This bonus chapter is dedicated to Cassie, with many thanks for all the support you have given me. Thank you!
I woke up, but I was too calm to open my eyes. I was lying in bed with something soft and fuzzy under my arm, and what felt like a pacifier in my mouth. It was nice and warm, and I couldn't hear anyone else demanding that I move. And perhaps most importantly, there were no awkward details of whatever weird situation I'd gone to sleep in clamouring for my attention. Not yet.
I lay there for a couple of minutes, trying to avoid thinking about anything that would trigger the uncomfortable moment of recall. But even as I thought about it, I could visualise sitting in front of the TV and doing my best to sing, with Mum or Lindy repeatedly rescuing the pacifier and returning it to my mouth. I'd felt so safe and protected then, just feeling like a baby, and I was sure that Mum had said the special words to make me wet my diaper a few times, because my adult thoughts had seemed out of reach the whole time. We had watched TV, eaten dinner, dung songs, and Lindy had tried telling scary stories; and for the whole time, I hadn't needed a single adult thought. I wasn't sure, but I got the impression that that had been some kind of compensation for me; Mum had wanted to do something that I would enjoy to make up for the rest of the day. And that made me wonder about what had happened to need a silent apology.
I remembered waking up part way through a diaper change, and Mum had just told me to keep on being a baby. I'd already been rested, and relatively happy with my situation, so of course I had gone along with that. It had only been brief, but it had put me in exactly the right mood to sleep deeply all night long, so right now I felt completely refreshed, like all my worries from this trip had gone away.
I didn't want to think about the bad things, so I tried to imagine that I was just a little baby. Sucking on my pacifier a little could bring back that feeling. It didn't take long to find that there wasn't actually a pacifier in my mouth, but my thumb. But it still felt good to suck on, and I could imagine that I was still the helpless little baby who needed to be taken care of.
I knew I was just putting off the inevitable. I wanted to stay in my bed and be a sleepy little baby all day, but I wasn't tired now. I was fully refreshed, and I could feel my energy levels rising no matter how hard I tried to suppress them. So I reluctantly freed my thumb from my lips, hugged Mr Muggins close, and then rolled over to see what the day had in store.
The light outside was still dim, and there was a thin sliver of rainbow colours being cast on one wall where the curtains weren't quite closed; that must be the sunset. And at this time of year, that probably meant that it was a long time before anyone else would be awake. I should just go back to sleep, but I knew that would be impossible now. I was too awake, and too excited for the day ahead.
As I thought about what we were doing today, I couldn't even remember what had been in the plan; although we were never going to follow any of those anyway. Today would be a complete surprise to me, and that made me feel like a little kid even more than the diapers and the stuffies. It was great not having any say in the decision, so long as it was something that I didn't actually care about.
I managed to swing my legs out of bed, but I wasn't sure what to do next. I didn't want to wake anybody else, but I was too energetic to just stay still. Then I looked at my thumb. The mittens could apparently be partly opened, so that I had one thumb sticking out that I could put in my mouth. I guessed that must mean that Mum and Lindy had already seen me like that; and there was a good chance that Lindy would have taken a picture or two that she could tease me with later. I hesitated when I thought that, expecting some feeling of animosity. But I was surprised to find that I didn't really mind that. Lindy teasing me, like a big sister bullying me, would make me feel so small. And that was no problem at all. It was only when she showed those pictures to someone whose respect I valued, or threatened to, that I was uncomfortable with her behaviour. That was a strange realisation, but it didn't manage to distract me from the original train of thought which it had branched off of.
I had a thumb free. Sure, they'd left me partly out of the mittens so that I could keep sucking on it all night, and that would help me to keep on feeling so small. But with one thumb that I could actually use, there was a chance I could manage to free myself. I wasn't completely helpless today; I had just the tiniest trace of freedom. But then I thought more, and realised that there was no real need to be free. We weren't finding things that still needed to be unpacked anymore; we were more likely to think about where any souvenirs we bought were going to go when we came to box up all our luggage again. As much as it might seem like it would last forever, we only spent a week in the beach house. And that presumably meant that I was halfway through my punishment already. I'd managed so far, with only a few really uncomfortable moments. I could last a few more days before I had to be big and think about the next year of school ahead of me. Before I had to be the big sister keeping an eye on Lindy. I didn't have any reason to give up on being babied, even if it was framed as a punishment.
There was only one thing that I really objected to about being a baby, and that was the suppositories. But if last night was anything to go to, the reduced dose that Mum had given me – had she broken one of the pills in half or something? – reduced the pain. It didn't make it any less disgusting, but maybe that was something I could put up with for two or three more days. Maybe. And the only thing I needed to do that I couldn't do as a baby...
