x
Dear Vesper,
I know you will find them.
I wish I could stop you, but you would never listen. Still, I have to try.
Stay away from Queens Academy. The students here are not normal. They are the one percent of the one percent. And they want to climb the social hierarchy, constantly.
Wealth and power corrupts... just as it corrupted me.
You never wanted to attend this place. Don't, not even for me, not even for the truth. The moment you go there is the moment you will play with the wrong people. The blue bloods.
Wealthy, powerful, beautiful.
Elites.
But beneath that perfect exterior?
There is something fundamentally wrong with them.
The secrets they have will scar you. By the time you figure them out, you will already be in too deep. No matter what, do not go to that island. It isn't a rumor, it's true. They go for a twisted tradition and they'll play a game.
Harmless, isn't it?
Until a secret spills.
Cruel secrets they would kill to protect.
I know you're incorruptible. Not only are you a genius, you are a Du Sang. Anybody who knows of your last name is a somebody. Yet, all the money and power I want, everybody wants, means nothing to you.
I did.
Please. Don't go searching for the truth. If not for me, do it for you. Some things should remain unknown.
And I'm sorry.
For everything that happened. And everything that will.
I am not who you think I am.
Not after becoming one of their secrets.
Ella.
x
Avery was still asleep when I stirred. My father had left but the confliction in me remained. His head rested against the bedside of the hospital bed I slept in.
I faintly remembered him holding my hand and whispering that I was awake, but I wasn't sure if I dreamed that. I placed a hand against his forehead, worried that he might've gotten a fever from looking over me for most of the night in the cold room.
"Vesper?" Avery blinked tiredly as I pressed my palm against his head.
"I didn't mean to wake you," I whispered, retracting my hand from him. "I was worried you were burning up."
Clarity entered Avery's silver eyes and he startled me by pulling me into a firm embrace. After hesitating, my body relaxed into him, allowing his toned arms and clean scent to envelope me.
Avery pulled back and then he took my face in his veined hands. He examined me closely as if he were memorizing every detail of my face. Avery gently brushed the bruise on my cheekbone with his thumb.
"You're awake," Avery finally said, relief written all over his expression. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes, thanks to you," I replied softly. Then, with a teasing tone, I said, "I heard you read me Little Women. I knew you liked the novel."
Then he did something that completely took me by surprise. He blushed.
Avery Dragomir blushed. The action was so unexpected and out of character, I couldn't help but let out a quiet, genuine laugh.
"You did," I said, smiling for the first time in a while. "You like the novel."
"I don't like the novel, but I happen to like the girl who does," he murmured.
I flushed. Of course, Avery had to make me blush so that we would be even. I wanted to simultaneously roll my eyes and kiss his cheek for being so endearing.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss by his cheek. I whispered, "Thank you for saving me."
I hated relying on someone else or feeling like a damsel in distress, but it felt... nice to be saved once in a while.
"Vesper, I-" Avery cleared his throat. He seemed to be battling with what he was going to say to me but then his gaze hardened in conviction. "I think you should stop your revenge."
I flinched away from him. "What?"
"Stop pursuing what happened, Vesper," Avery said with a look that told me he knew I wouldn't react well to this but he would risk my anger if it was for my well being.
"Avery, I know you mean well for me but I'm not going to stop," I told him, breaking his sharp stare. "Ella... I owe it to her."
"You don't owe her anything," Avery snapped, hints of fury glimmering in his eyes. "You shouldn't have to endanger yourself for someone who-"
"Who what?" I demanded, my cheeks hot with emotion.
Avery clenched his jaw. "Someone who doesn't deserve it."
I blinked as if he slapped me. My stomach dropped as he removed his hand from mine. I didn't even realize he had been holding it.
"I can't even imagine all the horrible things they've done to Ella," I said, my voice hoarse. I sounded as if I were going to cry. "You saw what Gloria did to me,"
For a brief moment, Avery looked taken aback by my sudden vulnerability but something else hardened in his eyes. "Exactly, Vesper. Imagine what else they could do when you start digging further."
My lips parted. "She's worth the risk."
Avery stood abruptly, frustration in his actions. "I've told you this before but I'll repeat it again because you need to hear it. She's gone. Ella's gone and you've been manipulated by her quest for revenge. Your sister is gone but you're pursuing something empty."
My throat tightened as tears brimmed my eyes. "You don't know what you're saying."
Avery snapped as if he couldn't hold in his words anymore. "Do you think I haven't noticed your grief, Vesper? You barely sleep, you barely eat, you barely do anything but pretend. You do nothing but think about what happened to Ella. Do you think no one else has noticed that you shut yourself into your room for hours?"
"Why do you even care?" I cried out, unable to understand.
Why did it matter if it didn't affect him? Everything between us was fake, but you wouldn't have guessed that from the way he just seemed so infuriated.
