— ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ —
THE NEARING END OF SUMMER has always left a strange taste in the Outer Banks. The colder breezes and the kinder rays of sun turn the paradisiac island into a globe of grief that's made up of the left trails of summertime visitors, empty beaches and littered shores. Once the month of August comes to an approaching end, the sun stops beaming as much and the loud chatter that usually accompanies the island turns into the solitary murmuring of the lonely waves.
However, the ocean is never really lonely in the island, for there's always two heads of blonde surfing the un-surfable or enjoying the bits of the tired seas. No weather truly draws an addict away from the waters, and when Oakley Cliffton's inner storms get rougher than the ones that shake the territory, the beach never misses its usual audience. Between the gentle waves, the lulling sound of waves and sand colliding and the merciful zephyr that blows between the palm trees and the bushes, the girl finds an immense comfort that consoles the deepest of her wounds.
Because, in reality, no one can truly fear the sea. It's strong, and it's brute, but in the depths of its razzmatazz, no bad intentions hide in the shadows. Truly every person who hesitates before entering its mantle is merely afraid of disrespecting such humongous body of perfection, and only the ones who know how to treat the life underneath it with passion have managed to domesticate its wild nature without ever suffering the consequences of its violence.
That's what Oakley would always teach Sarah when she used to fear the water.
It's been almost three weeks since their deaths, and Oakley Moon has been trying to crawl into the ocean's embrace for comfort ever since, but has been failing miserably. Almost a month of empty days out surfing, of boat rides to the Château just to find it crumbling in loneliness and grief. Perhaps it's not the best time to isolate herself, but the loss has been so heavy it urges her to breathe her own air and go off on her own without warning— Without anyone. In all honesty, it never really gets boring, but though she'd never admit it, it gets unrealistically overwhelming.
People say being alone can be the most convenient escape at times, but between her four unrelated siblings, her three actual siblings and the unity between the whole island, Oakley Cliffton has never really learned how to be alone— She's never learned how to inhale without someone stealing her breath. But after the great loss, she's learnt that the void they've left inside her can only be filled in her solitude, or at least that's what she thinks. That's why she's been coming to the beach more than usual, which is. . . unhealthily too much. Beatrice barely catches onto her daughter's shadow when she leaves out the door at inhumanly early hours of the morning and only ever sees her again when she pries her door open at midnight— or past midnight— to see her already out cold on her bed.
Her father is still gone too— Gone with no warning or even a goodbye letter. He's vanished into thin air, claiming he had work in the motherland. Beatrice Clifton was confused at first, she didn't know what to think or feel about her husband's departure, but it took no more than a sat down chat with her children for the woman to settle on the fact that she would never open her door to that man ever again. And though it's hard to explain that to little Bug, it's also hard for the older Cliftons to get over the fact that their father will never be part of their lives again.
With not only John B and Sarah gone, but also her father, Oakley has been trying to get used to what is proving to be her new life little by little, but it's becoming harder as the routine settles back into normality and they're not part of it anymore. That's why she's tried so hard to pull herself out of her routine, forcing herself not to remember the void spaces that used to be filled by Sarah and John B. Being alone at the beach seems to work at times, given the fact she's never needed to do it with anyone other than herself.
Today is no different. The sun is falling asleep already, stumbling behind the far end of the sea and leaving an orange, yellow and purple trail in its wake while Oakley Moon sits on her board deep inside the ocean. Her eyes stare at the sun tiredly, the golden glow of the sunset reflecting on her sunburnt cheeks and her icy blue eyes. Her back is slouched and her legs inside the water, which sways her board serenely as her body feels at ease— At least physically.
It's been a particularly hard couple of weeks, for the girl has been restlessly bottling up her feelings by blinking back her tears and swallowing the knots in her throat until they form a ball that has created a blockage inside her trachea. Every time her thoughts bring up memories of her late best friends, that ball grows bigger and bigger, to the point where she sometimes feels like she can't breathe and might actually die of a heart attack. It's been hard to cry silently, or to deny the facts when they're so clearly shown in the way her eyes are always red and the bags under her lids have become darker.
It hurts so insanely much. Missing someone is a feeling no one can ever know unless they live through it, and honestly, Oakley never really asked to know how it feels, but the universe thought it was necessary for some odd reason she will never understand. Her chest is tighter lately, and her voice has been fainter, softer than it usually is. Oakley Moon is still a ray of light, but just like the ending summertime sun, it doesn't burn as much either.
