'Ok, I have another idea.' Grian began, early on the next day. 'We all get a turn to be director, starting with Cub because he helped me become director, and we switch around after around half an hour... Cub, what do you want us to do?'
'Freeze... But we can only say the word parkour.'
'Sure... Everyone get in a circle. Who wants to go in first?' Scar and Ren seemed immediately up for it.
'Parkour?'
'Parkour, parkour parkour parkour parkour.'
'PARKOUR parkour?'
'Parkour parkour parkour!'
'Parkooour... Parkour?'
'Parkour.'
'Parkour parkour?'
'Parkour! Freeze! Stop this monstrosity!' Grian interrupted, taking Ren's place. 'Parkour.'
'Parkour parkour... Parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour. Parkour parkour parkour. Par. Kour parkour. Parkour parkour parkour. Parkour... Parkour, parkour parkour parkour parkour.'
'Parkour?'
'Parkour... Parkour parkour parkour parkour. Parkour!'
'Parkour...' Grian nodded along, completely lost
'Parkour, parkour parkour, parkour parkour parkour! Parkour, parkour parkour parkour. Parkour.'
'WHO'S TURN IS IT NEXT?' Grian yelled above Scar's parkour monologue.
'Let's see how long Scar can continue this for...' Cub smirked back, enjoying himself a bit too much.
'Parkour, parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour parkour. PARKOUR! Parkour parkour, parkour parkour parkour. Parkour parkour parkour, parkour parkour! Parkour! Parkour? Parkour parkour parkour, parkour, parkour parkour, parkour parkour parkour.' By this point, Scar has created an entire scene and was acting it out with himself. 'Parkour? Parkour! Parkour... Parkour parkour, parkour. Parkour? Parkour parkour parkour!'
'Stoooooooooop!' Grian groaned. 'Pleaaaaaase!'
'Parkour, parkour parkour?'
'Parkour?!' Cub joined in.
'Parkour!'
'SOMEONE SAY FREEZE!'
'Parkour, parkour, parkour parkour parkour.'
'Parkour? Parkour parkour... Parkour parkour parkour.'
'Uhh... Freeze?' Ren eventually said, by which point Cub and Scar were halfway through a full conversation both of them apparently understood. 'Scar?'
'Parkour? Yes?'
'That sounds even weirder...'
'What, me speaking normally?'
'I give Scar the director's script.' Cub declared. 'For him to do whatever he wishes.'
'Oh, thank you!' Scar gave a little demon laugh. 'Now... Let's go through scene... 1. Always good to start at the beginning... Can everyone in that scene please get ready to start.
'I have a very bad feeling about this...' Grian grimaced, but watched as Ren, Pearl and the villagers made their way towards the stage, starting the scene.
'Do you know what time it is, Pearlie?' Rendolf exclaimed as he bounded onstage. Pearl followed.
'No, what time is it?'
'It's Christmas time!'
'Yay!' Beef said, followed by general excitement from the rest of the villagers. 'Christmas time!'
'I know! Christmas time is the best time of the year! Especially when the Christmas God comes and blesses us with presents!'
'And, since it's Christmas Eve, the Christmas God will appear tonight!'
'What presents did you want, Rendolf?'
'I wanted the gift of new socks!'
'Wow! Socks! What an amazing gift!' Pearl replied seriously 'I want a pet wolf called Tilly!' How long is it to wait now?'
'Not long! Look, the sun's setting now! According to the ancient tradition the Christmas God will appear right...'
'Bdubs! Your turn!'
'Scar, you had ultimate power and you did nothing?!'
'Well, Joe's not here to annoy... and I had no ideas.'
'Scar, get onstage for your entrance.' Bdubs called. The vex ran for the stage, managed the jump onto it, and disappeared backstage as Ren repeated his line.
'According to the ancient tradition, the Christmas God will appear right...'
'Boo!' He burst onstage to shrieks of horror from the villagers 'Me and Cub have stolen your Christmas God and imprisoned him somewhere you will never find! From now on there will never be another Christmas!'
'Get away you foul Christmas Vex!' Rendolf declared, running at Scar before suddenly from the Magic Hand Trick.
'You cannot stop us! We have powerful magic, Rendolf! And we have provided many impossible challenges you must face if you even think you can beat us, the powerful, chaotic new rulers of Hermit town!' Scar's hand dropped to his side and a moment later Ren moved again. Pearl ran up beside him.
'You'll never beat us! We will get back the Christmas God whether you like it or...'
'You will never succeed! The Fort of the Vexes is protected and our defences... un... super... un... never mind. So just you try to stop us!'
'Unsurpassable!' Grian laughed.
'We will stop you!' Ren vowed, continuing the scene.
'You can try, you foolish dog-boy. I hope to see you die a painful death if you dare to start your journey!' And, with that, Scar walked offstage.
'Can we have a poof of smoke there? Can anyone make a poof of smoke?' Bdubs asked.
'Uhh...' Wels threw a splash potion and it made a decently effective poof, and gave Scar poison effect,
'RENDOLF! COME BACK! YOU CAN'T FIGHT HIM!' Pearl brought everyone to attention by yelling, following Ren offstage.
As they moved onto scene two, a lot more hermits had their own turns at directing, including Zedaph, who made everyone say their lines back to front, False who made everyone ribbet their lines while wearing frog heads, and Tango who ended up getting the stage blown up with unnecessary special effects. Then the script fell into Hypno's hands, who declared.
'We're doing the song but every line is FIVE VILLAGERS!'
'Can I just intervene and offer a polite suggestion of NO.' Grian replied.
'I have the script.' He found the backing track music disk and played it, refusing any further complaints.
'In the christmas play of hermitcraft, Joehills did decree... FIVE VILLAGERS!' Etho started strongly
'In the christmas play of hermitcraft Joehill did decree... FIVE VILLAGERS.'
'And FIIIIIIIIVE VILLAGERERS!' Etho continued over Grian's screams of what sounded like literal physical pain at the song, before flying away.
You whispered to Joehillssays: I will help you reclaim the director's script
Joehillssays whispered to you: ???
You whispered to Joehillssays: Hypno's doing the song as his line
You whispered to Joehillssays: it's very painful
Joehillssays whispered to you: Is this at the stage?
You whispered to Joehillssays: Yes. Also Tango blew up the stage
Joe didn't reply to this, but soon Grian saw him flying over, calling for him to land, just outside the Resistance Assistance shop.
'Now, if you pay a diamond I can legally help you resist Hypno and get the script back.'
'Deal.' Joe handed over a diamond instantly. Grian gave a nod and a smile.
'Now, I decided that everyone had a turn at being director... most people have done their turn, but I can convince Mumbo to give it to me, and I'll give it back to you.'
'I don't trust anyone to give me the script any more.'
'No, no, no. I've learnt my lesson now. Seriously. You can trust me.'
'And if not, I'm going to kill you.'
'Fine.'
The two returned to where they'd nearly reached the end of the 5 villagers version of the song. Only a couple more verses of hell were left, until Hypno handed the script to Mumbo, who'd been lectured on what he'd need to do. The moustached redstoner handed it straight to Grian.
'I'm sorry, guys.' Fighting every atom in his body that was vying for further chaos, Grian handed the script back to Joe and the play returned to normality.