Two Months Later
ROSALY
It was almost lunchtime and Rosaly was resting in her hotel room in London, England. Shawn had gone out to rehearse with the band first thing in the morning and promised that he would return to have lunch with her, as he had done since he discovered that she had not been eating right when they were in Portugal, and her tests showed that she was slightly anemic.
He had personally taken care of her diet, making Rosaly respect the right time stipulated by the doctor in which she had to eat and the types of food she had to eat to stay healthy throughout her pregnancy.
Such care sometimes irritated her, because she had the feeling that Shawn was treating her like a child, as if he thought she was incapable of taking care of herself or her child, but then she took into account that she had put herself in that situation, because she had not told Shawn what was happening to her and ended up putting her health and that of their child at risk.
Rosaly understood that he acted this way out of an excess of love and ended up ignoring the messages he sent her thousands of times a day to see if she had taken the medication prescribed by the doctor, or if she had eaten right. Sometimes this pressure made her nervous, and triggered certain crises that made her feel vulnerable, weak and incapable, and Shawn, in his immense love for her, didn't realize that he was making the situation even worse.
It had come to a head two nights earlier when he had come home from rehearsal and asked the hotel to prepare Rosaly a special dinner with everything she needed to eat. When the food arrived, Rosaly felt very nauseous and had not even put a spoonful in her mouth. Shawn had nagged her several times until he got angry and lectured her that she didn't care about the baby or herself, and if she kept this up he would have to hire a nutritionist to take care of her twenty-four hours a day.
Rosaly had felt so bad about the nausea and the harsh way he had spoken to her that she had simply fallen into a crying fit that she could not control.
When he saw her crying, Shawn ran to her, and hugged her, saying:
- Rosely, forgive me for being an asshole. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. The problem is that I care so much about you. All I want is for you to be well, and have a healthy pregnancy." He kissed her hair tenderly while she kept her head tucked into his shoulder.
- I'm sorry. I'm trying, I swear, and I feel so awful and so useless. - she sobbed, and Shawn kept talking, trying to get Rosaly to calm down because being so nervous would only make her state worse.
-That's Ok. You don't have to feel this way. I promise I'll try to help you any way I can. Forget what I just said. I love you, just remember that. - he kissed her with all the love in the world, took her to bed, and lay down with her in his arms. Later, when she was calmer, Shawn brought her dinner in bed, and Rosaly slowly managed to eat some of the meal he served her.
After that, Shawn had become more pliable, finally realizing that his rigidity was only making her emotional state worse, and would consequently end up making her physical medical condition worse. However, he continued to watch her carefully, sending her messages every hour, but without too rigid a charge. He was trying to give her space without suffocating her with his care.
Rosaly understood that it was all new to both of them, and that they were each reacting and dealing with the situation in their own way, and that no one could blame them for not trying their best. They were first time parents and it was to be expected that they would make mistakes, no matter how hard they tried to get it right.
Rosaly brought her hands to her belly, where she could already feel a slight ripple, and began to caress it lovingly, thinking about how much this baby had changed her life. She felt filled with a fullness of love, so different from anything she had ever experienced, and it reached out and blended with her feelings for Shawn, uniting them even more and making them stronger for what was to come next.
She grimaced as she remembered her fears and tried momentarily not to let them invade her thoughts, putting psychological pressure on her head, increasing her tension and anxiety. It had been days since she had pushed the image of Caio out of her mind, focusing all her attention on herself and Shawn.
She needed to take care of him too, she worried about his physical and mental health, and knew how prone he was to stress crises and mood swings when he was at this crazy pace of touring, so she didn't bring up the subject of Caio with him, nor did she want to worry him unnecessarily, since she didn't even know if what she had seen was really real or the product of a hysteria she had been carrying inside her for days. She preferred to believe that it was only her imagination, and that it had nothing to do with her, since she and Shawn were safer on tour than they would be at home alone.
A knock on the door roused her from her reveries, and as she opened it, Brian smiled at her from the hallway. He had joined the tour in the last month at the request of Shawn, who needed his help with some equipment and sound checks at the shows.
- Hi, Rosely. How are you feeling today?
