Chapter 6
Mary Margaret managed to help Regina back into the apartment, the smell of burnt food wafting through the open door.
"I'm afraid your birthday dinner is ruined," she said, encouraging Regina to take a seat on the couch.
"She's gone..." Regina cried. "It hurts so much. It feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest."
"I know how you feel," Mary Margaret said, sitting on the couch next to Regina, handing her a bottle of water. "My Soulmate is in the army. He's been overseas for the last two years. When he left, it felt like I was going to die."
"When does it stop hurting?" Regina asked, tears dripping onto her lap.
"It never does, unfortunately," Mary Margaret explained. "It gets easier though, being away from them."
"Really?" Regina asked, hope in her voice.
"Yes," Mary Margaret said, before they fell into a comfortable silence. "I knew, you know."
"You did?" Regina asked, shocked. "I thought we were so careful."
"I didn't know for certain, but I had a feeling. The way you looked at each other, and the amount of time you guys were suddenly spending together. Emma was always so happy when you were around. Plus, I once saw her Soulmate initials. 'R.M.' I figured that wasn't a coincidence."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Regina asked.
"I figured you guys would say something when you were ready."
"We were going to mate next week. We were going to mate and mark next week, and now she's gone," Regina cried, falling into Mary Margaret's arms. Mary Margaret reached around behind her, looking for a blanket to wrap around the distraught teenager, instead finding Emma's hoodie, clearly forgotten when she left. She wrapped the familiar green hoodie around Regina's body.
"She forgot her hoodie!" Regina exclaimed, screaming and crying at the same time when she realized she was now wearing Emma's favorite sweatshirt.
"Keep it for her. Give it back to her when you see her again," Mary Margaret said, silent tears running down her face, as she pulled the hood over Regina's head, rubbing Regina's back for comfort. "We're going to get her back. I'm not giving up without a fight."
<~**~>
One week later...
Everything hurt. Every inch of her body was on fire, and she felt like she was dying. But no matter how much it hurt, she refused to touch herself. She refused to allow herself to release. All she could do was cry. All she had done for the past week was cry.
There had been no news from Emma since she left a week ago. No phone calls, no emails. Nothing. And every time she called Emma's phone, it went straight to voicemail, and every text message was sent back undelivered. She continued to leave messages, until the automated voice informed her that Emma's voice mailbox was completely full, filled with Regina's messages, no doubt. She wasn't surprised though. When she returned home after what should have been a happy birthday celebration, she was informed that Cora had already changed her cell phone number, as well as locked her out of all her email accounts. She was making sure Emma Swan could never contact Regina again. Regina left Mary Margaret her new phone number, hoping that if Emma contacted her, Mary Margaret would pass her new number along to Emma. But not even Mary Margaret had heard from her.
"Regina, please. You need to eat something," she heard as her father knocked on her bedroom door. It was the second night of her rut, and she hadn't moved from where she laid.
"I'm not hungry," Regina answered painfully.
"You haven't eaten in days, Regina. You need to eat something," her father pleaded through the closed and locked door.
"I'm not hungry," Regina said again.
"I know you're upset, sweetheart. But you're not doing either of you any good if you don't eat something."
"It hurts too much, Daddy," Regina said, tears once again rushing down her face.
"Regina, please," Henry continued to beg through the closed bedroom door.
"I'm not hungry," Regina said again, effectively ending the conversation.
"If you need anything, know that I am here for you. Anything at all," Henry said before walking away. Regina closed her eyes and focused on the pain between her legs.
"We were supposed to be together..." Regina whispered, brushing her thumb across Emma's initials on her arm. "This was supposed to be our time. And she took that away from us."
The pain was unbearable. She barely slept the entire time, and by the third day of no release, she was sure she was going to die. But still she refused to touch herself. Refused to release. How could she? This was supposed to be her first time with Emma. Their first cycle together. This was supposed to be when they joined themselves together, their time to become one. And that was all taken away from them by her mother. All she could do was cry, her body shaking from grief and pain. She would cry until she wore herself out, falling asleep for a short time, only to wake up and start all over again.
