The True Confessions of a Nin...

By arianedartagnan

39 7 3

After Piri the nine-tailed fox follows an order from Heaven to destroy a dynasty, she finds herself on trial... More

Prologue
Chapter 1: Trial Day in Heaven
Chapter 2: Worm
Chapter 3: Bee
Chapter 4: Oyster
Chapter 5: The Goddess of Life
Chapter 6: Clerks
Chapter 7: Catfish
Chapter 8: Catfish, Still
Chapter 9: The Water Court of Black Sand Creek
Chapter 10: The Dragon King's Pet
Chapter 11: Duck Demons and Dragon Boats
Chapter 12: The Meeting of the Dragon Host
Chapter 13: Meeting Flicker
Chapter 14: Drought
Chapter 15: The Traveling Mage
Chapter 16: Diplomacy
Chapter 17: Cooperation
Chapter 18: Lord Silurus
Chapter 19: Softshell Turtle
Chapter 20: Back in Black Sand Creek
Chapter 21: Aurelia
Chapter 22: The Happiest Little Tea Party
Chapter 23: Softshell Turtle, Again
Chapter 24: Lord Silurus, Take Two
Chapter 25: Aurelia's Request
Chapter 26: Oracle-Shell Turtle
Chapter 27: Caltrop Pond
Chapter 28: Party Time
Chapter 29: The Dragon King of Caltrop Pond
Chapter 30: Babysitting
Chapter 31: Emissary of the Gods
Chapter 32: Meet the Family
Chapter 33: Etiquette Lessons
Chapter 34: In Which I Become a Schoolmistress
Chapter 35: A Clowder of Cats
Chapter 36: Taila's Reward
Chapter 37: That Cursed Chicken Coop
Chapter 38: Porridge and Cabbage Soup
Chapter 39: The Holiday Season
Chapter 40: New Year's Eve
Chapter 41: My New Demonic Ally
Chapter 42: Never Let Humans Invent New Traditions
Chapter 43: The Whistling Duck Seneschal
Chapter 44: Settling Day
Chapter 45: An Alternative to Usury
Chapter 46: His Most Bored Majesty
Chapter 47: Afternoon in the Caltrop Pond Water Court
Chapter 48: Two Dragon Kings
Chapter 49: The Strength of a Nation
Chapter 50: Return of the Mage
Chapter 51: Taila's New Dancing Tutor
Chapter 52: When in Doubt, Pick the Cat
Chapter 53: How to Blackmail a Cat
That Idiot Star Sprite Clerk
Chapter 55: Not Quite the Sulkiest Meeting
Chapter 56: The Honeysuckle Croft Primary School
Chapter 57: As Below, So Above
Chapter 58: Lord Silurus, Take Three
Chapter 59: Magitoms and Void
Chapter 60: His Most Headachy Majesty
Chapter 61: Into the Jade Mountain Wilds
Chapter 62: Ambush
Chapter 63: Connections and Bribes
Chapter 64: A Treasury of My Own
Chapter 65: Demons, Demons, and More Demons
Chapter 66: The Fastest Way to a Wild Boar's Heart
Chapter 67: The Salvation of the Claymouth Barony
Chapter 69: Homecoming
Chapter 70: The Unluckiest Number
Chapter 71: The Meaning of Now
How to Taunt a Catfish
Chapter 73: The Battle Begins
Chapter 74: Friendly Fire
Chapter 75: So Close
Chapter 76: Lord of the River
Chapter 77: Farewell
Chapter 78: Black Tier
Chapter 79: Sparrow
Chapter 80: Lychee Grove
Chapter 81: The Lychee Grove Earth Court
Chapter 82: Unwanted Revelations
Chapter 83: A New Home
Chapter 84: Miss Overgrown Taila
Chapter 85: A Happy, Blessed, and Functional Family
Chapter 86: Queen's Spy
Chapter 87: Queen's Friend
Chapter 88: Plans, or the Need Thereof
Chapter 89: A Very Useful Poet
Chapter 90: The Many Oddities of South Serica
Chapter 91: Testing This Whole Honesty Thing
Chapter 92: Taila's Most Tangled Logic
Chapter 93: The Pig Farm
Chapter 94: Geography Tests
Chapter 95: Reunion
Chapter 96: Trust
Chapter 97: Firefly Spirits
Chapter 98: Rock Macaques Are Smarter Than They Look
Chapter 99: Travel Adventures
Chapter 100: Invasion
Chapter 101: My New Entourage
Chapter 102: Why Does No One Trust Me?
Chapter 103: Anthea's Seat of Power
Chapter 104: Old BFFs
Chapter 105: South Serica's Vicious Trees
Chapter 106: That Spiteful Raccoon Dog
Chapter 107: The Savior of Lychee Grove
Chapter 108: The Slowest Lychee Tree
Chapter 109: The Glorious and Time-Honored Tradition of the Gourmandistic Duel
Chapter 110: The Magnificent Lychee Eating Contest
Chapter 111: A Tragic Lack of Beheadings
Chapter 112: Gold, Silver, and Gemstones - or Books?
Chapter 113: My One True Wish
Chapter 114: The Most Terrifying Wish
Chapter 115: My (Or, Rather, the Kitchen God's) Head Temple
Chapter 116: Do the Robes Fit the Priests, or Do the Priests Fit the Robes?
Chapter 117: In Which I Resolve Tragedies to My Satisfaction
Chapter 118: A Visit to the Slum
Chapter 119: My New Cohort of All-Human Slum-Dweller Priests
Chapter 120: The Raccoon Dog's Tantrum
Chapter 121: In Which I Am Insulted by Being Put on a Budget
Chapter 122: In Which No One Gets to Set a Budget for Me
Chapter 123: The Familiar Roar of an Angry Mob
Chapter 124: The Day the Empire Fell
Chapter 125: A Rioting Mob, Just Like Old Times
Chapter 126: How to Appease an Angry Mob
Chapter 127: My Newest Weapon, Embroidery
Chapter 128: Invented Theology
Chapter 129: He Who Intercedes (and Provides Free Food and Drink)
Chapter 130: That Blinding Golden Light
Chapter 131: A Hymn You Can Actually Sing
Chapter 132: With Full Confidence, at Full Volume
Chapter 133: A Royal Mission
Chapter 134: Where Others See Tragedy
Chapter 135: The Black-Necked Crane
Chapter 136: The So-Called Fox Queen
Chapter 137: My Return to...Almost My Former Glory
Chapter 138: Prophecies with No Time Limits
Chapter 139: My Commandment to All Demons
Chapter 140: Coming Along Beautifully
Chapter 141: Is It Time Yet?
Chapter 142: The Perfect Timing
Chapter 143: All Hail the Divine Intercessor
Chapter 144: Ungrateful Monarchs
Chapter 145: Beset on All Sides by Malcontents

