This couldn't be happening.
"Kason?" Kaybree asked quietly. "Kason, is everything okay?"
I stared at my phone, frozen in place. No. This was all supposed to stop. Be over. Why couldn't she leave it alone?
"Kasi, you're scaring me..."
I released a sigh and forced a very fake smile to my lips. "Sorry. I'm fine, just... got a strange message."
She cocked her head. "From who?"
Mora. "Nobody important."
Slowly, she nodded though I recognized something in her eyes. Hurt, maybe? I guess I used to tell her everything so it would make sense. But some things were just better left unsaid. Unacknowledged. Left in the past. She, of all people, had to understand that.
"Hey, is it okay if I leave after lunch?" I said, changing the subject. We'd been spending the last few hours here at her place, watching a movie, talking, and spending time together like we used to. It was nice. You know, until Mora had to interrupt it.
"Do you have plans?"
I hesitated. "No. Nothing concrete. Do you need me to stay?"
"No. No, it's fine." Her face brightened. "Maybe I can invite Miranda over, if she isn't working."
Her excitement made me less guilty for bailing on her. "You want me to text her?"
"No, I've got her number." She held up her phone. "But thanks. Go spend time with Sav."
I furrowed my brow. "How did you-"
"I'm your sister, Kason," she replied with a smirk. "I might sometimes mentally check out but I'm not blind enough not to notice how often you two hang out."
Narrowing my eyes at her, I chuckled slightly. "You're getting your annoyingly perceptive little sister mojo back and I can't tell if I like it or not."
She flipped her hair teasingly. "Get used to it again."
I nudged her, shaking my head with an amused yet proud grin.
°•°•°•°•°
I stepped out of the cold and into the lounge area of Sav's dorm hall, Abigail back in her hefty carrier since she'd needed it on the car ride here. I looked around and set Abby down for a moment to rest my arm. Sav had gotten clearance for me and the school had sent me a text with the code to get into the building. She'd told me which room she was in earlier so I didn't bother letting her know I was here. I just decided to head up.
Her dorm was on the third floor, and when she'd told me about it, she said it was one of the more spacious ones and she didn't even have to share it with a roommate. She was lucky. When I'd stayed in a dorm as a freshman, since it was mandatory for a year at my university, I'd gotten one of the smallest rooms that I had to share with a guy who rarely ever used personal hygiene products and loved to leave dirty clothes and trash all over my stuff. The instant I became a sophomore, I'd found an apartment all to myself.
The elevator opened up to two halls, one spanning straight and the other curving around to the left. As instructed in her text, I walked down the left hall and found the second to last door on the left. Lots of lefts. With a breath to steel myself, I knocked.
After a moment, the door stuttered open. "Kason, hey," she said from inside, her smile lazy but tinted with surprise. "I didn't realize you were already here."
"Um, yeah. Sorry. Did you want me to text you?"
"No, it's fine." She let go of the door and let it stand open as she brought a towel to her damp hair. "I kinda just got back from the showers so sorry for the disheveled hair but whatever. Come in."
She turned, leaving the door open for me and walked into her room. After maneuvering Abigail's carrier through, I paused to take in the space. On the left wall was a short sofa, with lots of pillows, and bright windows to fill the place with natural light. On the far wall was a raised bed with storage underneath and posters and sticky notes stuck up on the wall. To my right was a small desk and swivel chair and a half-sized dresser. But what really caught my eye was that there wasn't a single inch of the room not covered in some sort of study material; books, notebooks, binders, papers, pens and pencils, more sticky notes. It was like an office supply store had puked up its entire inventory into a fifteen by twenty foot space.
"As you can tell I've been studying most of the day. And a lot last night. And a lot yesterday." She cracked a smile, though her eyes weren't as bright as normal, touched with exhaustion. "It's what a nursing student does, I guess."
"Wow. I'm impressed. I think you're doing enough studying for the both of us."
