𝙎𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣. 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩
...
ACTIONS CAN SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, but that doesn't take away the inevitable sting that the words thrown like daggers can bring.
The races, Thomas would say, were a grand success yet at the same time a horrible setback. Where he seemed to seal the deal with Billy Kimber's accountant, he also seemed to push away Elizabeth Alder. Back at the races after he was done discussing business, Thomas turned to see not his golden haired girl waiting for him - but instead the barmaid.
Thomas Shelby isn't one for surprises, this one in particular being rather big. When he was told by the barmaid in red that his golden haired girl instead went off with Billy Kimber, panic flooded his body. The thought of Elizabeth alone in the house of Mr. Kimber brought that unfamiliar feeling of panic that rarely arose within the Shelby man. The rise of the unfamiliar feeling reminds the man just how much being in control is important, and what happens when you're not.
The deal was the barmaid, not her. For Thomas, offering up the barmaid was easy. Business, he called it. Initially the king requested the girl in green but Thomas Shelby sternly and continually refused until the man settled for the girl in red.
Immediately Thomas Shelby drove to the Kimber residence because he admittedly couldn't bare to think of what could conspire between then and when he would arrive. It merely made the man sick just thinking about it.
Relief would be an underwhelming description of what Thomas felt when he laid eyes on his golden haired girl who seemed decently unharmed.
Now Thomas Shelby finds himself driving beside his golden haired girl who continues to walk along the edge of the very long driveway of the Kimber residence. "Elizabeth", Thomas says for about the hundredth time yet he still gets the same response; no response.
The feeling of disrespect, betrayal, and anger still pulse through Elizabeth's veins as she continues to storm down the path. How could he? Is what repeats through her head as her focus stays straight.
Whore.
That dreadful word. The word that is thrown as an insult towards women only to belittle them as a person, yet it is what men continue to indulge on despite their words of disgust. Not only does the word sound like nails on a chalk board when other men say it, but it somehow sounds even worse when it comes out of Thomas Shelby's mouth; especially when it's being said to describe herself.
"Ellie", the man's voice says, notably with a subtle stutter of nervousness, and immediately Elizabeth stops dead in her tracks.
"Don't call me that", she firmly says as she keeps her eyes on the ground in front of her as goosebumps raise along her arms.
That name has not been spoken to Miss. Alder or said by Mr. Shelby in about eleven years; almost as if it was forbidden. And just like eleven years ago, Elizabeth need use every ounce of strength in her body to not melt at the sound.
"Get in the car", Thomas says as he too brings the car to a halt, and the girl gives him a blank stare "Please, get in the car", he quickly corrects.
"Start of the day I'm Lady Sarah of Connemara, and by the end I'm just a whore with the clap". Elizabeth finally says after a few moments of silence.
"The man needed to hear that or he wouldn't have stopped" Thomas replies, "Mind, it was the barmaid I sent to go with him, not you."
"You sold her off like a bloody whore right in front of me", Elizabeth retorts back quickly, "With a goddamn smile on your face too might I add."
"Like I told her", Thomas says as he continues to keep a calm yet stern tone, "Sacrifices. They need to be made if she wants to work for the family."
"That's not a sacrifice Thomas, it's fucking prostitution", Elizabeth spits back in anger, "What I did, that's a fucking sacrifice - helping someone who can't help themselves, taking a beating so they don't have to. God knows I could handle it, but how do you know she would be able to?"
Thomas stays silent in response, half out of not knowing what to say and half out of knowing the angry girl standing in front of him was most likely right.
"Sacrifices for the family", Elizabeth laughs in vain, "You're starting to sound like your fucking father."
Immediately Elizabeth knew those words should not have left her mouth, but it was too late to take them back. Out of everyone Thomas knew, Elizabeth was the one who best knew how he felt about Arthur Shelby Sr. And to compare him to that bastard could only be used as an insult; One that's meant to cut hard and deep.
Thomas shoots his ocean eyes towards the girl, the once calm waves behind them turning into crashing, cold dark ones. "Don't fucking speak of that bastard", Thomas says with a loud tone as he points his finger, "Let alone compare me to him."
"Don't fucking point your finger at me", Elizabeth retorts back quickly as she swats at his hand, "You're the one who started all this, calling me a fucking whore!"
"I said it to get you out, and it did", Thomas replies as he tries to calm himself down, "You're the one making a fuss out of it."
"Making a fuss", she laughs, "Maybe it's because I don't like being called a whore, ever thought about that?"
Thomas Shelby remains silent as, again, he didn't quite know what to say. If he knew this was how his golden haired girl would react, he sure wouldn't have said it. That he can be sure of. "You're saying you'd rather be stuck with that", Thomas motions towards the Kimber residence, "Than be called a whore?"
"Yeah, actually", Elizabeth answers, "Not like you would have known, god forbid ask me anything!"
