WE'RE ALL SITTING in the kitchen—me, Belly, Conrad, Susannah, and Mom. We're all just talking and laughing together, and I feel so at home right now.
This, right here, surrounded by the people I love, is what I look forward to every summer. This is the only place I really feel like I belong, and the corners of my mouth tug up at the thought.
I'm taking a bite of one of the cookies Susannah baked when Belly opens her mouth and says nonchalantly, "Jeremiah's taking me to the deb ball."
Conrad's eyes shoot toward Belly with a resigned expression on his face before his stare moves to the side of my face. I turn away and ignore him. Instead, I just keep eating the cookie and pretend that it doesn't affect me that Belly's going to the ball with Jeremiah.
"Really?" Susannah exclaims, elated with the news. "That's great, Belly!"
Belly smiles and nods. They begin talking about the deb ball, and I zone out of the conversation suddenly feeling out of it.
I hear footsteps outside of the kitchen before a blonde head appears in the doorway, a determined expression on his face as he scans the room before those baby blue eyes land on me.
"Jere," Susannah calls with a small smile on her face.
He doesn't respond. Taking confident steps toward me, he reaches out and his hand finds mine.
"I need to talk to you," he states. In front of everyone. Keeping his eyes locked onto mine.
I blink at him. No one says anything, but it's completely silent in the kitchen as everyone watches Jeremiah pull me to my feet and drag me out of the kitchen. I don't say a word as we leave the house and get to his car.
Wordlessly, he lets go of my hand and nods at his jeep. He walks around the other side and gets in as I follow his lead and get in too. He's silent for the entirety of the ten minutes he drives. He doesn't tell me where we're going to supposedly talk, and I don't ask.
We're driving with the ocean on our right side when he suddenly pulls over into a small clearing of sand atop a cliff. It's not that high up, but it's high enough so that most of the ocean can be seen as the sun overlooks the water.
It feels like someone is squeezing my heart when I realize what this place is.
It's mine and Jeremiah's secret spot that we always used to go to when we wanted to hang out. We used to come out here for hours and hours, just sitting and talking and joking around. Sometimes we would carefully walk down the steep trail that led down to the beach and play there.
All the memories we shared here suddenly crash over me so hard that I can't think of anything but how much I miss him and just us being friends. I wish and I wish with my entire being that somehow, we can go back to the way we were before.
But deep down, I know we can't.
I'm still sitting in the car looking out at the ocean when Jeremiah gets out of the car, shutting the door behind him. I watch him walk to the edge of the cliff and sit down. I exhale quietly and then do the same. I walk to him and slowly lower myself down so that there are still a few feet between us.
He closes his eyes, lifting his head towards the sky. Without even realizing it, I admire the side of his face. The sun bounces off his golden curls and casts a glow on his skin. His freckles get a little darker, his long lashes dusting the tops of his cheeks. I let out a little sigh.
"Why did you choose him over me?" he asks so suddenly I'm caught off guard. He opens his eyes and his gaze turns to me, sharp and intense. "When he treated you so bad?"
I bite my lip, and his eyes stray down to watch the motion before they look back into mine. I turn to face the ocean because I don't think I can look at him. This is it. I'm going to tell him what really happened that summer, and I have no idea how he's going to react. Fuck.
"I didn't want to stay with him," I say in almost a whisper.
I feel a warm hand on mine as he intertwines our fingers together. Without saying anything, it's enough for me to know he's encouraging me to continue.
"I...I did like him at first," I explain, taking shaky breaths. "But right before that summer, he started getting mad for every little thing I did, every little mistake I made. Whenever I talked about you, he would call you nasty names and then do the same to me. He forced me to bring him with me that summer."
I hear Jeremiah's intake of breath, his hand squeezing mine.
"I didn't mean for him to talk shit to you and just treat you like crap in general. I had no idea he was going to do that or push you off the sidewalk. The only reason I took his side was because he told me he'd do worse to you if I didn't cut you off." The memory causes tears to form in my eyes, and I quickly blink them away.
I hadn't wanted to bring Dean with me that summer, but he insisted he wanted to meet my best friend. When we got to Cousins, he was rude to Jeremiah and talked crap about him. At one point, he even pushed Jere into the way of oncoming traffic because he was mad. I knew it was wrong, but Dean gave me no choice. I really thought he'd hurt Jere.
"I know it was stupid, but I believed him. I thought he was going to do something to you, so I acted as if I'd rather be with him than you. When we got home after that summer, he started..." I trail off, but I know I don't need to continue when I hear Jeremiah's shaky breath and feel the way his hand tightens around mine.
After that summer, he started getting more physical. He never fully beat me up, but whenever he did something, it really hurt.
"Why did you stay with him?" Jeremiah asks quietly, a sad look on his face. He's still holding my hand but isn't looking at me anymore. He's staring out into the ocean.
I sigh. "He kept apologizing after doing something, and I really thought he was being genuine. It just took me a long time to figure out I stopped liking him before we even came down to Cousins that summer."
Jeremiah's head turns to me, and I look back at him. His pale blue eyes meet my almond brown ones. He stares at me with so many emotions that I have no idea what to make of the look on his face. The tenderness, the sadness, the guilt, the affection. His thumb rubs circles into the back of my hand.
He swallows and then bites down on his teeth so that his jaw is clenched.
"I knew he was a fucking dick," he spits out angrily. "And you never listened to me."
I blink at him. I can't believe I thought things were going to be different if I told him what really happened—what really caused us to fall out.
"Fuck, if you would have just broken up with him that summer when I told you he was going to take advantage of you—"
I can't do this right now.
I've been angry at myself about this for so long. I've been lecturing myself for two years. I don't need Jeremiah to say exactly what I'm trying to forgive myself for. I don't need him to lecture me too.
I pull my hand out from his grasp and get to my feet. I turn around and start walking away. I pass his car and continue down the road on my feet. I can't be alone with him in his car right now.
"Dani!" I hear him yell after me. I keep walking.
I hear the engine of the car start and then it slowly starts heading in my direction. The window rolls down as it moves at the same speed I'm walking.
"Dani." I don't look at him. "C'mon, don't be like this. Get in the car. I'm sorry. Just let me drive you home."
I don't stop even when I don't hear the engine anymore and hear a car door slamming shut. I feel a hand wrap around my upper arm and pull me back. My feet stop moving and he doesn't say anything as he grabs my hand and drops his car keys into it.
I look at him with my eyebrows tugged together in a confused expression.
"If you won't be in the car with me, then drive it yourself."
Without another word, he twirls around and starts heading back in the opposite direction.
My feet are frozen, and I'm in too much shock to call him back.
𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 !
two updates in a row!!
this is a pretty short chapter, but we're nearing the end of the angsty enemies part of the story and moving toward the forgiving part so yay! there's like one more chapter until we get to the final episode and oh boy what a chapter it is...
also can anyone guess why i named dani's ex dean.....?