Severus slowly opened his eyes as sunlight invaded the room, resting on his eyes. He rubbed them sleepily, reflecting on the previous night.
"What did you just say?" Laura had asked, a crack forming in her voice.
Severus could see a mix of fear and confusion in Laura's eyes; he could hear it in her voice, a deep, painful emotion in it, an emotion that would stay with Severus forever. "Your father tried to kill you." Severus continued on, recounting the memory he had seen, guilt in his gut as he knew it was a memory he felt he had no right to see, but Dumbledore had insisted.
Laura sat quietly, drinking in what Severus had told her. She took small sips of information, but even small sips were too much.
"I need you to say something now," Severus said quietly, eyes glued to Laura's every movement, every expression.
Silence.
"Laura?" Severus asked. "Say something."
Silence.
Severus touched Laura's shoulder, making her eyes jump to him. "I think I just want to sleep for a while," Laura whispered, slipping farther beneath the bed covers, clearly wanting to hide from the world.
Severus sighed, watching Laura completely shut down before her eyes closed and he too slid beneath the covers, trying to sleep, giving up trying to get Laura to talk for the evening.
Severus looked to his side, letting his mind come back to the present day, feeling panic leap in his chest when the other side of the bed was empty. He jumped up, nearly falling as he tried to slip on some pants, hobbling to the bedroom door, as he not so gracefully attempted to get his pants on. "She promised she wouldn't run. She ran because something bad came up. Why can't she trust me to help her through her pain?" Severus thought.
Irritation flared in his chest as he yanked the bedroom door open.
Laura promised she wouldn't run when things got hard. She promised she would communicate. She promised—
Severus looked across the living room to the kitchen in shock, seeing Laura at the counter, watching the coffee brew, dripping and groaning as the pot filled with the dark liquid. He stared at her, eyes traveling up bare legs, colliding with the hem of an oversized, black shirt Laura stole from Severus's closet.
Not that he minded, though.
But what was more important, though, was that Laura didn't run.
Laura turned, feeling his presence. Unknown to Severus, it was easy for Laura to feel when Severus was near, as his presence felt like sunshine filling the space with warmth and brightness, even though no one else seemed to feel that way. "Morning," she said. "I made some coffee and...," Laura paused, noticing the strange look on his face. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Severus's face had worry and irritation and surprise lingering, but those emotions soon faded away. "I thought you ran," he admitted.
"What?"
"You used to run when something happened," he told her.
Laura's facial expression immediately softened, a soft smile filling her face. "I promised I wouldn't do that anymore," Laura said before pouring two cups of coffee. She moved to Severus, handing a mug emitting steam from the caffeinated beverage. "I just...," Laura sighed. "I needed to process what you said so I just wanted to sleep for a while."
"And how do you feel about what I told you?" Severus asked curiously.
Laura didn't answer right away, taking a sip of coffee, buying herself time as her mind rattled with thoughts. "I don't know," Laura told him. "I feel like crap about it... but it makes sense... why I was so afraid of him, but it feels like a relief in a way, to know the truth." Laura set her coffee on the counter, staring at the wisps of steam radiating from the cup. "It was shitty of Dumbledore to hide this from me," Laura said quietly.
Severus nodded in agreement, not knowing what to say as his mind began drowning in one simple, yet complicated question:
What else was Dumbledore hiding?
Severus stared at Laura, noticing a strange look on her face, as if there was something churning in her mind. "Something's going on in that head of yours," Severus noticed.
"What?" Laura asked. "No. Nothing."
Severus stared, raising an eyebrow, waiting for a real answer.
A sigh escaped from Laura's lips. "I just...," she trailed off, trying to find the words in her head, trying to piece them all together, trying to make her mind make sense. "I think I want to go back there."
"Back... where?" Severus asked curiously.
"Home," she said simply. "Well...it was home." Laura's voice drifted into silence before Severus realized what she meant.