"I'm not sure if you were in the same room as me because it sure didn't look like I could kindly ask you beforehand", a confused and annoyed Thomas replies, "The man already had his hand halfway up your fucking dress!"
"You're fucking unbelievable", the golden haired girl says with a laugh, "How about any other time huh Thomas? Any other time since I've been here could you have asked me!"
Thomas looks at the girl in front of him, clearly in distresses, still quite confused. "Well it's not my first instinct to ask a woman if she likes to be called whore or not when I strike up a conversation", Thomas confesses as if it should be obvious, "I'll keep that in mind though for next time."
"You men are all the bloody same!", Elizabeth says as with each word the Shelby man says back the angrier she seems to get, "Been gone fucking ten years, not even a 'how've you been?' or 'what'd ya get up to over the past decade?'. I've spoken to fucking Finn more than I have you since I've been here!"
It was in that moment that Thomas Shelby was finally able to decipher a snippet of why his golden haired girl was so upset. "You left", his mouth says before his brain could think any more, "You left Arthur, John, Polly, Ada, Finn, Me! You fucking left us and you expect everything to just be alright ten years later? Things to just be the same?"
"No, but I thought I could expect a catch up", she says, "Or any desire to have, I don't know, a conversation?"
"My bad for not exactly wanting to catch up with the girl who left my family in the fucking mud without even as much as a thought for ten bloody years". Thomas says with a snip of anger in his tone.
"Take that back Mr. Shelby", Elizabeth says as her tone suddenly turns from distressed to firm, "Don't you dare accuse me of not thinking about your family for ten years. You have no fucking idea what I went though."
"Tell that to Ada", Thomas argues back, "She waited for the mail every damn day just hoping you sent something. Polly'd even go down to the train once a day to see if you stepped off. Eventually I just had to tell her the truth. Hell, I had to wake everybody up. Make them realize you didn't care."
"Didn't care?", Elizabeth echoes, "Every damn day for four fucking years you want to know what I did?", she asks.
Thomas Shelby stay still, his heart rushing the blood through his veins with mighty pulses, his silence inviting the golden haired girl to share.
"Every day I would see dead men", she begins, "England, France, Italy. They fucking moved me around like I was a fucking horse. In and out of wards, sometimes in the same day, but they were all pretty much the same; dying men with countless bullet holes, limbs cut off, body parts just hanging out of holes that were blown into their body. Most girls tried to only look where they had to in hopes to keep their eyes clean which I don't blame em' for. But me, every day, every ward I was shoved into, I walked the whole bloody thing. I would walk around to each bed to look at the man laying in it to see if it was one of you boys. Sometimes the man on the bed was so bloody broken and bandaged up I just had to look at the clipboard for a name, but sometimes those weren't even updated. Every day, sometimes twice a day; once in the morning and once at night if I was lucky, I would do that just to make sure. When I think about it, I don't think I ever decided if seeing one of you would be a good thing or or a bad thing. All I know is that every time I approached a new bed my heart would begin to race just like it did for the bed before, just preparing itself to see you or Arthur or John. It never was, but I still did it. For four fucking years I did it, for what it's worth. So don't you dare say I didn't care Thomas Shelby."
It was at this point, neither the ocean eyed boy or his golden haired girl really knew what they were fighting about anymore. In a way it was a combination of things that piled up over the eleven years they had been apart. Thomas looks at the girl standing in front of him; her eyes filled with tears and her cheeks stained with a few that managed to escape, her brows furrowed in anger and her chest rising and falling quickly from being out of breath. A mess one might call it, but to the man standing in front of her in that moment, he would call it beautiful.
Like all the Shelby's eventually, Thomas believed that Elizabeth Alder left Small Heath with nothing more than a thought; For something better or for something new. But it was in this moment the ocean eyed boy realized he himself may have been wrong, blinded through the pain of a broken heart.
"You left", Thomas says again lowly after a long pause of silence between the two. This time from the heart.
"I was eighteen Tommy, what was I supposed to do?", Elizabeth says with tears still in her eyes, her wording catching both herself and the man off guard.
Tommy.
Like spoken by an angel. Every time his golden haired girl had said his name in the past replayed in his head. Her laugh, her smile, her embrace, her kiss. Every and all emotion, including the ones that had been buried away from the light resurface from the depths of Thomas Shelby's heart. And a few moments after he had realized he may have been wrong, he too realized and finally admitted to himself he in fact missed Elizabeth Alder.
And from the bottom of his heart he simply replies, "Stay."
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[ Chapter Status: Not Edited ]
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a/n— sorry for the delay, school was been a lot for me recently. the amount i want to update just doesn't work with my school schedule. thank you guys so so so much for 20k+ reads! i am absolutely blown away. your support and love makes my day every day and always keeps me motivated to keep writing for you all! i hope you enjoyed this chapter!