Eventually, her painful erection subsided, indicating the end of her rut, the pain of non-release fading into the distance, leaving only the emotional pain behind. Although her rut was over, she stayed where she was, locked away from the rest of the world, tears still falling, soaking her already tear-stained pillow. She knew she had to face the world again tomorrow, had to return to school where she wouldn't feel the tell-tale skipping heart beat between third and fourth period when Emma walked by. She knew she would open her locker and no note from Emma would fall out. She knew when she left school at the end of the day, Emma would not be waiting for her by her car. And she knew, no matter what, the pain in her chest would never go away.
Only Emma Swan would make that pain go away.
<~**~>
March
It was Friday afternoon, and Regina parked her car in the Storybrooke Elementary School parking lot, just like she did every Friday afternoon. She walked through the familiar halls, finding the same classroom she had once attended fourth grade in. She opened the door, noticing the teacher seated at her desk, reading something on her phone, a grave expression on her face.
"Hey," Mary Margaret said when she saw Regina walk through the door.
"Hi, have you heard anything?" Regina asked, cutting to the chase.
"Yes..." Mary Margaret said, her voice trailing off at the end.
"It's bad news, isn't it?" Regina asked, already knowing the answer.
"I received a package in the mail yesterday. They returned the phone I bought for Emma. The note attached said they confiscated Emma's phone as soon as she left, in an attempt to stop her from contacting you or I. I tried to open it to see if they erased it, but I don't know Emma's passcode," Mary Margaret explained.
"Try 0-9-1-4," Regina informed. "It's the day we met." Instead of writing the number down, Mary Margaret reached into her purse and handed the phone to Regina.
"I think you should have it. In case there is personal stuff on it," Mary Margaret said.
"Thank you," Regina said, taking the phone. "I'll check it tonight."
"There's more," Mary Margaret said, looking down at her phone. "I just got an email from the Child Protective Services. They were writing to inform me that I have been officially banned from receiving any and all information regarding the minor, Emma Swan, and to please stop calling and emailing."
"That screams Cora Mills," Regina said. "She banned you so Emma can't get to me through you."
"We won't give up though. There has to be another way. There has to be a way to find her," Mary Margaret said.
"My father has been pulling strings to find out information. He found out the other day that she was moved out of state, which means it'll be even harder to track her down now," Regina said, disappointment in her voice. "And she can't even contact me. My mother changed my phone number and locked me out of my email address and social media accounts."
"We'll find her, Regina. I told you, I'm not giving up without a fight," Mary Margaret said.
"Thank you," Regina whispered before standing and walking out of the classroom. "I'll see you again next week."
Later that night, after Regina finished her homework and suffered through another family dinner in which she continued to refuse to make eye contact with her mother, she laid in bed with Emma's green hoodie wrapped around her. She pulled the hood over her head and inhaled the lingering scent of Emma before she retrieved Emma's cell phone from her nightstand where she stashed it when she got home. She slowly punched in the numbers 0-9-1-4 and the phone sprang to life. Her tears immediately started to fall when she saw Emma's background picture—A picture of them cuddled up on Emma's bed, earbuds in their ears, listening to Regina's mix, Emma's head resting on Regina's chest. She frantically flipped through the phone, trying to find any evidence of where they had taken her. She even checked the GPS app, to see where the last location the phone pinged. The last recorded location was Portland, meaning her phone was confiscated while still in the state of Maine and turned off until Mary Margaret received it the day prior.
Another dead end.
Once again, Regina cried herself to sleep that night, Emma's phone nestled under her pillow, as if somehow she could contact Emma in her dreams.
<~**~>
April
Another month crawled by with no news from Emma. As the days passed, Regina became less and less hopeful that she would ever see her Soulmate again. And as each day passed, the pain in her chest grew stronger, not weaker as Mary Margaret made her believe it would. As each day passed, Regina slipped deeper and deeper into her depression, spending every moment she could scouring the internet for any leads as to Emma's whereabouts.
Everyday ended the same way, with Regina crying herself to sleep. There was no joy left in her life. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to be excited for. Nothing but pain.
Tears fell from her eyes, collecting on her permanently tear-stained pillow, when a knock on her door startled her.
