I sneak into the dorms just before midnight. The lights are all off, the girls must already be sleeping, getting their much needed rest before the full week of rehearsals ahead of us.
And then there's me.
Jiho and I spent about an hour with each other, mostly hugging and seeking much needed comfort. I wish we had the entire night to spend like that. It's only been a few minutes but I already miss him like crazy.
A text pings in my pocket and I look down at my screen to see a flurry of 'goodnight' and 'I miss you' emoji's from him.
The smile on my face stretches, pulled apart by invisible strings and I push open the door to my room, partially grateful that Binna has been sleeping elsewhere and I wouldn't have to worry about waking her up.
I stop in my tracks when I see her sitting by the computer desk, looking very much awake.
Her arms are crossed over her chest and it feels like I'm walking into detention and am about to be reprimanded.
"Just came back from visiting your 'sister'?" She asks me sarcastically and I quickly shut the door so that our conversation doesn't carry into the living room.
I lean against the door and purse my lips together. "If I said yes, would you accept that answer?"
Binna scowls and gets up. She starts pacing the small confines of our room and her pyjama pants are so long, they drag on the floor. "You know what bugs me the most. It's the fact that I know how naive you can be about things and I keep thinking that you're in danger but I can't do anything about it because I have no idea where you are."
My heart softens slightly knowing how Binna has always been protective of me since I came to the city. "I'm not in any danger, Binna. I just need some closure about some things. And I'm not that same girl you met four years ago. We're eighteen, we're like proper adults now."
She snorts and we both laugh a little. My shoulders feel lighter suddenly, like a huge weight has been lifted off them. Binna has been my best friend, almost like a sister since coming here. Not talking to her feels as foreign as not taking a shower in the morning. It's unnatural.
"Does the twenty one year old heart throb idol, with the most possessive fans have anything to do with this closure of yours?" Her eyes narrow at me suggestively and my cheeks turn beet red knowing she's talking about Jiho.
I shrug and sit on my bed. "No, but it's somehow become a support system to me. Never knew I needed it till it sort of happened."
"Well I hope you know what you're doing. You saw how crazy the netizens were when they saw him with 'a girl' and how our company reacted. I really feel like you're threading on thin ice here."
"Don't worry, Binna. We're going into rehearsals this week. We're going to be so busy and tired, I won't be able to meet him much." I mean technically we'll be performing together and I will definitely be seeing a lot of him but there will be people around us.
We can't do much in a situation like that but still the thought of being together with him on stage and then back stage, it causes a rush of excitement to flood my veins.
Binna obviously doesn't buy a thing I just said. She rolls her eyes dramatically before speaking. "Whatever. All I care about is that if you ever find yourself in danger, remember you have me, okay?"
I bite my lip remembering all the precarious situations I had put myself in only today. What if Binna is right?
"I will," I say after a long moment of contemplation although involving her in this whole Dalia thing is the last thing I want.
"I'm staying here tonight," Binna grabs her toothbrush and runs a dollop of toothpaste over it. She always uses too much. "Kim is kind of sick of sharing her bed with me."
If things weren't so tense between us I would have hugged her by now. "Oh, welcome back."
I don't know why my voice comes out slightly choked up. We settle into our regular routine where she gets ready for bed first followed by myself. It feels so nice to have her back I didn't realise how lonely I've been since our fight.
The bed rustles when she moves between her sheets and I stare at the bunk bed on top of me. Somehow her company has made me sleepy, maybe I'd finally be able to get a good night of sleep without thoughts of Dalia, Hyeon and Jiho.
"Goodnight Binna," I say softly, not wanting to wake her up in case she's already in dreamland.
"I'm sorry, Jina."
I sit up and train my ears, wondering if I had imagined those words. "What?"
"I didn't realise how badly Dalia's passing had affected you. I was a bad friend and I'm sorry," Binna says and there's that familiar squeeze in my chest.
"I'm fine. Don't worry." Even as I say those words I find it hard to believe them. Silence ensues and soon I hear her soft snores that relax me. I sleep well that night but my dreams are filled with secret bars, hidden red booths and nearly being kissed.
*
The atmosphere in the auditorium is nothing like I've experienced before. There are people shouting from all directions, sound tech and stage crew making up the bulk of the crowd. The stage is being set up and all of us have lined up by the front row, waiting for further instructions.
"How have you been, Jina? You look so tired," JinJin asks and passes me a sachet of multivitamins. She hands out these to her friends regularly and she has been extra nice to me ever since the whole debacle that resulted in all of us getting our phones back during the week.
In fact I notice everyone has been extra nice ever since. They keep providing me with multivitamin sachets and sometimes even snacks they've managed to sneak in after training.