Avery flinched at the question, as if his answer would burn him. He looked away and something in my heart ached.
"Because every time you close your door, I have to endure the fact that you could do something irreversible."
I stared at him as the realization hit me. He was worried about me.
He didn't want me to pursue the matter because he was afraid of what the blue bloods would do. He was afraid of what happened to Ella could happen to me. He was afraid that I was suicidal, that the only reason I was living was because of revenge for my sister.
My father's words resonated in me and unbelievable guilt settled in my chest. I couldn't let another person care for me. I wouldn't.
I knew exactly what I had to say to him so that Avery Dragomir wouldn't care anymore.
"You should leave."
A long moment of silence stretched between us. All the anger, hurt, concern, and confusion brazenly swept through his expression, leaving me dazed. This was the most open he had been with me. I've never seen him care so much. He has never been so transparent.
Then, Avery wiped away any trace of emotion in his expression. A cold sort of calmness overcame him and suddenly, he was a stranger.
"I'm sorry," Avery said quietly.
I blinked. "What?"
Avery once told me he could count the number of times he apologized on his hand. Applogies didn't mean anything if they were always given. Avery only apologized when he meant it and when he did something wrong.
He didn't do anything wrong.
"Sorry," Avery repeated, flatly, as he reached over to hand me a familiar pink diary. "That's the five letter password to the journal."
I thought of Ella's letter for me, of how sorry had been the only one strangely written. It hadn't register to me earlier since I was so distracted by him.
"Are you really going to read it?"
"You want to read this more than me, Avery," I said, quietly. I didn't understand him sometimes. "Why are you hesitating?"
Something passed through his eyes before he clenched his jaw and handed me the journal without another word. Something I said had pissed him off. "Open it then."
And then, I started to read.
Turning my eyes to Ella's pink journal, I gingerly changed the five letters on the lock into SORRY. With a click, the journal opened. I inhaled a sharp breath, dizzy with what this meant.
Ella's journal was unlocked and I now had all the secrets of the blue bloods. This would change everything.
But when I looked up with an astonished smile, the door of the hospital room had already shut closed. The smile curving on my lips faded.
Avery Dragomir had long walked away from the riddle.
And from me.
x
[entry]
Today was my first day at Queens Erlington Academy.
It was just as I expected, only, better. Glamorous, rich, and powerful. Only the best attended here. Mother made the right decision to lure and marry my stepfather. I hate him for not giving me his family's last name, but I can't hate him for sending me here, no matter how much I begged for it.
If only I was a Du Sang.
No one would know me, but they would know of me.
After all, anybody who knew of the Du Sangs were a somebody.
Even though I was related to the Du Sangs, I knew I was still a nobody. And you know what? I was tired. I was tired of relying on my little sister for popularity.
I will be a somebody. On my own terms.
Nevertheless, it was humiliating. Even though I wore the same uniform as everyone else, I wasn't their equal. I should have expected a social hierarchy in the top one percent of the one percent, but I didn't know it was this extreme.
I might not completely understand their system, but I know. I was at the bottom.
And the only thing I wanted was to be at the very top.
This girl name Camila Vanderbilt introduced herself to me. She seemed friendly and kind but I've seen the worst parts of life and I knew this girl was a snake. It was obvious from the moment she asked me for my last name.
Still, she was useful. Very, useful.
She invited me to lunch but wanted it to just be the two of us. I was too embarrassing to be shown to her friends. No wonder she chose a table hidden behind a large column.
In the middle of her explanation of Cadres (I knew she wasn't very high up there), I saw them.
I didn't know what was so magnetic about that group of people but I knew I wasn't alone in the staring. They commanded attention.
They were the ones that ruled this school.
"Cadre One," I whispered, and Camila sneered a little at my reaction.
"Blue Blood," Camila affirmed. "Everyone refers to them as the blue bloods."
"Why aren't you a blue blood?" I said innocently but I did it to humble the girl. She could act high and mighty right now, but once I became one of them, she would be begging for my attention.
Soon.
Camila gritted her teeth but played the part well. "Not anyone can be a blue blood, silly."
"But everyone's rich and pretty here," I pointed out before internally cringing at my tackiness. "Why them?"
"That's the question, isn't it?" Camila mused, eying one of the blue bloods. He was extremely attractive. All of them were. "It's a question everyone wants to answer..."
"Because everyone wants to be a blue blood," I finished, leaning forward. "How does someone become a blue blood?"
Camila then proceeded to tell me about the voting process. How you had to be in Cadre One to officially be a blue blood. To be in a cadre, you needed the votes to be a part of it. After more prodding, she told me the life story of all of them, how they hosted parties, their lifestyle...
It was mesmerizing. And I knew I wanted to be a part of it.