"Regina, may I come in?" her father asked through her closed door.
"Whatever," Regina answered, running her thumb over Emma's initials on her arm absentmindedly.
"This came in the mail for you today," her father said, sitting on the edge of Regina's bed.
"Whatever," Regina responded again, her back still facing her father.
"Regina, I think you want to see this," he said, holding the large envelope toward his daughter.
"Whatever," was all Regina said again.
"Regina. Please. Will you just open it?" he said, tapping her arm with the envelope.
"You open it. Unless it has something to do with Emma, I don't care what it is," Regina eventually said. Regina heard him sigh deeply, then she heard the sound of an envelope ripping behind her.
"Regina," he whispered, excitement in his quiet voice, trying to hand her the letter. "Regina. You did it! You got in! You got into NYU! This is your acceptance letter! I'm so proud of you!"
"Whatever," Regina repeated.
"Regina. This is a good thing. This is what you've been working toward for your entire life. This is your dream school. You should be as ecstatic as I am!"
"I cant. I can't feel anything without Emma," Regina said, more tears falling from her eyes.
"Regina. It's okay to be excited about your future. It's okay to be excited. It's okay to be happy even though she's not here," her father said, hoping to get through to his daughter.
"You don't get it, do you?" Regina asked, rolling onto her back to look at her father for the first time since he entered the room. "I CAN'T be happy without her. I can't feel anything except pain since she was ripped from my arms. All I feel is pain! And it's all because of Mother. All because she can't handle the fact that I am an Alpha. She destroyed my life, as well as Emma's, because of her own hateful feelings. Emma didn't deserve this. All she did was love me."
"Regina, you can't keep punishing yourself like this though. You have to keep living," Henry said, his own heart breaking at his daughter's words.
"I can't live without her, Daddy," Regina whispered. "She's my Soulmate. And she was ripped from my arms, because of Mother. I'm supposed to protect her, and I couldn't do that."
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Henry said, not sure what else to say.
"I will never forgive her for taking my Soulmate away from me," Regina said, her voice filling with anger. "The moment I am forced to leave, I am never coming back. She is essentially dead to me. I'm sorry, Daddy, but I don't think I will ever step foot in Storybrooke again once I leave."
"I understand. I guess I'll have to come visit you as often as I can." Henry smiled. "And where do you think that'll be?"
"New York, of course," Regina said, smiling slightly for the first time since Emma left.
<~**~>
May
Regina sat alone at a table in Granny's, absentmindedly picking at a plate of fries, her hot chocolate untouched, the whipped cream slowly melting as the drink cooled underneath it. There was still no news about Emma, and it seems like there wasn't going to be a way to find her. She could be anywhere in the world at this point.
Regina wasn't doing well at all. She was a shell of her former self. She went through the motions to ensure she would still graduate from high school, but she did nothing else. She had committed to NYU, and insisted that her parents pay for her to have her own apartment not far from campus, as per the terms of her hush agreement. All she had to do was graduate from high school, and she would never have to see her mother again. She was counting down the days until she was free.
She was so wrapped in her thought that she didn't notice that someone sat down across from her until they spoke.
"What the hell? You change your cell phone number and don't tell me," Katheryn said, practically smacking her hand against the table to get Regina's attention.
"My mother changed my number," Regina said, her voice low and monotone, not looking up from her plate of fries.
"Whatever. Either way, you never told me," Katheryn said, not even trying to hide the nasty tone of her voice. "Can I have your new number please?"
"Whatever," Regina says, pulling her phone out of her backpack, sending Katheryn a quick text. "There."
"Thank you," she said sarcastically. "What the hell is up with you lately?"
"Nothing, I'm fine," Regina said dryly.
"No, you're not. You're never around anymore. I haven't seen you in months. And now you're moping around like a sad puppy. Seriously, what's the matter with you?"
"I said I'm fine."
"I call bullshit, Regina," Katheryn said, not letting the subject go.
"I said I was fine!" Regina yelled, anger filling her voice, her words intending to hurt Katheryn. "I'm surprised you even noticed. You haven't exactly been around either, ever since you got that mark on your neck. My mother changed my cell number three months ago and you're just noticing NOW ! Some friend you are."
