Shoto POV
I stiffened up like a statue, looking down at her from the corner of my eye warily, the movie didn't even matter anymore. It felt as if, even if I take or let out a breath, I could wake her up. So I didn't dare take one. Should I move her? I was a bit reluctant but I don't know If she'd be okay with it if she woke up, and she'd probably also worry about it.
I generally don't know much about what to do and what not to do, I've only been going by following Rin and my instincts... and everything Kaminari and Sero have been 'teaching' me...? Sometimes the knowledge they try to impart is too much for me so I've been ignoring some of it. Sorry Sero, Kaminari. On the other hand I feel like I've been getting some mean glares at the back of my head too these days.
I very carefully lowered my shoulder slightly to see if she'd wake up. She didn't wake up even after I moved slightly so I relaxed with a sigh. She looked so peaceful while she slept.
I noticed that for the past two weeks she would often have an almost sad look in her eyes, and the tiredness in her eyes and voice that was noticeable. When I asked her about it she said that it was because of school work and everything that's happening and with Midoriya too. I hope it is just that, then again I couldn't think of what else it could be. She shouldn't stress herself so much. I don't know what to do but I wish I could ease her burden a bit.
I took the laptop that was in between us and put it on my lap and brought her hands up over my neck and with one of my hands supporting her back and under her legs I put her down to sleep on her bed carefully.
I was close enough that I could feel her soft breathing as I laid her properly on her bed. I probably shouldn't do this and touching her without her permission but I couldn't leave her in that position such that her back and neck could hurt. I'll apologize tomorrow.
I closed the window on her laptop, but before I shut it down I saw a locked folder that said 'HA' on it. "HA?" I mumbled. I was curious and the cursor was pointing at the folder that was unusually encrypted.
I shut the laptop right after that, I can't snoop on her computer, it wasn't right. But what would she want to hide on her personal laptop?
No, everyone has their personal things. It could just be anything and I had no right. Maybe it's just something she didn't want to show us or maybe from her work study, oh right, 'Hawks Agency', 'HA'.
"I'm so stupid" I whispered, I shouldn't even be thinking about something like this. I know wouldn't like it if someone snooped on my laptop. Although it was by chance that I came across it, I felt horrible for thinking of anything remotely suspicious.
I put the laptop back on her desk. Right as I shut the lights and was about to leave I looked back at her one last time with the milky soft moonlight curtaining from the window. Her verdant hair was spilling on her face but something inside me jumped at the almost ethereal image that I wouldn't want to disturb except one thing. Subconsciously I stepped back towards her and was about to push her strands back with my right, then realizing it'd probably be cold I stopped and switched to my left.
My right side and left aren't particularly that cold or warm but it could be relatively felt. Mom, Fuyumi and Natsuo apparently also have slightly cold bodies but they don't feel it with their resistance, according to the old man.
I never experienced it directly with them except mom and of course he naturally has a higher body temperature like a- like he walked right out of a sauna he created with his own short tempered flames. There was one person I couldn't know about now even if I tried, I don't even remember him that much.
After I pushed her hair back, I was about to retract my hands when her face scrunched up and she tensed all over. I was startled for a moment, I couldn't see much in the dark but I could at least see enough to comprehend. I flinched to freeze in waiting for her to wake up but she didn't, she just stayed like that, somehow she was still tense and her breathing was also starting to become uneven.
A nightmare? I looked at my left hand, maybe I shouldn't have touched her. But before I could retract, her face relaxed very slightly and she caught my hand. She only had to move hers an inch and our fingers were tangled. I was startled again and my eyes widened, she held my hand with both of hers and close to her face. I started to feel a little frantic, I can't stay like this forever, just when my right hand caught hers to try and release my left one gently her expression relaxed completely.
What was happening? What sort of nightmare was she having really? Was this why she looked like she couldn't sleep the past few weeks? I was a little flustered by this but if I retracted my hands then she would scrunch up her face in whatever pain she was feeling in her dreams right?
I pulled up her blanket to cover her properly from the cold like I had also planned to do before leaving.
Maybe I'll just stay for a little while. A small warm smile lit up on my face as if the gentle moonlight intended it to under its glow. It came on its own at the small relieving thought that she wasn't uncomfortable at my touch earlier, but the opposite. I sat down on the floor beside the bed while leaning my head against the edge of the bed, my hand still reaching up to where it was held in comfort by Rin.
Rin POV
I woke up in the morning comfortably facing sideways, cheek buried in the cool surface of my pillow with the scene of my familiarized dorm room meeting my eyes. I could see a bit of the morning light filtering in from the outside lighting up the room. It's morning, I slept?
When... wait wasn't I watching a movie with Shoto? I thought as I started recalling everything.