"Nice try, but you agreed to come over so you are now officially drawn into the hectic learning madness." She stepped around a few papers and books, brushing past me to close the door. I caught a whiff of her shampoo, which smelled fruity and fragrant, and I had to keep myself from inhaling deeper. That would be weird despite how amazing she smelled.
She helped me get settled, clearing off the couch so we could both be comfortable to study. I'd brought Abigail's travel crib, knowing I might be here for a while, and set that up next to the sofa so she could nap more soundly. Once that was completed, I reluctantly turned toward the books and papers shoved into my bag and pulled them out, prepared to try and study as diligently as Sav was. Emphasis on the try.
I was mostly past the hard stuff in my microbiology class but the makeup work was still boundless. I was still trying to graduate in the spring so I needed to recover the month I'd lost. It was a little disorienting working on old stuff and new stuff at the same time, but I slowly adapted and made it work.
I'd also forgotten about Sav's almost-but-not-quite ADHD problem. But sitting on the same couch as her while we were studying, I could feel and see out of the corner of my eye every movement. Biting her pen. Crossing and uncrossing her legs. Snapping. Shifting her seating. Flicking the corners of her papers. And she didn't even realize she was doing it. I didn't really mind, though. If I was being honest, a lot of it was cute.
Oh, and yep. That thing I'd kind of might have admitted to myself? About maybe liking her but not knowing if that was okay? That was definitely magnified when I was sitting right next to her. With every movement, I caught myself trying not to let my look linger on her. I tried to ignore the way my heart jumped when she'd accidentally brush my knee—since the couch wasn't very big. And I tried to resist the urge to sniff the air for the amazing smell that lingered in her hair.
Though I'd told Rico I'd figure it all out later, I'd figured it out then, sitting there and trying my best to focus as perfectly as Sav was. I hadn't even realized how far gone I was. I wasn't sure when she'd snuck her way into my every waking thought, but she was there, in every single one. I wasn't sure how my heart could feel something like this after everything I'd been through, but I was feeling it. And somehow, staring at a diagram of a virus had made me finally accept it. How that worked, I wasn't sure. But I couldn't deny it. Not anymore.
So, considering all the things running through my mind, over an hour later, I'd only gotten one assignment done. I was on the verge of dozing off, honestly.
"I need a break," I groaned, snapping my computer shut.
Sav looked over at me, biting the end of her pen. "Sure. Want a snack?" She let her book close and slid it onto the cushions before heading to a mini fridge in the corner of her room that I hadn't noticed earlier.
"What do you got?"
"I have a few grapes left, some leftover pizza, and Capri Suns."
"Wow, wide array of options there."
She looked over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out at me. "I offer you my precious food and you make sarcastic comments? I'm disappointed in you, Kason."
I chuckled. "Fine. Give me the grapes."
"Please?"
Rolling my eyes jokingly, I heaved a sigh and repeated, "Please."
She threw the zip bag at me and I caught them with one hand. She raised a brow for a second but then turned to rummage through her fridge again. I held back a laugh at how hard she was trying not to look impressed.
When she closed the door to the fridge again, she kicked some papers from the floor and sat down on her shag carpet instead of on the couch. She looked up at me with a crooked smile and then patted the carpet next to her.
"Is this my therapy session?" I joked as I slid down to the floor.
"Yes," she teased back.
As I popped a grape into my mouth, she pulled up a white package and started to open it. I furrowed my eyebrows when it revealed a chocolate Bomb Pop.
"You give me grapes and save the good stuff for yourself?"
She beamed and bit the tip off of it, mumbling around her mouthful, "Hey, it's my dorm."
I shook my head, crunching down on, sadly, not a chocolate Bomb Pop. "I see how it is. You leave me with the inferior snack because you love yourself more than you love me."
She pointed the popsicle at me. "Accurate."
I threw a grape at her, hitting her in the cheek as she laughed brightly. I couldn't help but smile despite being mad at her for keeping the popsicle to herself. Her laugh was just too infectious and beautiful.
