Chapter 7
( Expect more chapters from now and the next two weeks. I'm on break from work and school. Also there are def grammar errors and spelling mistakes. Keep in mind this hasn't been proofread because I'm exhausted and I don't have the energy.)
Part I
"William- are you sure this is the right thing to do??" I questioned, still being in William's embrace
"Darling you're lucky I still love you. It seems we've both got blood on our hands now" William hummed, rubbing his hand up and down my back. It felt nice.
"What's that supposed to mean" I mumbled
"Well, usually someone wouldn't love another if the person they're interested in killed one of their own friends" William sighed
"Ah.. I see.." I muttered under my breath, sinking into his embrace
"I'm proud of you darling, I didn't think you'd have it in you to do something like this. You've proven to me that I can trust you and love you" William sighed.
"So you're saying that if I didn't do this you wouldn't have loved or trusted me?" I questioned
How does that make any sense? It doesn't, it wouldn't make sense if he trusted me for being some kind of murderer who brutally slaughtered their own friend. It makes no sense. He pressured me into it, he wanted this. He wanted me to do this, I should've known from the start.
"Darling, I can assure you that nobody has ever loved you aside from myself. You were alone, sad and naive without me and look what you've become. I'm proud of you darling. I love you, so very much." William cooed. The look on his face felt so cold yet warm and loving at the same time. This man was the living definition of a contradiction.
Because of my emotions, as well as the fact that in the initial time I was furious enough and took out my anger on Marcel and that will never make my actions right. I ended someone's life. People loved Marcel, I loved him, in a platonic way, of course. How will his other friends feel? What would they do? How would they know?
"William, are you sure that this was the right thing to do? Did he really deserve to have his life ended" I protested as the expression on william's face darkened slightly
"My love, you didn't do anything wrong, I promise anyone and everyone would agree with me. You were simply teaching him a lesson and gave him what he deserved. He's hurt you countless times and not to mention he killed your dear Ayana and left her severed head on your front porch." William reassured.
Maybe he was right. Maybe he did deserve it. I do admit, after what Marcel had done, it was slightly satisfying to hear him scream in pain out of the consequences of his own actions. William is right, neither he and I had done anything wrong as simply these were the consequences of Marcel's actions.
I rested my head on his left side of his chest and felt his heartbeat. It was soothing. I then wrapped my arms around him, as his were still embracing me.
"Shall we go?" William suggested. I nodded in response and let go of the hug, as he did as well. I gripped his hand and stayed by his side.
I liked the feeling of being by his side and having him close to me. I liked being close to him. Despite his presence being rather cold, ruthless or lethiferous, I felt safe with him. He made me feel safe. I found it rather odd that I found him, of all people, HIM comforting. Considering tonight he might've presented his true colours to me, as a homicidal, violent, sadistic man. But then again, not once has he ever acted of such towards me. He's always been warm and kind towards me, treating me as if I deserved the world.
We made it to his vehicle. I scurried over to the passenger's side as William stepped into the driver's side, waiting to start the vehicle until after I'd gotten inside. I buckled the seatbelt as William did as well. He started the vehicle and swiftly pulled out from the area, driving down the road hidden in the trees.
"Sorry for the random question, but you seemed so calm while... you know. Do you have experience with this?" I questioned as William scoffed to himself
"Yes, I do, darling, and you have no right to speak on what I do, because you're just like me now" William hummed as he picked up the speed. I looked out the window and watched the trees zoom by, as if the world was moving around me despite being in a speeding vehicle.
"Are you going to hurt me?" I questioned as the man scoffed
"Darling, I could ask you the same thing. However, to answer your question. No, i'm not going to hurt you" William asserted as the smirk grew on his face
"That's relieving" I sighed
"Darling, I could never bring myself to hurt you. I love you, and I do hope that's mutual" William assured, taking his right hand off of the wheel, placing it onto mine, keeping his left on the wheel.
It was odd knowing that he was truly a sadistic, cruel man despite being gentle, caring and loving towards me. He cared for me, kept me safe, loved me, yet shaped me into what he desired;
A murderer.