"You mean where you grew up," he stated. "You want to see the forest. See your house."
"I think I need to go there," Laura told him. "I have this feeling that I need to see it. I need to see it all." Laura looked down for a moment before her eyes flicked to Severus's. "It's stupid, isn't it?" she asked, voice filling with doubt over the idea.
"No," he responded immediately. "But I want to go with you."
"What?" Laura's face twisted with surprise. "You want to go?"
"I'm certainly not going to let you go back to that... place... by yourself," Severus told her, trying to hide his disdain. He knew that house had a lot of memories for Laura, good and bad (more bad than good), and didn't want her to be alone.
"Are you sure?" Laura asked. "Will Dumbledore even let both of us go in the middle of a semester like this?"
"To be frank," Severus started, "I really don't give a damn what Dumbledore thinks right now." It was easy to hear the disdain, the irritation in Severus's voice as he got more and more fed up with Dumbledore.
Laura opened her mouth to say something, but quickly closed it, and gently squeezed Severus's shoulder. Severus had a feeling Laura felt the same way he did. She was just as tired of Dumbledore playing the role of Puppet Master as Severus was.
"Hey, remember that thing you did with your tongue last night?" Laura asked, voice cutting through the silence.
Severus jerked his eyes towards her, realizing while he had been lost in thought, Laura moved near the bedroom door. He raised his eyebrow, staring at her.
"Could you do that again?" she asked with a smirk, trying to take Severus's mind off Dumbledore and all the bad things that came with him.
Severus smirked widely and moved towards her, causing Laura to yelp and run into the bedroom. Needless to say, the rest of the morning was spent in bed.
That afternoon, Severus went to Dumbledore's office, telling him that he and Laura would be leaving for a few days. Dumbledore must have been able to tell that there was some... bite to Severus's words, and he didn't argue, nor did he ask questions.
Severus and Laura packed their things, leaving the castle quietly. "Is there a portkey near by?" Laura asked.
"Yes, but it will only take us to London," Severus told her. "From there, we can take the one I traveled with before."
Laura nodded before she and Severus walked for a while, finding a broken vase in the dirt. "Is that it?" she asked.
Severus nodded. "Ready?"
"Ready," Laura confirmed before they both grabbed the vase.
And so it began: the swirling vision, the twisting stomachs, the vertigo, the ringing in the ears as Severus and Laura spun and spun, landing smack on the ground. "I never enjoy that," Laura said with a grimace as they both slowly stood.
"It's not an enjoyable experience, but we could try to land on our feet next time," Severus told her before he stood, brushing dirt off himself. "What's our next step?"
"Well, if we cut through the woods and head that way, we'll be in town," Laura told him as she pointed in a direction. "There's a rental car place there."
"A rental car place?" Severus asked. "Why do we need to go there?"
"Well, we need a car," Laura said. "We can't disapparate and apparate around here. It might be a pretty isolated town with not a ton in it, but we have to be careful."
Severus nodded, knowing it made sense, but he didn't like cars. He didn't like the way they looked, he didn't like the idea of driving them, and he certainly didn't like being in them.
But when they got to the rental place and found a car, Severus got in the passenger seat, watching Laura drive, still disliking how well she did muggle things. He knew the ministry had cars so he couldn't be too judgmental, but... he was judging.
Severus grew lost in thought, staring at the trees draped in snow on the side of the road, occasionally seeing a random house or farm peeking through the trees. The houses looked lonely, nestled amongst the trees. He wondered if the people occupying them felt lonely, or if they enjoyed being alone, finding solace in it, finding solace in the snow, as all their whispers and secrets could become trapped beneath the snow, creating a beautiful, winter silence.
"We're here," Laura said softly, stopping the car. Severus glanced at Laura, breaking his train of thought as he slowly slid out of the car. He looked at the house in front of him, staring at the house he had seen in Dumbledore's memories.