"Fine, fine." She took a breath and calmed down before holding out the frozen treat to me. "You can have a bite if you want."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "Maybe I don't want it anymore."
"Don't be a baby. You want it."
Glaring at her, I forced myself not to look at the Bomb Pop as she tantalizingly moved it under my nose. It was tempting and her insistent smile only made it harder to refuse.
Finally, I deflated and looked down at it. Then snatch a huge bite off the side.
Sav laughed before looking at her now lopsided popsicle. "Wow, you have a big mouth. But I guess I already knew this."
I started to refute the accusation but there was too much popsicle in my mouth to speak. She could tell and chuckled victoriously.
While Sav ate the rest, I ravenously scarfed down the grapes despite them not being as good as Sav's snack. But I didn't really care. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until she'd offered food.
Once we were both done, Sav glanced at all the study materials around the room and fell back on her back on the fluffy rug with an anguished sigh. "I think my brain is going to explode if I study one more minute."
I looked down at her with a slight smile that I couldn't help. "What are you currently studying?"
"The same stuff we've been talking about for months that I just can't wrap my head around. You'd think that the more times I stared at the words on the page, the more it would engrave in my brain. But it's like it all leaves the instant I close the book again."
"Do you want me to test you? Maybe someone saying it out loud can help it get in your head better," I suggested.
She huffed out a breath of air and turned her gaze toward mine. She let out a slight chuckle, mostly humorless, and shook her head. "That's sweet of you but I already tried that over FaceTime with my brother. It hadn't helped a wink. I think my mind's just exhausted. I need a long, refreshing break." She shot me a smile. "You are my break right now."
Laughing, I laid down on my stomach next to her, resting my chin on my hands. "Sounds good to me. I don't really feel like trying to study anymore either." Not that I could when I was trying.
"So..." she started after a second. "That leads me to the other reason why you're here..."
Oh. Right. That. I flicked my gaze away and stared at the wall in front of me with a deep breath. "I wish I could say I've thought about it more but everything has just been so busy, it's been hard to remember."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her nod. "That's okay. I'm not trying to pressure you or anything. That's the last thing I would want to do."
"And you're not. You're being really patient with me and I appreciate it."
Glancing at her, I saw the corner of her mouth lift up momentarily before falling again. "Of course I'm patient with you, idiot. You're easy to wait on."
I wasn't exactly sure in what sense she meant that, but I didn't comment about it. Instead, my mind circled with a question, one I really wasn't so sure I wanted to ask. But I knew I needed an answer. Because I'd worry myself to death if I didn't know. "Could I ask you something, Sav? And could you be completely honest with me?"
"Yeah, sure. What is it?" She turned her head to look at me while I continued to stare at the wall, not sure if I could get the words out of my mouth or accept her answer if I was looking at her, too.
Letting my eyes fall shut, I let a breath slip from my lips before going for it. "If... If I end up not choosing this, choosing Christianity—and I'm not saying I'm not, just... if it happens—will things be too weird between us? Will it mess things up?"
I expected her to think about it for a moment, but her response was almost immediate. "No. No matter what you choose, I won't judge you. I'll still be here."
Peeking, I met her eyes. "For real?"
A soft smile graced her lips and I fought back the urge to reach out and run my finger over that sweet, gracious smile. "Kason, I would love it if you accepted Jesus. It would rock my world because I would know that this friendship wouldn't only last this lifetime but all of eternity. But at the end of the day, no matter what you choose, I'm going to make this friendship at least last on this earth. I'm not promising I'll never bring it up again, but I'm not going to shove Jesus down your throat. I won't get mad at you and storm off. I wouldn't throw something like this away so easily."
She'd said it all straight to my face, our eyes locked together, so I could see the earnesty written clearing across her expression. I could see how much she wanted me to understand what Christianity could do, but I could also see that she'd let me decide on my own. And the gratitude and relief that those things caused within me grew until I felt like I was going to laugh. Maybe it was an overreaction. But at the same time, I knew it wasn't. She was too perfect and I didn't deserve her.
