Riley closed his eyes and hid his head between the table and his arms as he listened to the front door close.
"I do love you, Eran," he whispered aloud though his lover was already gone. "I want us to spend the rest of our lives together..." So why am I hesitating?
Riley knew that everything Eran had said was right-no matter how harsh it had been.
Before, I felt like I'd be fine if I only had Eran—if it really was us against the world, I'd be fine. Happy. All I needed was his voice and body-his presence.
"I'm sorry, Eran. I do love you," he repeated. I already know you're the one I can trust and depend on most, and for as long as I love you, you'll love me back. But if I leave my dad, I'm abandoning him.
Riley's subconscious countered: He abandoned you, he'll do it again. He remembered Eran's words: 'Your dad doesn't plan on ever sharing a home with you again.'
It had started when Riley entered high school. His dad had probably been anticipating it so that he could finally go overseas to advance his photography career. But raising a kid in a foreign country, especially when you were never really home was hard. They moved back to Canada but Riley had missed practically a year's worth of Canadian curriculum and had to start grade 9 from scratch. When Riley turned seventeen, his dad packed them up and they moved to the current town, with the excuse of living closer to the prestigious private school Riley now attended.
Riley's dad raised and shook the school's brochure beside his shoulder. "If you get into this school, you'll have a load of opportunities, Riley. You can have a future much better than your dad's." He chuckled. "So study hard, eh?"
His dad had gone to the interview with him and after his acceptance and scholarship, they went to a high-end pizzeria to celebrate.
"When you're older, you'll make enough money that this kind of place will be just an average lunch."
Riley had transferred that Fall. As soon as Riley turned 18, his dad left, gone longer than before. In a month's time, his dad stopped sending emails. By three months, he had to be tracked down before contact could be made. He once showed up quietly for a parent-teacher conference but was gone before Riley could even catch a glimpse. Now Riley was 19, a legal adult according to all provinces, close to graduation, and his dad was planning to disappear for good, with one last goodbye.
Without knowing every detail, Eran knew everything. Eran knew and had tried to warn Riley, but Riley pretended it wasn't happening. I can't blame him for being so blunt; I pushed him to it.
Riley stood up and walked around the apartment. There was his own room—bed untouched for weeks and unused for months. There was the room that used to be his dad's—bed bare, closet empty save a couple of shirts, very cold, and smelling hollow and dusty.
Riley realized that he'd started his new life months ago when he began spending long days at Eran's place. The only thing lingering now was this apartment. No, Riley shook his head, the only thing still lingering is my attachment to it—to the idealistic home I thought would manifest. It was a dream killed within a month, and Riley was still pathetically clinging to it, preventing himself from moving on to a new life where he would be happy, loved, in love, and never alone.
He decided he would spend one last night in this desolate place, and then he would move in with Eran officially. I can get a job to help pay bills, I have time after all. Cooking and cleaning can just be reserved for weekends.
Riley looked at the clock and was surprised by how much time he'd spent ruminating and reminiscing.
Eran is probably already asleep by now, he thought as he stretched out on the sofa. I'm sure he's mad at me. It was ridiculous sleeping apart when so easily they could be sleeping together. On the sofa, there wasn't much empty space to make one feel lonely, and he was certain Eran was also avoiding the bed. However, lingering worries made Riley restless, so he started to sort through and organize his things to prepare for packing up until he tired himself to sleep.
The next morning, Riley had been awake for about an hour when Eran showed up. The vulnerability in the man's eyes made Riley feel both guilty and relieved. "Sorry for making you wait."
The day before Eran's return from the conference is when Riley got the call.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me."
The last time Riley was at the apartment, he'd left a note with his cell phone number. Even though he was alone with Eran gone, he didn't want to be alone in that old apartment. Thus, he wasn't surprised by the voice on the other end—he was actually glad to finally hear it; no longer did he or Eran have to wait in worry.
"I see you've packed up some," his dad continued after receiving no response.
"Just my things. You can decide what to do with the rest."
"Where are you right now?"
Riley tried to hide the panic in his voice. "Why?"
"Huh?" His dad sounded taken off guard. "Well, like I said, I want to see how you're living. And who are you living with?"
"My roommate isn't here right now," Riley swiftly evaded.
"Oh? When is he—or she coming back?"
"Tomorrow."
His dad hummed shortly, probably considering what to do next. "Well, that's fine. For now let's talk, just the two of us."
Riley fidgeted uncomfortably. "Okay. Meet me at Milton's Midtown. It's a diner in the centre of the city, near the police station."
"Okay, I'll find it."
After agreeing to meet up soon, Riley hung up and called Bubba. "Don't be surprised; I'm coming with my dad."
Bubba paused briefly. "Does Eran know?"
"No. I'll just tell him tomorrow when he gets back... and my dad can meet him then."
"Okay. Do I need to pretend like I don't know you?"
Riley scoffed. "No need."
Instead of his usual spot at the bar, Riley took a seat at a table. Both he and Bubba spent a few minutes glancing at the entrance before Riley's father finally arrived.
He looks like he's aged quite a bit. Riley didn't recall there being nearly as many grey hairs and under-eye wrinkles as last year.
Bubba came to fill their orders, a hot chocolate for Riley and coffee for his dad.
"How's school?"
"I'm passing," Riley answered with a shrug.
His dad frowned. "Passing enough to get a scholarship for college?"
"Maybe?" Seeing his father twist his mouth in displeasure, he quickly told his father his future educational plans. "And could you sign this?" Riley set a pen and his Future Plans form in front of his father.
"You'll definitely need a scholarship," his dad replied as he signed the form. "But I can give you enough for books. Are you paying rent?"
"No," Riley admitted. "But I want to. I'll get a part-time job. My roommate is understanding, so..."
"Is he—or she a student?"
"Yeah. He takes classes and works at the uni." Unsure of how his dad would respond to Eran's age, Riley avoided including that Eran was a doctoral student.
"So it's a guy. That's good. Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No."
"I want to see where you live."
"Sure, when my roommate returns."
There was an uncomfortable silence.
"It's in upper Midtown. Don't you remember what it's like up there?" Riley hoped that his dad knowing the area he lived in would make his dad less eager to see it for himself. Anyone who stepped into Eran's one bedroom apartment would have no problem understanding the type of relationship Riley and Eran had.
"I remember," his father said with a nod. "So you're living off of your roommate, eh? If that's the case, right now I can put in your part of the rent every month—"
"Uh... if we're talking money, I think we should wait until my roommate is here."
His dad nodded. "Right... How is he paying for a place in that kind of area if he's just a student?"
"You can ask him."
Riley could see his father hold back a sigh. "Well, just come to the apartment with him when he gets back. If I'm not there, just continue packing some stuff until I get back, eh?"
"Uh-huh."
His dad downed the rest of his coffee. "I need to finish taking care of some business." He stood and after putting on his coat, ruffled Riley's hair. "See you tomorrow, son," he said with a crooked smile.
Riley nodded. When his dad left, Bubba came to clear the table. Riley blushed a bit and rested his forehead in his palm. Bubba, who was scarily perceptive, looked at Riley and smiled; his expression made clear that he understood Riley's current feelings.
'Son,' he said. He called me 'son.'
A/N: What do you think of Riley's dad? Is he what you expected? Is he the jerk Eran thinks he is?