Headaches & Hazbins: Book 1:...

By Specterpants

7.3K 177 149

Ya either go up or down... A small-time robber, Asher C. Burns, takes the trip down after he meets his end in... More

Bio/Info
Chapter 1: Sacrifice
Chapter 2: Hell-O!
Chapter 3: We'll Be Right Back!
Chapter 4: Clang Clang Clang
Chapter 5: Workaholics
Chapter 6: Dress to Impress
Chapter 7: You Don't Mess With Crows
Chapter 8: Wrench In My Plans
Chapter 9: Crow Collectors
Chapter Egg: Humpty Dumpty Dumbass Fucking Demon
Chapter 10: Fight Club: Part 1
Chapter 10: Fight Club: Part 2
Chapter 10: Fight Club: Part 3
Chapter 10: Fight Club: Part 4
Chapter 10: Fight Club: Finale
Chapter 11: Exterminated
Chapter 12: Herr Doktor
Chapter 13: Joyride
Chapter 14: Roadtrip!!!: Part 1
Chapter 14: Roadtrip!!!: Part 2
Chapter 14: Roadtrip!!!: Part 3
Chapter ???: The Crow
Chapter 15: By a Campfire on the Overlook
Chapter 16: Cutthroat Competition: Part 1
Chapter 16: Cutthroat Competition: Part 3
Chapter 16: Cutthroat Competition: Part 4
Chapter 16: Cutthroat Competition: Part 5
Chapter 16: Cutthroat Competition: Part 6
Chapter 16: Cutthroat Competition: Finale
Chapter 17: Where Did You Go?
Chapter 18: Ain't No Club Like Fight Club: Part 1
Chapter 18: Ain't No Club Like Fight Club: Part 2
Chapter 18: Ain't No Club Like Fight Club: Part 3
Chapter 18: Ain't No Club Like Fight Club: Finale
Chapter 19: Dazed and Confused
Chapter 20: The False Exterminator
-=Howdy! I'm Still Alive, I swear!=-

Chapter 16: Cutthroat Competition: Part 2

58 1 0
By Specterpants


About A Minute After The Last Chapter...

[Asher tightens his grip on the wheel. He keeps his left hand on it as he reaches into his vest with his right. He takes out a pack of cigarettes, slides one out, and places it between his lips. He puts the packet back into his vest and seems to rummage around for something else.]

Asher: Dammit... I left my lighter in my bag...

[He stops checking his vest and places his hand back on the wheel. He quickly glances around the cab of the truck. Eventually, his gaze stops on the truck's glove box. He leans over and punches the glove box with his right hand causing it to pop open. The contents of it appear to be what's left of the medical kit Asher used when he got his throat slit, what looks to be a few pistol magazines, and a pack of matches. He grabs the pack of matches and opens it revealing about a dozen inside. He picks one out, tosses the pack back into the glove box, and closes it. He then moves his cigarette to the corner of his lips and opens his mouth. He places the tip of the match against his sharp teeth and quickly drags it across them with pressure. It flicks and lights up within a second. He closes his mouth and lights the cigarette with the match before throwing it out the driver's window. He blows a puff of smoke out of his mouth out the window.]

Asher: *Chuckles* Still got it...

*Boom*

[Another explosion, just like the ones from before, goes off far ahead of them in the dead forest. Seconds later a smoke column rises to the sky from the dead forest below. There are now three smoke columns in the sky in the direction the glowstone hit the ground violently.]

Asher: (In Head) Another one huh?

[Asher raises his left hand and knocks on the truck roof which gets Jerry's attention. He's still standing in the back of the truck looking ahead with his binoculars. He then lowers them and gets on his knees so he can see Asher through the truck's rear panel window.]

Asher: That wasn't glowstone was it?

Jerry: As if we would be lucky to have two of 'em fall. No, it was just another explosion.

Asher: Huh. Any idea what exactly is blowing up?

Jerry: Do you mean what is exploding or what is causing the explosions?

Asher: Ehhhhh– Both.

