Play you're on your own kid & midnight rain & bigger than the whole sky by Taylor Swift for this chapter
"I don't really like talking anyways, so that's not surprising," Haru responded blankly and I placed a gentle kiss on his cheek in thanks. "Maybe I should talk more often."
"No, I can vouch for the fact that talking is unnecessary." Seven agreed. "Most of the time."
"You guys are cute." Thandiwe approved. "Seven and I are going on four years now and we've definitely learned a lot from each other, so I don't know, if you ever find yourselves stuck and needing advice on anything we'd love to help. It helps to have people who care about you around, that's something we're both still trying to learn considering we're both fiercely independent people."
"Thanks, we'll remember that." Haru nodded, sliding his fork around his plate.
At first, I had assumed that there was a vast difference between us, but I couldn't help but notice the striking similarities between Thandiwe, and seven in comparison to Sailor and die. I saw a lot of us in them, and I'm certain that it was the same and vice versa, I found myself, wondering if sailor and I would be together for just as long as them, perhaps even longer. I wanted it to be that way, I wanted to be with him Until the end of my days. Perhaps one could have said that I was just a naïve teenager, but what I felt for Sayler Park will always be the truest most real thing I've ever known. I wouldn't have wanted the circumstances that occurred that summer when I met him to have gone any other way. I didn't realize it then, but every choice I made up until then, had led me right to him.
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The next day Sailor and I had decided to go out to a sushi restaurant to pick up food for everyone because we were all way too lazy to cook for ourselves. Sailor wore dark sunglasses and so did I, it was really hot outside and we were dressed for the summer in shorts and t-shirts.
We ordered various assortments of sashimi, nigiri and salmon rolls as well as a few vegetarian options. It was incredibly hot today and my skin felt slick with sweat, but it was fun to just go out like this, the two of us. The realization that we really were a couple now hit me like a freight train.
We took a few film photographs of each other, one of him holding my hand, another of us kissing that we didn't plan to get developed and show anyone, it was a secret. A little too sexy for our liking, maybe we'd put it in a photo album for just us too, so we could remember this.
"There's a karaoke booth over there." Sailor noticed, pouting behind me and I turned around and saw it. "I want to go."
"You know how I feel about music." I reminded him, but then he gave me puppy dog eyes and I melted. "Fine, just for a little while, but I barely know any songs and I'm not a good singer."
"I don't care I'm excited." He smiled grabbing hold of my hand and pulled me into the booth, we paid for thirty minutes inside.
It's hues of bright purple, blue and pink inside, with various music band posters plastered on the walls, there were four microphones lined up and we took two of them. We took a glimpse at the set list of songs to choose from, I barely knew any of them.
"Do you know any Taylor Swift?" Sailor asked me taking his bottom lip between his teeth in thought.
"A little, but not really any of her older albums." I confessed, "folklore and upwards."
"How about midnight rain from midnights?" He suggested and my memory immediately recognized the song the minute the introduction begun to play.
"Okay, sure." I agreed feeling my palms sweat a little, I was kind of nervous. "Who's starting?"
"You are, love." Sailor encouraged, "you're going to do amazing, I'm on the edge of my seat, truly."
"I'm nervous." I admitted, "I don't know if I can do this."
"Hey, look at me." He smiled placing both hands on the sides of my face, "it's just you and me, it's always just you and me, and we don't judge, we're Sailor and Kat, we always try remember, it's our thing?"
"Right, I never should've encouraged that stupid motto." I grumbled in regret, "okay."
"Okay, it's starting get ready!" He smiled.
"My boy was a montage, A slow-motion, love potion
Jumping off things in the ocean, I broke his heart 'cause he was nice." I sang and Haru's eyes lit up at the sound of my voice. "I hate this."
"I love It." He clapped egging me on, "I'm your biggest fan, sing to me beautiful."
"He was sunshine, I was midnight rain, He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain, He wanted a bride
I was making my own name, Chasing that fame
He stayed the same, All of me changed like midnight." I continued letting my voice flow from me like a rushing river, I wasn't scared anymore because Haru was holding my hand and I was singing only to him. "Take the next verse!"
"I want to sing a different song." He told me changing up the song, "one that I listen to a lot, I hear a lot of myself in it."
"Which one?" I wondered,
"You're on your own kid." He told me, just as he forwarded to the bridge deliberately, he smirked leaning against the wall. "Notice how I'm not scared."
"I wasn't expecting you to be," I affirmed and he winked at me. "Sing to me, pretty."