Just like Laura's family, the house was torn apart, rundown, filled with pain, filled with ghosts. A house once so alive, was now so quiet, so dark, so tormented.
So broken.
A broken home. A broken family.
Just... broken.
"How did you let it go?" Severus asked, unable to stop the words from exiting his mouth.
Laura paused, looking at him, confusion on her face. "What do you mean?"
"I mean... how did you let go of the trauma? The pain you felt here," Severus said quietly.
Laura didn't answer right away, mind riddled with thoughts. "You don't really let go of it," Laura admitted after a while, glancing at the house before back at Severus. "It's kind of like this house."
"What do you mean?"
"This house is old and rundown... covered in ivy beneath the snow," she said softly. "The ivy covers most of the house but you can still see the damage, the loneliness, the neglect." Laura stared at the house, lost in thought. "A lot of the pain is hidden, but it's still there, poking through."
Severus didn't say a word, watching Laura gaze at the house. She moved closer to the house, but her movements were cautious, meticulous, as if she was afraid the house would swallow her whole like it did when she was a child, ripping her happiness away.
Laura slowly moved to the steps and up to the front door, which opened with a loud groan, letting a soft light seep into the room. Severus followed her in, watching her eyes scan the room. "It's strange being back," Laura said softly, walking across the wooden floor, inspecting the dust-covered furniture.
"Is there something here you're looking for?" Severus asked curiously, scanning the room, taking notice of how slowly Laura was moving, as if looking for something specific.
Laura shook her head. "No, I'm just trying to remember it all," she said quietly, looking at old photos in cracked frames resting against the floor. In a way, Laura was trying to find something: her memories. Severus knew Laura wanted them back desperately, even if it hurt her to do so.
Severus gazed around the room, looking at the dusty bookshelves filled with lonely books that haven't felt human eyes on them in years, with no one to crack their spines and let their words come to life. They were completely alone, just like Laura was. Maybe if she had spent more time here, they could have kept each other company.
Severus followed Laura through the house as they moved from room to room, studying the items left behind. Severus analyzed the rooms, seeing items torn, or broken, or neglected. They eventually made it to Laura's childhood room, which looked just as ignored as the rest of the house.
Laura walked in, standing in the middle of the room, looking around, while Severus's eyes gazed around, seeing art pieces she had drawn, amazed that some of them were still stuck to the walls as if they'd just been put up. Severus stared at one of the pieces, figuring that Laura drew it when she was a child. He moved closer, seeing that even as a child, Laura had a strong knack for painting, making things on the paper look real. He kept staring, seeing the colors, the paint strokes, the detail, all combining to make a form, the form of a dragon.
A dragon with bright, orange eyes.
A dragon that could breathe blue fire.
"Why did you draw this?" Severus asked curiously, continuing to stare at the painting on the wall.
Laura didn't answer right away, causing Severus to finally turn and look at Laura, seeing her on her knees, prying up a floor board. "What... are you doing?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow.
Laura continued prying up the board, tossing it to the side before pulling something out of the hole in the floor. "I used to hide things I thought were important because I was afraid my father would throw them away," she told him, showing him the book she pulled from the floor. "And I drew that," she said, finally answering his question, pointing at the picture Severus had asked her about, "because I kept seeing it in my dreams."
Severus's memories flooded to the surface, remembering the day he forced himself into Laura's mind, invading her memories, remembering how Laura's mother kept bringing up a dragon.
A dragon Laura saw in her dreams.
A dragon with bright, orange eyes.
A dragon that could breathe blue fire.
"Do you still have dreams about it?" Severus asked curiously. "The dragon."
"Not anymore," Laura told him, standing, shoving the book in her bag. "We should go."
Severus nodded, sensing that Laura didn't want to be in that house any longer, and he couldn't blame her for that. They headed downstairs, Severus in front of Laura. When they made it to the living room, Severus heard a loud thud and an "Ouch!" from behind him.