Jerry: Well– Considering that the demons who are out here knew what they could be getting themselves into they must have brought some heavy firepower. There's a good chance that heavy firepower so happens to be some sort of explosives. To make things interesting of course.

Asher: Sooo– Grenades?

Jerry: No, it's most likely dynamite. Grenades are for killing and they can be a bit difficult to get. Dynamite on the other hand is for killing, turning things into itsy-bitsy pieces, and it's easy to get your hands in.

[Jerry points over at the smoke clouds in the distance.]

Jerry: Those smoke clouds indicate killing and blowing shit up. Thick black smoke can indicate some sort of fuel fire. The ones we're seeing are probably from some kind of vehicle that was blown to bits...

Asher: There are other vehicles out here? I didn't see or hear any other cars or trucks while we were keeping watch.

Jerry: Chances are they were being kept hidden between the trees and out of our viewing distance. Exactly how many of them are out here with us...

[Jerry raises his binoculars back up to his eyes.]

Jerry: I haven't the slightest clue...

Asher: Crap... Well then... Keep your eyes open. Shout if you see anything potentially dangerous to our health.

Jerry: You're potentially dangerous to our health Ash.

Asher: That I am! *Laughs* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[Asher slams his foot on the gas, boosting the truck's speed. Jerry stumbles back and hits his ass on the truck bed.]

Jerry: *Pain* Ow!

[He stays seated and rubs his behind while grumbling.]

Jerry: (Grumbling) Dammit Asher... Huh?

[Jerry looks up ahead of them. He notices that the first smoke column they saw is pretty close to them. He mumbles and glares at it. He then places his hands on the side and gets back on his knees so he can speak to Asher.]

Jerry: Hey, Asher.

Asher: Aye?

Jerry: Up ahead is one of those smoke columns, the first one. So slow up a bit I want to get a good look at what we might be dealing with.

Asher: Sure thing.

[Asher eases his foot off of the gas slowing the truck down. The two look around at their surroundings cautiously. They're still on the same dirt road they entered the dead forest on. It appears to go deep within the forest with no sign of stopping. Jerry reaches beneath his apron and takes out his large sawed-off double-barrel shotgun. He inspects it to make sure that it's loaded and ready. He holds it with both hands and carefully looks ahead of them. The truck continues forward at an even pace allowing the two demons to get a good look at their surroundings. Up ahead in the distance on the right side of the road, they see it. Exactly what is causing the dark column of smoke. Asher takes a puff from his cigarette and blows out a cloud of smoke.]

Jerry: There ya have it.

Asher: Yikes...

[The source of the smoke column is a burning wrecked pickup truck. The pickup looks to have swerved violently off the road and crashed font first into a tree that is somehow managing to still stand. Asher drives up beside the wreck and slows down even more.]

Asher: I don't know about you... But this doesn't look like a typical drunk driving accident to me...

[As the two approach the wreck they are both able to get a better look at the wreck. The front of the pickup is completely smashed to bits. The damage to the rear is more busted up than the front. It's completely obliterated. Asher drives beside the burning pickup. He notices something in the front cab of the wreck. He glares at it and grunts.]

Asher: *Grunts* Bloody hell...

[In the driver's and passenger's seats looks to be the corpses of two unlucky demons. Both are charred, burned, and completely unrecognizable. Their clothing has almost completely burnt away and now their flesh begins to as well.]

Asher: Damn... That crash did those two in pretty good...

Jerry: No... I don't think so...

Asher: Eh? What do you mean?

[Asher looks over his shoulder towards the rear of the truck. He can see Jerry still on his knees talking to him through the rear panel window.]

Jerry: It wasn't the crash that killed 'em...

Asher: If it wasn't the crash then uhh– What did?

Jerry: It should be pretty obvious Ash. I mean– Just look at the wreck.

[Asher looks at the rear of the pickup wreck. This time he takes a closer look at it. Specifically, the damage done to the rear. It is far more destroyed than the font of the wreck, but the kind of damage seems to be a bit different. The rear of the pickup looks as if it were destroyed by something other than the crash.]