Chapter 68: My Holy War

0 0 0
By arianedartagnan

It was Den – no, Densissimus Imber, the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond – who stepped forward to meet Baron Claymouth.

Even though I'd never seen them interact before, I doubted that in any previous situation, the baron would have fallen to his knees and genuflected before the neighbor whose partying caused so many noise complaints.

But it was different now. Den was different now. For one thing, he was much bigger. For another, he stood at the head of an army. And above all else, there was something more confident about him now. More purposeful. Regal, even.

Gone was that happy-go-lucky air, the sense that he cared about nothing beyond the next flask of ale that a fellow partyer would pass him, or the next rollicking tune that the musicians would play, or the next overly intricate step in the choreography of the Dawn Dance. There was pride in the way he carried himself, with his shoulders flung back, his head held high, and his neck arched so his pearl gleamed in the sun – not because he was displaying it like an insecure dragon who fretted over his own insignificance, but because letting it show was simply a consequence of his posture. And whatever you thought of its size was your problem, not his.

Here was a dragon who knew his worth.

I approved. I also congratulated myself on his transformation.

King Densissimus Imber gazed down at the ruler of the fief that surrounded his. "Baron Claymouth, please rise. There is no need for such formality between good neighbors."

The baron was too intimidated to react to the "good neighbors" bit. He got back to his feet and bowed low, almost as low as he had to Flicker and me. "You do me too much honor, Your Majesty."

Den accepted that as his due. "We have much to discuss, you and I, but first I must pay my respects to the Emissary from Heaven."

"Yes, of course." The baron stepped back to let him pass, bowing again like a seneschal in his own castle.