"Darling, do you regret begging me to kidnap him so you could kill him?" William questioned as I solemnly nodded my head in response
"You do know that this is your own fault right, but then again, I am no better than you and you are no better than me. I guess this makes it so that we're perfect for eachother, we're meant to be together" William hummed
"I'm all that you need, my love. So, what do you think? Do you love me? Do you hate me?" William continued as he paused, expecting an answer
Did I love him? Or was I just clinging to him because I had nobody else to cling to. Nobody else to attach myself to for safety and for love. I hated how vulnerable I felt around him, but I loved it at the same time. I loved knowing that I felt safe enough with him to feel vulnerable with him, yet I hated him having to see me in an unwell state. I craved his touch as if it was alcohol or nicotine, some kind of personalised drug carefully crafted in order to commence and then fuel an addiction. Maybe even a poison pill, some type of drug most definitely. I'm infatuated with the thrill of being in his arms after participating in whatever he desires. I love his passion for music as it is similar to mine and quite possibly more intense than mine. I admire him, I love him. I do admit, his possessiveness is rather endearing, considering I've never felt as if someone genuinely ever wanted me until now.
This is love, I think.
"I love you too" I declared calmly as I turned my head to look at the man. His expression was warm and gentle, his beautiful grey coloured eyes were filled with love and content
"I'd trade my life for yours, my love " William hummed as he pulled up back to my house.
I exited his vehicle and gently shut the door as he'd done the same thing before we made our way to the front of my house. I reached into my pocket, grabbing the butterfly keychain attached to my keys before unlocking the door, revealing my home that I hadn't visited in a while. I don't even remember how long it has been, considering nothing has felt real lately, it's all felt like some kind of fever dream.
I shut the door after welcoming William into my home, grabbing his coat and hanging it up as he took off his shoes and placed them to the side after cleaning them off.
"How long have you been doing this kind of thing for" I murmured as the man smirked and raised a brow in reaction
"Curiosity kills the cat, my beautiful rose" William sneered before gently grabbing my hand and taking me to the kitchen. William turned on the faucet to meet a warm temperature before pouring soap and a limited amount of hydrogen peroxide into the water. He proceeded to grab a washcloth and wash his hands and arms before pulling me closer to him and washing my arms.
"Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hand" William hummed, smirking to himself as he continued to wash down my hands and arms
"I can wash myself" I murmured, as William continued to wash my arms and hands in silence before drying them off and dragging me around my own home once again. It came to where we were at the foot of the stairs; William picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, as if I weighed nothing. He walked up the stairs and opened the door to my bedroom before setting me down.
"William, what are you doing?" I questioned as the man grabbed a tube of lotion, opening it and pouring some out on his hands
"I'm trying to keep my hands hydrated, hydrogen peroxide can make your hands very dry and plus, this is the most ventilated room in your house, so it doesn't smell like corpse, and I don't know about you, but I'd prefer to not smell the scent of rotting meat for hours at a time" William hummed, rubbing and lathering the lotion on his arms and hands. I reached out for the lotion before he squeezed more on his hands, closing up the tube.
"Nono, why don't you get some rest? I'll get rid of the smell. How does that sound?" William hummed, lathering the lotion on my hands and arms. I nodded in response, getting under the covers and attempting to pull them over my body, as he grabbed the blankets out of my hands, only to cover me instead. He sat down next to me on my head, and ran his fingers through my hair before reaching down and gently pressing his lips against mine. His lips tasted of honey and sweet hibiscus tea. I sat up a bit from my lying position and rested against the wall as William set himself over me, gently cupping my face with his left hand and holding my waist with his right. I watched pink and red patches form across his cheeks. His stable breathing became slower and heavier, almost as if he'd been panting, and so did mine. I felt weak against him; as if I needed him to even live. I felt as if I was some type of housepet who'd been ostracized by the world around it, requiring another in order to live; the inability to live freely and independently as I'd done before, however why can't I now?
