Amukelani's POV
I try to open my eyes but they feel heavy. I piece together what happened and that's when it all comes crashing down like a ton of bricks. I look to my side and i see Sthembiso staring into space. I know that there is a lot going on in his mind and i know that I have my own questions but I'm too tired and drained to even ask.
I don't want him here. I don't want to see his face. He just annoys me and i want to be left alone. "Sthembiso." I say and he looks at me but then looks away. "Are you okay?" he asks after what feels like an eternity of silence. "As you can see I'm awake talking to you so yeah I am okay. Wena." He chuckles. "I could be better."
"What are you doing here?" I ask. "What do you mean by that?" he asks. "I mean what are you doing here?" "I'm here because I helped you." "I know that you helped me but my question is why." "Because you my girlfriend and i wasn't going to leave you like that." Now it was my turn to chuckle. "Girlfriend?"
"You not my sneaky link though." he says. "I'm not saying your right or wrong I'm just shocked that you used that word." I say. "Oh well despite it all you my girlfriend." I chuckle. "Please leave." "Huh?" "You heard me Sthembiso please go I just need to time to process everything." "Don't you think i also need time to process everything?" "I don't know."
"Well I do but here I am comforting you." he says. "And who said I needed your comfort." I say. "Nobody but I'm here." "Good now leave. I want to call my family I'd rather have their comfort then yours." He scoffs and rolls his eyes. "That same family that put you here." "You are also at fault so don't try and act better." "I'm not trying to act better but you know that they also contributed to this." I roll my eyes.
"Just leave Sthembiso. Your family needs you more than I need you." I say and he nods and leaves. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Who does he think he is to tell me that? I sit up straight and take my phone and call my dad.
"Amukelani where are you?" he asks. "I'm at the hospital." I answer. "Which one?" "Medicare." "Okay I'm on my way." He drops the phone and i sigh.
Now I get why my dad was seeking revenge on the Khoza's. Do I blame him for acting out of rage? No. Do I wish he handled it better like a man? Yes. If he decided to just talk to him then I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't have had to catch feelings for him. I know he is gonna be angry at me for catching feelings for him. I think I was better off not knowing the truth behind the whole thing.
The doctor comes in the room and we greet each other. "How you doing?" he asks. "Well I could be at home watching Netflix but then here I am." I answer and he chuckles. "Oh well lucky for you the bullet didn't hit any nerves or anything so you can leave tomorrow." "Why can't I leave today?" "Because I'm keeping you over night and i have to make sure you okay cause your blood pressure is slightly higher than normal."
"Weren't you supposed to remove the bullet only not test my blood and all that stuff?" I ask. "You fainted when you arrived so I had to make sure that everything was okay." he answers. "Its fine I'll stay." "It's a doctor's order anyway so it was going to happen." I chuckle. "Okay then but do I need to do anything to get it back to normal?" "Don't stress and just take leave."
My dad barges in and the doctor was a bit shocked at the action. "Sorry for barging in like that i just had to make sure you still alive." says dad. My siblings and mom enter and i can't help but roll my eyes. All of these people failed me. "It's okay." says the doctor. "I'll check on you later then and eat the food they serve you." "I can't guarantee you about me eating the food." He chuckles and leaves.
"Who brought you to the hospital?" asks dad. "Oh just some random ghost saw me struggling and was like let me give this human the ability to walk and drive herself to the hospital so she can get the bullet removed from her leg." I answer. I couldn't hide the sarcasm and annoyance in my tone. "Amu.." my mom cuts him off. "Are you okay?" "No i think I'm dying so how can i be okay." She rolls her eyes.
"Where is Sthembiso?" asks dad. "I think he might be in heaven waiting for me to join him." I answer. "Amukelani just stop it and answer the questions." says Aphiwe. "Me not answering the questions means me being silent and i don't think I'm silent right now." "I can't with this child." "I also can't with you." I mumble.
"Let me leave before I catch a case." says dad. "I was also going to catch one if it wasn't for this stupid leg." I say and he rolls his eyes. He walks out and slams the door. "That was very disrespectful Amukelani." says mom. "Let's not go there mother because if I was to show you disrespect all of you would be silent right now." She sighs.
"So when are you allowed to leave?" she asks. "Tomorrow." I answer. "I'll be staying here with you." "I don't need you. Every one get out." "A..." "Shut up Ayanda and take your siblings and leave." They sigh and leave and my mom stays behind. I fight the urge to roll my eyes.