Severus spun around, seeing that Laura's foot had gone through the floor. "Are you all right?"
Laura nodded. "Yeah, I think so...," Laura told him. Severus helped Laura pull her foot from the floor. "What is that?" Laura asked quietly, leaning down, pulling a tattered book from the floor. Laura didn't say anything as she stared at the book, tattered and torn, with an emerald and gold design on the front. She opened it and Severus stood over her as she did, noticing handwriting inside. "It's my mom's journal," she whispered.
"Are you going to read it?" Severus asked.
Laura hesitated, but Severus saw her eyes slowly dance over the pages, absorbing the words on the page. "What does it say?" Severus asked.
"I... I think I need some air," Laura whispered, dropping the journal on the floor as she stood.
"Laura, what--" Severus didn't have time to finish his question as she walked out, heading towards the forest, the forest where she nearly died.
Severus stood in the doorway, watching Laura walk along until he couldn't see her any longer. He moved to the journal on the floor, picking it up with care.
What did Laura see in it that made her walk away?
Severus picked up the tattered book, flipping through it. His eyes ran over the page, feeling a sinking feeling in his stomach. "I told Dumbledore about Laura... I told him about the thoughts in my head... about the depression... how bad things are getting... how I can't do this anymore..." The words filled the pages, making Severus's stomach churn as he felt the pain Laura's mother must have felt practically radiate from the pages and that pain grew more intense when Severus came to a horrible revelation:
Dumbledore knew what Laura's mother was planning. He knew Elizabeth would leave Laura alone.
Dumbledore knew.
Severus stared at the book in his hands, wondering what Dumbledore had said to Laura's mother about it. His mind even crossed into dark territory, wondering if Dumbledore had encouraged it.
Given Dumbledore's track record with disaster and suffering, Severus wouldn't have been surprised if Dumbledore had influenced Laura, all for the greater good.
Severus always thought Voldemort was the one true monster plaguing the wizarding world, but now, Severus couldn't help but wonder if Dumbledore was one, too.
Severus looked at the doorway before he headed outside, holding the book in his hand as he ventured into the forest. He walked a long way, feeling he had been on this path before but he soon stumbled upon Laura, sitting on her knees in a small clearing. "You're going to freeze on the ground like that," he said quietly.
"He knew," Laura whispered. "He knew she was going to kill herself and he didn't even try to help her."
"Dumbledore isn't who we thought he was," Severus said quietly, getting on his knees next to Laura, watching a tear fall against her cheek.
"Do you think he was just okay with her dying?" Laura asked, voice cracking. "Do you think... do you think he encouraged it?"
Severus froze as the questions slipped from Laura's mouth. Given everything Dumbledore had done in the past, he wouldn't have been surprised if he had reprised his role of the puppet master to influence Laura's mother. "Yes," Severus thought, but he wouldn't dare tell Laura that. The word entered his mind before Laura even finished asking. "I don't know," Severus lied. Severus didn't like lying to Laura but his thoughts were merely speculation at that point and he didn't want to upset her more.
Laura stayed silent, staring at the snow in front of her. "I remember it," Laura whispered after a while.
"Remember what?" Severus asked.
Laura looked at him, a sadness in her eyes that could drown the entire universe. "I remember what happened to me here."
"Tell me," he said quietly.
"Why?" Laura asked. "You already know what happened from Dumbledore."
"I want to hear it from you," Severus told her. He couldn't help but let his curiosity grow, wondering what details Laura could provide that weren't in Dumbledore's memory.
"Can we not do this here?" she asked. "Can we go to the hotel?"
Severus sighed, nodding. He stood, pulling Laura up as they slowly made their way back through the forest with only the sound of their shoes crunching the snow to keep them company.
Severus took the car keys from Laura, not feeling comfortable with her driving in her upset state. "You don't even have a license," Laura told him.