William's hand travelled up my shirt as he held me close to him. I didn't even bother to try stopping him. I didn't want him to stop, in fact it had been one of the first times i've genuinely felt as if i've been truly loved; It's an addiction in a way. Feeling the touch of another and thinking that it had been love had become a guilty pleasure, despite now with William, it had only become a pleasure. His love and touch is what I perceive as love. He protects me, even if I don't need it, and scolds me whenever I leave his side. He's right after all. The incident outside the hospital proves it; It proves that I need him. Despite being a capable human being, against William I felt like a fragile little flower. He could either pick it or help it flourish and become something more and better. Maybe, he wasn't such a bad person, after all, he's done so much to protect me. Even if sacrificing his own well being meant that I could be safe and happy proves it. He loves me, I'm certain of it, and I love him.
The idea of "belonging" to him and doing anything for him, seemed fit; Despite knowing that he's been reprogramming my brain in order to think and do specific things, I still loved him.
I know I shouldn't love someone as overly obsessive, overprotective, jealous and sadistic as William, despite all of that, he treats me as if I was some kind of godsent. As bad as it sounds, his possessive and obsessive behaviour is reassuring. It makes me feel as if he won't leave me, and that I am the only one who exists in his eyes and his heart. I wouldn't have to worry about him cheating on me with someone else. He makes me feel safe and loved. That's what matters. Honestly, i could care less if he's a murderer. I've done the same thing that he's done, even if I've only shed blood once, I am no better. I would do anything for him, and he would do anything for me; I am certain of it. What he said is right; I am the bleeding and wounded deer, as he is the wolf who could easily kill me to satisfy his own pleasures, or because he loves me, he would keep me alive and protect me, regardless of everything.
During the kiss, I raised my arms and wrapped them around William's neck and felt him press up against me. His body was ice cold, his hands were rough and large. I felt as if I was suffocating in the ocean of the kiss.It obviously wasn't an ocean, however it felt as if I was helpless to the raging waves, forcing anything at the top of the waters down below the surface; the tides only getting higher and rougher. He was testing the waters; The waters of the things he could do with me. I raised my leg and my thigh met with the tent in the man's pants. I didn't realize it until later, until moving again and feeling it against my leg. I layed my leg down as William pulled away from the kiss. I layed back down as the man sat himself on my thighs; His hands trailing up my shirt, gently caressing my skin.
"Such soft, beautiful skin. It would be a shame if I ruined it by marking it up"
"Hm, but how will people know who you belong to?"
"I mean, you are mine after all, aren't you?"
William sneered. As he was speaking, i watched the filth drip from his mouth since he'd been salivating for whatever odd reason. I inhaled sharply and smelt the scent of the rotting meat once again, which immediately ruined my mood.
I refuse to fuck someone if the place smells like shit. Just- no. It's a sensual moment, bonding between souls, and the ideology of that is ruined by some stank ass house.
"William, I don't know if I can do this right now" I murmured as william nodded and got off of me. He proceeded to lay down next to me, holding me gently
"i'm sorry, have I made you uncomfortable?" William questioned with a slight tone of concern imbedded within his voice
"Nono, it isn't you- it's just... my house fucking stinks because some dumbass decided to mail me Ayana's severed head" I mumbled, sitting up as William did too. I stood up and grabbed a bottle of febreeze before walking downstairs alongside william. He opened all of the windows as I sprayed excessive amounts of the febreeze. I don't think i've ever inhaled this much febreeze in my whole life. Considering the amount that had been sprayed within the atmosphere, anyone could easily mistake it for axe body spray because of how potent and overwhelming it smelt.
"Alright, my beautiful dove," William hummed as he made his way down the stairs, finding himself sitting at the piano. I sat down next to him, resting my head against his shoulder as I reached to hold his hand. The man pulled away. I furrowed my eyebrows in shock until realising his intentions. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer to him.
"Why don't we go on a date sometime? After all, there is a banquet coming up with food, dancing, fun games" William mumbled.
"hmm i'm not sure.. don't you think it would be too busy?" I murmured under my breath, only to be cut off by william
"Oh, there will be music too; A wind ensemble" William sneered. I felt his breath trickle the back of my neck. I shot up my head almost immediately.
