"Oh your hands can heal"
It didn't go away. Mitch thought that surely, whoever this crazy person was at his door at 2 am, would leave once they received the memo that he was not answering the door.
He didn't know what would be worse, getting out of bed or continuing to listen to the loud knocking.
"Mitch! I know you're in there!"
Mitch recognized the voice, and it left him even more confused. What is he doing here?
With a loud sigh, he stumbled out of bed. He grabbed a blanket off of his couch on his way to the door, wrapping himself up completely. He didn't even bother seeing what he looked like. He had a feeling that it resembled an animal. Because sadly, unlike the Queen, not everyone could wake up flawless. But he felt that if someone wanted to interrupt his sleeping at this ungodly hour, they'd have to deal with his appearance.
"Oh thank god! I thought you'd ignore me forever!" Was the relieved response from Alex as Mitch swung the door open.
"Honestly considered it," Mitch mumbled under his breath. "Want to tell me what you're doing at my door at... hmm I don't know...2 am?!"
"I know it's late, I'm sorry." Alex moved into Mitch's apartment, without being invited Mitch noticed.
"You're telling me," Mitch said as he turned on the lights in the living room, his heavy eyes adjusting to the light. However, it was with this light that he noticed the state of the boy before him. His eyes were bloodshot, his hands shook, and his hair, for the first time ever, was a mess of strands upon his forehead. Mitch's fatigue vanished, immediately being replaced with concern.
It must've shown on his face because the next thing that left Alex's mouth was, "I know, I look like a mess."
"Babe, you and I both know that you could never look like a mess." Alex, being the sweetheart he was, never missed the opportunity to showcase his gratitude for compliments. However, this time he just looked at Mitch, a blank expression upon his tired face. Mitch knew something was wrong. "Not to be a complete ass, but what are you doing here? I mean- is everything okay?"
"We broke up." The words tasted bitter in Alex's mouth, and the situation felt much more real now that he'd said it out loud. He had to fight a break down from coming.
Mitch, who had been moving into the kitchen to get what seemed to be a needed glass of water for the boy, stopped dead in his tracks. Sure, he knew that Scott and Alex had been having problems. With Pentatonix becoming more popular, their demand to stay healthy for tour and continue to create new music was more vital than ever. Even Mitch, who's partner knew what it was like to be busy with work, felt that their relationship deserved more attention. However, Mitch fixed that with some very nice makeup sex.
But it seemed that Scott and Alex hadn't been quite so lucky. It'd been obvious to everyone involved with tour. Even Kirstie, who towards the end of tour becomes extremely distracted by facetime with Jeremy, noticed that something was wrong. But you honestly would have to be blind not to. Scott's phone calls with Alex had become...tense. And everyone knew Scott was lying when he said that Alex couldn't come to Paris anymore due to work.
Mitch received more insight than anyone else, seeing that Scott told him everything. He knew things that practically broke his heart. After seeing the two boys grow as a couple over the years and really and truly fall in love right before his eyes, he'd come to love their relationship. Now seeing it in shambles wrecked him. He'd heard some of the things they screamed at each other, things that no one should ever say ever. However, he never in a million years thought that the two would actually split. They were just too perfect.
"Are you sure?"
"I think I'd know."
Mitch turned around and squinted his eyes, trying to wrap his brain around the situation. "Alexander Kirk, tell me the truth. Did you and Scott actually break up or just have another fight? Believe me, I know what it's like to have problems. But you two...you're made for each other, I swear."
"The only thing Scott is made for is being successful. He's more dedicated to the Pentaholics than me. And I appreciate that! I get that he's famous, I knew that coming into the relationship, I knew that you guys would eventually get all the attention you deserve, but I never thought I'd float to the bottom of his priority list."
"Alex, he's still crazy about you."
"And I'm crazy about him, believe me. But some things just have to end, you know?"
"I do, but not you guys. Maybe you'll clear your mind when it's not the middle of the night and then you can work things out."
"There is nothing to work out." Alex felt like he was saying too much, that he would regret opening up to Mitch in the morning. The saddest parts of his heart did not need to be put on display. He began turning around. "Mind if I crash here tonight?"
"Alex if you think I'm letting you walk away from me right now..."
"You need to sleep, you're jetlagged!"
"Yeah, I am. And you're heartbroken."