My ears perked up with my head lifting slightly from the pillow as I heard breathing, no, it couldn't be right? With an awkward laugh I turned my head and saw red and white on the edge of my bed.
I sprang up sideways, "Sho-?" I was about to screech his name and slapped my mouth shut so I don't wake him up realizing that he was sleeping.
I was still in my clothes from yesterday and Shoto was sleeping with his head on his folded arms on the bed beside me as if I were in a hospital bed. What was going on?!!!!!
Why was he sleeping on the ground while leaning on the edge of my bed and firstly why is he even sleeping in my room?! And when did I fall asleep yesterday?!
I dropped my hands as my thoughts distacted while looking at him, he was facing this side and his hair was slightly disheveled. I never saw him sleeping, his features were all softened and the side of his face adorably squished adorably against his folded arms. The image itself made my heart flutter,... do I... deserve this?
Just then his lashes fluttered and I flinched a little with my palms against the bed on either side of me.
He opened his eyes and lifted his head up drowsily, he yawned while rubbing his right eye and then saw me. "you're awake? I thought of leaving after sometime but I guess I fell asleep. Sorry" he said looking around for a moment and then at the bottom corner of his eyes at the floor.
He was so casual as if this was completely normal with that god like morning face and hair messed up on one side. I just didn't realize how he was avoiding my eyes with everything he had.
My hands moved automatically like a spinal reflex as I threw a pillow at his face and he toppled and crashed back on the floor in shock and suddenly wide eyes.
I came back to reality.
What did I do?! I crawled to the edge of the bed hurriedly and the covers really hated me or I subconsciously had a grudge on myself in the past when I set my bed because they were loose and I ended up falling over Shoto as I reached the edge by slipping with a yelp.
When I got up a bit I found myself right on top of Shoto in between his legs while holding myself up from the sides and Shoto too who got up saw me with wide eyes while holding himself up behind him with his hands and the pillow I threw earlier in between the two of us.
I remembered throwing the pillow at him, have I gone crazy?! What was I doing?!
We both were in sync at getting away from each other as we both got back and sat opposite each other on the floor and our faces burning.
"wh-why were you still here through the night?" I asked looked back up at him.
He was holding the pillow that was on top of his folded legs with one hand and was looking down, "I'll answer that, but first, do you get nightmares every night?" he asked seriously and then looked up at me.
I was sitting on my knees with my hands on them, I was a little startled, did I say something or show some expression while sleeping last night? But I won't get anything from lying, "...yeah" I said looking down. His questions always hit the bulls eye.
"That's why you were tired for the past few weeks, not because of studies. It's probably because you were worried about Midoriya again after hearing about Nighteye's death. You should've told the truth, yesterday you were only able to sleep after you held both my hands. I didn't want to break your sleep so I stayed for a bit but fell asleep myself. Well, sorry about that" he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
I looked up with my eyes wide and my mouth open in surprise, I wanted to choke in tears for some reason. It's not as if he would do anything weird, I knew that but even if it was really slight, I had misunderstood not knowing what happened. I probably subconsciously sought his warmth and cool if it was both the hands without even knowing.
I even troubled him with what I had been dealing with. He looked up with a warm smile, sad and consoling. I managed to hold back the tears while looking down as the gesture really touched my heart in every way and so much, just the thought was enough. Just then I realized how refreshed I felt after what probably was a very deep sleep in a long time.
"sorry for throwing that pillow without knowing, I don't even know what got into me... And... thanks" I said still looking down, I wouldn't have been able to hold back my tears if I had looked up.
He had nodded with small smile, "no problem. You helped me so much till now and others, it's ok to tell us if you have any problem. You're just doing it like that Dabi thing back then all over again, don't deal with everything on your own."
I froze, I did it again and broke the promise and I was still doing it. But... but I can't say anything about working with the HPSC, it was not my secret nor was it simply my own problem. If I had told him about the nightmares then I'd have to explain about why I got them, but maybe I was being too careful and now it created a seed for an even worse thing in the future. I felt immense dread, it was breaking my tough resolve but I couldn't spill it.
He noticed my freezing and crawled forward a little closer with a small frown, he put his hand on my cheek, "Is there something else bothering you? You have to tell me, you can't keep it to yourself like that. If it's related to your nightmares then you'll keep getting them if you don't let it out... I can help somehow if I at least know what's wrong Rin. Don't suffer on your own, you promised to say if you were facing some problem." It was as if he thought hard about every word he said, the care in them enveloping me as my eyes watered. A deep hatred grew inside me at my situation.
I caught his hand and squeezed it with a difficult expression while my head was still lowered, eyes squeezed shut as tight as they could. I might have improved at being able to lie but still a cause for suspicion spilled out when I was unconscious. How do I deal with this?
