25th
"Maybe I made the wrong choice, maybe I shouldn't have said that" it's a couple days later and I'm freaking out. Wondering if I made the right decision in telling my friends, but it's not like I can go back and change it. And they would just be questioning me, wondering why I have a bruise.
I pace back and forth near Milo who's sat on his bed watching me, I hear him sigh. "I'm glad you told someone, and they're not going to think differently of you." They're coming over soon which is why I'm nervous, I haven't seen them since I confessed. We went home and on the car journey they kept giving me these looks.
"And if you want to maybe tell someone else..." Milo trails of quietly, fiddling with his hands. I stop pacing to glare at him.
"No, I'm not going to! Not yet atleast" I see him sag down and my anger spikes, "and stop pushing me to tell someone! I've already told all our friends!" I yell, throwing my arms up.
"I'm not!" He groans, wiping a hand on his face and then he stutters out, "shit i am, I'm sorry" I roll my eyes at him and glance at the window that leads into my stupid room.
I huff, "whatever, fuck off" I say because I don't know what else to say, his hands drops from his face and he shakes his head.
"Don't get snappy with me, I said I'm sorry" he whines like a child and I cross my arms.
"Be quiet, you're being so whiney." I complain, because I want to think not hear him.
His mouth falls open before speaking, "stop being a dick" he looks more serious now so I roll my eyes.
"You're making me be a dick" I point out and he splutters again, looking confused as he throws his hands up.
"What did I do!?" I shrug, not knowing what to say right now but knowing that he is pissing me off so he's obviously done something. He looks at me expectedly and I throw my arms up.
"You're pissing me off!" He gives me an unimpressed look and I shrug, I stop pacing and see him watch me as I nibble on my nails nervously. They will be here soon, what if they judge me, what if they think bad of me now, what if they don't like me, what if they laugh at me, what if they don't believe me?
Milo takes my hand and pulls me towards him, making me look in his eyes, "don't be mad" he starts, softly. In a calming voice and I look to him, "I'm sorry, and it's all going to be okay, don't be scared. They're your friends and they love you, and you trust them right?" I nod after a minute and he smiles.
Then I scowl at him because I remember I'm supposed to be annoyed with him, damn that doesn't seem to last very long lately.
"Havery, talk to me please" he sighs and I huff, my fingers wiggling in his hands to get free.
"I'm not talking to you anymore because I'm done with you, I thought that was pretty clear" he scoffs and a moment later pulls me onto the bed with him. I fall down and he's besides me looking down at me as I give him a grufty look. "I could have died there i hope you know."
He nods with a small pout, "I do know" then he kisses me and my scowl softens, I moan into the kiss as he sticks his tongue in my mouth, finding my own tongue.
His fingers play with my hair, tugging on a few strands as he deepens the kiss. He looks back a moment later with dazed eyes and I bet I have the same glossy gone look. I grab his collar and bring him back down for more, he puts his hand on my chest and slowly trials down and I whine as he gets to my crotch.
He pulls back but not too far and I can hear myself breathing loudly, "do you want to-" "yes" I breathe out in a shaky voice and he smiles, going back to kissing me. He squeezes me and I groan, gripping the bed sheets below me.
He tilts my chin to the side as he kisses down my neck sloppily, his hand working away.
"Not- not all the way though, just maybe... I don't know, this?" I question, stumbling through my sentence because I'm nervous, and quite out of breathe.
He brings my chin back and smiles down at me, "of course, we'll go slow. You don't have to be scared with me, yeah?" I smile at that and nod, feeling lazy and tired already. Then I glance down and he snorts, "okay okay" he says and kisses me, at the same time his hand falls away and I moan.
But soon it's coming back, this time under my jeans. He opens my zipper and his hand finds its way into my underwear, I bite my lip to not moan but he kisses me to stop.
The first tug has me biting his lip, so hard that it draws a tiny splodge of blood and he moans into the kiss. Somehow finding it hot but I felt bad because I thought I hurt him, I open my eyes as he kisses me and raise a brow. I guess he likes to be hurt.
Which isn't a suprise considering how mean I am to him yet he still wants me, I smirk into the kiss and wrap my arms around his neck as he keeping stroaking. My fingers find their way into his hair and I tug earning a moan, I smile at that and kiss him deeper, my other hand finding its way under his shirt to scratch at his skin. He shudders and I moan.
Not too long after we're done and I lay there compelty out of breath, sweating and my hair a mess. I look over to him and he's watching me with a smile, then I glance down at him jeans and my eyes widen.