Naturally, the sea and the sky share silence with her and the two that now live amongst the embers and the stars. Oakley hasn't only spent more time in the water because of its way of making her heart beat slower, but also because she feels it's the closest she'll ever be to her best friend and cousin. Having her legs inside the water and the sun stabbing onto her skin will always remind her of the way their smiles were burnt into her conscience. And with every gentle gurgling of the waves, she can hear their laughs amongst the noise, and it never fails to bring tearful smiles to her face.
But sometimes, getting such strong reminders of their love make her chest even tighter, and today, it seems to be the day the ball has grown to the point where, if she doesn't let it out, she might actually suffocate to her early death.
"I know this is pathetic, and I'm most definitely making a fool out of myself," the girl huffs, looking down at her board, "But if. . . for some reason—" she rolls her eyes at herself, "—you guys can hear me right now, I just wanted you both to know the island is quieter now that you're both gone,"
The wind picks up slightly and the girl's skin gets goosebumps, making her rub her wet hands down her upper arms and look back to see that she's strayed quite far away from the shore. She doesn't really mind, though, as she turns back towards the sunset, readjusting herself on the board and playing with the water.
"John B, if you're worried about the whole Peterkin deal, I promise you— No, I swear to you that I'm gonna spend every day of my life fighting until every single person on this goddamn island knows that you never hurt a soul," she nods, silence falling upon her before she speaks again, "And Sarah, if you're wondering about Rafe and how the family's dealing with. . . everything, I can't give you the news you want to hear but I— I can lie, I guess," she chuckles, but it's empty.
Just like she's been feeling lately.
The girl looks down, tapping her fingers on the board as she feels her throat tighten madly. Tears prickle the back of her eyes and her mouth starts struggling to form words, making her furrow her eyebrows and purse her lips to contain her raging sorrow. After about twelve heartbeats, she looks up with a sniffle and blinks.
"I hope you guys are happy," her voice breaks towards the end, tears starting to cascade, "I really do hope you guys are having a blast up there. Down here it's. . . weird. It's like it's never gonna be the same again— Like something's missing, or not right," she nods, wiping her profuse teardrops.
The wind picks up again and the ocean starts molding into tiny ripples because of the breeze, making the girl realize it's probably a good time to swim back to shore. So, with a shake of her head and wiping her tears, Oakley eases herself onto her stomach and starts rowing back to where the beach awaits. However, she can't stop the tears that keep falling from her eyes and the uncontrollable tremble of her lips, making her stop just as she reaches the shore and let her body slump onto the board.
"Is there really no way you guys can come back?" She asks into the void wind, her voice breaking entirely as a sob racks her body.
As if accompanying her in her seething agony, the wind growls and the water roars, making her cries merge into nature's howling so that she won't feel alone in her misery. Her body shakes with pain, causing her to feel the need to swim out of the water and place her board down right next to the Dane that lays sadly on the sand. As soon as her arms are empty, the girl's knees weaken and she drops to the ground, sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest and her face buried in her arms.
"Just come back," she begs, but the universe is deaf to all callings.
Her wet hair sticks to her arched back and her thin body contracts with every heartfelt sob that leaves her breathless and make her a sniffling mess of emotions. Her eyes become as red as the fury inside her and her body as weak as the world's attempts to soothe the broken girl. The ball is finally decreasing, but the process is one of the most painful tortures the girl has had to endure.
Thankfully, JJ Maybank knows when the wind is too wild and the ocean is too loud, and he also knows that the girl's odd absence can never come bearing good news. So, it was only a matter of time until the blond boy himself realized that as much as he needed to grief, he needed to be there for the same girl whose pain has always turned into a masochist habit. He's tried giving her space to breathe— Gasp, mostly— but it's been too long, and he hasn't heard a breath or even a whimper, which has concerned him greatly.
So, the boy has decided to take it upon himself to give air to the person whose been giving him oxygen for as long as he has notion of time.
When JJ arrives at the beach, his eyes take milliseconds to find the source of the havocking weather. There, in the middle of the resting sand, sits his blonde life support with a particular pink string braid and the company of the giant canine that barely ever leaves her side. The boy's eyes mold into sheer sorrow, and his legs don't hesitate to start moving towards the solitary girl in the midst of her despair.
Oakley is too consumed in her pain to notice the third presence, and her body jerks in surprise when a tender hand lands on her shoulder. Her head snaps up with red eyes wide, noticing the blond angel that looks down at her with equally teary eyes. Between her radiating gloom and his own roaring emotions, the boy is unable to keep his tears at bay as soon as he notices her break alone in the middle of the beach.
