A/N Hello my lovelies! This chapter was a hard one to write. I knew what I wanted but it kept eluding me on how to get there but anyway, its here so I hope you enjoy it. This is a work of fiction and I do not know or own the real people. If you would like to be alerted when I update, follow _eyes_wideshut on twitter. If you like what I write, please let me know. Enjoy!
Around the group and in public, Minho and Jisung acted just as they always had. Jisung took more comfort from that than he was willing to admit. When Minho treated him completely normally and didn't push anything on Jisung, the younger man relaxed into a closer friendship than they had had prior. It was the same and yet there was the difference of kisses. They cuddled at night and true to his word, Minho always waited for Jisung to either initiate kisses or ask for them. It allowed Jisung to truly relax and enjoy it. He still didn't understand his attraction to Minho and what it meant but the more he thought about it the more emotional he got and the more scared so he tried to put it out of his mind.
About a week after the change Jisung sat in 3racha's workspace trying to work on lyrics but his mind kept returning to the previous night's kisses. He was trying to figure out what was missing. He loved every second of their kisses and he had even gotten a little touchy with Minho, not that the older man seemed to mind much but there was something niggling at the back of his mind and he couldn't quite work out why he was feeling slightly unsettled. Every time he tried to think about something else or focus on his work, his mind always drifted back. It wasn't until Binnie hyung snapped in his face that he realized they were staring at him. "What?" He asked, having completely missed the conversation and blushing slightly.
"You aren't here at all today, Jisung-ah. What's wrong?" Chan asked in concern.
"Nothing." Jisung asked quickly. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking about my lyrics. What were you saying?"
"Let's go grab some lunch." Changbin said. "I'm hungry." Chan nodded and Jisung shrugged. The three grabbed their jackets and headed out. They headed to a nearby barbeque place and placed their orders. Jisung lost himself in his thoughts again. The others looked at him and then shrugged, figuring he would speak up when he was ready.
Chan and Changbin started chatting about the one kids room they had done regarding Felix. "He really cuddles you?" Chan asked.
"Yeah, he really doesn't do that with you?" Binnie asked.
"No. I need to talk to him about that." Chan said, thinking.
"Honestly when he is in a cuddly mood there is nothing better than snuggles."
"I swear Yongbok heals with his touch." Chan said with a smile and Jisung suddenly tuned back into the conversation.
"His touch is amazingly loving." Jisung said, thinking hard. The conversation had made him realize what had been evading him. He was kissing Minho almost every night and touching him and he realized suddenly that Minho hadn't touched him at all. He didn't know what to think about that and his mind started making plans for what he wanted to do to test his theory.
That night he got ready for bed and climbed into Minho's bed. Minho wasn't back from rehearsal yet and Jisung yawned as he scrolled his phone and waited. Minho came in dragging as if he was exhausted. He headed for the shower and Jisung waited, his finger scrolling aimlessly through his news feeds.
When Minho climbed into the bed he gave a tired smile to Jisung. "Whatcha doing?" He asked.
"Just scrolling."
"You tired?"
"Nah, well kind of."
"Ok." Minho kept looking at him, watching Jisung scroll on his phone. He knew the younger man wasn't paying the slightest attention to what he was looking at. His Sungie appeared to be deep in thought but he didn't want to push. Jisung would talk about it when he was ready. He wrapped his arms around his pillow and just quietly watched. Finally Jisung looked over and leaned over Minho to plug in his phone. Minho rolled onto his back and looked up at Jisung. The younger man froze for a moment looking down at him.
Jisung swallowed hard, his thoughts swirling. He leaned down and kissed Minho softly. His hyung responded immediately. Jisung lightly settled his weight on Minho and lightly rubbed his neck and shoulders as they kissed. He tried not to lose himself in the kiss and noticed that while Minho had opened his mouth slightly, he made no move to lick at the younger man's lips. Jisung nervously licked into his hyung's mouth and felt the answering tongue slide across his. He tried hard not to lose himself in the kiss but it felt so damn good.
