Three months later.
We're in a club. All of us. Collectively.
Jordan is sat in a booth. There's a girl to his right who is hitting on him. He's leaning away from her, staring at me whilst I dance.
I don't mind that he's over there whilst I'm over here. A club isn't the place for the intensity of our relationship. It would feel phony to be together here. Like we're putting on a show, letting other people invade the most intimate and vulnerable part of us.
No one needs to know that we're together. We know and that's what's important.
Things are going well with us. During the day he always seeks me out at some point, a coffee in hand. Most evenings, he cooks me dinner and I tidy up. We put on music, and sing, and laugh, tactfully touching until we go to bed.
At night, he likes to take his time with me, the foreplay is always the longest part, until I'm aching for him - then he slowly plunders into me.
He never lasts long after I say, "I'm gonna come."
He makes a bid to stay awake after sex and we talk. He likes the way my brain works, he says. It makes him see things in a different light, opens him up in ways no one ever has before.
We talk about the state of the world, the books we're reading, the inner workings of a human brain. Our conversations get deep, but a real understanding flows between us. A synchronisation that's better than the best ballet dancers.
Sometimes the things we say connect us so much, we have to have sex again to really feel it.
It's surprised both of us, how much better the sex is the closer we feel to one another. I've always thought of sex as a separate act to love, because so many people do it without being in love. But with Jordan, it's all part of the same thing.
I asked him one night, a week ago, if sex for him is the same with me as it was with others and he said, "No. it's never been like this before."
He's really found his feet since the first night we had sex. Boys are desperate to be like him and girls are desperate to have him. He sort of the king of Uni. Definitely of the first years, anyway.
He has an army of guy friends to call upon, an entire rugby team that loves him, and a hoard of girls who are his fans.
I thought a bunch of girls eager for his attention would bother me but it doesn't. I know at the end of it all, he's coming home to my bed. That, and that every time I look over at him he's watching me, a small smile on his lovely, lovely face.
I know how Jordan feels about me now. I don't need him to race up to me in a nightclub to prove it.
I don't feel jealous over the girl that's talking to him because I know she doesn't matter. Through it all; even when we're an entire nightclub away from each other, it's just he and I.
"Jordan's doing it again," Kerry says.
"Doing what?" Reign asks.
"Looking at me." She replies.
Reign looks at her in horror and then back to me. I just smile. Kerry and Rory split off a while ago and since then she's developed a bit of a thing for Jordan.
I think because we don't flaunt what we have everywhere, she genuinely believes he and I aren't a thing. In many ways I feel sorry for her. In others, I kind of want to give her a good shake.
"You're joking right?" Nate says. "That's got to be a joke?"
Kerry frowns at him, "Why would I be joking?"
I go to tell Nate to leave it, to intervene, but I'm not fast enough. He looks from her to me and back to her.
"He's been sleeping with Autumn for months. He's not looking at you. He's watching her."
Kerry lets out a horrible laugh. "Now that's a joke!"
I don't much like her tone and I see Reign and Nate don't either.
"Fine." Nate says. "Autumn, I want you to walk to the bar and get a round. Kerry, I want you to walk to the toilet but keep staring at Jordan. We'll see who he watches."
"I'm not sure-" I start.
"I'll have a Punk IPA." Nate cuts me off, and launches me towards the bar.
I look back at them, frowning. Kerry hasn't moved. I look to Jordan and he's making his way out of the booth, also towards the bar. The only time he takes his eyes off me is to squeeze through the crowd.
He gets there first, signalling for me to join him. I do. I always feel like I can breathe easier when he's near. I stop so we're inches from each other.
"You look gorgeous," he says.
I smile and look back to the booth where the girl is sitting, looking dejected. "That poor girl was very interested in you."
"Was she?" He grins. "That's a shame."
"Why's it a shame?"
He strokes my arm. "Because she's not you."
I laugh. "Good answer. Want a drink?"
"Go on then."
I order, he stands very close as we wait for them to be poured, but we don't speak.
We don't need to. That energy exchange is pulsating between us. When the barmaid hands the drinks to me, I give Jordan his and go to take the round back to those on the dance floor. I'm surprised when he stops me.
"When you're ready to go, come and find me?"
"Of course." I say.
"I can't wait to see that dress on the bedroom floor."
I feel myself flush. It's not like Jordan, he must be a bit drunk. "We could just leave now?"
"No," he says. "You've just got a round in and it's only nine."
"Okay," I say, once again turning away. "I'll come and find you."
"Autumn?" He says.
I turn back, "Yeah?"
He leans forward and gives me a kiss on the lips. "You look really, really sexy."
Then he laughs, at himself or the look on my face I'm not sure, before turning on his heel and heading back to the booth. I stand there and watch him for a bit, then I head back.
Kerry's jaw is on the ground. I can't meet her eye. I feel like I've betrayed her, even though I haven't. I pass her the bottle of wine she normally has.
"Did you put him up to that?" Kerry asks.
"Hello, my peoples!" Jayne screams as she saunters over to us. "Oh wow, this looks a bit intense. What's going on here?"
Kerry turns to her. "Did you know that Jordan and Autumn are like, together?"
Jayne gives her a bit of a pitying look. "Hun, Stevie Wonder could see that."
Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh. "I'm sorry, Kerry." I say.
"Why," Reign explodes. "Why are you apologising to her?"
I'm taken aback, not expecting Reign to kick off.
"I-" I start.
"No, seriously." Reign seethes. "She's done nothing but be nasty to you and about you for months. Any opportunity to put you down, or try and make Jordan put you down and she's taken it. She's been hitting on your boyfriend, and you're apologising?"
The only thing I can think to say is, "I don't know if he's my boyfriend."
Reign lets out an angry scream and stalks off. Kerry bursts into tears and goes in the opposite direction to Reign.
Jayne and I stand there, a little bit flustered, whilst Nate grins and sips his IPA. He's smirking like he's watching an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
"I'll go after Kerry?" Jayne asks.
"Yeah," I say. "I better go and find Reign."
We both nod at each other, splitting off to find our friends. This is exactly why Jordan and I keep everything private. It's easier, less dramatic.
There's also something sexy about skulking about.
I spend the rest of the night doing damage repair, and only once everyone is happy (which no one really is), do I go and find Jordan. He's dancing in the middle of the rugby lads, they're all laughing and hollering.
When I get there they start chanting, "Kiss, Kiss, Kiss."
So, Jordan, uncharacteristically extroverted tonight, grabs me and snogs me right there. In front of everyone. It feels like a declaration of some sort. As if he's claiming me.
Not long after we leave and have sex three times. One primal, one tender, and one just because. I wait until he falls asleep, watching his face relax, trying to memorise all of it.
I still haven't told him I love him. I'm not sure I ever will. He must know, it feels like it's oozing out of me every time I am near.