- Much better, the nausea hasn't bothered me as much, so I can eat better now. - she said also smiling. She really liked Brian, and had learned over time to appreciate his company. He was like a brother to Shawn, so inseparable that they were together in all the important events of their lives. Brian had changed a lot when he started dating Lexy. He had calmed his restless Don Juan spirit and seemed to have found in Rosaly's friend his ideal partner, and they both matched perfectly well together. They had the same thoughts and dreams, and were building a beautiful story together, Rosaly could even see a future for those two who seemed more and more in love and involved with each other.
- I'm glad you're feeling better, because Shawn asked me to take you to lunch. He got stuck in rehearsal because of technical problems and didn't want you to have lunch alone. - Rosaly laughed and thought to herself that this was Shawn's way of making sure she didn't miss lunch, and making her understand that even if he wasn't there he was taking care of her just the same.
- Okay. I'd love to have you join me for lunch. - she replied.
Brian took her to a restaurant not far from the hotel where they served excellent Italian food. The place was not very crowded, and as soon as they entered a waiter led them to a corner table that was available. Brian took the menu that the waiter offered him and placed his orders. As soon as the waiter left them, Rosaly looked amused at Brian and said-:
- It looks like Shawn has instructed you right on what I should order for my lunch.
- I'm sorry, Rosely if I seemed overbearing or nosy in ordering without asking your opinion, but I followed the instructions he gave me. - Brian said blandly.
- You'd think he wouldn't trust me to order my own lunch, wouldn't you? - she said, glaring at Brian.
- Rosely, don't be upset. Shawn is very worried about you.
- I know. I'm not complaining. I know I gave him cause to worry. I should have taken better care of myself, and I also should have told him that I wasn't well, but I didn't want to give him a reason to be even more stressed than he already is with all his tour commitments.
- Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have stayed home instead of coming with him. - her voice broke, and a lump formed in her throat as her eyes filled with tears, and she made a tremendous effort not to cry in front of Brian and make a scene in the restaurant in front of everyone. Brian touched her hand and said:
- Please don't say that. Shawn loves you Rosely, and he is enjoying having you on tour with him. You should see the way he talks about you and the baby. He is so proud of you and keeps telling you that you will be the best mother in the world.
Brian's words brought some relief to Rosaly who had been having these thoughts for some time. She had come on the tour because Shawn had asked her to and because she also wanted to be around him as much as possible, but with everything that was going on, she felt that she was getting in Shawn's way, making him waste precious time worrying about her, when he could be enjoying the tour more and spending more time with himself. She didn't want to be a hindrance in his life, much less in his career.
- I know that he loves me, but I don't think it was a good idea for him to come. I feel that things aren't going the way we planned, and I don't want Shawn to regret his choice any longer. - she said blurting out.
- What is it, Rosely? Shawn will never regret being with you, getting married, and having this child. You are his life, if you ever thought otherwise, you are wrong. - Rosaly didn't say anything. She was silent for a few minutes not wanting to share her thoughts at that moment.
She was feeling very emotional about the pregnancy, and she still had to fight her insecurities and her nightmares that still tormented her many nights. It was too hard to deal with all of this and still feel like she was letting Shawn down in some way.
Lunch came, and they ate in silence, and although Brian didn't say anything, she felt that he was watching her covertly, perhaps because he feared that she would end up getting bored if he showed too much interest in her reactions. But after a while the silence between them began to weigh heavily, and Brian couldn't stand it any longer and asked:
- Rosely, is there something bothering you that you don't want to tell me?
- Did Shawn ask you to ask me that too? - she asked looking at him seriously.
- No, I'm the one asking.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. These pregnancy hormones are driving me crazy. I'm not normally this emotional.
- Don't worry, I understand. I only ask because there seems to be something else bothering you. - Rosaly looked at Brian and wondered if she could open up to him about Caio, but then thought it best not to say anything. He would end up telling Shawn everything and they would fall back into the same problem.
- It's not a big deal. - Rosaly replied.
- Well, if you say so. I guess you better eat all your lunch, or Papa Shawn will be angry. - Brian said, making fun of the fact that everyone called Shawn that just to make fun of him.
- I'll try harder. - Rosaly said, popping a piece of carrot into her mouth.
After lunch, Brian took Rosaly back to the hotel, and she spent the rest of the afternoon resting, then she took a shower and waited for Shawn to arrive.