[entry]
Over the course of a few months, I redid my image. I dyed my hair platinum and straightened it. I did liposuction to get rid of the fat I've always struggled to lose. I did a special laser surgery to get rid of my freckles. I used Botox. I got plastic surgery to change the structure of my face. I got lip fillers.
I did everything possible to look the part of a blue blood.
It didn't take long to look like a perfect Barbie.
When I was getting ready for school, I got a call from Vesper. I ignored it. I feel guilty about it but thinking about her made me mad. I loved her dearly, yes, but sometimes, that seed of jealousy grew to hatred. It always made me feel guilty, because I knew she would do anything for me.
And sometimes, I took advantage of that.
I couldn't help it. Vesper was given everything. Everything.
Her father's love. Her mother's dainty looks. The body I always wanted. The prestige of her family name. The boy I had wanted forever. Even the damn brain I never inherited.
She had everything, but she refused to use it!
She could have everything I wanted. She had everything but I wanted, well, everything but a mother and brother, which I had.
It gave me some comfort.
Some.
Anyway, people have been noticing me. The slight changes I made have caught people's eyes. And now that I have gone to enough parties, people knew who I was. I wasn't the "new" girl.
I was Gabriella Jontas.
Ella.
Still, it wasn't enough. I needed to be a blue blood. And I knew I had to be close to their circle if I wanted to be one. It was common for a girl to date a blue blood, but never have they ever become a blue blood.
I will.
And after the way Cole Asto looked at me, I was sure it will happen soon.
[entry]
I finally understood why everyone was so afraid of them today.
A girl accidentally slammed into Satin in the hallway. Satin slapped her. Yanked the glasses off her face and crushed it with her heel. I heard it before I saw it happen. Satin then proceeded to sneer at the poor girl of how she should invest in glasses.
The girl clutched her cheeks and the glasses Satin shattered before bawling.
Everyone took pictures of the whole thing and in less than an hour, her cadre voted her out. Satin usually didn't make a big deal out of these things (or at least, that big of a deal). Usually, there would be some bullying but the cadre didn't have to vote them out.
Today, the girl caught Satin at a particularly bad time. Not wanting to risk the blonde blue blood's wrath, all her friends voted her out. Luckily, she must have been very good friends with the bottom cadre because they accepted her. She didn't have to leave Queens Academy.
Just five minutes of confrontation could ruin your life here, if you weren't careful.
That was power.
That was fear.
And I wanted it.
[entry]
I chose the highest cadre, one lower than Camila's, that sent me an invite because I was running out of time. This cadre was temporary, though, so I was not too worried.
Tonight, I have a plan. A plan that will get me "in."
There's a big Halloween party and I will have an opportunity to be alone with Cole Asto since his girlfriend is sick and cannot attend. He will, though. I keep reminding myself that it is because he's losing interest in her.
Perfect.
Now why Cole Asto, out of all the blue bloods?
Blake Everson is engaged to Helen. I needed a public relationship to gain popularity. Mason Scott had a thing with Kalina Jeong. They may be constantly on and off, but the last thing I needed was to compete with a blue blood. Avery Dragomir? I swear he's a mystery. The only notable thing about him is that he's rumored to be the next valedictorian (you would have never guessed by how attractive he was) and most importantly, he never committed to a girl. A girl in an upper Cadre was crying this morning because of him.
Also, Gloria and Satin made any girl who was around him a living hell, once he was done with them.
That left me with Cole Asto. The rumored aristocratic genius.
His girlfriend was a girl from Cadre three and they've been dating for a while. Over the past few weeks, however, there had been rumors of a fight and Cole losing interest in her. Cole seemed to be avoiding her.
This was my chance. I just needed to convince Cole I was better for him than her.
[entry]
Boys are usually easy, but Cole Asto was more of a challenge than I expected. Still, last night I let him do whatever he wanted with my body. I think he liked me too, especially since his girlfriend ran out of class crying this morning.
Oh, he just texted me "come find me tonight."
How exciting.
[entry]
It's been weeks. Weeks since we've been seeing each other, yet his girlfriend doesn't know. No worries. Cole was showering when she sent an attachment to him. Out of curiosity, I quickly looked through his phone and saw that it was a nude.
Cole was almost done so I snapped photos of it and then deleted the messages for good measure. Cole hates being made a fool out of. If I used these photos somehow...
I can't help but feel guilty. Whenever I think about it, I want to vomit.
Do I really want to ruin this girl's reputation like this? Is it worth being a Blue Blood?
But then I think of Mother and how she slapped me. Saying I was useless, fat, ugly... How my stepfather thinks I'm a slut. How even my own brother looks down on me.
No one respected me at home.
I refuse to be disrespected at school too.
The next day, when I woke up in Cole's bed, I couldn't help but think that it was worth it. I did some photo editing and made the text messages look like she was cheating on Cole. Then, I anonymously sent the photos to the school's gossip.