"You're on your own, kid, You always have been, From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes, I gave my blood, sweat and tears for this, I hosted parties and starved my body, Like I'd be saved by a perfect kiss, The jokes weren't funny, I took the money, My friends from home don't know what to say, I looked around in a, blood-soaked gown, And I saw something they can't take away." He sang, and his voice was hot like melting honey pouring down my back, down my throat, his voice was beautiful and his falsetto made goosebumps rise on my skin.
I knew Sailor could sing, but I didn't know he was...phenomenal, I didn't know he could put so many famous artists I knew to shame.
"Woo!" I cheered clapping for him and he smiled at me.
"Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned, Everything you lose is a step you take, So make the friendship bracelets, Take the moment and taste it, You've got no reason to be afraid, You're on your own, kid, Yeah, you can face this, You're on your own, kid, You always have been." He sang as the song came to an end and I was absolutely speechless.
"Who knew you singing Taylor swift to me would be the most attractive thing ever?" I spoke breathlessly before leaning in to kiss him as he placed his hand on the small of my back and dipped me back like we were in a soap opera. "You're unreal."
"Times up lovebirds!" A voice called from outside and we laughed, turning off our mics and making our way outside, where we realized so many people were gathered.
The small crowd clapped and cheered, and my skin flushed at the realization that they'd been listening in this whole time. I highly doubted it was my voice they'd been so encapsulated by, Sailor immediately just bowed and grabbed hold of my hand beginning to usher us away from the scene. He seemed anxious about something, whatever that was, as we took the food and made our way back home.
That was...odd.
Once we got back home Khondwani and Sora quite literally pounced on us from their place on the couch, they'd were watching some reality television show.
"You guys took forever!" Sora groaned, "were you trying to punish us?"
"Sorry." I apologized, "we got a little bit carried away."
"Really, what did you do?" Khondwani asked plating his sushi and plopping down on the couch.
"I was manipulated into singing kareoke." I confessed and my brother nearly spat out his food in shock.
"You managed to get my sister to sing?" Khondwani gasped then have Sailor a high five, "i am unworthy of being in your presence oh great one."
"Shut up." I scolded and Sailor laughed.
I begun playing Haru and I's sushi while Sora made lemonade but Haru stopped me. "What?" I asked.
"I can't, I have a shoot this Friday." He told me under his breath almost as if he didn't want to be heard. "I'll eat dinner later."
"Oh, okay." I shrugged but Sora's gaze remained on him.
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Later that night
I could hear faint voices from behind the bathroom door, I knew it was wrong to eves drop but I needed to know what was happening so I left my morals behind me and begun to listen in. The walls in the house were thick and you couldn't really hear anything once doors were closed. I glanced in and saw Sailor with his head in his hands seated on the edge of the ceramic bathtub, refusing to look up at Sora who was pacing back and forth raking a free hand through her hair in evident frustration, her face was contorted in vicious emotion- a mix of anger and fear perhaps.
"This is ridiculous." She scolded her voice laced with a venom I'd never heard from her before. "I hope you know how serious this is."
"Sora-ah please listen, it's not what you think." He pleaded with her, still not looking up to meet her gaze.
"It's exactly what I think, God I should have known." She repeated to herself still pacing and biting her nails anxiously. "What am I going to do now?"
"This isn't about you, you don't have to do anything." He told her blankly and then Sora's hand's trembler in quiet rage as I saw the storm clouds gathering in her eyes, she shoved the products on the bathroom sink off and the toothpaste and other assorted items fell to the floor. Which only made Sailor close up more.
"You're being so selfish right now!" She yelled, "what the heck do you mean this isn't about me? If it's about you it's directly going to affect me. This isn't fair Sailor, you promised me, you promised dad, you promised everyone out there who's rooting for you that you'd try."
"Easier said than done." He mumbled.
"Look at me..." she asked and when he didn't respond she only got more irritated, she grabbed hold of his hands and pulled them away from her face. "Look at me!"
He stared at her with this blank emotionless expression I'd never seen from him before, his usually bright eyes turned dark and hooded, his lips were dry and his stare was cold.
"What more do you want from me?" She asked, hot tears of anger streaking down her face. "I've done everything I can, I've spent my whole life trying to get you to see yourself how I do, how eomma did."
"Don't bring her into this." He responded monotonously.
"Oh she's in this alright, and do you know what?" Sora seethed leaning in closer to look him directly in the eye. "she would be so disappointed in you."
"You don't mean that." He said, a flicker of emotion visible through his stormy eyes, but almost as quickly as it came it disappeared.
"Aye, I do." She declared folding her arms, "you're being selfish, this isn't fair!"
She was full-on shouting at him now, I'd never heard Sora yelling before.
"Don't yell at me..." he asked his voice slightly shaky.