"Do you want me to..." I trail off, waiting for him to relaise what I mean. He shakes his head and kisses me.
"The others are coming soon, and it's fine. We can continue this later if you want?" He questions and I smile up to him, bringing him down for a kiss. He hisses and I furrow my brows.
"Are you sure?"
He sits up and I sit up with him, "yeah of course, I don't want to rush this. We can take our time" I nod at that because it sounds good, then my eyes widen.
"Oh my god, our friends are coming!" I say panicked and he laughs.
"Yeah I just said that" i roll my eyes at him and rush to the bathroom to clean up, once I'm done the bed is straightened out, the room looks cleaner and he looks like he wasn't just straight up touching me a moment ago.
Milo gets a message as he's putting his shoes on, "can you see who it's from" he asks and nods to his phone on the bedside table. I click it and it has a password.
"What's your password" I question as I dust my clothes off, still conscious that people can tell what just happened.
"One, two, three, four" I stop and look over my shoudler with a raised brow.
"What?" He questions and stands up, his shoes on now on.
I shake my head at him and put his password in, snorting when it works. "You're a bit simple aren't you?" I question and read the message. I feel Milo put his arms around my torso and I lean against him, "it's from the others, they're nearly here." He nods against me and I come off the message app.
But I stop when I see a picture of the both of us, we look cute. Happy. I smile at that and he hums, "I really like you" my heart beats a little faster and I swallow. Because I think I like him more.
"Only like?" I question a moment later, I can't even play it off as a joke like, 'ha only like hm?' Because I said it so quietly, so afraid of the answer. I feel him pause for a second before kissing my shoulder, I close my eyes as he goes to answer but someone is knocking at the door.
I sigh as we part, "well they're a lot closer than I thought" I scoff awkwardly, scratching my neck. He nods and holds my hand, sighing.
"We'll continue this later yeah?" He kisses me and I nod, still a bit nervous, and now I have to wait to hear what he has to say.
"What, all of it?" I smirk, giving him a suggestive look and he grins.
We go downstairs to meet our friends, i fiddle with my fingers as Milo opens the door. Oakley is the first one to come in and they all greet us like normal, I still hold my breathe. And don't look at them when they look to me.
"It's okay you know" Emmy starts, quietly. Using a calming voice and I look up to glace at him. He smiles softly at me, "we're not going to think differently of you okay? If that's what you're worried about" I finally release my breath and I momentarily close my eyes. Thankful for having great friends.
"Yeah, I mean what kind of friends would we be if we did?" Oakley says, stepping forward and I smile at him. "But you can talk to us if you need anything" he glances at the others and they nod, "if- if you ever want to do soemthing about it-" I cut him off.
"Thank you, seriously guys that means so much. I'm glad I have all of you" I look to each one then at Milo, he squeezes my hand. "You have no idea how hard it is to keep this to myself for so many years" I sigh out a little laugh, shaking my head. "I'm glad I told you" I finish and they all give me smiles.
Sad smiles but not full of pity, it's more 'I'm sorry you're going through this but we will always be here for you' and I'm glad they are.
A while later we're all chatting on Milo's couch, wondering what we are going to do today as it's a fine morning. I tell them I'm going pop home quickly to get my phone as they finally decide to go to the hill.
But I give Oakley a serious look and tell them we are not going to the cliff, he puts his hands in surrender and accepts it. They're not treating me differently but they are a bit more careful, but it's okay. I would be too.
If one of them told me they were being... being abused, I'd feel the same way.
I tell Milo that my father is out but he's not, and when I step through the door to the front room I see him isntanlty.
He scoffs and looks over to me, "where were you?" I hold my chin up high as I answer, next door.
I see him bite his inner cheeks, "you know I don't like your round there" I raise a brow at him.
"Why?" I could probably guess, because he doesn't want me to repeat his 'mistakes', he probably thinks being gay is influenced by others and a choice. I don't think he knows I am but I think he thinks Milo isn't good for me in that way, that he might 'change' me.
He scoffs, "because i don't like that boy. Something is off about him, and you're acting different all of a sudden." I snort at that, because I'm not letting him just hurt me anymore. Because I'm trying to stand my ground.
I shake my head at him, "yeah, did you change with John?" It slips out of before I can even stop at and his whole face drops to stone.
He steps towards me, hands clenched and I swallow. Shit, went too far.
"Where did you hear that!?" He booms out and i jump, definitely went too far.
"Uh-" I stutter out, nervous for what's next. I glance up at the album I saw that boy in and be follows my eye sight, he clears his throat and looks back to me.