"I thoroughly don't understand you," I muttered with a small chuckle.
She smiled, raising a brow. "What do you mean?"
"How do you put up with me?"
She nudged my shoulder slightly and breathed a laugh. "It's easy. The real question is how you put up with me."
"Oh, come on. Don't even start that."
"I'm dead serious, Kason. I'm the scum of the earth."
"Shut up," I told her, shoving her back jestfully. She playfully grabbed my hand and restricted my movements to where I couldn't mess with her.
"That's cute, but I have two hands, you know." Before she could react, I rolled onto my side to where I could reach her with my other hand and wrapped my arm around her neck. She yelped in surprise before she dissolved in laughter. Sav shoved at my chest, trying to free herself but I was stronger than her.
"Let go of me, you idiot!" she pleaded, though her voice was muffled by my shirt.
"You have to say you surrender and that I win."
She was quiet for a moment. But then instead of saying anything, she struggled more to get free. Of course she would choose to keep her pride but not her dignity. She nearly got free but my other hand that she'd been holding escaped and so I caged her in a massive bear hug.
"Kason!" she yelled, her voice vibrating where it hit my chest. "I'm suffocating! You're going to be the death of your best friend!"
I rolled my eyes before finally letting her go partially. She gasped in air dramatically, definitely more air than she needed. She was just trying to make me feel bad. But I wouldn't fall for it.
"You're a jerk," she told me, her breathing heavy. With a mix of a playful smile and forced glare, she punched me in the chest. Hard.
"Hey! I thought you surrendered."
She smirked. "I never said that."
"Oh, that's it-"
I tried to suffocate her again but she was fast and we ended up with our roles reversed, her arms wrapped around my neck. But she must have realized that she couldn't suffocate me in the same way I'd trapped her and so paused.
I went to chuckle and tell her that she'd lost when I met her gaze again and realized how close we were. Extremely close. So close I could feel her rough breathing hitting my cheeks. Her eyes were wide as she peered at me and as they glimmered with some rampant thought in that wonderful mind of hers, I felt my heart speed up, running like a racehorse.
My smile faded into something serious. Without even thinking about it, I reached up and gently tucked a piece of her now-dry hair behind her ear, unable to restrict a slight smile that returned at the heat of her skin against my fingertip. It was like all her defenses were down as her arms untensed around my neck, like she was unable to not relax at the touch.
Without really thinking about it, I glanced down at her lips that were slightly parted as she breathed. When I slowly met her gaze again, she blinked a few times. Her eyes roamed my face and-
"Kason..." she breathed. And just saying my name seemed to break some sort of spell.
She bolted up and scooted away. I swallowed and sat up, too, staring at her as her back rested against the drawers of her desk. She squeezed her eyes shut and then rubbed them, like she'd just woken up from a crazy dream. Then, she stood.
Clearing her throat, she went back to the fridge. "Well, I think I won. But now I'm kind of thirsty. Want a Capri Sun?"
I watched her carefully as she tactfully avoided what just happened. But I could still see her chest rising and falling rapidly, though she seemed to ignore it. The moment had had some sort of effect on her. What effect, I wasn't sure. It left my head spinning and I had to blink away the dizziness.
"Kason, Capri Sun?" she asked again, though she didn't look at me. She was looking anywhere but at me.
"No," I rasped, shifting positions to where my forearms rested on my knees. "Um, no, thank you."
She sighed and then grabbed one for herself. Leaning against the wall, she unwrapped the straw and then punched it into the bag. As she sipped on it, she didn't say a word and I just watched her. I'd never endured such an awkward moment with her. She was always so easy to be with... Had I just ruined everything?
My heart couldn't seem to settle down, especially now that that question rifled over and over through my mind. I couldn't have ruined things. I needed her. If not as something more than a friend, than just my friend. My best friend. I couldn't have ruined things.