"I know," JJ speaks softly, sniffling as his lips tremble, "I know. . ."
The sound of his voice breaks her further, and the girl finds herself succumbing to his embrace, jumping up and wrapping her arms around him as tightly as she's ever hugged anyone. She hides her face in his bare chest, her tears dampening his warm skin and rolling down until they get lost in the sand. Her sobs echo into the late evening, making JJ's eyes shut as a coping mechanism. Her arms claw at his back as if trying to ease the wrenching hurt that tears her from the inside, and the boy can only press her tightly against him to assure her that he's never gonna leave her side— not even in the harshest of storms.
"I can't- I can't take it anymore," she shakes her head.
"You're all right, we're gonna be fine," JJ nods, though he's mostly trying to convince himself.
"How can they be gone? It- it all happened so fast!" She sobs.
"Life's a bitch, but you knew that already," he chuckles, sniffling as more tears roll down his cheeks, "Come on, let's sit," he kisses her head as they descend to the sand.
The girl immediately nuzzles into the boy, hugging his abdomen and laying her head on his chest as her body shakes with hiccups and last tears cascade down her red cheeks. Her blue eyes stare at the endless bed of blue that reaches the sun, the tears resting on her bottom lids blurring her vision as she tries to stop thinking of their beaming faces that only make her chest tighten more.
JJ places a kiss on the girl's hairline, "It adds a nice flare to a story, you know? The story of us," he chuckles softly as the girl's crying ceases, "The Pogues. Now we can tell their story and create a legacy people will actually believe,"
Oakley shuts her eyes as her lips tremble and a new wave of tears washes over her face.
"He's toast now, but his story isn't over yet," JJ nods, "And Sarah's isn't either,"
Oakley nods, wanting to believe what he says isn't just to comfort her. The boy places yet another kiss on her head, leaving a gentle trail of kisses down her temple, her cheek and eventually turning her head towards him and placing a tender kiss on her wet lips. The girl's breathing immediately relaxes, leaving feeble hiccups in its wake as her tired eyes lock with his orbs of infinity. Her eyelids blink in exhaustion, and her head nuzzles into the crook of his neck, tilting back to rest on his shoulder.
"Sarah hated when I told stories over her," Oakley speaks softly, "She'd always want to tell them herself,"
The palm trees sway with a comforting hush, making the aroma of the salty sea and the dusty sand fly into their nostrils and work as natural serotonin. JJ smiles softly and rests his chin on the girl's head.
"And here I am. . . about to be the one to tell her story,"
JJ sighs, blue eyes slightly squinted and watching the infinite abyss beyond them.
"I think she would've chosen you to tell her story before anyone else, you know?"
Oakley chuckles sadly, sniffling, "She would've chosen herself,"
JJ places a kiss on her head, tasting the bits of ocean water that stick to his lips.
"This is our story now. The story of how we got our asses kicked by the nineteen year old version of Kevin McCallister and lost our best soldiers on the way,"
Oakley laughs, lips trembling as two lone tears dribble down her cheeks and into her mouth. JJ notices the way every mention of the two takes a toll on her, but he knows it's just a matter of time before everything feels worthy again. It's gonna take time to feel alive again.
"You know what the best part is?" He looks down at her, "That now we get to show all these mother fuckers that the Pogues never let up,"
Oakley nods, sniffling.
"Just a semicolon in our book," she ponders and JJ hums his agreement.
He looks down at her silently, noticing how her body has gotten strangely thinner than usual, with her skin way too close to her ribcage and her cleavage more prominent that ever. He's thankful it doesn't look insanely unhealthy yet, but he knows her well enough to know she's lost a good couple of pounds— pounds that, especially during this time of the year and with how prone she is to sickness, could be crucial for her health. For a food lover like Oakley Clifton, rejection of food seems like a major red flag JJ is determined to fix.
"I don't wanna be alone anymore, J," the girl confesses coyly, "My mind sort of. . . forced me into isolation but I know it's not helping at all,"
JJ smiles at her acknowledgement, "You've never been alone, Red," he strokes her hair, "You won't be either,"
Oakley kisses his hand, "Good, because I really miss snuggling with Kie and watching Love Island with Pope," she sniffles, making JJ chuckle as she leans away and they're looking at each other.