"When is this happening?" I questioned as william smirked
"Saturday, on the eclipse" William hummed, standing up from the piano bench as he took my hand and led me back upstairs. I smiled and clinged to his arm as soon as we reached the top of the stairs.
I nodded and shut the door behind us, after we entered my bedroom together once again. I sat myself down on the bed as he did as well. I felt his hand clasp mine gently, rubbing it with his thumb gently.
"It's been a rough night, why don't you get some rest?" William suggested as I rested my head on his shoulder
"You're saying that as if you don't need any rest, which I bet you do" I teased him in a playful tone of voice as he proceeded to gently cup the side of my face
"I suppose that is true, however I feel it is improper to, after all, I'm taking care of you. I wouldn't want to risk anything happening to you" William sighed, standing up from my bed and pulling down the covers in an attempt to persuade me to sleep
"I want to spend time with you, and plus if I sleep, what if you leave?? I don't want to be alone, but I understand completely if you want to leave" I murmured as William sat himself down on the bed next to me
"I won't leave your side, I promise" William reassured as I finally complied to sleep. I moved on my bed before pulling the covers over my body once again; He was still seated next to me. I felt his intimidating gaze wander all over my body, as if it was some kind of piece of technology that searched for facial recognition in sci-fi movies. I watched his eyes flutter, complimenting his black, wispy eyelashes that pointed downwards, which resided on his lash line, protecting his metallic, monotonous yet beauteous eyes which pierced through anyone his gaze landed upon. In a way, being in his presence felt like being in the presence of some kind of multidimensional entity; An infernal.
Despite being in the presence of a man who's hands had been covered in blood to his own satisfaction; A murderer. I've never felt safer, regardless of the fact that he could strangle my current defenceless state until it's lifeless, I felt protected. His homicidal, sadistic self wouldn't end my life; If he desired to, I would've entered the eternity of the swan song ages ago; Succumbing to the very hands that comforted me the night of the accident; The ones that gently held mine as if I had been a porcelain doll.
To him, I had been the fragile flower he could either flourish, or he could dance his ballad of knives and blood, plunged within my stem; My body.
Every moment with him felt like a game of russian roulette; Being exciting, exhilarating yet horrifying and gut wrenching at the same time. I'm certain I've met the "real" him. Maybe he's just afraid of being open to others because he's been hurt before, and acting as an arrogant, rude maniac as a defence mechanism. At first, he seemed like a self obsessed entrepreneur, but now that I know him, he's sweet. He isn't like that at all. Sure he's a bit egotistical, but that's okay. That's just maybe how he is, or he just acts self obsessed because in reality maybe he hates himself and doesn't want to worry anyone because he thinks that he doesn't deserve people to care about him. He isn't as bad as he seems.
I felt his breath gently graze the back of my neck, as I'd now be laying helpless within his grasp. I shivered as I felt his abnormally cold hands wander all over my body, gently trailing his fingers up and down my stomach, before placing his hand on my waist as he proceeded to hold it. I felt myself slowly drift off to sleep within his grasp. I never thought that cuddling with a murderer would be so... comforting.
Part II
Saturday morning 11:26 am, I awoke in my bedroom, once again. Like everyday, except lately it's been more eventful; Feeling as if the individual writing my story finally decided to get their ass up from their bed to write a decent plot, after only writing things they thought of that very second.
I stood up, heading to my closet before picking out a temporary outfit before going on a date with William. Are we even dating? He's already had me pinned down against my own mattress, got me to kill someone with him, cooked for me and cared for me. Can we even classify as partners? Or are we just Bonnie and Clyde wannabes. Searching through my closet, I find a dark purple dress/suit(whatever you prefer) bestowed upon me, smelling of expensive cologne and cigarettes. I picked up the dress, noticing the price tag. 700$.
Who in the everloving fuck would spend that much money on a dress they'll probably only wear once or twice. Only people who have that kind of money.