"That seems to be the only way I'm going to be able to get through to you, so yes I will yell and scream and shout at the rooftops until you hear me!" She shouted and moved away from her slowly. "Why...why didn't you just tell me?"
"Because you'd get in my way." He concluded simply.
"Oh..." she spoke breathlessly as of slowly realizing something grave, "oh...I see, you're not sorry about it, are you? I understand now, You don't actually want any of this to end."
He didn't respond to that, only tilted his head and gave her a wickedly sly smile, but I could tell it wasn't voluntary and of happiness- more so of coincidence and irony that she was only just now seeing the truth.
"God Sailor I-" she exasperated gripping the counter for support, "this is bad."
"It's not bad if you just...let me be." He said. "And not tell anyone, just like we agreed."
"I'm going to tell...I- I'll tell everyone, this time I won't be silent." She threatened and he placed a gentle hand on her cheek caressing it, looking at her pitifully. "I will."
"No, you will not." He told her and she pulled away from his touch grabbing the tiny mirror from the counter and facing it at him, he turned away. "Stop."
"Look at yourself!" She told him, "do you want Kat to see you like this?"
"Don't bring her into this." He spoke eerily calmly, but then he grabbed the mirror and threw it on the floor, still holding her gaze and she flinched. "And leave me the f*ck alone, I've got it handled."
I had never heard him curse before. I flinched too.
I immediately left his bedroom and went back into the corridors and into my own room closing the door behind me heavily breathing on the other side. Still trying to process everything that I'd just heard, everything that I'm certain I wasn't supposed to have heard. I'd never seen the Park twins like that before; so raw, so undone, so human. I even recognize them.
Once I heard two doors close, I gathered myself and saw a light at the end of the dark hallway. It was coming from Sailor's room, the entire house was silent which was expected because it's almost two in the morning. I hesitantly approach the slightly open door and catch a glimpse of a scene that shattered my soul.
Sailor was lying on his bed on his side in the dim lighting of his room, his back facing me so I couldn't see his face. His body trembled slightly and I was confused at first, but then I heard his silent strangled sobs.
Let's get one thing clear, Sailor Park was never a crier, I could count the amount of times I'd seen him tear up on one hand. But that day, something, whatever that was had absolutely wrecked him.
I didn't know what to do, because I wasn't supposed to be here and I clearly wasn't supposed to see this. I had considered leaving and just letting him be, he seemed like he wanted to be alone.
But then I remembered that if the roles were reversed, he would never- and I mean, never walk out on me.
I closed the door behind me quietly and took off my night slippers, I lifted the sheets on the left side of the bed I crawled inside. He didn't even bother to turn to face me, but I knew he knew it could've only been me.
"Hey," I whispered softly, "look at me, love."
"No." He refused, his voice almost inaudible.
"Why not?." I asked,
"It's embarrassing." He refuted with a sniffle,
"No, it's not," I reassured him, stroking his hair, and brushing some strands away from his forehead. "Look at me."
I could see the tears building up in his eyes, cool water turning where before there was an icy stare. "Oh Sailor, Don't cry."
It was almost as if saying that made everything worse.
He turned around and faced me, his eyes were red and ridden with sorrow, a single tear sliding down his nose, then pale cheek. His nose was blushed rouge like he had a cold, his freckles scattered across his skin, and his full lips were swollen and slightly chewed from anxiousness. I placed my hand on his cheek, and he closed his eyes, his long beautiful eyelashes wet and stuck together. He was half agony half misery, his face is the picture of so much pain. He is a living oxymoron; so beautiful and yet in such despair. There is a hurricane in my heart and I'm being swallowed whole at the scene before me. I watched as he shattered before me.
At this moment I thought, he carries more pain inside of him than any singular human should ever have to endure. I made a promise to myself that night, as I let him bury his face in my neck, his hot tears against my skin and then soaking my shirt, as I held him through every hysterical cry, every painful mumble about how its all his fault, and he doesn't deserve it all and that he wishes it could just be over. I didn't understand a thing, but I could tell that this wasn't the time to interrogate him about anything.
"You're okay." I reassured him, "I promise."
"No I'm not Kat, really I'm not." He cried. "I'm sorry."
"Whatever it is, you'll talk to me when you're ready, I trust that you will," I assured him.
I then proceeded to take the blanket and wrap it around him, so he was covered too, I let him lean his head on my chest as I stroked his hair watching every rise and fall of his chest. I made a promise that I would hold him forever, until he would never have to know such pain again, until he could live a life free of whatever ghosts tormented his mind. Hold him until one day, he could be truly happy and no one could hurt him.
I was blind and I was naive, I was given the impression that Sailor Park was always happy, but I should have known better- no one was.
THOUGHTS & FEELINGS <<<
PREDICTIONS <<<