"Don't cry," he whispers lovingly, rubbing the side of her face with his thumb as the girl's eyes narrow in on him, "Bottle them, you're too valuable,"
The girl smiles softly as she lets herself be carried away by his touch. The way his warm thumb caresses her soft skin in slow motions and his eyes look down at her with such ferocious adoration makes her start to feel the violence of her human needs coming back to life. His touch has revived her like it once did weeks ago, and as her body has jerked back to reality, it's all coming back as a healthy warning that Oakley Clifton is still, in fact, breathing.
It's been days since she's slept through the whole night, for the thoughts and the sorrow have been slapping her awake for nights after nights. Her days start at late midnight and she only really survives the daytime with hooded eyes and forcing them open when her knees wobble due to the lack of nourishment in her body. Surfing has been an easy and enjoyable way to divert her thoughts, but once she hits land again, it's been concerning how much she struggles to regain her sight.
She eats if she remembers to take a sandwich to the beach— or if she isn't too lazy to make it— in the contrary, her grief is so large it has snatched her hunger away and left her to survive with the little amount of grease in her body. Her iron levels, naturally, have cascaded to the ground and it's not unusual for her to stumble out of the water after surfing her head into circles. Her heartbreak is immense, to the point where it's affected her physically as well.
"Have you eaten anything?" JJ asks once the girl's tears come to a stop and the hiccups stop being so obnoxious.
Oakley nods, "Yeah,"
JJ doubts she's telling the truth, "What have you eaten?"
Oakley sighs, "I bought a chocolate bar and an orange Hi-C on the way here,"
JJ shakes his head with a huff.
"That's not enough to keep you on your feet," he scolds her.
"I've been on my feet all day with no difficulty," she shrugs.
JJ shakes his head and releases a breath, placing a kiss on her hair and standing up with a quip in his step. He stretches his buff body and extends a hand down to the girl that looks at him curiously.
"Up and up, pretty girl, we have a delightful dinner waiting for us at a fancy restaurant near the port," he winks at her.
The girl chuckles with a shake of her head, pushing herself onto her feet while JJ goes to grab Bali's leash from the ground. He laughs as the large dog starts running around the beach, chasing after him until his feet splash into the watery shore. Oakley laughs as well, finding it hilarious how the boy tackles the large dog and the two roll around the sand blissfully. It's nice to remember happiness still exists after losing such meaningful part of her life. Seeing so much light burst from the boy reminds Oakley that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that not everything is lost.
The way his eyes crinkle and his laugh ricochets from cloud to cloud serves as a way of telling her that if he's been able to start healing bit by bit, she will too. It reminds her that there are still reasons to smile, and there are more reasons to cheer than to weep, because not only are they still living and still destined to carry on, but they're now in charge of living for the two who no longer can. So, Oakley lets herself inhale deeply and release her breath into the shared wind because she knows she's living for them as well.
She knows her joy hasn't ended yet.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆
It's felt like months since Oakley has felt fresh and relieved. The girl has finally taken an enjoyable shower after spending the last weeks crying under the shower head or staring blankly at the wall. Today, she's been able to distract herself with some music and wash her entire body without taking an hour and a half to do so. She's come out of the bathroom a new person, her hair looking healthier— Shinier— her body smelling like fresh berries, her eyes looking a tad brighter and her cheeks glowing in their red nature.
An hour later, the four Pogues sit outside of the Clifton's porch, sitting around the table with a buffet of food from the Wreck scattered before them. All of them freshly showered and ready to spend a night together after grieving solitarily for weeks. The air around them feels easier to breathe as they come and go in and out of the house with new plates of food and jars of cold lemonade. Their laughs fill the large home and brings a smile to the family of the girl who has been aching for her smile to lighten up the house.
Seeing them all together again has brought a sense of peace over the island that no one has even noticed yet except for those closest to them. The unity of the Pogues now lives again as the remaining four prepare themselves to take the reins of the adventure and make up for what took their friends away from them.
The night has also noticeably calmed down, and stars have even littered the sky now that the strength of the united soul-siblings brings life back to nature. The wind is gentle and serene, the ocean drowsy and melodic as it brushes against the columns of the porch. The four best friends begin their feast in comfortable silence, savoring the other's companies and avoiding spoiling any second of it. Nothing dares interrupt their moment, because the world knows the injustice in their suffering, and it will do anything at the moment to ease their misery.
"It's nice to be back," Pope states softly after a while, biting onto a shrimp as the other three look up from their food.
Oakley smiles as Kie chuckles, "It was about time, I think,"
JJ hums in agreement, shoving more food into his mouth and making Oakley slap his hand away before he chokes himself with shrimp and octopus. The boy smiles innocently and gulps a sip of lemonade, looking at his friends and taking a satisfied breath.