"No, but I know how cars work," he told her, making Laura roll her eyes.
"Fine, but it's your fault if we get pulled over," Laura told him, getting in the passenger seat.
Severus had never actually driven a car, but now, he was determined to do it well. He accidentally went in reverse before getting the hang of things, but instead of teasing him, Laura didn't say a word, too distracted to even notice.
The ride to the hotel was quiet, with only silence radiating in the car. Severus managed to stay in the correct lane as he drove but his eyes occasionally drifted to Laura, who spent her time looking out the window before they arrived at the hotel.
Laura didn't utter a word as they checked in, grabbed their bags, and headed to their room. Severus couldn't help but wonder what was going through Laura's mind as they got into their room, putting their things away.
Severus watched Laura plop on the bed, taking her boots off. He sat on the bed next to her, sitting in silence for a moment. "Will you tell me now?" he asked.
Laura hesitated, fidgeting with her fingers, clearly nervous, or maybe scared to take a trip down memory lane. She turned a little, facing Severus, and she lifted her hands to his face. "I can't say it out loud," she whispered, waiting for permission to drag him into her mind.
Severus nodded, both in understanding and giving permission, knowing he was about to feel everything Laura felt and see what happened from her perspective.
A rush of emotions slammed into Severus, slipping into his mind, overloading him. He saw flashes of Laura's pain, of her misery, of her loneliness. He felt small, terrorized by Laura's pain. He saw flashes of her fear as her father towered over her, ready to kill her, a heavy darkness in his eyes, as if he wasn't himself.
Severus saw Laura run, and he was forced along with her, with no choice but to follow, feeling everything she felt. Despite being so young and small and fragile, Laura was strong, and clearly fighting to live as she ran through the woods, dodging broken logs and creeks before her body finally gave up, collapsing.
Severus watched her curl into herself, eyes closing. "Mom...," Laura whispered tiredly. "You need to tell me... tell me what?"
Severus saw Laura muttering to herself and he leaned in, trying to make sense of the whispers spilling from her mouth before Laura pulled him from her mind.
Unfortunately for Severus, Laura's memory didn't provide much more information than Dumbledore's did.
Severus gasped, taking a moment to let himself come back down from the wave of emotions he was feeling.
"I don't remember the dream itself," Laura told Severus. "I remember telling Dumbledore that I saw my mother when I... I guess died or whatever the hell happened..."
"But you don't remember the actual dream anymore?"
"No," Laura said quietly. "I guess that memory is lost to time."
"Do you think Dumbledore found a way to make you forget that part?"
"I don't know," Laura said with a shrug. "I mean... he's powerful, but I don't think anyone could do something like that."
"Maybe you'll remember one day," Severus responded, wrapping an arm around Laura's shoulders. He wanted Laura to remember, not only for the sake of her mind, but it would help feed her curiosity.
"Severus?" Laura asked quietly.
"Yes?"
"Is Dumbledore pulling all the strings in this?" she asked, glancing at him. "Is he why all this shit is happening? What's the end game in all this?"
"I wish I had an answer," Severus said. "I'd like to believe it's to get rid of... you-know-who... but I really don't know anymore."
Severus wasn't lying about not knowing the answers. He wanted to believe this was all part of Dumbledore's plan to get rid of Voldemort, to finally put him to an end, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of Severus's mind.
He just couldn't put his finger on it.
"Laura, we'll find answers," he told her. "I promise we will."
Laura nodded, despite Severus seeing obvious worries on her face.
"Would you like to go to dinner?" Severus asked, hoping to take her mind off things.
Laura shook her head. "I'm not really hungry," she said quietly. "I think I just want to sleep."
Severus nodded. "We can go back to Hogwarts tomorrow," Severus said. "We'll find answers. I promise."
"Will we?" Laura asked, but Severus could already hear the hard tone in Laura's voice.
And Severus knew that tone all too well, as he felt the same way:
Doubtful.