"Why were you going through that?" He says, eerily calm and I feel myself shake.
"I was just- I- I was looking at memories?" He stalks towards me and I freeze in fright, when he grabs my collar I know I'm fucked.
"What do you know" he shakes me, he looks panicked, terrified of what I might know. I look over my shoulder and see the others through the window. But they're watching me, I furrow my brows seeing Emmy with his phone out, all of them looking worried. But there's no Milo.
I feel my head snap to the side, and I look back to my father. "What do you know!?" He yells and I feel tears in my eyes.
I girt my teeth, annoyed that he's reduced me to this mess again, "everything" I spit out and he let's go of my collar to punch me. My face kills as I stuble to the floor but before he can take his next swing someone is bursting into the living room.
I look up to see Milo and quickly get up to run to him, not caring that my dad will see no longer. He's dead to me.
"Milo" I almost sob out and at the same time he says "Harvey" just as desperate."
He checks me over quickly, panick and concern in his eyes. Then he glances to my father whose chest is heaving, he looks so pissed but a bit on edge now. Like he's been caught, he's not looking at us though he's looking at the door.
I look that way to see the others and inhale in relif, they all look ready to attack him and I could just laugh.
"You're a disgusting excuse for a father, i hope everyone burns you to the ground when they find out" Milo spits out, looking as angry as ever while he pushes me behind him.
I see my father look lost in thought for a moment, terrified until he figures something out.
He chuckles and looks to my friends, "how is anyone going to know?" He questions, a dark laugh escaping him when he looks back to Milo. Then to me, "no one is going to believe a bunch of kids" he says and I sag down because it true.
I wanted an excuse for people to find out, I never wanted me to be the one to say anything. To confess what was happening in this house. And I don't think I can still, and if my friends all go to the police about it why should they believe them?
Emmy steps forward and I go to walk over to him to- I don't know, shake him by the shoulders and say 'stop trying to be a hero' but Milo stops me. Keeping ahold of my hand, he whispers in my ear, "it's okay" and I furrow my brows.
"Everyones got to believe us if we have proof" he says, his voice shaking slightly at the start but soon he pulls it together. My forehead scrunches up, confused at what he means, I glance at Milo to explain but he just smiles at Emmy.
"What?" My father spits out and Oakley steps forward, Darcie walks over to me as he does and gently grabs my other hand.
"We have proof, all the proof we need to screw you over" Oakley almost laughs, an insane look in his eyes that I've never seen before. My dad looks confused- I'm confused but when Emmy holds up his phone I sigh in relief.
"Oh my god" I whisper and Darcie tightens her grip on my hand, she glances at me with a sad smile. So that's what Emmy was doing.
"I recorded that whole scene, you hurting your own son like that. What's everyone going to think of the mayor after seeing this?" He tries to step forward to grab the phone off of Emmy.
"Stop!" I yell letting go of their hands to come infront of Emmy, not letting Milo grab me back. "You can't scare me anymore, i wont let you" I say and he looks taken back.
He watches the scene with careful eyes, looking towards each of my friends. Then finally back to me, he looks hurt- which is odd.
"Harvey" he starts and I swallow, nervous and awaiting. "I never wanted to be like this, this kind of father-" he cuts himself off and I can't look him in the eyes. "I never wanted to be like my own father" he says and I look up to him despite not wanting to.
Fuck.
"I shouldn't have carried on like he did, and his own father did. I know I shouldn't have" he says, and he looks exhausted, like he's been carrying a weight on his shoulder for a long time now. Longer than I was born.
"I'm-" he starts and I know what he's trying to say, I close my eyes. I don't know if he's trying to say this to get me to feel sorry for him or my friends to feel sorry for him so they won't show the video to anyone. Or if he really means it, I know all of his looks I've met them all. But this one I've never seen.
I've seen his fake sadness when he tries to manipulate people into think he cares but this- this is real. This is pure pain and I don't know what to do with it.
I swallow and tilt my chin up for the last time, "yeah I know you are" I say and Milo holds my hand, I momentarily close my eyes and sigh. "But I don't forgive you, I can't. Not with a simple sorry, and i don't think I ever will. No matter what you do" he looks down at the floor.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you" I say as payback and he does. "I'm down with you, you and mum, and this stupid house and family. I'm leaving and I'm not going to come back" I hear him breathe and it sounds shallow, like he's sad.
I find it funny how he's only sad when I've finally had enough.
"I'm getting my stuff and I'm leaving and there's nothing you can do, got that?" I say and Milo tightens his grip on my hand.
And I finally feel free.