Jerry: That thing was wrecked while it was mid-drive down the road. Then it crashed into the tree...

Asher: Wrecked by what?

Jerry: The explosives you idiot. I'm betting it was a few sticks of dynamite.

Asher: Greeeeeeaaaat... I guess that means your dynamite theory is correct...

[Asher takes in a deep breath from his cigarette. He then turns and blows the smoke out of the driver's window.]

Asher: (In Head) Things just keep getting worse. Don't they?

*Distant Bang*

[A quick and quiet bang in the distance gets the two's attention. They both look forward in the far distance, wondering what the noise was.]

Asher: (In Head) What was that? Another explosion? No... It wasn't as loud as the previous ones... It was quick and quiet... Like a... Like a gunshot.

Jerry: Did ya hear that?

Asher: It was kinda hard to hear but yea. I did.

*Distant Bang* *Distant Bang* *Distant Rapid Banging*

Asher: Soooooo– I'm guessing that's where we're going?

Jerry: Yep.

Asher: Which also happens to be where the glowstone is?

Jerry: Yep...

Asher: Annnnnnd... Where the action is...

Jerry: Yeeeeeep.

Asher: Alrighty then...

[He smirks and blows some smoke out of his mouth.]

Asher: Let's get down to business...

[Asher tightens his grip on the steering wheel and pushes on the gas. The truck accelerates forward past the wrecked pickup, deeper into the dead forest. Asher keeps his eyes straight on the road. He quickly notices that they are approaching another one of the smoke columns. Jerry notices and knocks on the roof of the truck with his left hand. He's still holding his sawed-off double-barrel shotgun in his right hand.]

Jerry: Hey. Asher, slow down again... And keep your guard up...

Asher: Youuuuuu– got it bud...

[Asher moves his foot off of the gas causing the truck to slow down a bit. They soon see what is causing the next smoke column. And as if they went around in a circle, it's the same exact thing. There's a burning mangled-up pickup truck swerved off to the right of the road into a tree. It looks to have violently crashed font first into a dead tree and knocked it over. The front of the pickup is smashed to bits. The rear of it looks the same as the previous pickup. It looks like something blew up destroying it. In this case, the explosion not only destroyed the truck but seems to have killed its occupants. What looks to be several burned and partly destroyed corpses lay lifelessly in the rear of the pickup. The same goes for the driver and passenger who sit slumped over. Asher drives a distance besides the wreckage and takes his foot off of the gas and onto the brake stopping the truck. He and Jerry take a good look at it.]

Jerry: Christ...

Asher: I think it's safe to say we know what's causing the smoke... But the question is...

[Asher begins stroking his chin. He takes a puff from his cigarette.]

Asher: (Sarcastically) What's causing the explosions...

[Jerry kneels down in the back of the pickup. He completely opens up the rear panel window and hits Asher in the back of the head.]

Asher: OW!

*Distant Bang*

Jerry: It's the dynamite, you idiot.

*Boom*

[They both hear another explosion in the distance. Jerry stands back up and places his hands on the roof of the truck. He grasps his shotgun tightly, tapping his finger anxiously against the trigger guard.]

Jerry: And I'm starting to worry that these guys have more than they know what to do with... *Groan* Great...

*Boom*

[Another explosion goes off. The two look off toward where the loud noise came from. It's far off the road to their left. It appears that a fourth and fifth column of black smoke has risen in the deep forest in the direction of the third one. They both give it a look of concern and anticipation. Asher looks down from the sky towards the dead forest to their left. The woods are not as thick and dense as the area they were in before. It seems like a few vehicles can maneuver through without much trouble. Asher looks down at the forest to his left. He notices something out of the corner of his eyes low down on the ground.]

Asher: (In Head) Are those...

[He looks down at the dirt ground completely and sees what's on there.]

Asher: (In Head) They are... Tire tracks.

[What looks to be some tire tracks lead off of the main dirt road to the left into the forest. There are more than a dozen of them all going in the same direction. All of them seem to belong to a similar truck to Jerry's or like the pickup beside them.]