A whine came from the other side of the room and I realized that Abigail was awake and wiggling around. I stared at her for a moment before standing. "I think... uh, I think I'm going to head out and get Abigail home."
Sav swallowed and looked as if she was going to say something. But then she stopped herself and nodded.
I slowly packed everything up, wanting Sav to speak. But instead, she just helped me kindly, handing me my books and holding the bag to Abigail's travel crib open while I put it in.
In that silence, I felt so stupid. Why did I have to go and ruin everything? I was probably lucky to just not have things be awkward from here on, let alone have the same easiness around her like before. Why had I let myself get so carried away? Just because I'd admitted to liking her didn't mean I needed to act on it. I still wasn't sure I wanted things to change between us. I wasn't sure if I wanted to lose her as a friend.
I was collecting all my stuff to leave when I glanced at my phone. I realized I had a few notifications. And messages. Two more from Mora.
Sucking in a breath, I read the new ones along with the first from that morning. Kason, I know you probably won't read this, but I'm sorry. Then... Nick is a jerk. Then... He overstepped his bounds and I think your friend was very pretty. Please tell her that.
"Kason?" Sav's voice said, popping my angry bubble as I read Mora's messages. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Sav sided up next to me and gently touched my arm, her concern for me overwhelming some of the awkwardness lingering in the room. Not all of it. But some. I hoped maybe if we both pretended nothing happened, then things would slowly go back to normal. "Everything okay? Is it something with Kaybree?"
"No. Kaybree's fine. It's just..."
"What?" she prompted gently, her brows raised in concern.
I let it out. "It's Mora. She started texting me again this morning."
She processed that for a moment before it sunk in. "Mora as in your ex-girlfriend who we ran into the other day?"
I nodded.
She thought for a moment more and I couldn't interpret the look that passed over her face when she said, "What's she saying?"
"Just that she's sorry. When she bombarded me with texts before, that was in most of them. But this time it's about Nick being a jerk to you the other day. She says she thinks you're pretty and that you didn't deserve it."
Sav rolled her eyes at the stranger's flattery, characteristically not caring what others thought, good or bad. "She's trying way too hard. Are you planning on texting her back?"
"No," I replied instantly. It'd been my goal since we'd broken things off to not give her any hope to grab onto. Though it might have been immature or petty, I wasn't going to ever give her a second chance.
Besides, if I finally responded after all this time, what would Sav think? It would give her the wrong impression. And after today, I needed to do everything to make things good between us again.
Pocketing my phone, I slung my backpack on my shoulder and snatched up Abigail and the travel crib bag.
"Thanks for... today," I told Sav, hoping I didn't sound too awkward.
"Yeah, thanks for coming over." She smiled slightly though it was a little dim as she walked me to the door. I stood in the hall facing her as she leaned against the frame with her arms crossed over her chest in true Sav style. She snapped her fingers a couple times.
"Yeah, sure," I replied.
We stood there for a moment, neither of us knowing how to say goodbye. I didn't know if I wanted to sprint away to avoid the remaining tension or stay to try to patch things up. Maybe a little bit of both.
"Maybe you can come over again sometime? Still wouldn't mind a study break buddy," she wondered hopefully a few seconds later.
I stared at her, slightly surprised. But that was a good sign, wasn't it? "Yeah... yeah, okay, sure."
Her smile looked a bit more genuine and maybe slightly relieved when she nodded. "Good. I guess I'll text you later?"
"Okay. Bye."
She waved before slowly closing the door.
A/N Uh... so... Yeah XD I honestly don't know how y'all are going to react to this and I'm kinda scared at the aggressive comments I might get XD bahaha But anyway, I'm probably just as upset as y'all that they didn't kiss. And, yeah, I know I'm the one who did this but, y'all, I HAVE A PLAN OKAY?! XD Anyway, I don't know if I should even say this because I might be bombarded but I guess leave your thoughts here?!?! ----->