"I have big plans for tomorrow. Big plans as in, grabbing our dusty surfboards and going out there first thing in the morning," JJ suggests, moving his hands around, "I don't take 'no' for an answer," he points at the three, eyebrows raised.
Kie and Oakley glance at each other with soft smiles, "I'm in," Kie states.
Oakley shrugs, "I would've done it with or without you guys anyways," she chuckles.
Pope smiles, "I guess I can't say no now,"
The four share a genuine laugh and their broken hearts find one another's. Pieces of each of their crumpled hearts lend themselves to the other, and in their bliss, their broken pieces heal the other's, and so on until the weight on their shoulders feels a little lighter.
"Okay, well, we should put a movie on and go night night. I'm exhausted,"
And so, nearly an hour later, the Pogues lay around the large living room, draped over the other as they tiredly watch the animated cartoons on the TV. Oakley lays between JJ's legs, head resting against his chest and hands resting on her stomach or stroking Bali who lays under the couch. Kie lays on Pope's lap, her legs resting on Oakley's as they're all in some way connected to each other. The stillness of the night is soothing, and both Kie and Pope have succumbed to their exhaustion already, snoring softly with heads comfortably fallen back and arms draped anywhere.
Oakley's eyes fight to finally shut, but something about how full she feels at the moment holds her back from letting go of it so quickly. She wants to enjoy the most of it, and if staying awake means it'll never end, then she might as well just never close her eyes. JJ is wide awake, though, as he feels the girl's even breaths and freshly scented hair gently brush against his chin. He rubs tender circles on her stomach, avoiding the healing wound that is now mostly scab.
The girl has her head tilted sideways as her puffy eyes blankly enjoy the movie playing on the large TV, but although the bright colors of the reflection keep her captivated, the penetrating strength of JJ's piercing eyes on her is stronger to the point where she finds herself gently craning her head back to stare up at him.
"What?" She whispers, not intending to wake the sleeping two.
JJ smiles, shaking his head as he watches her lovingly, "Nothing. You're honestly flawless," he shrugs.
The girl chuckles, rolling her eyes and shifting so that her back is leaning against the back of the couch and her face is now completely facing the beautiful boy before her.
"That's so cheesy," she says quietly, her voice sending a shiver down JJ's spine.
He slithers a hand through her hair and places it behind her neck, pulling her in and placing his lips kindly on hers. Their eyes roll shut to enjoy their tastes, lips moving in sync as her cherry explosion finally unites with his minty ardor. His hand behind her neck rubs on her skin warily, his touch as delicate as the one of the wind rustling a rose's petals. She holds his face, wordlessly letting him know that she has no intention for the moment to end, but it doesn't matter, because he would stay like this forever.
And only to regain their breaths, the two pull away and stare at each other, smiling childishly at the reminder of the other's presence. It's like for the first time in a good while, they're both fully aware that they're lovers, and that they will be lovers forever. For the first time in so long, Oakley feels his presence as fiercely as she felt it before and JJ feels his love overflowing all over again.
His lips connect with hers again a couple more times, trying to get as much of her as he possibly can. Her hair, her body, her lips and her eyes all lull him further and further into her trance, and he wouldn't want it any other way. When they pull back again, the moon peeks to watch the two young lovers, causing his blue eyes to burn brighter, lighter— To fill with life as the sea rests in his orbs and the blue summer sky pools around his spheres, bolts of dark blue thunder striking parts of his pupils. He's unreal to her, and she's unreal to him.
"I think I am gonna marry you, yeah," Oakley smiles.
And at that moment, she realizes that maybe it hasn't been the people around them, or the chaos that constantly pulls them into it's revolution. When Oakley Clifton's sky eyes meet the infinite mantle of blue beyond JJ's eyes she realizes that it hasn't been John B's father only, or John B and Sarah themselves. His passion is so captivating and entrancing, and his careful gaze and soft smile goes beyond the nature of a normal human being. He's unreal, created by something ulterior to anything that's created humanity. And in his eyes hides that truth— The truth of his complexion.
So as she watches him for eternity, drowned in his orbs full of ocean water and ferocious waves, Oakley Clifton cognizes that perhaps. . . just maybe, being hidden in his eyes, all this time she's been the one
Lost at sea.
Well, that's the end of book 1 I guess! Thank you so, so, so much for your support. I love you guys beyond words, and I know for a fact I would be no one if it weren't for the inspiration and support I've gotten from the few but valuable people that have commented and voted on my book. <3
This isn't the end, though.
P4L <3