When he finally pulled away to catch his breath, he realized again that Minho wasn't touching him. He had not initiated anything. He wondered why. "Goodnight." He mumbled and rolled away, turning his back to Minho as his thoughts spiraled.Was his hyung only doing this because he thought Jisung needed it and didn't actually want it himself? That thought made Jisung feel sick. He was feeling like he had taken advantage of his friend. He knew Minho was the type to quietly take care of all of them but this was beyond what he would ever ask his hyung to do.
"Sungie?" Minho said softly and rolled into him and wrapped an arm around him. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah." Jisung replied, "I'm just tired."
Minho felt like he was missing something but had no idea what he had missed. They had been kissing, very enjoyably for that matter, and then something had changed. He could tell Jisung was lost in his head but he had no idea what was going through his mind. He wanted to push but that wasn't something they really did to each other. They never pushed and he didn't want to hurt their relationship at all by doing that.
The next morning when Minho woke, the bed next to him was empty. He sat up and rubbed his face. He pulled on a sweatshirt and sweatpants and headed into the dorm to find Jisung but he had apparently already headed to the studio with Binnie. He frowned at that piece of information. He headed to the dance studio and tried to put it out of his mind. They were having group choreography that afternoon so he would see Jisung then. He tried hard to put it out of his mind.
When the rest of the group started to trickle in that afternoon, he looked up but Jisung and Binnie were the last to arrive and his jagiya didn't even look at him. He was quiet and not laughing as usual. The worry grew when he saw how detached Jisung was. He saw Chan looking between the two of them and knew if they didn't resolve whatever was going on quickly, he would be getting involved. Minho loved his hyung but he was a private guy and didn't like when Chan got involved. He wanted to make the choice of who and when they were invited into his personal issues.
They ran through their choreography and at the points when he and Jisung usually looked at each other and made faces, Jisung was stone faced and wouldn't meet his eyes. He watched Jisung focus harder on his dancing than usual. When they took a break for a few minutes, Jisung headed to the corner and sat down. Minho headed over to him and crouched in front of him. "Sungie, what's wrong?" He asked softly.
"Nothing. I'm fine, hyung." Jisung answered, not looking up from his phone. Minho reached out to touch him but Jisung flinched away.
Minho started to ask why and what was wrong but Chan called them back. He reached out a hand to help Jisung up but the man ignored the hand and got to his feet. "Want to grab dinner after? My treat." He offered.
"I'm going back to the studio after so I'll be staying in my room tonight. I..." He gave a small hesitation. "I don't want to bother you or force you into anything."
"Sung..." He started but Jisung slipped past him and rejoined the others. He looked after him. Something had broken between them last night and he didn't know what it was. He had no idea. When their rehearsal was over, Jisung was the first out the door. Minho watched him go sadly. He turned to Felix.
"Lix?" He said softly, unsure of how to broach the subject. The blond turned to him with a smile that faltered a bit at his expression, concern replacing it. "Has Jisung talked to you today about anything?"
Felix started shaking his head. "No, we haven't talked today. Is he ok?'
"Yeah. Yeah. He's fine, I just wondered." Minho had lost his nerve on talking to Felix about it, unsure of what Felix knew. "He just seemed tired or something today and wondered if he said anything." Felix's expression cleared and he smiled. Felix was easy to please. Any of them showing compassion for the others would always derail any questioning. Minho gave him a smile and headed over to grab his things.
He headed back to their dorm and showered. He went into the kitchen and started preparing dinner for everyone. People would come in and get theirs in waves but Jisung didn't arrive back home. He ate his own meal but it tasted like sawdust in his mouth. Making up his mind, he cleaned up from their dinner and headed to Jisung's room. He made himself comfortable on the bed and waited.
Jisung purposely arrived home late. Long after Binnie and Chan had left, he had continued to work on lyrics. He hadn't made any progress but it was an excuse anyway. He was avoiding Minho. He let himself into their dorms, having showed back at the company and headed for his room. He was quiet, making sure to avoid waking up the others. He realized Minho was in his bed as he was climbing in it and froze. Minho was just looking at him.
"Please talk to me, Sungie." he whispered.