"Thanks," I murmur and tear off the edge with my teeth. We haven't had breakfast yet and my stomach is already grumbling.
Rachel, one of my partners for our performance is currently lounging on the seat behind us, her eyes fixed on her phone screen as per usual. I've been most worried about her because she's been the most hostile since we started practices together but she's been bearable so far too.
Except when she's fawning over Jiho, which she seems to do a lot.
As if on cue, the Viva boys walk into the auditorium and immediately the energy shifts. All of us adjust our outfits and I notice Rachel cross her legs over each other, making her tiny skirt ride up her thighs.
If magnetism between people was a thing then that would explain why Jiho's eyes always find mine the moment we are together in the same room. The hold they have on me is unexplainable and a flurry of emotions immediately bloom in my chest.
It's mostly desire. I want to run up to him and wrap my arms around him like I did last night but we pretend to be cordial acquaintances when the boys come down to greet us.
"Morning girls," Chan says, looking excited. Everyone says their morning greetings and we all bow to each other in unison.
Jiho catches my eye before I bow and I notice him smiling surreptitiously once we are done. I don't miss the way Rachel has sidled up the the guys and why the hell is she inching towards Jiho?
"Morning everyone!" Mr Yang claps his hands, gaining our attention immediately. Not that his red suit and matching glasses weren't already striking enough. "Dressing rooms are ready and I want to see your fittings today. Everyone head to the back. Chop! Chop!"
"Did you sleep well?" I hear Rachel ask Jiho as we walk up the stairs that lead back stage.
"Yes, I had the best sleep last night." I look up just as Jiho side eyes me and quickly look away before anyone catches me blushing but it's too late, Binna smirks knowingly.
"That's nice to hear. Me too..." Rachel drones on about some dream about performing on stage and faeries and I've lost interest but Jiho is infuriatingly polite. I notice he listens and nods, occasionally smiling whenever I scowl.
"Girls over here!" Someone with a clipboard and sound monitor rushes up to us. "Boys your rooms are there." She points to a room at the far end and we separate.
I feel Jiho's fingers graze mine sending goosebumps up my arms and resist the urge to look at him as we head to our fittings.
We're in our fairy princess outfits again and this time I can actually move in my tiny sequin dress and puffy see through sleeves.
I've been through hair and make up before but the stage make up today is better than I've ever seen. Our hair has been blown into soft waves and the glittery make up around my eyes makes me look like some sort of sea siren.
Binna walks up to me once she is done and she looks utterly beautiful in the same get up.
"Damn, look at you," I say, admiring my friend openly.
"You clean up well yourself," She jokes.
There's a coffee table to our right and I drink some before being rushed out onto stage. These outfits are for our dance number so we do that first and I try to concentrate on my steps instead of Mr Yang's calculative stare by the front row.
The music stops and we wait in a line for any further instruction. Thankfully, there's not much criticism today, instead Mr Yang comments on adjustments needed for our outfits and stage lighting to fit our aesthetic.
The camera men also brief us on which video cameras to focus on and we run through the dance a few more times to get a hang of it. It takes me a while to look into the specific ones especially since I have to concentrate on my steps and formation at the same time.
When I finally smile into the camera my face feels frozen. I notice Mr Yang's pursed lips a couple of times. Maybe he's taking it easy on us today but I don't he'll be this lenient next week, on the days leading up to the showcase.
Once we are finally done, we head backstage to get ready for our duets. The Viva boys are ready for their group performance and I see Jiho standing front and centre in a cream button down and sleek black pants.
He has a ribbon tied around his neck and he bites his lips when he sees me in my dress. My skin feels hot as his eyes rake my body from head to toe. He shakes his head before heading on stage and I skip to the dressing room giddily.
"Did you see the way J was checking me out?" Rachel gushes the moment we enter the dressing rooms. She says J because the stylists are here but everyone knows she's talking about Jiho.
All of us know she's developed the biggest crush on him since our quartet practices started.
"Oh my God yes, he's definitely obsessed with your sexy outfit! He couldn't take his eyes off you." Grace adds on and I sit down and take a huge gulp of coffee.
Binna squeezes my shoulders reassuringly and I pretend to busy myself by helping the stylists undress us.
The girls are all obnoxiously discussing Rachel's and Jiho's love life while we finish getting ready. By the time we've gotten into our new outfits, my ears feel sore.
We head to the stage and I am made to sit next to Silver, while Rachel is seated next to Jiho. She leans into him happily and I can already imagine all the fans either shipping them together or hating on her after the showcase. Either way they look like a couple and something tells me today is going to be a long day.
A/n: Haha some jealous moments between the two love birds. Hope you enjoyed and more to come!