"I don't want-"
"To talk about it, right? I know, I know, blah blah blah. But you didn't come over here just to crash and avoid Scott. You could've gone to Jake for that. Now why are you here, for real?"
Alex felt caught. He'd honestly debated going to Jake's. Jake was his best friend and would've comforted him better than almost anyone. They had a dynamic identical to Scott and Mitch, but there was something that Jake couldn't provide. And that was the real, honest truth. If anyone knew Scott better than Alex, it was Mitch. But there was also something else...a feeling that was impossible to categorize. Just something about Mitch that had Alex drawn to him and at his house at 2 am. Something about his ability to hold himself together at all times, that maybe he'd spread it.
"I just- I don't know, I don't know why I'm here." And that was the only answer that the heartsick boy could think of.
"...Okay," Mitch said slowly, thinking everything over. He did the thing with his eyes where it seemed as if he was reading your thoughts and starting a conversation that lacked words. He had a quality of filling up a room, and making you feel as if you should leave. Alex felt naked and if Mitch kept looking at him with those big brown eyes filled with sympathy and compassion, he'd use up a whole box of tissues.
"I just came because I trust you! I know that we're not close, and that we honestly barely even qualify as friends, but I trust you. I trust you to be the one to make waking up tomorrow single less painful. I trust you to be the one with insightful advice that will help me during the long part of all of this. I trust you to be my friend, and if only for tonight then so be it. I just- I trust you." Alex might have been exaggerating a bit, because the two were, with no questions asked, friends. They were the two most important people in Scott's life, which seemed to put them in the same places at the same time often. Granted, they were very different people and probably never would've become friends on their own. It wasn't a fake or forced friendship either, though. They genuinely liked each other, and made the friendship work in its own beautiful way.
Alex's words seeped into Mitch's brain and he stood, shocked. He knew that Alex was emotional and vulnerable right now, but even with those setbacks he'd never expect an honest outburst like that. He also knew that he needed him right now, and he sure as hell was going to be there for him. "Babe, come here." He gave Alex a tight, yet comforting, hug. "Of course you can trust me, I'm honored. Now tell me everything." He grabbed Alex's hand and led him to the couch, all while trying to wake his brain and prepare himself for the truth that was about to be placed before him. He knew who's side he'd naturally take, and it most certainly wouldn't be Alex's. But he also knew that Alex came to him before Scott did, and as much as it stung that Scott wouldn't rush to his side, he knew that he had to help whoever came first. You snooze, you lose.
"We were fighting-uh, again. MTV wanted me to go to a convention in New York and represent them so that-"
"What?! Alex, that's amazing! Sorry, continue."
"Thank you. That's a way better response than I got from him. Anyways, he started complaining about how he'd just returned and that I should spend time with him because he doesn't have very much before you guys go to Asia. I couldn't help it, I flipped. I just-I don't understand how it's acceptable for him to live his dream and travel the world, all while ignoring me, and as soon as I get an opportunity to do what I want, I'm the villain. I hate it! I hate how he's put on this pedestal because he's Mr. Perfect. I love his childlike innocence, it's one of my favorite qualities about him. Or was, anyways. But at some point, I need him to fucking grow up! He cannot expect me to play around anymore! We're reaching the point in our relationship where we need to consider getting serious." Alex ran a hand through his messy hair. "I had to practically fight him just to live with me! It shouldn't be that hard! It's like we're constantly stuck in the same place and the only way we'll ever move forward is if I say or do something. It seems as if the rest of his life is progressing except our relationship. God I keep talking in the present. I guess-I guess our relationship doesn't even exist anymore."
Mitch saw it coming before Alex even did. He knew those words would prove their worth, and in the most painful way possible.
"Oh my God," Alex muttered before it was all over. Mitch hopped up immediately, running to his bedroom where he had a box of tissues. Alex was a complete mess by the time he returned.
It hit a sensitive spot for Mitch. He knew what it was like to ruin yourself over a boy. To question everything. Mitch was happy now, let that be known, but that constant fear never disappeared. He felt like questioning everything with his current partner now. He knew how easily everything could change, and it scared him. He didn't want to end up like Alex.
"Shh, baby I know." Mitch rubbed circles onto the tall man's back. Somehow, his head had ended up in Mitch's lap, and the rest of his body was sprawled onto the couch.
The first cry always seems to be the worse, and Alex's lasted for fifteen minutes before he calmed down to stray tears falling.