Jisung sighed. "It's late hyung. Can't we talk tomorrow?' Minho frowned. "You shouldn't be in here." The frown grew. Minho suddenly stood and grabbed Jisung's hand, pulling him out of the room. He pulled him into the kitchen and got them both a drink from the fridge.
"Have you eaten?" Minho asked.
"Hyung..."
"Have. You. Eaten?" Minho asked sternly.
"I'm not hungry." Jisung said, avoiding the question.
"What happened last night?" Minho asked. "We were fine and then...then we weren't. Today you won't look at me or talk to me. What did I do?" His voice sounded a little broken and very full of emotion.
Jisung suddenly leaned forward and kissed him. He let Jisung lead but the kiss only lasted a minute and then he pulled back "Nothing. You did nothing." He finally said, looking down. Minho had done it again. He hadn't responded much to the kiss. It was clear to him that he had forced himself on Minho and he was eaten alive with guilt over it. "I won't kiss you anymore. I'm sorry we ever started that."
Minho felt his stomach drop. "What's wrong? Why are you deciding that?" He was panicking in his head. Fuck. What the hell had he done? He was trying so hard not to push at all. "Sungie, please talk to me."
"I'm sorry." Jisung said softly. "I didn't mean to take advantage. I didn't mean to push this... arrangement on you. It won't happen again."
"Sungie, you haven't forced anything on me. Why would you think you have?" He reached for Jisung's hand but the man flinched away from him again. "Jisung! Talk to me! Please."
"I thought our kissing was a mutual agreement but you aren't enjoying it and I don't want to force you into something you aren't wanting."
"Jagiya, what makes you think I am not ok with kissing?"
"You don't...seem to want to...um be doing all this." Jisung gestured between them.
Jisung blushed. "You don't touch me at all. I didn't notice it right away but last night it became clear. You don't...you know...use your tongue until I do. I'm forcing you into something you are uncomfortable with and I don't like that. It makes me sick."
Minho sat back in shock. He had no idea Jisung had thought that. He scooted his chair closer and reached out to Jisung. When the younger man flinched away from his touch, he ignored it and grabbed Jisung's hand. "Look at me, Jagiya." He said softly. Jisung finally looked up at him and his eyes were filled with tears.
Minho touched his cheek with the other hand. "I would never mind kissing you. I told you I would let you take the lead so you were comfortable. I wasn't touching you because you hadn't told me you wanted me to." He leaned forward and kissed Jisung tenderly. "I just didn't want you to be uncomfortable. Don't you know that there is nothing between us I wouldn't be ok with?" He said it before he could stop himself.
"You aren't disgusted?" Jisung asked, his voice a little hopeful.
"Jagiya, I could never be disgusted by you. Have you forgotten you are my soulmate?" He said the last part teasingly.
Jisung finally got the smile that Minho loved so much. "I felt so sick today thinking I was forcing you into something you weren't ok with." He admitted.
"I wouldn't do anything I wasn't ok with." Minho said. "If you need me to show you I am ok with it, I can do that but that means I need you to tell me if I cross any lines you aren't ready for or that you don't want. Can you do that?"
"Yes." Jisung gave him a blinding smile.
Minho leaned in again and kissed Jisung. This time, he slipped his tongue into the younger man's mouth, exploring gently. Then he trailed kisses down his neck, pulling the younger to his feet and pulling him close. Kissing him once more he then kissed Jisung's forehead and then went to the fridge and started heating up the leftovers of the dinner he had made. He put the bowl in front of Jisung. "Eat something Jagiya. Then we will go to bed. And you are staying in my room." He said firmly. Jisung gave him a smile and started eating.
After he ate, Minho cleaned up after them and then took Jisung's hand and led him to Minho's room. They plugged up their phones and crawled into the bed. They lay facing each other and Minho pulled him closer. "Jagiya, you have to talk to me when things aren't ok between us, ok? I have been so worried all day."
"I promise I will." Jisung said with a smile and then yawned.
Minho pulled the blanket up over them. "Sleep now. Get some rest." Jisung nodded and put his head on Minho's chest and settled into their normal position.
"Don't be afraid to touch me anymore, ok? I promise I will tell you if I am uncomfortable."
Minho kissed his head and held him close. "Ok."