer if it's possible.
In contrast to how talkative he was when speaking to his mother, Michael went back to the melancholic and silent state he was in before their departure. The only sound in the house at this point is Bear's occasional barking and squeaking sounds of his toys.
Michael was currently in his room taking a much needed nap. It isn't known how much sleep he got the night before or if he even got sleep. The exhaustion was catching up to him ultimately. He also hasn't eaten since last night. It's no telling how affected his lifestyle truly is now.
"We're gonna drop by in a little while 'cause King wants to talk to Mike if that's fine." Bianca was on the other line as Naija was in the kitchen with her phone on speaker, fixing something small to eat for her and Michael—if he's in the mood to eat.
"Yeah you could try but he's currently asleep and I don't know how willing he'd be to talk to anyone right now. But again you could still try."
Bianca sighed. "I jus' can't believe she's gone."
The day dragged on like being in the middle of a boring math class. It couldn't get any more depressing or long. It began to rain as well, matching the dreary tone of this all.
Michael's food sat on the countertop untouched, beginning to get cold. Naija sat and ate alone in the living room with the company of Bear. Part of her wanted to talk to Michael, part of her wanted to give him space. But giving him too much space would definitely be a setback.
The doorbell rang, making Naija glance up from her food and she lowered the volume on the TV before answering the door, welcoming in King and Bianca.
"He still asleep?" Bianca asked, sitting down on the couch as King sat beside her, unable to process anything either.
"I'll go check." She pursed her lips and walked to his room.
He was on the bed with one arm behind his head and the other draped over his eyes, but it was obvious he was awake but now resting his eyes. It was quiet and tranquil.
"Michael," Naija called as she stood in the doorway and he slowly moved his arm a bit from his eyes and averted his gaze over to her. His curls moved over his eyes as well and hung as low as his eyelids. "King and B are here. They just wanna check up on you and talk."
He lightly shook his head and moved his arm again to cover his eyes with a sigh and Naija nodded her head. "Okay." She replied and returned to King and Bianca.
Michael's state of mind right now is a mixture of shock and an inability to process what happened to his grandmother. It's like he's in a state of denial where he can't come to terms with it.
He doesn't want to believe that she's dead, but at the same time, he's numb to feel anything right now. He can't cry, can't think, can't get angry—just coldness.
All he could do is sit alone and keep to himself.
But all the energy returned when he spoke to his mother earlier. She brings out a roar in him waiting to unleash at any opportunity he could get. She brings out the worst side of him and he hates it. As soon as he's out of her presence he's more calm or controlled again.
"He's not up for visitors right now." Naija said, leaning against the wall by the hallway as King stood up from the couch with a sigh. "I knew he wouldn't be." He muttered.
King saw Michael's grandmother as his own grandmother as well. Ever since he lost his parents at about age 10, he'd hang out at Maw's house occasionally and she'd look after the two like her own children. He's known her for about 10 years and losing her hurts nearly as much as losing his own parents.
"You know what happened?" King asked Naija with low eyes, indicating he'd probably been smoking prior to this. It's King's way of coping and getting through life: getting high as the clouds.
Naija glanced around the living room, her eyes unable to truly focus on anything. "I think she had cardiac arrest. Her arrhythmia became uncontrollable again recently and she'd been struggling for months before now."
"Damn." Bianca exhaled. "We ain't even knew."
"She didn't want anyone to worry—as from what I heard from his mother." Naija cracked a small smile. "She's always so worried about us even when she's the one suffering."
They both looked up with knitted brows. "Wait...his mom's back again?" King asked.
He's of course never met her and only knows what she looks like from the single picture frame hung in Maw's house from nearly 2 decades ago.
Naija's eyes fixated on his and softened, considering she knows Michael isn't too into having people in his business, but since this is just King and Bianca it should be fine.
"Yeah. She called us over to talk and explain what happened. That's all. It felt so weird seeing her again."
The room went silent again and all that could be heard was another sigh from King. "The fuck's goin' on lately? Everybody's dropping like fish. Uly's damn near brain dead then this happens. I'on understand it." He ran a hand down his face.
"It's this damn environment." Bianca muttered. "The streets...everything. Can't put it into words though."
Everything has been in shambles lately. With the current sequence of events it's like life's being written by a vengeful poet. Unfortunate.
"Whenever Mike's ready to talk, hit us up." King gazed towards the door. "Jus' take care of him for me. He's gonna need your support. The nigga's my brother. I'll be damned if anything happens to him too."
Naija nodded her head and walked them to the door, closing it with a sigh. She could agree that things are taking a turn for the worst. She can't imagine what else could possibly go wrong.
She was lost in her thoughts for a while until she felt soft fur brushing against her ankle, making her look down at Bear who circled her feet slowly and affectionately.
She smiled and knelt down, running her hands through his fur. "Everything's fine." She cooed at him and carried him to the couch where she proceeded on to watch TV, and only hope Michael would at least eat something for the day.