The taskforce must have decided on an order of procession beforehand, because without a word, Floridiana fell in behind Den, followed by the Jeks (with Mistress Jek holding Taila's hand to keep her from running off). Next came Bobo, slithering forward as gracefully as a bamboo viper could. The others had honored her seniority on the taskforce instead of relegating her to the back, I was glad to see. At some point while Flicker and I were addressing the crowd, Stripey had flown off and doubled around to join the taskforce. Now he was waddling along just behind Bobo. (Recognizing the leader of the bandits who plagued his people, Baron Claymouth frowned. Seneschal Anasius' mouth turned upside down. But neither dared comment.) Behind Bobo and Stripey came Masters Gravitas and Rattus, side by side in their human forms. The rat spirit was still half a head shorter than the cat spirit, who padded along with an inscrutable smile. I honestly thought that Master Rattus cut a more impressive figure as an oversized rat. Finally, Lord Magnissimus and Captain Rock brought up the rear.

When Den arrived at a spot below us that was close enough that he wouldn't need to shout, but far enough that he wouldn't need to crane his head upward at an undignified angle, he stopped and bowed deeply. Taking a cue from him, the others followed suit.

I'd wondered if they would genuflect, but perhaps a dragon couldn't stomach getting on his knees for a mere clerk. Or perhaps Den was canny enough, or had been advised by someone canny enough (probably Floridiana), to use this method to establish that he ranked above the baron. Either way, after a moment of consideration, I approved.

Glow more brightly, I whispered to Flicker, who whispered back, "I can't. I'm at full brightness."

Then pulse or something. Do something flashy.

I had no idea what star sprites were capable of, but Flicker obeyed, letting waves of his golden light sweep outward across the courtyard. Then he seemed to remember something else he could do, and he began to ripple his light from head to toe like a waterfall, over and over. Judging by all the oohs and aahs, it was an glorious sight.

Excellent.

Now welcome them. Say, "Densissimus Imber, Dragon King of Caltrop Pond, Heaven is pleased!"

Flicker gulped at invoking Heaven's name for this decidedly extra-official enterprise, but he repeated it.

An echo of his trepidation flashed across Den's face before he replied, "O Messenger from Heaven, O Emissary, we beg your leave to present Lord Magnissimus of the Jade Mountains and the representative of King Haplor of the Jade Mountains, Captain Rock."

Murmurs and whispers swept through the courtyard. "Jade Mountains – " "Wilds – " "Demons?!" "No, can't be – they report to Heaven – "

The two demons lumbered forward, sullenly. Neither bowed until Floridiana shot them a glare. Then the rock macaque lowered his head about an inch. If that mountain of a wild boar did too, the motion was so slight that it got lost in all his bristles.

I looked at the two over the edge of Flicker's palm. I knew my role here, ironic though it was. Be welcome, Lord Magnissimus, Captain Rock. We thank you for your piety and your obedience to the will of the gods.

Lord Magnissimus snorted. Captain Rock muttered something that I couldn't make out, but that was fine. From the taskforce's expressions, it was unworthy of the ears of an Emissary from Heaven anyway.

Flicker was so shocked that he stopped pulsing.

Keep going, I hissed. Now tell them: "You and the army you have brought will play a crucial role in the battle to come! For too long have the good people of the Claymouth Barony – nay, all the fiefs that border Black Sand Creek! – endured the depredations of this demon! You shall purge the river of this evil that calls itself "Lord Silurus"! And in return, you shall earn the gratitude of Heaven!"

(Well, some parts of Heaven, anyway. Aurelia's, at the very least.)

With a grimace he couldn't quite conceal, Flicker repeated that. He didn't put as much drama and conviction into it as I'd have liked.

Tell them: "Go forth, soldiers of Heaven! The will of the Jade Emperor goes with you!" Oh wait – don't say that yet!

Here was where Flicker needed to raise his arms with a beatific smile and explode into golden motes for maximal impact – except that his disappearance would leave me tumbling through the air to fall splat on the flagstones and demonstrate to all present that the Emissary from Heaven was not invincible.

Hmmm.

Stripey solved the problem by flying up to us and hovering so his back was level with Flicker's palms. "Allow me, Emissary."

Gratefully, I stepped onto his back, and he glided back down to earth. Any sense of hilarity among our audience at seeing a turtle ride a duck was overwhelmed an instant later, when Flicker raised his arms and repeated (with less rousing spirit than I'd have used), "Go forth, soldiers of Heaven! The will of the Jade Emperor goes with you!"

Then he dissolved into motes and fled back to his office. Probably to a waiting room full of souls to process for reincarnation.

There were more oohs and aahs, and the crowd broke up into chattering groups, torn between returning to their abandoned tasks or hanging around in hopes of another lightshow.

"Mr. Turtle! That was amazing!"

As soon as Stripey touched down, Taila sprang forward. She would have scooped me up in the most undignified way imaginable if her mother hadn't seized the back of her tunic.

