⚠️MENTIONS OF DEATH THREATS⚠️
i had a little pep in my step as i walked to school, not feeling as down as i had previously. for one, being out of the house for a full six hours plus the other two i spent in the library to catch up on my much needed late assignments had a calming effect on me. plus, with not having to worry about being ambushed felt great in itself.
it was definitely funny seeing the reactions of teachers and fellow classmates at my change in behavior. usually, cohen was one to skip class, or if he did show up, he wouldn't give any teacher his regard. and in a certain class, he was secretly staring down the protagonist. well, not actually. everyone knew he liked to gaze at the blond, except for the main character himself. how amusing! however now, i was applying myself to the learnings and educating myself since i died (lol) and had to stop my precious studies. whatever that was...
as i was walking into the school, i couldn't help but glance over to the parking lot. and notice the black truck that belonged to louis.
how... how was this possible?! shouldn't the baldie have called them to his office and suspended or even expelled them already? they threw fucking rocks at my head which could have caused a concussion or something else. they were- i was lucky that didn't happen. i did not need to go to the hospital and get caught this soon and for such a stupid reason. not only that, they told me to kill myself. personally, i think that's more then enough reason to get suspended.
so why were they here?
this didn't make sense, not one bit. because if they were here, wouldn't they have repeated what they did to me like yesterday? why did they stop today? i mean, it seemed like they didn't have any consequences whatsoever, so why? just why?
why was i even alive anymore?
and, as i walked into school, ignoring the glares and glances i received, i almost faltered as i saw the trio staring straight at me, grinning wickedly as they tracked my ever movement. yep, they were here, at school, when they should have been at home crying to their mommies and daddies in forgiveness for getting suspended.
i needed to talk to the principal.
as i peered back at them, not trying to be seen as wimpy, i watched as lily's mouthed move to spell out words that sent a shiver down my spine.
'don't miss us for too long.'
i needed to talk to the principal now.
●・○・●・○・●
i couldn't believe this.
i had gone back to the stinky old man's office to confront him about why my attackers weren't gone, but when i approached, the vice principal instantly kicked me out, saying the principal was busy. what a bunch of baloney too because i saw through his glass that he was staring me down! he knew what he did wrong and he knew that i knew, but there was on problem.
i didn't have parents.
i was bluffing this whole time. i couldn't complain to the student board, i didn't even know how to. i was still a dumb ass student that didn't know shit about the higher ups of education. my parents certainly would have had some idea, but obviously they aren't here. they're dead. rotten corpses still in their bedroom where cohen had killed them. i don't think i'll ever get over that. not to mention their murder was fresh in my head. thanks a lot cohen 1.0.
so here i was, up on the rooftop because all high schools in stories and movies needed one for at least one of the main characters to 'claim.' fortunately this male lead who was normally up here had taken an interest in a certain protagonist and wasn't up here, meaning i was all alone to myself. to my thoughts. i hate thinking. it's so tiring and stressful and makes me want to rip my brown hair out of my skull so i could stop thinking. because all it seemed to be consumed with was the protagonist and it was just all too exhausting feeling these emotions, but rejecting them because i don't want to feel this way. i don't want to lust or obsess over the blond. that wasn't me but the stupid previous soul. why did i even have some of his mindset? it didn't make sense? well, i guess neither was rein- whatever into this body.
but why me-
"cohen? do you think i can talk to you maybe?" a hushed voice asked, instantly picking up my heart rate at the mere sound of it.
fucking damn. just my luck.
turning from my sitting position on the — for some reason — only bench on this roofing, i was once again faced with the elegant faced protagonist. god he was so pretty. wait, no he isn't. he's not pretty and i'm not falling in love with him. i have no god damn reason to! stupid cohen for being so unhealthy infatuated, stupid protagonist for being so heavenly, and stupid me for even considering actually descending into the depths of cohen's former mind. it's just, i wasn't strong nor had a suit of armor like these main characters, so overcoming madness within cohen was definitely a struggle in itself.
and the protagonist wasn't helping.
"i have nothing to say to you," i stated matter of factly, shoving a handful of cheese itz into my mouth. who ate actually food for lunch at school? i sure didn't. was i distracting myself from talking to the protagonist? yes. did i feel bad for being rude and seeing his shocked face? a little, but i felt more sympathy for myself so that overpowered the small ache in my heart. thanks so much cohen.
the main character much closer then he was before — standing only a few feet away— i watched the way his blue eyes formed tears in them, threatening to fall if i didn't comfort the blond in anyway. now this was a huge turn off in all book leads. the over sensitive type. i'm not saying you can't have your vulnerable moments and cry, but weeping over someone you rarely even talk to and get rejected from us just childish. it's a bunch of bull shit. it made me want to run away so i didn't have to see his pitiful expression and not feel my heart clenching in pain. why do i have to fall for it because of cohen's feelings!
so infuriating!
his bottom pink lip trembled as he brought his shaking hand to his mouth, glancing at me with his round, teary eyes pathetically before quickly looking away while he bit tirelessly at his now bruising lower lip. fucking hell was he good at making my feeble organ twinge in sorrow.
ah fuck it and me while you're at it!
