"I guess so," Lindy said, maybe hoping that changing the pitch of one word to emphasise it would stand in for a whole bunch of words that she didn't really want to say. She was effectively giving me her blessing to try being a big girl again, a little break from my punishment. I didn't know what I would have to do to prove I was worthy of that payment, but I knew that I was determined to do it. Whatever it took to make Lindy accept me, that was what I would do.
"Like I said, I've got shopping to do," Mum said. "Do you think you'll be okay looking after the baby while I'm away, Lindy? And maybe if you two can play nicely together, then this afternoon we can return to doing something a little closer to what we had originally planned."
We both agreed to that. And in the circumstances, I think that I was a little more enthusiastic about it than Lindy was. Even when I'd been enjoying being babied, aside from the most disgusting moments, I found that I had started to miss being treated like an adult. I wanted to do things for myself again. I guess that in a way, being a little kid was like a vacation. It was fun as a break from the routine, but it started to feel oppressive if I couldn't get out of that role. A chance to be a big girl, even if just for an afternoon, was something I could look forward to.
"Here's the plan, then," Mum said. "And I expect you both to listen. First, I'll put the hypnotic video on again. Just to help Sally feel nice and little. Then I'll go shopping, and Lindy will be the babysitter. That means she will have all the authority I usually do, and she has control over your punishment. Okay, Sally? And Lindy, I expect you to act responsibly while you are in charge. And then when I get back we'll have lunch, and if Sally has been good all day then we can get you all dressed up like a big girl, and we can see how you do at the sports day. Maybe I'll even have some little treats for you when you do well."
I didn't argue as Mum set up the video on the TV, or when Lindy put those headphones over my ears. And then I was just listening to the words in my ears, and watching the words on the screen. It was so easy to be reminded of how much I liked to be a little baby, and to get lost in the world of my imagination while that voice kept on telling me what to see. Before I even realised that it was happening, I was coming back to reality as the voice counted down. All the spirals and the words fading away, more complex than I needed to understand, and just left my head filled with a pink mist. So hard to think, so easy to just let go and babble like a good baby for my Mommy.
"Now," Mommy said, "how do you feel? Are you all ready for today, or does my little baby need a diaper change?"
I tried to think about the question, just so I could prove that I was still big enough to know what she was talking about. That was when my thoughts started to come back; realising that I had just wet my diaper without even thinking it was weird, and then I'd cheerfully told Mommy about it, so proud that I even noticed. Everything was just a game, and it didn't feel real anymore. I didn't know if I was playing at being a baby, or if I was a baby playing at being a big girl, but the whole thing was so much fun that I didn't mind. It was a bit embarrassing to lose control like that, but I knew that it wasn't anything I needed to worry about.
"I think she can wait until lunch time for a change," Lindy said, and I wondered if she was planning something now. The way she was smirking again made it seem like some kind of trick, or like she'd got one over on me and was just waiting for me to notice.
"I don't think so," Mum said. "She was wet even before the video, and I don't want to risk diaper rash. This punishment is based on embarrassment and having her choice taken away; actual pain doesn't need to be a part of it. Now, if you want to change your little sister I think I might allow that. But in that case it should still be before I go out, because I don't think I've seen you change a diaper before, and I want to make sure that it is done properly."
"Eww, no!" Lindy was immediately put off by that idea; which wasn't a big surprise. She probably imagined it briefly, and decided that she hated the idea even more than I did. And that was no big surprise; I suspected that Mum wouldn't even have mentioned it if she'd thought there was any chance that Lindy might say yes. "I just think she can wait, you don't need to change the baby every few minutes."
"Okay, dear. Do you need a change first? You seem awfully cranky today, I wonder if you're getting jealous of all the attention I'm giving your baby sister. Well, don't worry, you can have–"
"No!" Lindy yelled this time, seeming both nervous and angry. "I don't need a change. I'm not wet, I don't even wear diapers! It's more than a week since I even had one on, and there's no reason I'd ever need somebody else's help." And she stormed off like it was the most insulting thing someone had ever said to her. If she felt so bad about a joking offer of a diaper change, I wondered how she would possibly cope with the punishments I'd had over the last couple of weeks. She wouldn't, of course. She only thought of those punishments as things that could happen to someone else, and I bet she hadn't even imagined herself as the victim at any point.
"Let's get my baby changed, then," Mum said, punctuating the words with a half-shrug. I wondered what she thought of Lindy's sudden burst of anger; I couldn't understand how a joke could have upset her that much. But then, I was still just a little baby, so maybe it was some big girl stuff that I wouldn't understand until I was a bit more grown up.