"Jek Taila! Remember where you are!"

"Oops." Catching herself, Taila bobbed a bow at me.

Bobo slithered up, grinning. "That was ssso ex-sssiting! That was ssso awesssome! Now they'll all help us!"

Floridiana cleared her throat. Not quite looking me in the eye, she said, "Emissary, if it so please you, our new allies, Lord Magnissimus and Captain Rock, would be honored to greet you."

It did please me – if not the two demons from the Jade Mountains. I inclined my head. You may speak.

The wild boar pawed once at the ground, then stopped when his hoof gouged a deep line through a flagstone. "I wasn't toooold anything about serving Heeeeaven." He cast an accusing glare at Den. "I was promiiiised the largest catfish I've ever seeeen. To eeeeat," he specified, just in case I hadn't guessed.

The rock macaque grumbled, "I wasn't told nothin' about helping Heaven either. I'm here because my king ordered it."

There must have been quite a story behind that order, because unless a dramatic shift had occurred in past centuries, demon kings didn't split off part of their armies to fight in a fief halfway across Serica. There were too many other demons to fight closer to home. Often at home.

"We'll explain later," Den mouthed, spoiling his dignified dragon king image somewhat.

As long as you take down Lord Silurus, your motivations are unimportant, I informed the two demons.

Actually, what I really wanted to do was grill them about the Jade Mountains: who the rulers were, how the borders were drawn, what the ever-shifting alliances looked like for now, whether the cataracts still crashed down from the peaks in the summer and the rivers blazed with scarlet leaves in the autumn.... But that would have to wait.

Summon the baron, I commanded, not addressing anyone in particular.

Baron Claymouth and Anasius had been hovering on the fringes of our group, waiting for just this audience. They hurried up and prostrated themselves before me – and, by extension, Stripey. Anasius looked as if he were sipping bitter medicinal tea.

Baron Claymouth, you may rise. We are pleased by your loyalty. (I was also pleased to leave that spiteful seneschal on his knees.) Heaven will not forget your courage and your devotion in joining our army against that most foul demon.

"Of course, Emissary! It is an honor that Heaven has called upon us, of all the fiefs that border Black Sand Creek, to join in this glorious cause. Whatever assistance we may provide, ask and it shall be yours."

Good. Then the first thing we require is a secure conference room where we may discuss our plans. All of a sudden, I remembered the demon horde waiting just outside the castle gates. I couldn't let it get bored or hungry, or it would wander off to eat humans. In addition, we require a place to quarter our army.

The baron must have had the same thought. "Anasius, see to it. Lord Magnissimus, Captain Rock, my seneschal will guide you to a location where your army can stay."

Looking as if he hoped he would only be a guide, and not dinner, the whistling duck spirit bustled off alongside the demons. As they left, I heard the wild boar ask, "So, whaaaat is a piiiig?"

I would have loved to watch Anasius deal with a whole demon army, but alas, I didn't have time to spectate.

One of the baron's retainers led Taila away to play with the baron's own children, and the baron himself showed the taskforce to his Great Hall. Taking my place in the center of the head table, I dismissed him and ordered, Master Rattus, please see to it that we are not disturbed.

Rat spirits were quite useful in that regard. Master Rattus walked straight to the wall behind the table, pushed aside a tapestry, and chittered into a crack between two stones.

Now, I said to Den and Floridiana, tell me what happened in the Jade Mountains. How powerful are you, and what abilities have you gained?

At that, the dragon perked up. "Whoo boy, have we got a story for you!"


A/N: Thanks to my awesome Patreon backers, Arif, BananaBobert, Blacklark57, Celia, Charlotte, Hookshyu, James, Lindsey, Michael, and Anonymous!


Continue Reading

You'll Also Like

59 0 22
𝘞𝘩𝘒𝘡𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 π˜₯π˜ͺπ˜₯ 𝘐 π˜₯𝘰 𝘡𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘡 𝘺𝘰𝘢? Kagayaku's life has been relatively normal for the first few years, that is, until she accide...
1.6M 11.7K 26
A tragic 17 year old boy dies as just another number in a massacre. He wakes up reborn as a baby with a fox tail and ears. Born in a world of swords...
519 12 31
It is the time of The Warming and UL Hamada has risen from Soilerdom to reclaim what is rightfully his, the upper world. Our world. But if one girl...
120K 5.7K 45
Lucy Caldwell suffered a disaster in her childhood - her house was burnt, which turned fatal for her parents. She grew up in a children's house toget...