I turned my head, eyeing William, waiting for him to wake up from his peaceful slumber. I sat down next to him, lowering myself onto the bed before planting a kiss on his forehead. During rest, his face was relaxed, rather than any other time. Usually his eyebrows were furrowed or he was making some kind of expression or contortion with them as a way to react; i.e, raising one eyebrow to express confusion. I wanted to kiss him; He looked beautiful, as always. He's always been absolutely stunning. His skin was as pale as snow; Pale enough that his skin resembled shades of grey that resembled shades of white, with his dark brown hair, close enough to black; The same hair that barely covered parts of his grey eyes that resembled clouds during a thunderstorm, with millions of different shades of grey and all of the silvers in the world. I looked down and admired his muscular body. He had wide shoulders with a muscular frame. His hands were veiny and bony. Everything about this man had been perfect; he resembled a Tim Burton character. I got closer to him; Close enough to be face to face with him. I paused for a moment, admiring his beauty, lost in thought.
"Goodmorning, my beautiful dove," William hummed as he opened his eyes, which soon met mine. I backed away quickly, falling off the bed as I watched a smirk grow on his face.
"Morning" I murmured as William stood up and walked over to the closet, pulling out the dress/suit (whatever you prefer).
"I assume you've already found this, but I bought this for you" William hummed before folding it and placing it within my hands.
"Thank you, I appreciate it" I smiled as he pulled me in for a hug.
I felt his breath trickle against my nape, sending me shivers down my spine. I paused for a moment before kissing; A moment of hesitation.
Have I really fallen for a man who's clearly got some kind of saviour complex?
I hesitated to kiss the man I'd fallen for who's been there to pick me back up on my feet every time I needed him. He's always been in the right place at the right time; As if he's always known that certain events would happen. Was he some kind of prophet? I'd fallen for a dangerous man; A walking felon. Despite how cruel he really is, he has the looks of an angel. Everything about him had been beautiful, as an aenonian elegance existed within him. Whenever he looked at me, It felt as if I had been getting burned by his eyes gazing upon me, filled with ustulation. Maybe it's just me being desperate, since this is the first time I've ever felt as if someone genuinely wanted me. Before meeting him, I had been filipendulous and completely marcid; Knowing that I'd have no place in the world aside from providing others entertainment. Maybe I was raised into that perspective; That my worth depended on my skills, talents and looks; That nothing else mattered.
I rested my head on William's shoulder, feeling his hands travel up and around my lower waist, trailing to my back. It was comforting.
"You are just so precious, my dear. So afraid of being alone, it's adorable" William murmured
"What's that supposed to mean?" I questioned in a lighthearted tone as William laughed before responding with
"It means that you'd do anything if it meant that I wouldn't leave you, and I find that adorable".
Part III
I wasn't sure how to feel, knowing that any second, he could and would hurt me if he needed to; Despite how kind he'd treat me, I knew that if I ever got in the way of his priorities or plans, he wouldn't spend a second bothering to rid of me. I had been the wounded deer, protected by the starving wolf. He could protect me at the risk of his own safety, or eat me, to replenish his hunger, being able to continue to live on. I took a few deep breaths, placing my hand over my chest, calming myself down as I hid in the washrooms from anyone and everyone else at the event. At this point, I wasn't hiding from everyone in general, I was just hiding from him. His kind words, his touch and even his actions are intoxicating, like nicotine. They're addicting. I seek it more and more every time I get exposed to it, as my brain becomes slowly wired to depend on it, and to do anything for it. Despite everything that's happened, I still feel safe within his grasp, knowing at any second, if he wanted, he could choke me to death and just leave my corpse to rot on the side of the road. The thing that's addicting is the rush of committing acts of sin, only to be comforted and praised by him afterwards; Even if it means drawing the scarlet red elixir of other's. In other words; Blood. I didn't care about anything I had to do, if it meant I could be praised and held by him after committing an unforgivable sin, which is why I must stop, before I let myself fall victim to a violent and dangerous addiction.
I stood up, gathering the courage to leave the bathroom in order to confront William. One foot in front of the other, I trembled back into the ballroom, searching through the room for William.