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Asanda runs up to me and hugs me but I don't return the hug. "Oh wow such hostility when your sister is trying to show you some love." she says and i roll my eyes. Now she wants to show me love. "Too soon?" I nod. I go upstairs to whichever bedroom I see first and i go inside and slam the door.
I sit on top of the bed and stare at the walls. This year has been one of the worst years of my life, okay not necessarily the worst cause I've been through worse but like yeah this is technically one of the worst. I just wish the pain I'm feeling right now can just vanish. If my feelings had a control button I would have switched it off a long time ago.
I regret everything and when I say everything I mean everything. I just regret attending that meeting and listening to whatever nonsense my dad said. I regret actually having to make a desicion as to whether I'm in or out with this war thing. I regret having to seduce Sthembiso or maybe agreed to dating him because his the one that asked me out.
I should have seen from the beginning that it was just a game to him as it was to me. I know I have no right to be hurting as much as I am right now but then it hurts so bad. I fell in love with him and he does this to me. Does he feel the same way is he just as hurt as I am? Did he like me or was it just pretend like it was in the beginning.
Maybe I just deserve this shit that I'm going through. I can't believe that him and my dad were best friends back in the day. I've never seen them together back then and my dad has never spoken about him. I remember that period when my dad went to jail and it never hurt me that much because my mom held the fort and its not like he stayed in jail for years.
I'm shocked to say the least about the reason behind the revenge. How can a best friend backstab another after all they had been through? I don't think i would be able to do that to Mihlali even if it was push come to shove. I was going to talk to her and maybe come up with a plan to solve the problem but like it's not about me.
I just wish my dad had taken a different route with this whole thing. They were supposed to talk man to man and leave us out of it. Aphiwe comes in and the smell of his cologne hits my nose and i feel nauseous. "Damn it Aphiwe what in the terrible cologne did you put on?" I ask. "The same one I put everyday." he answers.
"Cela uphume you really smell awful. You can only come back once you smell decent." I say. (Please get out.) "You and your mood swings." he mumbles. "Aphiwe what does terrible cologne have to do with mood swings." "Amukelani you are used to this smell whats the sudden change." "Aphiwe just respect my wishes and get out." "Okay fine." He exits the room and i open the windows.
Like that has got to be one of the worst smells I've ever smelled in my life. And then he thinks that my mood swings have something to do with his inability to buy proper cologne. Asanda comes in my room and shuts the door.
"Why on earth did you kick your brother out?" she asks. "He smells horrible." I answer. "No he doesn't." "Yes he does can't you smell that cologne he has on." "His been using that cologne for years and not once have you ever had a problem with it." "Oh well times have changed and smell senses change too." She sighs.
"Asanda if you here to scold me for no reason then don't bother. I know i am a shitty person so don't come here and make me worse." I say. "I'm not here to do that i just wanted to check up on you." she says and i scoff. "As you can see I'm fine it's just a little bit of pain but I'm fine." "I'm not here to tend to your physical wound." "What other wound are you here for?" "The emotional one."
"I'm okay emotionally I guess." I say. "No you not okay I can see it." she says. "Okay dokotela tell me what's my problem." "Love problems." "You know nothing about love so shut up." "Amukelani there is nothing wrong with falling." I roll my eyes. "Talk to me I'm your sister." "I don't need to talk about anything."
"Okay. I have something to tell you." she says. "Spit it out I need to be alone." I say. "I broke up with him." A smile creeps out of my face. This is the first time i smiled since this whole thing happened. "Really!" "Yes really we over and I'm now focusing on myself." "Ahh I'm so proud of you. Now I don't have to kill him." "Yeah you don't."
"How do you feel though?" I ask. "I feel sad because I loved him but then i realised he wasn't good enough for me." she answers. "Now that's thee Asanda Mngomezulu I know. Not this little one thats with him for a stupid thing." "And I'm not going back." "I think I might buy you a nice gift since you left him."
"I can't wait for the parcel to be delivered at my door step." she says and i chuckle. "Don't worry i will deliver." I say. We sit in silence for a couple of minutes before my dad barges in. What's up with this man and barging in? "Baba a little bit of respect to doors would be nice." I say in an annoyed tone.
"Asanda please give me and your sister space to talk." he says. "Baba please don't be harsh on her." she says. "Don't tell me about parenting skills." She rolls her eyes. I had a nice comeback in my head but I chose to shut up. "I'll be there when you need to talk." "Thanks sis you can go." She hugs me and leaves.
