"most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions." ~ T.S. Eliot
The day before Remus was supposed to work at Hogwarts, Artemis sat at the kitchen table. Remus wasn't awake yet. She was waiting, staring down at the stack of papers spread out in front of her. Her head was resting in her hands, unable to be held up itself. She was going to kill Remus. She was going to absolutely kill him.
"BREAKING NEWS"
The headline was from two months prior.
"ESCAPED CONVICT"
How could he have kept this from her? How could he go months without telling her- carefully keeping the news hidden, knowing she couldn't leave the house, and therefore wouldn't find out so long as he didn't let her.
"Sirius Black, armed and dangerous, escaped from Azkaban Prison on-"
Artemis didn't care about the rest of the article. There were footsteps in the hall. She didn't move. She felt like all of the energy had drained from her body in a matter of mere minutes.
Remus entered the kitchen, but froze the second he saw what Artemis was looking at. "How did you find those?"
"Oh- the newspapers you were hiding from me? Your closet, Rem." In seconds, all of her energy was back, white hot anger coursing through her. "How could you hide them?" she shouted, jumping to her feet. "How could you? You fucking control freak- how could you not tell me he escaped? Remus-"
Remus's expression remained perfectly calm. "I knew you would react like this."
In one motion, Artemis picked up one of the newspapers and threw it at Remus's face. She wanted to punch him. She wanted to tackle him to the ground and force him to tell her where the hell Sirius was.
"I knew it would drive you crazy."
"Crazy?" Artemis screamed. "Oh, you knew it would drive me crazy. The man I love is out there in the world somewhere, and you kept it from me because it would drive me crazy? No, Remus, this is driving me crazy."
Remus crossed the floor and started making coffee. Artemis gaped at him. "I trusted you!" she said, refusing to lower her voice. "I trusted you, of all people, to keep me updated on what's going on in the world, and you lied to me!"
"I didn't lie to you, I just didn't tell you-"
"Where is he?" Artemis demanded.
Remus turned back to face her. "What?"
She stood in inches from his face. "Where is he? Do you know? Has he been in contact? Have you not been telling me that too?"
"Artemis, I have no idea where he is," said Remus.
She kept her eyes trained on his, deadly serious. "How can I trust you now?" she asked softly.
Remus hung his head. "I'm the only person you can trust."
That was too much for Artemis. She backed away from him, too angry to scream, too angry to cry. "And you used that against me," she said in that same deadened tone. "I thought we were on the same team here- Why didn't you tell me?"
Instead of waiting for an answer, Artemis turned and started pacing. The truth was, Remus was right. She felt like she was going crazy. Sirius was out there somewhere, and she couldn't look for him. She couldn't save him. She couldn't save anyone she cared about- and now she would watch another person she loved die or disappear and there was nothing she could do.
Remus poured himself a cup of coffee and watched her pace for a minute, her hands wrapped in her hair. He knew he'd messed up. At last, he could take seeing her like this anymore. He set his cup down and in two strides, blocked her path to the other side of the room. He took both of her arms in his hands and leaned down so he was at eye level with her. "Artemis, look at me."
She did.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to do something stupid. I thought if you saw the headline yourself, you'd already be out looking for him, and it's not safe. You know it's not safe."
"But he's-"
"Smart," Remus finished for her. "He's smart, Artemis, and he'll keep himself safe because I swear to god, I can safely say you're probably the main reason he got out of there."
Artemis scowled. "Then why isn't he here?"
"Because he would never put you in danger," Remus said calmly. "Not again. Not like last time."
She didn't answer, put her expression softened. She knew Remus was right. The anger had faded into helplessness, and that was a feeling she was used to by now.
Remus let go of her arms. "Don't do anything stupid. Please." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wasn't thinking about what not knowing would do to you. I'm sorry."
~
On September first, Artemis and Remus both woke up early. Artemis made coffee while Remus got dressed, completely disregarding the clothes Artemis had set out for him, but when he got to the kitchen he kissed her cheek and poured her a cup of coffee. She turned to him with a dry smile. "What's that for?"
"I'll miss you at dinner tonight," he said, jumping into the counter and sipping his own coffee. "What're you making?"
"Oh, that's right, you'll be there for the feast," said Artemis. This hasn't dawned on her before. "I was going to make chicken, but if you're not here I might just have toast and eggs."
Remus frowned at her. "Eat something better than that. Maybe I can swipe some leftovers from the kitchens tonight."
"I would kill for Hogwarts food," Artemis said longingly. "Are you really going to take the train there? Can't you just apparate or fly?"
