#OLAPlayPretend
Chapter 19
Training
"Xaiver..." Zoe uttered his name in disbelief. Her eyes looked at our faces before they went back to our hands. "You... Why are you holding her hand?"
Biting my lower lip, I instinctively tried pulling my hand from his hold but Xaiver only tightened his grip. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. Hindi ko na maintindihan kung ano ang gusto niyang mangyari.
Nababaliw na ba siya? Akala ko ay ayaw niya pang ipaalam kay Mrs. Dela Vega?
"Xaiver," mariin kong bulong.
He lazily turned his head to me. "It's Xavi, baby..." he drawled in a whisper. "Xavi. Remember?"
Napalunok ako at wala sa sariling sinabi, "X-Xavi..."
Xaiver smiled when I corrected the way I addressed him. "Now, don't worry. It's just her."
Her.
He didn't even bother mentioning her name. Ganoon siya kawalang-bahala sa presensya ni Zoe samantalang kung ano-ano na agad ang naiisip ko. But anyway, he was always nonchalant with almost everything. Dapat ay hindi na ako nagtaka.
"Xaiver," ulit ni Zoe sa pagtawag sa kanya.
Sa pangalawang pagkakataon, nilingon na siya ni Xaiver. Hindi ko nga lang inaasahan ang unang mga salitang lalabas sa kanya.
"Sorry but... Sino ka nga ulit?" tanong ni Xaiver na agad nagpalaglag ng panga ni Zoe.
That was the second time he asked for her name. It might have been a very big blow to her. Hindi na niya magawang sagutin ang tanong ni Xaiver dahil siguro sa kahihiyan.
"You made it sound like holding my fiancée's hand is a bad thing...."
As if the first words that came out of his mouth weren't enough to embarrass her, he made sure she would dig her grave by calling me his fiancée.
Suminghap si Zoe, nanlalaki ang mga matang napatingin sa akin. She quickly shifted her gaze to my left, where I was wearing the engagement ring. The camelia was slightly big and filled with diamonds. Sigurado akong agad niya 'yong nakita. "F-Fiancée?!" she echoed in disbelief. "Her? Your secretary? Fiancée? A-Are you out of your mind?"
Para akong sinaksak ng punyal sa tanong niya. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ipinamukha sa akin ang agwat naming dalawa ni Xaiver ng ibang mga tao. But coming from the woman his mother wanted for him, I couldn't help feeling that pinch of pain which I was supposed to be numb of. It wounded the pride I only found existing at that moment.
"Your mother will not allow this," Zoe added like she was so sure of it. "She's... She's just no one! She has nothing to contribute to your name and legacy! She'll just be a freeloader... undeserving of your family name!"
Mariin kong kinagat ang aking labi. I didn't want to be affected but those words brought hot tears to my eyes. Hindi niya lang basta sinira ang pagkatao ko kundi tinapak-tapakan niya pa. I felt bad for my mother who did everything she could and sacrificed her life to raise me alone.
Ano na lang ang maiisip niya kapag narinig niya 'yon? Ano'ng mararamdaman niya kapag nalaman niyang ganoon pala ang tingin sa akin ng ibang tao?
"Undeserving of our family name...." Xaiver lightly chuckled before he continued. "Shouldn't that be you?"
Gulat akong napatingin kay Xaiver. Kita kong umigting ang kanyang panga dahil sa pinipigilang pagsabog ng emosyon. I realized how good he was at pretending when he managed to add humor to his chuckle without any hint of emotion in his eyes.
"My mom only wants me to get married and settle down. I'm sure she'll be delighted to hear that I'm finally marrying someone I choose," he said before his voice turned cold and threatening. "And I hope this is the last time I'll hear these words from you, Miss. The next time you insult my wife, you can watch your family's empire fall into my hands."
Sa boses niya pa lang, it was surely not just an empty threat. He really meant it, and Zoe looked so terrified that she couldn't react.
Hindi na rin siya hinintay ni Xaiver na sumagot. He quickly pulled me to his car and helped me in. Mabilis din siyang umikot at sumakay. He then pressed on a button, and the engine quickly came to life.
Mahigpit ang hawak ni Xaiver sa manibela nang magsimulang magmaneho. Hindi nga lang ako sigurado kung nang dahil ba 'yon sa kinikimkim na inis o dahil sobrang focus lang siya sa pagmamaneho. His eyes were glued on the road, and his lips were tightly pursed. Kulang na lang ay makakita ako ng butil-butil na pawis sa kanyang noo.
"Uhm... Gusto mo ako na?" I offered since he looked like he was in a tough position.
"What?" simpleng tanong niya, hindi man lang ako sinulyapan.
"Magmaneho..." pag-aalangan ko. "Ayos lang naman sa akin magmaneho. Saan ba tayo ulit kakain?"
"I'll drive for us."
"Pero baka nahihirapan ka na..."
"I'm fine. I told you I practiced." Xaiver licked his lower lip. Mas lalo 'yong namula. "I'm just very pissed."
"Dahil... ba sa sinabi ni Zoe?" tanong ko, nangangapa kung dapat ba naming pag-usapan.