SHAWN
Shawn was worried. Ever since Brian had returned from lunch with Rosaly, he had been feeling uneasy. His friend's words had been on his mind, and he wondered at what point he had failed to notice how Rosaly was feeling. He had thought he was doing the right thing in protecting her, but his actions seemed to be having the opposite effect.
When Brian had arrived and Shawn had asked him how lunch had gone, he had said:
- Everything went well at lunch, but, who doesn't look well at all to me is Rosaly.
- What do you mean? - Shawn asked confused.
- Shawn, you can't possibly not realize how weakened she is. I'm not talking about the physical side, because you've been taking very good care of that from what I've seen, but the emotional side of her is a mess.
- What do you mean, Brian? - Shawn pulled out a chair and sat down in it, too shocked by Brian's words. - What do you mean Rosaly was in an emotional mess?
She seemed fine, despite the sudden mood swings, and the nightmares that were no longer occurring every night, but for this, he would have her see a psychologist to find out the causes of so many bad dreams. What else could be going on that she was hiding from him? Shawn was not liking at all to know that Rosaly was hiding things from him.
What was so bad that he couldn't know?
- I don't know exactly what it is, but something is making her depressed. She told me that she thinks she's getting in your way, that she shouldn't have come on this trip, and that she would have been better off staying home.
- But where did she get all this from? I'm sure she never said anything that would make her think that," Shawn was shocked. Did Rosaly really think like that? He loved having her around, loved watching her belly grow every day, and loved even more to share every moment of that tour with her that only because of her was being unforgettable. So why was she feeling like a burden to him? Hadn't he shown this all enough to make her feel that she was the most precious thing in his life?
- Shawn, aren't you being too strict with her on this food issue? Today, when I was choosing the menu for our lunch, she told me that you don't seem to trust her even to choose your own food.
Wouldn't it be better if you changed your attitude a little about this? I know you want to protect her, but I think you need to rethink the way you are handling all of this and that it is reflecting negatively on Rosely.
Shawn had been mulling over that conversation all afternoon, and it had influenced his rehearsal performance to the point that he had to stop several times before continuing. She hadn't thought that he would cause her all the negative feelings that made her feel so down.
The reason he was strict with her about eating was because he blamed himself for what had happened to Rosaly. He had not paid attention to the way she had been eating, which had culminated in her fainting and the onset of anemia.
If he hadn't been so involved with his tour, if he hadn't spent so much time away from home leaving her alone, and if he had followed her more closely through that first difficult phase of her pregnancy, maybe things wouldn't have turned out so bad, but the truth was that he felt guilty, and for that he put more pressure on her than he should have.
That week they had an unfortunate episode for which Shawn still could not forgive himself. He had ordered dinner for both of them, but Rosaly had said that she couldn't eat, and for some reason he had thought that she wasn't trying hard enough, and this had angered him to such an extent that it had made Shawn harder on her than he had intended, and for this reason he had made her cry.
Shawn had not intended it that way, and he didn't even think that it would affect her so much as to make her unhappy like that. When he saw Rosaly sobbing, he realized that he had been too hard on her, and his heart ached so much to think that she didn't deserve to be treated that way by him. So he had hugged her and said:
-Rosely, forgive me for being an asshole. I didn't know I spoke to you like that. The problem is that I care so much about you. Shawn wanted so badly to take back the things he had said to her, but words once spoken cannot be erased, so he tightened his embrace, wanting her to understand that he had acted that way because he loved her so much, and could find no other way to keep her safe. Her next words hurt him, because they made him realize that he was hurting her instead of giving her the love he had promised:
-I'm sorry. I'm trying, I swear, and I feel so terrible and so useless. - There was so much pain on her face that Shawn couldn't stand to see her suffer so much for something he had done. He had been too stupid and had not been able to deal with her difficulty in feeding herself, and had treated her in the worst possible way.
-I'm fine. You don't have to feel that way. I promise I will try to help you in any way I can. Forget what I said just now. I love you, just remember that. - It had been an almost vain attempt to make her understand that he knew how difficult it was for her to overcome all the barriers that insisted on hindering the development of her pregnancy in a healthy way, but he had done what he could, and Rosaly seemed to improve little by little from then on, but now, as far as he could tell, the episode that he thought had been forgotten was only momentarily put aside, and it still bothered Rosaly.