"okay, okay. stop with that miserable look and sit down," i grumbled, glaring warily at how easily his mood was able to be lifted by my simple words. yeah, definitely a protagonist with his little mood swings. and when he sat down, a little too close for my liking, i scooted away slightly, trying to be subtle as possible. i didn't want to offend the main character and have those crazy ass male leads after me. no thank you. he smiled at me sheepishly, fiddling with his fingers like some weirdo. i would have laughed if this was a real life scenario but i had to constantly remind myself i was stuck in a fictional story. "so... what do you have to say."
as i broke the silence, he was quick to respond in an apology, "oh! i just wanted to apologize for my younger brother and i bothering you at the park. it honestly was accidental, cohen." he whispered, saying my name weirdly to my discomfort, and inching a bit closer to me to my distaste. but i was already at the edge of the bench anyway.
i sighed, eyeing the arm that had made itself on the bench backrest too, dangling a bit too close to my body, before responding dryly, "it's okay. i don't own the park."
the protagonist looked at me expectedly, as if willing me to continue to the discussion, but i had nothing to say. what did he even want me to say? did he want those awful conversations back then were cohen would just mindlessly blabber on about random shit to keep the blond engaged; and to be honest, most of it was embarrassing. actually, most of it had hidden meanings behind it. though they may have seemed innocent, they really weren't.
when i didn't do as the protagonist had hoped, i heard him let out an uncomfortable breath, probably feeling awkward with this whole situation, but he could leave. he didn't have to stay here and make my chest go bump bump all the time! but, instead, he grabbed both my unoccupied hands — since i put away my snacks to show i was paying full attention to him — instantly causing me to fluster up as i was caught off guard. i didn't mean to, i didn't want him to get a reaction out of me, yet here i was, blushing like some teenager meeting her celebrity crush for the first time.
"u-uh, i-i, um-"
my embarrassing stuttering was thankfully cut off by the most divine noise i've heard since i've landed in this book world. or maybe my life; i wouldn't know. not only noise, but the greatest scene i have ever lay my eyes upon in his short lifetime (which wasn't much). the blond boy say their laughing. it was simple, yes, but it was such a raw emotion of pure joy it was just so beautiful. i couldn't exactly explain it well. maybe it was the way small water droplets squeezed out the corners of his half crescent shaped eyes, or the pearly white smile that contrasted so prettily against his glowing, peachy, flawless skin. or just the sound that came out from his rosy lips that rose with his radiant cheeks that had me swooning.
oh fuck to the no.
"i-i'm sorry," the protagonist had attempted to catch his breath as he wiped the built up tears from his sapphire colored orbs, panting slightly. i could only sit there frozen in complete confusion and contemplation. was i actually falling for this blondie or was it just the influence of cohen? it had to be the latter because he wasn't my ty... what was my type? i don't know. i had only felt this feeling with the protagonist and no one else. and even if i had liked someone from my past life, it was irrelevant since i could not recall anything from it no matter how hard i tried, but just the knowledge of me not actually being cohen had held the sliver of myself — of him, that threatened to snap. the blond then clutched my burning cheeks with his hands, a goofy grin on his face, "holy shit i haven't laughed like that in a while," he muttered examining my flustered face to my horror. and why was i allowing it?! "you know, cohen. you are kind of cute-" i bit my lip to try and stop my cheeks from blushing harder as he lightly traced his thumbs back and forth across my face. "i can't believe i've never notice this side of you-"
that's because i'm not cohen. you never even knew me, the real me before yesterday when we met on the playground. and i didn't have feelings for you. cohen did, not me. i wasn't obsessed with you. i don't feel the need to make you mine. i don't care about you one single bit. only cohen does. i may be cohen now, but cohen isn't me. i'm my own person with their own feelings and i would not let someone else's feelings devour me and make them apart of me.
i'm ra-
"-en, earth to cohen," the blond called in concern, his grip tighter on my face as he gazed worriedly into my glasses. but he was still staring straight into my soul some fucking how. "are you okay?"
i snapped out of my daze, rapidly peeling my face away from the protagonist's warm hands as i unexpectedly stood up, almost knocking the blue-eyed boy over. "s-sorry i didn't-" i cautiously bent over to grab my discarded bag beside the main character, quickly grabbing it as he stared up at me in confusion and... hurt. fuck you cohen. fuck you cohen. fuck you cohen. fuck you cohen. fuck you cohen. fuck you cohen. fuck you cohen. "i h-have to go, s-sorry!" i scurried off, not wanting to see his dejected features any longer.
fuck you cohen.
●・○・●・○・●
i watched his retreating form and began questioning everything. especially the foreign warm sensation in my chest that dared to spread throughout my body. is this what my mother described as love? how she felt for my father that was never reciprocated by him? but love doesn't exist; it shouldn't be allowed. all it brought her was despair and rejection, so i could not permit myself to feel this way.
but then again, it was such a nice, hot, addicting feeling that i for some reason had discovered from this boy. from my cohen. no one else's but mine. because he didn't like anyone else but me. and now i...
but why. why did he try so hard to discard his interest in me? he did not want to willingly talk to me. it was only after i put on that fake depressing face that he allowed himself to have a conversation with me, but only out of pity. that wasn't right. he was supposed to want to talk to me always, no matter how busy or exhausted he may be. yet, he let our discussion end so painfully. but then again, when i touched him, he reacted violently as his cheeks burned a harsh red color, and he stumbled so delicately over his words with his pretty lips-
god, what are you doing to me cohen.
the protagonist was never in love with cohen if that's what you thought lmao
but it seems now he's developing some feelings for him 🤷
longer chapter tho cause it fit better lol 😻
why the fuck is this number 11 in boyxboy? like it could be anything else and its that, like 🧍
HAPPY 300 READS THO THANK U SO MUCH TO THE PEOPLE VOTING ILYSM😘😘💏👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👨👨❤️💋👨