"Huh-?" I quietly yelped in reaction to my shoulder suddenly being grabbed. I turned around swiftly in a panic and noticed William standing directly behind me.
"Oh no need to be scared darling, I made sure to grab you a drink before I drugged the drinks " William sneered, handing me a cup full of alcohol.
I took it from him before looking around, noticing several people collapsed on the floor. I swiftly turned my head back to William in shock
"What the fuck did you do?! Can't you go one week without fucking killing someone?!" I protested as William laughed
"Oh darling, didn't you see how everyone looked at you?" William hummed as he wrapped his arms around me
"And I know that my lovely angel doesn't deserve that. My sweet darling only deserves a life full of love and happiness" William continued, taking a sip of his drink before kissing me. I looked at the man; my eyes filled with tears. I felt the man slip liquid into my mouth. Before I knew it; I had begun to feel drowsy.
I didn't bother protesting against the man. I just accepted my fate; Knowing that he would kill me. Tonight.
I felt myself slip in and out of consciousness; as if it had been a dream.
Before I knew it; I felt my body grow limp. My consciousness was surrounded in pure darkness.
Hours passed as I had been imprisoned within the state of the void before waking up, completely tied up within. a dark room. I swiftly looked around, attempting to break free from the rope that had been restraining me of my freedom.
A bright light had been turned on; I squinted and winced in reaction to the sudden light as a visibly unhinged William stepped into the room. His tie half undone, and his shirt partially unbuttoned with his sleeves rolled up with his hair a mess and a look of pure infatuation residing within his eyes. The man had practically lunged towards me, resting his head on my thighs while gripping my wrists. The man had basically been salivating all over me as he kissed my thighs and every exposed part of my body as he grunted and groaned everytime his body met mine. The man's head shot up as he stood up and came face to face with me.
"You look so pretty tied up, just for me" William sneered with a grin
"Where am I, William??" i questioned as William cackled before kissing me
"We're in my home. You're so silly. Where else would we be?" William hummed before grabbing a knife and pressing it against my throat. William frowned and tilted his head
"why won't you love me like I love you?" William questioned. I watched the man's unbothered and calm persona untangle into a deranged one.
"I do love you. I love you so much William. But please, calm down. I know you're not in the right state of mind right now and I don't want you to do something you'll regret" I spoke up as william pulled away the knife, throwing it to the other side of the room as he sat down on my thighs before hugging my restrained body
"That's right, I'm sorry my darling. Why did you leave me on our date? I cant stand being alone without you" William cried
"I was thinking of cutting off contact with you, so you wouldn't be able to leave me first. I thought you didn't like me and I was scared" William continued as he wept on my shirt.
For a moment, I was in shock. Normally, people would brush off this behaviour and call him "insane" or unstable, but in reality; He was suffering, just as I had been.
I felt tears well up in my eyes, discovering the fact that I understood the suffering William had been going through. The fear of being alone and the strong will to do anything to prevent it, even at the cost of oneself.
"William, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left like that. I was overwhelmed and I should have said something about it, rather than leaving abruptly" I whimpered as William's sobbing grew quieter
"i know how it feels to be afraid of being left, and I should've taken your feelings into consideration. I do love you, more than anything else. I'd do anything for you. With you, I feel complete. As if the point of my existence was to meet you." I murmured as william pulled away and smiled. The man released the restraints before picking me up out of the chair and proceeded to hold me close.
"You'd do anything huh? My sweet angel is sure getting obsessive" William sneered before murmuring
"Might as well indulge in that. After all, wouldn't it be so romantic to be codependent? It would be so lovely knowing that neither of us could exist without the other".
I blushed, not really paying attention to his words before pressing my lips against his.
Before I knew it, the man had fallen asleep on me. I laid back and rested his head upon my chest as I held him.
This had been the first time I ever witnessed him so vulnerable, and I needed to take care of him; I wanted to. Despite acting odd, I know it wasn't intentional. Everything he had done tonight had been out of fear and possibly some form of trauma response.