"I just want him to be happy," Alex whispered, "I'm holding him back and it makes me hate myself."
"Don't you dare," Mitch warned. "Sometimes people just don't balance each other out correctly. You're not holding anyone back, you understand me?"
Alex didn't respond. A few minutes passed, and Mitch didn't dare interrupt the silence. He let Alex think, grieve, and break before he could ever help put back the pieces. When Alex finally spoke again, his voice was unsure and scared.
"For the last few minutes, I've been trying to make myself hate him," he said.
"No, don't do that."
"No, I really feel that I have to. I've been trying- trying to make my brain understand that he hurt me, that he ruined me. But all I want is to be in his arms again. How does that even make sense?"
Mitch didn't answer, not because he didn't know how, but because it was a question that only Alex could answer for himself. And with time, he would.
"Can you believe..." Alex interrupted himself as he began laugh. Mitch was concerned, the boy was broken. "Can you believe that during the last fight we ever had, he said he needed space. He said-he said he needed space! Space! As if there wasn't enough already! I felt so distant from him, it felt like he was miles away, but there he was asking for more space. That's how I knew--I knew then that we had to end."
Mitch let Alex's words roll around in his mind. He tried to understand, but he'd never felt space with Scott before. Imagining it scared him. He decided to say something now, though. Alex was in ruins, and even if Mitch said something in a completely different language, a comforting voice would be enough to calm the boy.
"Scott-he tries so hard to please everyone that he ends up hurting them."
"You know what his problem is?"
"What?"
"He's so goddamn afraid to let go. He tries to hold onto everything and everyone. When will he realize that there simply isn't enough room? That at some point you have to move some things around, let some people go. You cannot move forward if you have extra baggage. I'm his extra baggage. I was holding him back, pulling him down. He may not have ever admitted it, but it was time to make some room, get rid of me."
"Why did it have to be you, though? It should've been someone else, anyone else."
"You're kind, but also lying. He and I had a good run, an amazing run. I loved him almost a painful amount. I don't know-- I'm not a religious guy, but maybe God has something planned. Like, maybe this was all supposed to happen."
"I think you two were made for each other. Maybe--maybe in a couple years in a different environment you could try again. Sometimes you need to back away from a situation before revisiting it."
"Or maybe our relationship was just toxic."
"By Brit? Sorry, not a good time. But I get what you're saying, I just don't agree. I think you had, and have, the potential to be extraordinary."
"Things didn't work out for a reason, and it was simply that he didn't have time for me anymore. But, damnit! Couldn't he see that I loved him? Because I did, I loved him. And I--shit, I hate him because I still love him."
That confession had Alex crying again, though not as bad as before. His tears fell onto Mitch's sweatpants, seeing as his head was still in his lap. All Mitch wanted to do was take the pain away, he hated seeing him upset.
"It's okay to still love him. It's okay."
"I don't want to. I don't want to love him anymore, I want to be able to move on."
"I know you do, but you loved him too much, you can't expect those feelings to just disappear."
"It hurts, Mitch. It hurts so fucking much."
Mitch felt that he would reach his limit. If Alex kept making these confessions and gripping his thigh as he cried, Mitch was going to lose it himself. He couldn't hold it together anymore, not for the sake of Alex, or anyone else for that matter. He couldn't think about breakups. Not the kind when you'd been together for so long, when you could almost taste forever. Then, boom, everything changes. Mitch hated being able to relate. He had to escape this conversation, this heartfelt exchange that brought back too many memories and made him feel as if he'd unlocked a view to his past, somewhere he never wanted to visit again. "I think it's time for you to get some rest, you're tired."
"Okay." Alex wiped his eyes and got up, Mitch following suit.
"You're lucky, I just changed the sheets in the guest bedroom." When Alex didn't follow Mitch down the hallway, he turned around. "You coming or what?"
"Can I-you know what, never-mind."
"You want to sleep in my room?"
"That's really weird, I shouldn't."
"It's okay Alex, really."
"Would that be weird for Scott? Or Levi? Hell, or us?"
"Stop over thinking things."
Mitch walked to his room, and this time Alex followed him.
Once Mitch was hanging onto only a sliver of consciousness, Alex whispered out, "It was like being stuck on the top of a roller coaster, loving him. You're stuck in the same place for such a long time and then suddenly....you drop."