-Ashton-
"I don't get why you're so mad! It is not that big of a deal!" Luke yelled, as we got out of the car.
"Really?!" I answered, slamming the door shut behind me. "Why didn't you say anything about it, then?!"
"Because I didn't know it would matter that much." He followed me inside my home. "I punched him, so what?! He deserved it!"
"Do you even hear yourself?!" I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm as I faced him. "You are the one that left me behind, I had every right to move on-"
"Here we go again." He cut me off instantly. "You have to bring that up in every fucking argument, don't you?!"
"I'm sorry, but it's the truth! You had no business sticking your nose in my business!"
"Ash-"
"Why are you so mad that I went on one date, when you were already in a full-blown relationship and still wanted to date me?"
"It wasn't a real relationship."
"You were fucking her!" I paused. "Which is fucking weird to say right now because she's my sister."
"It happened one time-"
"No, no. I don't care." I stopped him. "I don't care, Luke, and you know why? Because you're selfish."
"Selfish?!"
"Yes! Selfish!"
"How did my relationship with Sierra even get into this conversation?! At this point you are just finding excuses to be mad at me."
"Excuses?!" I grabbed my hair and let out a big sigh. "You're unbelievable, and you don't even seem remorseful for what you did to Niall."
"You're damn right, because I ain't!" He yelled as I walked past him. "You're mine, and anyone who dares to even breathe the same air as you will face the same fate."
"Oh, please!" I said sarcastically.
"I'm dead serious!" He trailed after me, all the way up to my room. "And I'd do it over again if I have to."
I rolled my eyes, paying him no mind as I opened up my wardrobe.
"And you know what?" He gave me a once-over. "I find it hilarious that you're mad about me hiding one thing, while you hide thousands of things from me."
"What-"
"I don't know jack shit about your family, not your childhood. I guess it's lucky I knew Sierra beforehand, or I wouldn't have known you had a sister."
"That's bullshit." I whispered.
"Oh, really?" He ironically asked. "I still don't even know what went down between you and your mom when you saw her last week! I'm trying to be patient and respectful, but it's tough when you never turn to me for help or share things with me!"
This is the point where I started losing it even more, just because I knew he was totally right.
"Why, Ash?" He asked, his tone filled with sadness. "Why can't you just open up to me?"
"Because you're a fucking idiot, no wonder how it was so easy for Sierra to manipulate you!" I shouted the words that I instantly regretted.
He stared at me, expressionless.
He inhaled deeply.
And again.
And once more...
Meanwhile, I stood frozen, unable to utter a single word.
That was the moment I realized, I had angered him...
As simple as that.
"Apologize." He ordered, clenching his fists.
Heart pounding, I swallowed the lump in my throat and slowly pivoted, making my way out of the room.
"Ashton!" He tightly gripped my arm, forcefully pinning me against the wall. "Look at me and apologize, damn it!"
He lifted his hand, triggering painful memories.
"No, no, no!" I yelled, pushing him away. "Please, don't hit me! I'm sorry!"
His eyes bulged in disbelief as I slid against the wall, overcome with uncontrollable sobs.
"H-hit you?" he stammered, his voice filled with genuine concern. "Ashton, I would never..." His words trailed off as he struggled to find the right ones.
Yeah, he hit the nail on the head...
There's nothing he could have said to make things better.
But deep down, I knew he would never hurt me like that.
I'm the problem here, not him...
[Flashback ; a week ago.]
"Thanks for coming," I told my sister, plopping down on Calum and Michael's bed.
"Of course, you sounded really serious when you called," she replied, shutting the door. "Where's Luke?"
"I told him to leave me here and go back home... Needless to say, he wasn't thrilled."
"Oh..." She sat down beside me. "So, what happened?"
I took a deep breath, trying to keep my composure. "Mom passed away," I blurted out.
"Oh my- Ash, I'm so-"
"Don't, that's not why I brought you here," I interrupted. "I despised her, and she abandoned you. So, I don't expect you to care any more than I do."
"Alright..." She sighed, meeting my gaze with a gentle and reassuring look. "Then, what is it?"
Nervously, I fidgeted with my fingers, my lips trembling as I slowly closed my eyes.
I can't bring myself to look at her, I just can't.
"Ever wondered why she ended up in jail?" I asked, still avoiding eye contact.
"Definitely," she admitted. "I mean, who wouldn't?"
"And..." I hesitated. "Did you ever think about why I have so many tattoos?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "Not really... I just figured you were into the art."
I nodded, now looking at the ground in complete silence.
"Why all the questions?" She raised an eyebrow, gently placing her hand on my thigh. "Is there something I should be aware of?"
...
"Ashton?" She gave my knee a reassuring squeeze, prompting me to look at her. "Please, talk to me."
You've made it this far, just say it.
"Uh- she-" I covered my eyes with my fingers, fighting back tears. "She-"
Sierra nodded slowly, urging me to continue.
I tilted my head back and let out a deep sigh.
On the count of three.
You can do it.
One...
Two...
Thre-
/!\ TW: MENTION OF ALCOHOL, DRUGS, CRUELTY AGAINST MINORS, SA, STARVATION /!\
"She was charged with cruelty towards a child, possession of drugs and child pornography, and severe neglect. And these?" I waved my arms around, displaying my tattoos. "These are covering up every cruel thing this woman ever did to me. From cigarette burns, to razor burns, to scars. She would let random men come into my room and do whatever they wanted to do to me. Every. Single. Night. She would make money off of it, only to spend it on alcohol and drugs."
Her hand shot up to cover her mouth, and tears welled up in the eyes of everyone in the room.
"I- I- I wouldn't eat for days." I sniffed, trying to catch my breath in-between words. "And- and- if I ever dared to- to complain, she- she would-"
/!\ END OF TW /!\
"Shh." She mouthed, throwing herself into my arms.
Sobs escaped me, wetting her white shirt, as I clung to her tightly.
Whispering in my ear, my sister reassured me, "She didn't deserve you. You are safe now, and I love you."
"You are safe now."
Those words gave me the strength to persevere, to keep moving forward.
I never aspired to be that person...
That vulnerable, shattered person...
But here I am, and I've come to understand that it's alright to be that way sometimes.
However, am I prepared to reveal that side of myself to my boyfriend?
Well, let's discover the answer together...
[End of flashback.]
.
.
.
HELLO MY LOVELIES!
First of all, sorry for the veryyyy long absence! O had so much going on and my head was not in it at all.
Second of all, sorry for this very... depressing chapter, to say the least lol
On a good note tho, this book is almost coming to an end, which means good things are *hopefully* coming!!!
I will see you all in the next one! <3
ilya,
-L xox