The day proceeded to expire. The sky darkened and time passed as fast as a relay race. Michael still hasn't left the room. Not to the bathroom, not to eat, not to do anything.
Naija's eyes fluttered open as soon as she felt Bear's wet tongue brush against her hand. She turned on her phone to look at the time, seeing it's about 10pm. She had fallen asleep for over 4 hours. She didn't even realize she was almost as exhausted as Michael was—although it's hard to tell if he's even left the room since then.
"Shit." She rubbed her forehead and sat up, looking around before peeking into the kitchen and seeing to her dismay that the plate of food she left for Michael was still untouched.
She lifted herself from the couch and scratched her head with a yawn, ready to try to convince Michael to at least eat dinner.
Michael was in nearly the same spot he was in the last time Naija saw him.
His thoughts both raced and stood frozen in time.
"Michael when are you gonna go back to school?" Maw asked a now 17 year old Michael who couldn't care less about school overall
Michael laid casually on the couch, popping chips into his mouth lazily as King sat beside him doing the same. He scoffed as a response.
"And take your feet off the couch what I tell you 'bout that?" She scolded him as he kissed his teeth and stomped his feet to the ground after she pushed them off.
"Jeremiah when was the last time you was in school?" She asked, glancing at King who tried to avoid the question.
"Like....3.."
"3 what?"
"Uh..."
"3 days?"
"Maybe 4?"
"4 what?"
"Prolly 5."
"Okay Jeremiah."
They snickered and dapped each other up, thinking anything in the world is funny while Maw side eyed them. "Y'know you boys need a reality check. Y'all just like to sit around 'n do nothin' while everyone else goin' to school to learn. Don't know how the hell you're gonna get a job."
"We already got money. Don't need no damn school." Michael proudly said and she cocked a brow at him. "Money from where?"
Him and King exchanged glances and snickered again. "Nowhere ma."
She looked him up and down. "Y'all got your heads in the wrong space. Just like how I caught you in your room with that one girl."
Upon that mention, King busted out laughing. "Yo that was funny as hell. Said she slapped your ass up to the moon."
Michael straight faced him. "It ain't that funny.."
Maw shook her head. "Next time I catch y'all outta school or on some bullshit with girls up in my house again..." she pauses and gave a deadly look to them both and they sighed and nodded-
"Yes ma'am." They simultaneously said, making her grin in satisfaction.
Memories of her flooded his mind as he stared up blankly at the ceiling. They were unwanted considering he didn't want to think about her, but he couldn't help his flooded mind.
He looked at the door seeing Naija, who looked so hesitant to even go near him. He heard her voice but was unable to comprehend for a while as all he heard were echos until her voice became clearer-
"Michael," she calmly called and he turned his head towards her finally, narrowing his eyes at the bright light she flicked on as they were so used to the darkness. "you really needa eat."
He didn't move nor did he respond to her expectations. She wasn't taking no for an answer this time though. "I'm not leaving until you get up." She said with her brows raised and about 2 minutes passed before he realized she wasn't joking.
He let out a long sigh and finally sat up, cracking his neck and stretching his muscles. His hazy eyes looked around the room before he stood up from the bed and walked slowly towards the door.
He walked past her, almost as if she wasn't there. Like he didn't even see her there in the first place. Everything in his path is currently a blur. She followed him to the kitchen where he just stared at the food sitting out for him for some time.
She had previously covered it with another plate to preserve it and warmed it up before walking to his room to call him.
She leaned against the countertop and crossed her arms again, waiting for him to take a bite and get something in his stomach and have a drink of water.
He only sat there, staring at the food. He didn't have an appetite. He was confused at the numb sensation in his body, preventing him from wanting to do anything. He wanted to pick up his phone and call his grandmother right now, to prove that she isn't dead.
He thought there was no way she could be dead. A simple text could prove so and could stop him from feeling this way. How could she have been sick all these months and he didn't realize it anyway? This all has to be a lie.
"Please at least drink water." He heard Naija's light voice again in the distance. She placed a cup of water next to his hand that held a fork frozen in place. His eyes averted to the cup and he licked his lips, lifting the cup to his lips and taking a sip to Naija's delight.
It was much needed and he found it refreshing as he gulped down the water and set the cup back down on the table afterwards. He had no desire to eat. Again, no appetite whatsoever.
Him at least drinking the water was good enough for Naija as he just stood up again and slowly returned back to the room.
Bear watched as he did so with his head tilted, whimpering in a confused manner, probably wondering what's wrong with his owner.
Naija sighed and placed his food in a container in the fridge, hoping he'd have more of an appetite tomorrow. She knows this will be a tough next few months.
Things may not be the same or get better, but Giselle's words stuck in her mind:
"I really do wanna get closer to him. I wanna be in his life now and I've been wanting to for a while now. I know my words won't get to him, but if you can convince him to talk to me again when he's ready, I'd really appreciate it."
She doesn't know how to even tell him what Giselle's wishes are, if she even wants to.
She's never seen the worst of Michael—and the worst is yet to come.
**
A/n: hope u enjoyed🌧️