Mum helped me to lie down on the changing mat, and gave me Mr Muggins to cuddle while she changed my diaper. I hugged the little bear tightly, and I felt a whole lot calmer, like there was nothing that could worry me now. And I couldn't help snuggling him tighter, like he was my best friend in the whole world. I barely even noticed my diaper being changed until Mum reached over to pat Mr Muggins on the head, and told me that I was all clean now.
I sat up with a smile, but kept on snuggling my toys while Mum went to the bottom of the stairs and shouted up to ask Lindy if she was ready yet. A few moments later I heard my sister thundering down the stairs, and I knew that if the last few minutes had made her feel bad, she would be happy to vent her frustrations as soon as Mum left.
"You girls be good while I get the shopping," Mum said, and my nervousness reached a new peak. I didn't know what Lindy could even do to hurt me; all she'd really done so far was accusing me of things that she thought Mum would believe. But in an instant I didn't want to be left alone with my sister. "Sally, Lindy is your babysitter until I get back. Be good for her."
"Yes, Mommy!" I found myself answering automatically, so eager to impress her with how good I could be. I picked up Mr Muggins and Bosnia, and made them answer too. And then I knew that Lindy was in charge again, while I found myself answering and thinking like a baby when I least expected it.
"Good girl," Lindy said, and laughed. "Does that work, then?"
"I dunno?" I mumbled, not quite sure what Mommy had told me. I knew it was another new thing; a scene that those videos had described, but I didn't remember all the details of what it had old me to imagine. Those videos had been so powerful, I didn't even know if it had been the same one each time or a series of different suggestions. I didn't need to understand, I was too little to think about those things. I just had to do what Mommy or my babysitter said.
"Aww, look at the little baby. You really are a baby, aren't you? Need Mommy to change your diapers, and you can't do anything by yourself."
"I'm not–" I started, before realising that I was talking in that weird voice, like I'd only just learned how to speak and it didn't quite sound right. Then I couldn't help blushing, and I knew that I didn't have any kind of choice. I was just a baby, and my big sister was in charge now. I knew something had changed, but my mind felt foggy and it was hard to pin down what it was. Even if I thought about trying to rebel against her decisions, I knew that I wouldn't be able to, and that was kind of scary. "I'll be good?"
"Of course you will. You need to be a good baby. You tried to treat me like a little baby, and now you're being punished. Isn't that great? Exactly what you deserve. So now I can do whatever I want, and little baby Sally just gets to sit around waiting for Mommy to get back so she can change your diapers. Doesn't that sound really humiliating?"
I tried not to think about that, and just let myself laugh. It was easy really: Even if I felt littler, I knew that it was just a kind of game, so I didn't have to take it too seriously. And every time Mommy had made me feel like this, it had only lasted for a few minutes. I could just laugh and not think a little, and then if I wasn't enjoying it I would be able to go back to normal.
"I can be a baby," I told her. "I'll be good. But I don't need changies now."
"Ohh, I think you do. Poop for Mommy."
As soon as she said it, I remembered the scene that the voice on the video had asked me to imagine, with all those spirals. But it was just something I was imagining, and even if I pushed a little I didn't think anything was going to happen. I didn't need to go yet, and even if I did it would only be a little hint to my imagination. Because when she jogged my memory to remember those words, it also reminded me that there was one important rule Lindy seemed to have forgotten.
"That only works for Mommy!" I laughed. "You're not Mommy, you can't say the words. And I don't gotta go!"
"Aww, just checking," she said, with a little laugh. "I'm amazed a baby so little even knows when you need to go. But that's okay, it's not anything important. I don't want to put up with your stink all morning anyway. I just want you to remember what a baby you are. Can you do that for me? Pee for Mommy."
I laughed, and remembered how good it felt when I listened to the words on the video, and imagined just letting go. It was like nothing mattered at all, and I could just let go. I didn't need to think, didn't need to worry, because I was such a little baby. Of course, I still didn't need to pee much. I had wet my diaper when the video ended, and it had only taken half an hour for Mommy to talk to us and change my diaper. But I could still feel my diaper growing a little warmer, and I felt a moment of pride for obeying that command.
"I did a wee!" I told Lindy, surprised that I could tell so easily. And it wasn't until I saw her laughing that I realised something had changed; I had to obey my babysitter just like I would for Mommy, and I would have to sit in a wet diaper for an hour now. And not just that, but I would have to wet myself whenever Lindy told me to. She had more power than the punishment had given her before, and I was such a little baby that I couldn't even think of resisting her commands.
But that was okay. I knew that grown-ups would never do anything mean. I could always trust Mommy to sort everything out, so nothing else mattered. I looked up at Lindy, and wondered what she was going to do now. Whatever it was, I knew that a good girl should alway try to help my big sister.