I don't think my eyes have ever been this sore and puffy before, I've officially cried myself dry. And now I just feel numb.
Completely numb.
This morning I knew exactly who I was going to be and where my life was going. Now I know nothing.
All I want is to be able to talk to Luke and Autie about it, but I feel like if I try to speak no words would come out.
My eyebrows knit together as my phone begins to ring, I check the caller ID before answering.
'Toby?'
His drunken laugh penetrates my ears, 'Scar! Where the hell are you?'
'I'm at home, where are you?'
'At some fucking party, I'm high as shit right now.'
Worry grows within the pit of my stomach, 'A-Are you safe?'
'I was actually hoping that you could come and pick me up.'
I let out a small sigh as a I lazily pick my coat up from the end of my bed, 'Sure, please can you text me the address.'
'See this is why I love you. You always help me out.'
My stomach flutters as his words, 'A-And I always will.'
'I'll pin my location, see you later babe.'
Before I can reply he ends the call, I wince as I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I look like a fucking shit.
I rub my stinging eyes as I trudge down the stairs, my eyes widen as the front door opens, Lucas freezes when he takes in my facial features.
'Why are you crying?'
'I-I was just watching some videos of these cute dogs. And you know what I'm like.'
He rolls his eyes, 'You know they make you cry, why do you keep watching them?'
'They're cute.'
I hated myself for lying to him, I hate lying in general but doing it to Luke felt like a different level of pain. He's always been the person I could confide in, I could always rely on him to help me fight away all of my fears.
But I just wasn't ready to admit it, because when I do then it all becomes real.
He eyes up the coat in my hand, 'Where are you going?'
'O-Oh Toby asked if I could pick him up from some party.'
'On your own? Late at night?'
'I'll be fine! You don't have to worry about me all the time.'
'Of course I do, dipshit.'
'H-How's Autie?'
The dark-haired boy sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair, 'She's okay, I think she's just nervous about the move.'
I nod slowly, 'Remind me to buy her some flowers tomorrow.'
He laughs softly, 'I will, don't worry.'
...
I drum my fingertips against my steering wheel before I check my phone for the fourteenth time, I've been sat in my car for nearly forty minutes and there was still no sign of Toby. I've rung him nearly eight times and every time he'd hang up after one ring.
Half of me was debating going inside, but I wasn't exactly dressed for a party.
Fuck it.
I wasn't leaving him here alone in that state. I'd never leave anyone behind, regardless of it I knew them or not.
I let out a shaky breath as I climb out of my car, I wrinkle my nose slightly at the smell of weed clouding the air. I flash a nervous smile to the boy sitting in-front of the house with a red solo cup in his hand.
My eyes widen when I step inside, the strobe lights nearly blinding me. I quickly scan the surroundings before I head towards what I presume is the living room. My heart breaks slightly when I notice a familiar blonde-haired boy leaning over the coffee table snorting a line of white powder. Before I'm able to approach him, a pair of large hands gently grab my shoulders and spin me around. I freeze slightly at the unexpected contact.
I let out a sigh of relief when I look into a pair of chocolate brown eyes, 'H-Hello!'
His eyebrows knit together, 'Sunshine? What the fuck are you doing here?'
'I-I'm just coming to pick up a friend.'
'Why didn't you just wait in your car?'
'I-I did but I was sitting there for forty minutes without any reply, a-and I didn't want to him on his own.'
I jump slightly when a ginger haired boy waves a syringe in my face, 'Want a hit?'
Rocky narrows his eyes at the much smaller boy, 'No, she fucking doesn't.'
I look up at him with a teasing grin, 'A bit presumptuous of you to think that I don't want any.'
He gives me a look, 'Not funny.'
'You're always so serious.'
He sighs loudly before looking over my shoulder, 'So, which one is your friend?'
'T-The blonde one snorting coke of the coffee table.'
'That guy is your friend?'
My eyebrows knit together, 'Y-Yeah, why?'
'He's been a complete ass all night. I had to refrain from punching him a couple of times.'
'Are you sure, we're on about the same person?'
'One-hundred percent.'
I couldn't comprehend the notion of someone not instantly adoring Toby. He was one of the sweetest and funniest guys I've ever met.
'O-Oh, well if he has done anything bad, I apologise on his behalf.'
'Why the fuck would you apologise on someone else's behalf?'
I shrug, 'B-Because it's just something that I like to do.'