The photos leaked out. Cole broke up with her. She left the academy the next hour.
It was worth it. It was worth it, I told myself. I don't have to do anymore bad things when I become a Blue Blood.
I can't stop dreaming of being one of them. It's all I ever wanted.
To be worth something. To matter. To have power.
To have control.
Yet I can't seem to fall asleep tonight.
[entry]
It's been a month since they've broken up yet Cole never asked me to be his girlfriend.
Sometimes, I think he enjoys it. Taunting me. Always playing games with me. Of course, I play the games back but it irritates me.
At least the rumors have been in my favor. Ever since I showed up to this one party with him one night, everyone has been speculating about me. Of course, I haven't joined the blue bloods for lunch in the luncheonette (I love the word!) but I'll find a way to get an invite.
Still, everyone has been fawning over me. I won't lie. I enjoy it.
Even Camilla sucks up to me. It's satisfying. Really really satisfying.
But after I stormed off, saying how he didn't take us seriously, I saw the look in his eyes. He knew I would go for Mason or Avery or even Blake if he didn't make it official. All I had to do was wait.
I hate waiting.
[entry]
We were officially dating! Finally. It took five months, but finally.
Today, Cole officially "introduced" me to the blue bloods. Not that they didn't know of me already. None of them paid much attention to me, as they thought I was a fling, but after tonight, I will be in their circle.
Or at least, as close as I could.
I learned that you needed everyone's votes to be in Cadre I. I thought it would be majority but they ran things differently.
I just need to win everyone over.
I spent my monthly allowance on this dress. Not too slutty, but revealing enough to catch everyone's attention. Cole liked it, and he never liked any of the dresses I got. I still wore them, of course.
When I entered a private room with them, Cole introduced everyone formally, as if I didn't know everything I could about them. I wanted to be prepared.
Gloria greeted me first. She was beautiful and her father was a powerful senator. Gloria asked if Cole told me about their games, about the things they played about.
I had no idea.
It was only after a game of truth or dare did I realize how much they taunted me. How many secrets they had. How dangerous they could be.
And I knew they weren't taking me seriously. I could see it in their eyes. They didn't see me as their equal. And I doubted that they would all vote for me. At least Shannon Dragomir was the only kind person who seemed to genuinely care for me. Her brother, Avery, didn't even acknowledge my presence.
Well, fuck them, because I've started compiling documents on them.
When it was time, I would bribe them one by one by their secrets.
And once they all vote for me, once I become a blue blood, will I become the most popular girl in school.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
[document one]
Mason Gregory Scott
Drug dealer. Drug addict.
Evidence: Photo 1. Photo 2. Photo 3..... Photo 7.
Quick note: He was the easiest to get dirt on. I caught him in a room one night, during the party, and saw that he handed drugs to someone. I saw by the panicked look on his face that he didn't trust me so I quickly made up a lie and said that I wanted to be hooked up.
Mason relaxed and handed me pills. I didn't question what it was but ever since I've been taking them, I've felt calmer.
Oh Mason Scott, how gullible can you be?
x
Avery tugged the journal away from me, as if he knew I could no longer finish reading.
"That's enough reading," he said, softly. I didn't even notice him reentering. The anger he had towards me had evaporated. Avery returning surprised me the most out of everything. It was a wordless understanding between us.
He was accepting my decision, even if he didn't support it.
I met Avery's gaze and saw the sympathy in his eyes. Fuck him. I didn't want his sympathy. I didn't deserve it. I wanted my sister, before everything happened.
Before she turned out like this.
My throat tightened at the thought. Did Ella hate me? I had no idea she harbored such hatred for me. I wish she didn't. I wish I told her I loved her more.
I wish I didn't leave her alone, in a place like this.
"I never liked her," Avery said, unapologetically, "but I didn't dislike her. At least, until she started getting closer and closer to us. She started spending more time with the girls." Avery's lips tightened. "You know how they can be."
I wanted to vomit. The hospital room seemed to squeeze tighter and I couldn't seem to breathe. I clutched the bed sheets to straighten myself.
Oh god, Ella, what happened to you? How could you do that to Cole's girlfriend? How could you ruin her life?
And the drugs. The scheming. The incriminating photos of Mason...
Oh god.
Who was this girl I called my sister? Then, the answer came to me.
I was just like her. I was exactly, if not worse, like Ella. She had planned to blackmail all of them. She schemed to be one of them. I practically blackmailed Avery Dragomir. I schemed to be a blue blood.
This was too much.
"Did she-" I swallowed, throat dry, "Did she manage to blackmail you?"
Avery shrugged, and I suddenly understood why he didn't exactly have a high opinion of Ella. "No. She couldn't find anything on me."
"Then what-" What did she do?
Avery smiled wryly. "She tried to seduce me instead."
x