Keigo would generally face such stuff everyday right? How would he deal with it? He would lie with his perfect ambiguous smile that would hide everything underneath and make the other person doubt their suspicions. I definitely don't want to do that, I wouldn't have but,...
"I'm just afraid, it's so ridiculous so I didn't think I had to say it really. I get nightmares of back at the camp how I saw Katsuki slip away right in front of my eyes and sometimes instead of him I see Izu, sometimes you, with Dabi right there behind holding you guys by the neck and me screaming with everything to get you guys back. And sometimes it's myself having been caught by Dabi but my quirk not working and feeling suffocating"
I was just making excuses for myself. I was lying through my teeth. I can't tell him.
My nightmares were a lot different from this, with people burning and Dabi doing it to get me on his side and that scene at the alley over and over again. And how I lost myself to villainy, doing those murders myself. I pushed through feeling that way about my own quirk every single day and moment I used it. Sometimes, I even wished the fire I used would actually make me feel something.
My heart felt like it was being stabbed by a thousand knives as I kept lying, it hurt to lie to him so much while holding the warmth of his hand in mine and his eyes seeping with concern while looking into mine but I held on. This pain was worth protecting them, I had to pretend to be normal. It probably hurt him to hear about the nightmares as if it were his own but it wouldn't have been convincing otherwise. But in fact I know I'll be fine, except for these few moments, I know I can get stronger because I know why I'm doing it.
It would be too late after this, I can't keep feeling sorry for myself, not after this.
"I've been getting counseling sessions so I've been feeling a bit better but I guess that wasn't the case last night again, I don't remember much since I got a good night's sleep without any dreams, you've really helped me Shoto, even if I couldn't tell you about it. All of you are helping me by just being around me, it makes me happy and forget about everything." My mouth moved without thinking.
I don't know if he'd get it but if I was truly lying at the last two sentences, then I would have had a loving smile and leaned against his palm I held against my cheek, but instead I had a sad smile while holding the palm of his hand still and not really against my cheek. Even if it would appear that his hand was touching my cheek, in fact it wasn't since my hand was keeping it away.
He noticed my sad smile as his expression was slightly shocked and then turned into a tense expression, "HA" he said and my eyes widened this time, head straightening up. Something dropped like a dumbbell inside me.
That was the folder where I kept some of the HPSC files that I was still memorizing before the delete date. It was all important information about the league that I had yet to know and including regular updates. I had also gotten the file on Shie Hassaikai incident and the aftermath in which the league had been involved too. I had gotten to know the entire fight in detail, regarding Izu's fight, my friends, the other pros and as an added bonus, everything about Eri. Even many protocols and stuff about HPSC that I needed to learn.
He must have seen it last night while putting my laptop away.
"It's not that you don't want to tell me, it looks like you can't am I correct?" he asked, he did understand. Maybe he wouldn't have truly understood if he hadn't seen the name of that file.
I didn't answer, I can't even give the tiniest clue voluntarily, not even a hot and cold game.
"You can't tell me that either, but are you at least really getting counseling sessions?" he asked hoping I'd at least answer that.
I nodded. Counseling sessions are a part of U.A hero course compensation for the villain attacks, it wasn't strange to have them.
He lowered his head with a frustrated expression and his teeth gritted "I can't even help you with your problems, I'm not even in the position for you to at least tell me the truth. At least you won't get hurt other than nightmares right?" he asked.
I wasn't lying this time, for now, I'm not really going to get hurt other than that, and when there is a chance for me to, I'll try not to get hurt with everything I've got however ironic it sounds. That was also my promise to principal Nezu and Mr. Aizawa.
I nodded, "But you are helping me Shoto I wasn't lying before, and it won't be dangerous, you don't have to worry alright. I'm right here with you right now and I'll always come back, I have you, Izu, all of class 1-A the teachers of U.A, my mom who's also very worried about me, I have so many of you guys. Just please don't ask anymore. I'll be alright" I got up to hug him while speaking to comfort him. I really didn't expect to be found out, but I had to convince him somehow, I was desperate to.
I didn't even really start with any work so before the time comes, I have to get him to calm down. I had a feeling that I had to settle it today.
He wrapped his arms around me from below and hugged back tightly. "I don't know who's comforting who" he said sounding a little grumpy.
I giggled softly, "I'm fine, but I won't be if you don't calm down" I joked.
He hummed in response.
"Shoto" I said, he hummed again, "we have school, and we don't have enough time to get ready, forget working out"
"right" he said breaking from the hug and standing up as I did the same. Then he went to the door, "see you at breakfast" he said going out as I nodded with a smile and waved.
As soon as the door closed my hand dropped as the smile slowly got wiped off my face. I went and silently locked the door not knowing what was going on outside.