He rolls his eyes, 'That's just stupid.'
'Being kind isn't stupid Robert. It literally costs nothing to spread kindness.'
'That's not necessarily true,'
'What? How is it not?'
'Well for starters, it can cost you, your self-respect and dignity.'
I narrow my eyes, 'You are such a cynic!'
He snorts loudly as he crosses his arms against his chest, 'I'm a realist sunshine, there's a difference.'
'Well, I'd rather be a dreamer than a realist, any day of the week.'
'Dreaming only leads to heartache.'
I shrug, 'I respectfully disagree.'
My eyes widen as Toby stumbles towards me with bloodshot eyes, I wince slightly when I notice a little bit of dried-up blood on the side of his left nostril.
'Scar, where the fuck have you been? I've been waiting for fucking ages.'
'I-I've been here for nearly an hour, I-I did try to call you a few times, but you kept declining them.'
He laughs loudly, 'That's fucking funny.'
I frown slightly, 'I-I didn't find it very funny.'
'God, lighten up a little bit. It's a party!'
'C-Come on Tobes, let's get you home.' I say softly as I reach out to touch his wrist, he slaps it away.
'I've changed my mind, if you're going to be this boring. I'd rather say here.'
'W-What?'
Rocky's face hardens as he looks at the swaying boy in-front of us, 'Hey pal, why don't you show her a bit of respect? Because if you where my friend, I would have left after you declined the first call.'
Toby snorts loudly, 'She knows I'm only joking, don't you Scar?'
'Y-Yeah.'
I feel my entire boy tense as he wraps his arms around my neck before bringing my head close to his before our lips touch, I push him away forcefully. As much as I want to kiss him, I didn't want it to be under these circumstances.
'Toby! W-What are you doing?'
'Come on, it's nothing that we haven't done before.'
My cheeks flame brightly, 'T-That was different.'
'How was it different?'
'B-Because...well for starters, you have a girlfriend! A-And I would never do that to another girl.'
Toby tilts his head, 'I was with Kat when we first slept together.'
My stomach drops as tears prick the corner of my eyes, 'W-What? W-Why the hell didn't you say anything?'
Guilt swarms around in my stomach, I honestly feel as if I'm going to be sick. I can't believe that I helped someone cheat on their partner. I just couldn't understand how this boy who I admire and adore so much could be so hurtful. It genuinely feels as if a piece of my heart has been shattered.
'Because it was still early days.'
A strangled sob escapes my lips, 'I-It doesn't matter how long you've been together for, when you get into a relationship with someone you make a commitment to them.'
He shrugs, 'She won't care anyway.'
'O-Of course she would care.'
Rocky pinches the bridge of his nose before letting out a loud sigh, 'Scarlett, I think you should go home and leave this asshole here.'
'B-But how will he get home?'
'That shouldn't fucking matter to you right now, listen to how he is speaking to you.'
'H-He's still my friend though.'
'Friends don't treat other friends like shit.'
Hot tears begin to slide down my cheeks, as if this night couldn't get any worse. I cover my face with my hands as a loud sob escapes my lips.
The brown-haired boy next to me sighs, 'Come on, I'll walk you to your car.'
I nod slowly, 'P-Please can you make sure that he gets home safe?'
'No.'
'P-Please for me.' I croak out.
'I'm sure one of my friends will give him a lift.' He murmurs as he places his hand on the small of my back and begins to guide me outside.
'T-Thank you for helping me.'
'I just wanted you to stop crying, I really don't like crying girls.'
A watery laugh escapes my lips as I wipe my cheeks, 'I don't think anybody does.'
I stop in-front of my car with an awkward smile, I glance around at my surroundings before I hesitantly wrap my arms around his waist. His arms stay firmly by his side.
'W-What are you doing?'
'Giving you a hug.'
'Okay but why?'
'Just to show you that I'm appreciative for having my back.'
Rocky gently pushes me away from him, 'I'm not really a fan of hugs.'
I bit my lip as a lump begins to grow in my throat, 'R-Rocky there is actually something I need to tell you.'
'What is it?'
I open my mouth before closing it again, 'A-Actually, I was just wondering if you were going to Luke's match on Friday?'
'Yeah I am, why?'
'I-I was just wondering.'
I know I should have told him, it's wrong to keep this from him. But I wasn't ready and a part of me was worried that I never would be.