Baba sits down next to me and i shift a little to give me space to breathe and hopefully not lose my temper. "How bad is the injury?" he asks. "It's so bad I think I might get an infection on the stitch." I answer and he rolls his eyes. "My injury is fine it's not that bad."
We sit in silence and i have so many questions in my head but I'm too scared to ask. I hope he doesn't ask me if I caught feelings for Sthembiso cause I know it's gonna escalate into a big fight which I don't have the capacity to handle.
"Do you have any questions to ask?" he asks. "No i don't have any question." I answer. "Okay then I can ask my question." I sigh. I'm not prepared for what's about to happen.
"What do you want to ask?" I ask. "Did you catch feelings or fall in love with Sthembiso?" he asks. Now let me start preparing a very heartfelt speech and try to dodge the bullet. I take a deep breath and clear my throat. "Inconclusive." "That's not a straight answer."
"Do you want me to be honest with you?" I ask and he nods. "Okay i fell in love with him." I see his jaw clench and i knew I fucked up by being honest. Maybe I should have just lied so the conversation would just end. "How long have you felt this way?" he asks.
"It's been quite some time." I answer. "What is some time?" he asks. "I guess like two or three months or maybe longer I guess I just didn't realise it sooner." "What do you love about him?" "Surely you not about to sit here and talk about my love life as if you are interested." "I'm interested in this particular guy not your love life."
"I love everything about him. He is a great guy and his kind, caring and very funny. Some people may not get his humour but I do. His just overall a nice person so that's why I like him and he knows how to treat a girl and i feel heard when I'm with him something I've never experienced." I say. I wasn't staring at him but I know that he just rolled his eyes.
"You know that was not apart of the plan." he says and i scoff. "What plan did you have about this whole thing?" I ask. "I was planning that you go in and do your job then come out unharmed with no feelings." "Well as you can see I did just that and zero out of the three didn't work out." "Oh wow I didn't notice." I roll my eyes.
I know I never roll my eyes in front of my dad but today I had to. I can't believe he actually expected me to go there and do my job but not fall for Sthembiso. Am I some kind of programmed robot that so happens not to fall for people cause hai i don't have feelings?
"I can't believe you actually expected me to not catch feelings." I say. "Amukelani you hadn't bought a boyfriend home in millenials and you also liked saying how catching feelings was very stupid hence I found you suitable for this job." he says and i laugh. "The fact that you used my love life and the inability to find a guy to come to the conclusion that I'm perfect for the job amazes me."
"I know you angry but please watch the tone and manner of your voice cause I don't want to fight with you." he says. "We started fighting the day i was told to seduce Sthembiso." I say. "Amukelani just because you caught feelings for your boyfriend doesn't mean you must be angry at everyone la endlini. It's your fault that you couldn't keep your feelings in check."
"Yoh lobaba ngaze ngaba amazed." I say "Amazed about what. You couldn't keep your feelings in check and now you want to be angry at the whole world." he says. Wow just wow! That's when i snapped. "Baba how dare you say that to me! After everything I did for you. I agreed to be apart of this stupid war of yours. I agreed to seducing Sthembiso and now that everything is over and i caught feelings I'm being shouted at for catching feelings for him. Baba you failed me so many times but I keep on running back to you why do I do that to myself." I say.
"I see what you did for me and for that I'll forever be grateful.." I cut him off. "What a nice way to show that you grateful for what i did. Baba I did what i was supposed to do. I followed each and every requirement. Despite catching feelings for him I still continued with my job baba and then you have the nerve to say that i can't be angry at you guys." He was silent.
"Baba everything I do when we go to war is to impress you and you always find ways to criticize my work and you never grateful so please don't sit here and lie about that you grateful. Do you ever stop and take the time to think about how I felt throughout this thing? I felt guilty every day but you know what i sucked it up and did it because I wanted to impress you and make sure the thing is done. It was never my intention to fall for him or catch feelings but it happened." I say.
He still doesn't say anything so I take that as an opportunity and continue talking. "But it's okay baba its fine I won't be angry at the world anymore. I'll shove my feelings up the closet and forget what happened cause that's what I'm supposed to do I've been doing that my whole life. Kahle kahle do me a favour and get out." He stands up and leaves.
Tears start forming in my eyes and my lip starts to quiver. I feel a sharp pain in my abdomen and i wince a bit. I don't remember getting shot in the abdomen so why the pain. I walk to the door and lock it and slump down and start crying. I've finally reached my breaking point...