The water lapped at my ankles.
I am a doctor of the dead.
Maybe that wasn't true. Maybe that was never true.
Maybe I was a reaper, a bringer of the dead. Maybe that's what a Z really was. A sea of bodies floated around me, some face down, some with dull eyes staring into nothing. Water continued to pump into the bottom, bright red clouds swirling intricate patterns.
A rope ladder lowered on the opposite side of the pit, and I lifted my eyes to the faces above, to open mouths and hungry eyes. They might have been silent or screaming—a dull ringing in my ears drowned out all noise. The guard who held the ladder, young with a round, freckled face, leaned over, beckoning with impatient sweeps.
I met his eyes and stepped forward.
One of the bodies blocked my way.
Dagger.
He lay in the water, face up, a look of peace on his face that hadn't been there in life. Eyes closed, lips parted— even in death, he was beautiful, like the woman in the Chute. Staring at him, it all hit me— the promise to Aliyah I would never keep, every person and patient I had failed to save, Xyla's disappearance, Yaneli's death... and now this.
I spun and stepped back up to the wall, where the panel gaped open. The guards at the ladder shouted now, but I ignored them. An ancient line from a medical textbook rose in my mind. On Old Earth doctors had once restarted a heart with a shock of electricity. I pulled myself up out of the water again, and then flicked the electricity on and off again.
Nothing.
I did it again, desperate.
Nothing.
Please, God. But I wasn't sure if God would listen to a lowly Z, especially after what I'd just done.
My fingers—my whole body—trembled. One last time. I flicked it on again, and this time someone surged upright, thrashing and choking, so suddenly I nearly fell into the water myself.
I flicked off the switch, and even before I turned, somehow I knew it was him.
Dagger thrashed in the water behind me, inhaling and choking like he'd just broken the surface after an eternity below. The whites of his eyes showed with a sort of wild panic, his head whipping one way and another.
The crowd gasped, and now I ran for the ladder, afraid of the unhinged look in his eyes.
You saved him. Don't think about anyone or anything else. You saved him.
With each progressive rung of the ladder I climbed, the roar of the crowd seemed to grow tenhold, until I reached the top of the railing and the noise hit me like a physical force.
Arms stretched down, birthing me from a world of blood and water into one of noise and chaos. The crowd pressed in, tearing at me as if determined to finish the job the pit hadn't. I might have let them, all energy suddenly drained from my body, but a guard wrapped thick arms around me while three other guards beat the crowd back before us.
Halfway through the crowd, I turned back, realizing I hadn't said good-bye to Yaneli. But the guards dragged me relentlessly forward. There was no going back now.
Goodbye, Yaneli.
I fought.
*
(Reactions?!?! :o
All of you who were concerned about Dagger now have your answer--were you expecting it to happen that way?? Or did you really think he was dead (that would have been straight up crazy btw lol). I love Z making the choice to try and save people she just killed. To me it shows how complicated a person she is, but it raises a new question: was Z's choice a mistake? Has she created a new ally moving into the next Letter Trial OR a powerful enemy? Or it is possible she's done both. What would you have done? (there's no right answer here, I'm just curious.) One of my favorite things about the Hunger Games was trying to imagine what I would have done if I were put into such an impossible situation.
As always, thank you so much for reading. I am so appreciate of all of you, my small but mighty crew of readers! ;) Sorry this week's chapter was so short--it will be the shortest one for month, all the rest are twice this long, or I'll update twice. It was sort of just the way the chapters broke that I split it this way. When I was first writing on WP I would try and make chapters longer by filling them with fluff, but now I only want to post my best possible writing. Your time is precious and I want to always bring my best here.
This is my favorite story I've ever written--I really hope you guys are enjoying it now that we are off and running!
Don't forget to come back next Thursday. I think it's finally time for Dagger and Z to get some time to talk and interact outside of the trials ;) Can't wait!
Best,
H.J.)