"You know what? I feel so bad for your Soulmate when he finally meets you. He's going to get this new shitty bitch version of Regina Mills. I really feel sorry for him," Katheryn said, attempting to hurt Regina right back.
"You know what! I did meet my Soulmate!" Regina screamed, pulling up the sleeve of her left arm, revealing the deep red initials on her arm. "And she was taken away from me before we even had a chance to be together." Regina was so angry, she was seeing red.
"Oh my god, Regina! That's incredible!" Katheryn said, her mood instantly changing. She was genuinely happy for her friend. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Don't pretend you give a shit about me now!" Regina yelled, throwing a few bills on the table, storming out, leaving a very confused Katheryn sitting at the table.
Regina could hear Katheryn calling her name as she stormed off to her car but ignored her the entire time. She didn't have the strength to deal with her. She didn't have the strength to deal with anyone.
That was the last time she spoke to Katheryn Midas.
Regina was officially giving up. She had a little less than a month left before she graduated from high school. She just needed to go through the motions for another couple of weeks, and she'll be free of that place and the memories she once shared with Emma. She needed a fresh start, somewhere that didn't constantly remind her of her Soulmate and her being ripped from her arms, because of her own mother.
Two weeks after her fight with Katheryn, Regina was once again in her rut. And just like the previous three months, she refused to touch herself. She laid on her bed as the pain continued to increase, her body begging for a release.
By the second night, the pain was unbearable as always. Regina cried into her pillow as her hand slowly moved lower, eventually reaching her pants, pulling them down to allow her throbbing member to escape.
"I'm so sorry, Emma..." she whispered as she slowly began to stroke her penis, allowing herself the pleasure her body had been craving for months. It felt like she was cheating on Emma as she continued to stroke her shaft, bringing herself closer and closer to the release she desperately needed. She cried harder than she had in weeks as her orgasm ripped through her.
That was the one and only time she touched herself that cycle, her erection eventually fading once her rut was over, allowing the pain in her chest to intensify.
"Will the pain ever end?" she asked out loud as fresh tears stained her pillow. She already knew the answer.
<~**~>
June
Everything hurt. Every cell in her body ached and longed for Emma Swan. Everywhere she turned, memories of Emma flooded back to her. Everytime she opened her locker, she half expected an intricately folded note to fall out at her feet. Every time she walked past Granny's Diner, she peeked inside to see if Emma was sitting at the counter, nibbling on fries and sipping hot chocolate with her nose in a book. She couldn't bring herself to walk through the town square, where the Harvest Festival was held, because all she could think about was their first kiss, under the apple tree. Everything reminded her of Emma, and she couldn't wait to leave Storybrooke behind.
Mary Margaret was wrong. So horribly wrong. It didn't get easier. The pain never went away. It only got worse as the days passed.
Regina was dying inside. And there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Graduation day meant one thing: freedom. Freedom from her mother's oppressive control. Freedom to be who she was and to not hide. But mostly, the freedom from constant reminders that Emma was gone and probably never coming back.
Regina slammed the trunk closed, the last of her belongings were neatly stored inside as the faint sound of "Pomp and Circumstance" could be heard through the town.
"Are you sure you don't want to go to graduation?" Henry asked, standing next to the driver's side door. "If we leave now, I'm sure you can make it in time to walk across the stage."
"It's not necessary," Regina said coldly, checking her purse one last time to make sure she had everything. "They'll mail me my diploma in a few weeks. Just forward it to me when it gets here."
"I'll do you one better. I'll deliver it personally!" Henry smiled, his face lighting up when he saw his daughter smile a little half smile. It was the biggest smile she's had since February.
"I'd like that," Regina said, her voice still sad as she climbed into the car, slamming the door behind her.
Cora Mills stepped out onto the front porch, watching as Henry pulled out of the driveway. He paused for a moment as Regina glared at her mother. After a few moments where neither of them moved or spoke, Henry put the car into gear, slowly driving away from the house.
Regina threw her arm out of the window, flipping her mother the middle finger as they drove away.