He shrugged. "I could. But I want to keep an eye on Harry. With everything going on with Sirius... I mean, after all that time in Azkaban, he could be dangerous for all we know." At the instant protest covering Artemis's face, he put his hands up. "Don't rule it out, Blake. Constant vigilance, you know? Plus, there's bound to be dementors everywhere and I think it's safe to say Harry's worst memories top those of most of his classmates."
She was still annoyed about the Sirius-could-be-dangerous comment, but she saw his point. "Alright, well bring some snacks, it's a long ride."
Remus pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and waved it at her. "I'm always prepared."
"Do you want to pack lunch too?"
"Stop worrying about me," said Remus. "You're supposed to be mad at me still."
She jumped onto the counter next to him and kicked her legs out in front of her. "How can I stay mad at the only person around to keep me company?"
"See, I thought you were going to give me a compliment, but-"
"I could be giving you the silent treatment right now."
Remus chuckled, then slid to the floor and started checking to make sure his bag was all packed. "Okay... I think I have everything."
"Wand? Food? Everything you need for your office?"
"Check, check, and check."
Artemis sighed. She wished she were going back to Hogwarts with Remus. She walked him to the door and planted a kiss on his cheek. He grinned at her. "What was that for?"
"Luck."
"I'll need it. I'll be home late tonight, so I'll probably just see you in the morning."
Artemis was already going back to the stove to clean up from breakfast. "Whenever is fine. Say hello to everyone for me."
She didn't know who she meant by everyone. Everyone was dead. Remus merely smiled at her and strode out into the late summer air.
After cleaning up the kitchen, Artemis grabbed one of her dad's old art history books- another possession she'd swiped from her childhood home- and settled herself on the couch. If she'd had these books memorized as a child, she could recite them in her sleep now. Still, they brought her some amount of comfort.
The day was slow, and at some point, Artemis dozed off on the couch. She awoke hours later to the front door opening. She hadn't eaten lunch or dinner, but the sky outside was pitch black and she had the odd feeling that she'd been sleeping for years. She could hear Remus set his things down in the kitchen and lean against one of the counters.
She pulled herself off of the couch and went in to find him. He looked exhausted. His eyes were filled with a kind of misery Artemis hadn't seen in years. "What is it?" she asked softly, crossing the floor to put a hand on his shoulder.
"Harry," Remus said in a choked voice. "He really is just a younger James."
And with that, Remus burst into tears, burying his face in Artemis's shoulder, his hands clenching the fabric of her t-shirt so tightly his knuckles turned white.
Artemis wanted to comfort him, but she ran into the same predicament she did every time one of their deceased friends were brought up. She couldn't even comfort herself, much less another person. She could feel herself sinking into a terrifying nothingness, tears rolling down her cheeks while she tucked the more fragile part of her away in the deepest depths of herself.
"He looks just like him, he talks like him, but something about him... not just his eyes... something about the way he looks at you is all Lily."
Artemis wished Remus would stop talking. She could picture her friends as clear as day in her minds eye, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to feel like this anymore.
That night, Artemis couldn't sleep. It might have been because of her long nap through the day, but she hadn't been sleeping at night much anyhow. She rolled out of bed and crept down the stairs and through the hall to Remus's room. She didn't bother knocking when she got there, just pushed the door open and crept over to his bed. "Rem?" she said softly. Remus grunted. "Can I sleep in here?"
He sighed, then pulled back the covers and let her slide into bed next to him. Artemis used to think about what Sirius would think if he saw this. Now, she didn't care. Of course she'd rather be sleeping beside him, living the life they'd always planned, but he wasn't there, so she'd settle for her best friend.
When Artemis fell asleep, she dreamed of Halloween nineteen eighty-one for the first time in a long time. This time, however, it wasn't the dead bodies of Lily and James that haunted her. Instead, she dreamed of what happened after.
She'd found Remus at Moody's house. She'd broken the news of what had happened tearfully, and then Moody had sent the two of them to bed. Artemis took the spare room. Remus took the attic. Of course, Artemis hadn't slept that night either. At one or two in the morning, she got out of bed.
She crept softly out of her room, careful not to wake Mad Eye, then climbed the ladder to the attic. Remus was laying on a mattress on the floor, wide awake, just staring at the ceiling.
"Remus?" she'd asked, her voice smaller than she was used to. She wasn't accustomed to this level of uncertainty about the future, to this feeling of being almost completely alone in the world.
He didn't sit up. He hadn't moved at all. "Do you want to sleep in here?" he'd asked, reading her mind.
The truth was, he didn't want to be alone any more than she did.
"Yeah," she'd said, and climbed under the covers with him. "Remus?" she'd said again.
"Yeah?"
"I'm scared." Her voice broke.
She could hear Remus sniffle behind her, and a muffled sob. "Me too," he said at last, and pulled her close. "Me too."