I froze, deep in thought. Could it really be that easy? Everybody else was asleep, and I had a thumb free. If I could manage to get downstairs on my own, there was nothing to stop me reading the messages on my phone. I could read what Hugo had sent me, I could send him a reply to deny everything that Lindy had told him about me, and maybe if I was very careful I could even get back to my room before Mum or Lindy woke up. I would just have to be very, very quiet if I wanted this plan to be a success. I would have to be a master of stealth, which didn't exactly seem like an easy prospect with these bulky diapers limiting my movement, but I could believe that it was possible.
I needed to use the bathroom as well, and I knew that was impossible. One thumb wasn't enough to unfasten my diaper. But I was just a baby now, so maybe I could use my diaper. I'd done it so many times over the last few days, but always with Mister Tunes or Mum saying those words to make me lose control. I still hadn't managed to wet myself since we got here, so I decided that I could leave that until later. I could read my message first, and then work out if I had enough willpower to overcome my potty training.
I didn't try to stand. My legs were pushed so far apart by the bulk of the diaper that I would struggle to balance, and I didn't want to make any noise that could wake Mum or Lindy. So I made sure that my feet were on the ground and then slid my padded butt off the edge of the bed, letting my knees sink down until they were on the ground too. Then I could move forward on all fours, and reach the bedroom door. The lock was still a hassle – I couldn't do it with these mittens on. But right now, I could reach up with my arm flat against the door, resting the middle of my forearm against the little knob that I'd have to turn to unlock it; and then I could reach up with my free thumb and use that to press the knob against my arm as I twisted. It might just give me enough leverage that I could get the door open.
It took me a couple of minutes and several attempts, but with a sudden thunk my door was unlocked. Then I could hook that all-important thumb over the handle and pull it down. I misjudged the angle a little, and the door would have swung back quite hard against the wall beside it, but thankfully my left leg was in the way. I whimpered a little as the edge of the door dug into my flesh and rebounded away, but now it would be easy enough to get it properly open, and to crawl through.
The stairs were the next obstacle. I thought about standing up, but my worries about falling wouldn't let me even try. Instead I sat on the top set, spread out my arms and legs as far as they would go, and slid down as quietly as I could. The stairs barely even squeaked as I made it two steps down, and then three, and four.
Then there was a sound. I couldn't make out the words, but I could tell that Lindy was upset about something. She was bustling about in her room, slamming cupboards and drawers open and closed as if trying to find something. I didn't have any clue what was up, but I knew there was little chance that I could hide my little excursion if she chose to come out of her room. Even if I went back to my room right away, it would still be clear to a casual glance that I had locked it from the inside; which would make Lindy sure that I had gotten up without permission. Would she be mad about that? I couldn't be sure, but I knew that she would run straight to Mum, demanding that I should be punished more.
I kept on moving, doing my best to keep silent while hoping that whatever had my sister so agitated would also keep her in her room for a while. I was already caught, unless I was very lucky, but I could at least get what I'd been aiming for.
I got to the lounge without any problems. It looked really nice with the sunrise colours streaming in through the big picture window, and vaguely nautical-themed decoration and ornaments highlighting the wildness of the ocean just a few paces outside. But I didn't have time to stop and admire the view today. I edged over to the charger cradle where all our phones were sitting, and with a little effort managed to knock mine out of its place and onto the floor. I turned it round so I could see it, and then reached out with my single usable digit to swipe across the screen. And there it was; the request for a fingerprint. I pressed my thumb on the sensor, and my phone unlocked. Then I could scroll through the list of messages – there were a whole lot of them from my friends, even if they knew I was unlikely to respond right away – and Hugo's latest message had been a couple of days before.
"What's all the noise?" I froze when I heard Mum's voice, and I glanced back and forth between her and my phone. There was no way to deny what I had been attempting now. I'd been so focused on my task that I hadn't even heard the door open. "Good morning, Sally. I think you know you shouldn't be doing that, don't you?"
"I wanted to see what Hugo wanted," I begged. "Please, I don't want to lose..."
"Look, Lindy will demand that I punish you again if she sees that. And based on the punishment I offered you, she would probably be right. Put the phone down, okay? I promise I'll give you an opportunity to check your messages later. I'll have to see what Lindy's problem is, and then she'll probably be down here. So can you pretend to be a good baby for a few hours longer?"
I nodded slowly, and handed over my phone so that she could plug it in again. I knew she was right, but that just made the waiting even harder. What would I find, I wondered, when I finally got to read what the boy next door had sent me? Was this going to be the end of the days we'd spent playing basketball?
I could only hope that everything would turn out well.