He had gone to the hotel desperate to talk to her. He needed to clear things up before he ended up hurting Rosaly even more. He loved her so much and didn't want her to feel bad about unfounded thoughts inside his head.
When he entered the room he found her sitting in front of the mirror arranging her long locks into a pretty braid. She stopped what she was doing to smile at him in the mirror, leaving him speechless for a moment struck by her beauty. He had forgotten what he was going to say as his gaze was drawn to her thighs, completely exposed by the short T-shirt she was wearing, the only item on her body at that moment. He positioned himself behind her and asked softly:
- Do you want me to finish fixing your hair for you? - Rosaly nodded, and Shawn's fingers then glided through each strand of hair, slowly and unhurriedly braiding them. She leaned back against his body and closed her eyes, her face showing the pleasure she was feeling from his gentle touch on her hair.
Looking at Rosaly with her eyes closed and sighing softly with each movement of his hands braiding her hair, Shawn began to feel his body on fire. God! How could something so innocent be so sensual. He lowered his head and touched behind Rosaly's ear with his lips, and watched with pleasure as all her skin shivered. He continued to move his lips halfway down her neck where he paused for a moment to nibble lightly.
She let out a moan, took his hand and brought it to her breast where he touched and stimulated it over the fabric of her T-shirt, while his other hand moved down her body to reach her intimacy, where he pulled away her panties and touched her intimately making Rosaly moan even louder, moving her hips slowly as he aroused her more and more.
He withdrew his hand and she moaned in protest at the interruption of her pleasure, but, he turned her around and pulled her against his body, and his mouth clamped down on hers as if they would never part again. Rosely pushed him toward the bed, and lay on top of him extremely aroused. Her hands worked at the zipper of his pants, pulling them down and letting his glorious manhood show her the size of his arousal. Her soft fingers played with his erection and he felt like he would go crazy if he didn't possess her soon.
Shawn's hands on her back were warm, and pressed her body against his, finding the hem of her shirt and sliding it up until it ripped from her body. Then it was the turn of her panties, and then his shirt. And soon they were both completely naked, tasting each other's skin with their lips.
The moans were getting louder and louder, the desire surging uncontrollably, Rosaly opened herself to him, and Shawn took her at once, moving with her in a mad frenzy, surrendering more and more until they exploded in a boundless ecstasy that left them both panting and exhausted.
Minutes later, they were in each other's arms, and Shawn finally remembered what he had wanted to tell her when they first arrived, but had been completely seduced by the sensuality of her body.
- Honey, Brian told me what you talked about at lunch. Why didn't you tell me you felt this way? I never imagined that you would think you were in my way. - Her hand went up and down his chest, and Rosaly stopped her caress as soon as he asked that question:
- I don't know. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be here, and that if I wasn't you could stop worrying about me and really enjoy the tour. I don't think my presence here is necessary. - Shawn cupped her chin with his hands, making her look up at him:
- Does the way we love each other just now answer your question? I can't imagine anyone else I would want to be with. - His eyes were pure tenderness.
- There is no place in the world better for me than your arms. - Rosaly answered, kissing his lips with all the love in her heart.
- So, I want you to stop all these foolish thoughts that have been making you sad, and live only for our baby and our love. - he said, smiling and interlacing his fingers in hers.
- Okay, I promise I'll put all this nonsense aside, and think only of us.
- Very well. Now that we've settled everything, I'll tell you what we'll do. - his gaze glinted with malice and Rosaly felt her body goose bumps before she even knew what he intended.
- And what's your idea, Mr. Mendes?
- I'm going to make love to you all night in the bathtub. - and before she could protest, he picked her up and carried her into the bathroom, from where they only emerged hours later.
SHAWN AND ROSALY
Rosaly felt renewed that morning. The weight of the world that she felt on her was gone, and all that was left was that good feeling that illuminated her soul, and made her feel happy and smile every moment. Making love to Shawn had this effect on her, it made her feel relaxed and in a few seconds of kissing and caressing their bodies connected in a way that left no doubt that they were born for each other.