Asher: (In Head) A shit load of them too. I guess I know where I'm heading.

Jerry: Hey, Asher.

Asher: Huh?

[Jerry speaks up, getting Asher's attention.]

Jerry: Do ya see that? To our left?

Asher: Do you mean the tire tracks?

Jerry: Oh, you already did. Good. Then I shouldn't need to tell you what to do next.

[Asher blows some smoke out of his mouth. He places his hand back on the wheel and taps it with his fingers anxiously. He smiles.]

Asher: Uh-huh...

[He quickly places his foot back onto the gas with full force. The truck's wheels spin in the dirt for a few seconds before jolting forward. Jerry slips and falls back from the sudden movement and hits the truck bed.]

Jerry: *Pain* Dammit!

[The truck bolts forward before taking a sharp left into the opening of the dead forest. Jerry gets flung to the side along with some of the wooden crates in the back which bang into him.]

Jerry: *Pain* Dammit Asher!

[The truck speeds through the dead forest constantly bumping due to the rough dirt ground. Like the rest of the forest, the trees are dead and the bushes are all thorny. But the area they are in now has more room to navigate. The only difference is that the trees are more spread out than before. In the far distance, now ahead of them, are the third, fourth, and fifth smoke columns. Asher keeps his eyes trained on the path ahead, swerving every once and a while to avoid the occasional dead tree or tree stumps. In the back of the truck, Jerry has already gotten back up and seems to be keeping an eye on the tree line to the left and right of the truck. They seem to be alone out here. After about a minute of driving, Asher looks above the treeline in front of him and sees the three smoke columns.]

*Distant Bang* *Distant Bang*

Asher: (In Head) Looks like we're almost there...

[He looks back down at the path ahead.]

Asher: (In Head) Things are about to get– What the hell?

[He notices something ahead of them deeper in the dead forest. It looks like he's approaching the end of the path he's driving down. At the end of it, there's a small opening between the trees. Beyond the opening, it looks as if the dead forest clears up. Asher can't see anything else past the path they are going down. But he can see the third smoke column close ahead of them.]

Asher: That... That can't be right...

[Asher raises his left hand and knocks on the roof of the truck getting Jerry's attention.]

Asher: Hey, Jerry! Eyes ahead!

[Jerry quickly looks ahead down the path.]

Jerry: What is it? Trouble?

Asher: No? Maybe? I'm not too sure just yet. Can you just confirm that we're seeing the same weird thing?

[Jerry glares ahead deeper into the dead forest. He sees the end of the path and the opening between the dead trees.]

Jerry: Yea. I see it. I think we're approaching the crash sight where the glowstone hit the ground...

[Jerry grabs his shotgun with both hands and aims it forward. He places his finger carefully on the oversized trigger.]

Jerry: Get ready for anything...

Asher: Well I'm pretty much ready for everything. Except for clowns and spiders... (Quietly) Hate those things...

[Asher continues to drive forward keeping a close eye in front of them. A few seconds later the truck flies out into the opening. Asher hits the brakes causing the truck to come to an abrupt stop. The vehicle shakes causing the two demons to shake with it. After the truck settles they then take a good look at the large opening they just entered.]

Jerry: *Whistle* Ain't this a sight?






----------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Howdy! As of writing this chapter, I have found out that the Angel Exterminators, THE ONLY CANNON CHARACTERS I HAVE IN THIS FIC SO FAR, got somewhat of a redesign. And one of them is playing the guitar? I have no idea. They seem to look relatively the same as the Pilot but I won't know for sure until we see more of them. As of now, I'll leave how I have them described earlier on but I might go back and rewrite the part when/if the time comes. At least I don't need to describe them for a long while since Asher won't be fighting any more Exterminators ever again... Or... Until the next Cleansing... Eh. I'm done ranting. Anyways! Stay safe and beautiful! And let there be light!

P.S.: 2,500+ Reads! Lets goooooo!

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