She got up before he did and ordered breakfast, and for the first time in days she was hungry. That was another effect Shawn Mendes had on her, he worked up an appetite. She was in love with him and knew she would be for the rest of her life, and to feel that she was equally loved by him left her on cloud nine.
This morning was being special for her because her heart was light, and she no longer had any doubts, even her fears had diminished and she resolved that she would stay that way from then on, at peace and completely happy.
- Wow. How nice to see you eating with such an appetite this morning. It's been a long time since I've seen you like this, my love. You look radiant. - Shawn hugged her from behind and kissed her on the top of the head.
- I think I need gradual doses of Shawn Mendes to make me feel revitalized every morning. - Rosaly said with a smile so bright that Shawn felt his heart warm up.
- I want to tell you something I didn't say yesterday for lack of opportunity.
- What is it? - Rosaly looked at him curiously.
- I love you. - the voice sounded hoarse, causing Rosaly's heart to race, and she clasped her tiny hand in his large one and replied.
- You told me with your hands. - she replied in a way so sexy that Shawn pulled her onto his lap and kissed her longingly. When they separated, he rested his forehead against hers and said a little breathlessly:
- I want you to know that I don't regret a single day that I chose you to share my life with. You're all I need, you're what gives me the courage to fly higher and higher.
And if I made you think differently at any time, dear forgive me, I promise I'll try harder so you'll never feel that way again. - Rosaly touched his face with her hands, feeling in her fingers the strength of the man who would be her future husband.
- You are the love of my life. You never made me feel second best. You've always made me a priority in your life, and I'm sorry if I've been acting crazy lately. I promise I'll make it better from here on out, and we'll be even happier than we've been. - she kissed him again, and Shawn said all smiles.
- I have a surprise for you.
- Really? And what surprise is this? - Rosaly asked, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.
- If I tell you it will spoil the surprise.
- Are you really going to leave me dying of curiosity?
Not for long. Go get dressed, and then we'll go out. - he continued with his suspense, and Rosaly sighed in frustration.
She went to her room and then returned ready to leave. Shawn had also gotten ready, he took the car keys, put his hands on Rosaly's shoulder, and they drove to the hotel parking lot. He drove for a few moments, and then stopped in front of a large store. When Rosaly saw what kind of store it was, she looked at him with eyes full of surprise, and Shawn said:
-I thought this was a great opportunity for us to buy our baby's crib -Rosaly melted at his words, her eyes watered and she replied:
- How can you be so wonderful? I love you so much. - He wiped her tears with his index finger and said:
- This is how I always want to see you with that beautiful smile on your face. - He then helped her out of the car and into the store.
A friendly attendant came to assist them, and Rosaly was delighted with so many models of cribs and strollers for babies. She was enchanted by an all-white one, and Shawn liked a yellow one better. They were in this impasse for a few seconds, so Shawn solved the problem by saying:
- I got it. I'll ask our son to tell us which one he prefers. - He unceremoniously knelt down in front of Rosaly, touched her belly with his hands, and smiled as if he were really talking to the baby.
- Very well, my son. So tell us which crib would you rather sleep in, the white one or the yellow one? Ah. Are you sure this is the one you want? Okay, I'll tell her. -
Shawn turned to Rosaly and the attendant who were watching the scene in fascination and said:- He said he prefers the white one mommy chose.
Rosaly was grinning from ear to ear as she thought how could she not love Shawn even more when he did things like this? He really was an amazing human being.
They went to the cashier to pay for the crib and to arrange for delivery to Canada. Then Rosaly saw a beautiful maternity dress in the window and fell in love with it, and Shawn, seeing her interest, said:
- Go try it on.
- May I?
- Of course, my love. You can do anything you want. - he said, encouraging her.
The attendant went with her up the stairs to the fitting room, and in a matter of seconds she had it on and was showing it to Shawn. He then looked at her from the foot of the stairs and was ecstatic at the sight of Rosaly in that blue dress that highlighted her shapes beautifully.
She smiled and turned around so that he could see the whole ensemble, and then, turned to face him again, seeing clearly in Shawn's eyes all his admiration for her.
Suddenly, she felt a touch on her back as if someone was pushing her down, and she started to fall rolling down the stairs slowly. She only had time to hear Shawn's scream calling her name and then nothing else.