Hindi sumagot si Xaiver. Muli lamang umigting ang panga niya. Iritado nga siyang tunay dahil sa nangyari. It might have hurt his pride to hear those words about his fiancee. Kilala ko rin siya at alam kong ayaw niyang kinukwestyon ang mga desisyon niya. He would do everything just to prove those who doubted him wrong. Iyon na rin siguro ang isa sa dahilan kung bakit siya kinakatakutan sa industriya. He would never show mercy when it comes to business.
"Ano na lang pala ang sasabihin ni Mrs. Dela Vega? For sure, sasabihin ni Zoe sa kanya ang tungkol sa atin. Akala ko hindi pa natin puwede sabihin?"
Sa dami kong sinabi dahil sa pag-aalala, tahimik pa rin si Xaiver. Agad akong nag-isip ng puwede pang sabihin para mawala ang init ng ulo niya.
"Uhm... Okay lang naman sa akin. Wala 'yon."
When those words came out of my mouth, Xaiver hastily turned to the next street. Nang makaliko ay agad siyang prumeno sa gilid ng kalsada. He pressed the hazard switch and turned to me, looking furious.
Parang mas nagalit ko ata siya?
"Alin ang okay sa 'yo?" mariin niyang tanong. His eyes were almost pitch black. "Okay lang sa 'yong mainsulto nang gano'n? You're fucking fine with that? Really, Chantal?"
"X-Xaiver—"
"Where's your guts, huh?" He raised a brow. "Nasaan 'yong pinakita mong tapang no'ng tinanggihan mo ako? Why do you look like a scared and wounded kitten in front of her?"
Tinikom ko agad ang bibig. I couldn't even look straight at him anymore. Hindi ko na rin alam kung saan ko nahugot ang tapang na 'yon kaya hindi ko siya masagot.
Ako pa ba 'yon? Baka hindi na. My insecurities had already swallowed me whole and turned me into someone who felt so, so small...
"The next time you face her, I don't want you to make the same face again, Chantal. Gusto ko ipakita mo 'yung tapang na pinakita mo sa akin no'n," he said. "You are going to be my wife now. You'll be carrying my name soon. No one should ever look down on you. Wala."
Ako naman ang nanatiling tahimik. I just listened to him and allowed each word to slap me in the face. I hoped it would make me angry instead of feeling sorry for myself.
Wala namang mali sa sinabi ni Xaiver. Hindi ko dapat hinahayaan na tapak-tapakan lang ako ng ibang tao. Kahit na magkaiba ang rason namin kung bakit, isa lang ang kailangan kong gawin. I had to learn how to stand up for myself again. I don't want to rely on him. I don't want him saving me all the time like a damsel in distress.
"Let this serve as your second lesson. Huwag na nating hayaang mangyari pa 'to ulit."
"Okay..." Sir.
Xaiver sighed in resignation after giving that speech at nang mag-angat na ako ulit ng tingin sa kanya'y ibinaling na niya ang mga mata sa daan at hinawakan ang manibela.
Kinagat ko ang labi nang magsimula ulit magmaneho si Xaiver. Pagkatapos niyang ilabas lahat ng saloobin, mukhang kalmado na siya. Wala ng kahit anong bahid ng iritasyon.
That entire moment reminded me of my earlier days as his secretary. Noong nagsisimula pa lang ako. Noong madami rin akong katangahang nagawa dahil hindi ko alam kung paano ang gagawin o kung ano ang gusto niya.
It felt like we were really going back to square one. However, instead of training me to be his secretary, he's teaching me how to act like his wife. He's honing me to become his Mrs. Dela Vega.
Sa gitna ng seryoso at maingat na pagmamaneho ni Xaiver, a call from his cousin registered on his phone. Sabay kaming napatingin sa screen at nakitang si Hariette 'yon. Xaiver then glanced at me. Napalunok ako.
"I think you should answer... Baka importante."
He sighed heavily and whispered to himself, "I have a bad feeling about this."
Kahit na ganoon ay sinagot niya pa rin ang tawag ng pinsan. Like last time, he answered it on loudspeaker kaya naman agad bumungad sa amin ang gulantang na gulantang na boses ni Hariette.
"Oh my fucking fuck, Kuya! Is it fucking true?!"
"Hold your curses, young lady."
Bumagal lalo ang mabagal nang patakbo ni Xaiver sa sasakyan para hilutin ang kanyang sentido. Agad nga lang din siyang nakabawi. I bet he already expected her call.
"Don't you dare try changing the topic, Kuya! Answer me!"
"I'm not changing anything."
"Why don't you answer me then?! Ano? Totoo ba? Is it true?"
"Alin doon?" kalmadong tanong pabalik ni Xaiver nang umayos ulit sa pagmamaneho.
"Alin doon?" ulit ni Hariette. She sounded even more triggered and baffled. "You mean to say may iba ka pang tinatago bukod sa balak ninyong pagpapakasal ni Chantal?"
Once again, Xaiver exhaled heavily. Hindi ko na bilang kung ilang beses na niya 'yong pagbubuntonghininga ngayon. He was unusually expressive after looking so stern and apathetic just a few moments ago. Siguro ay dahil kausap niya ang pinsan. He was always comfortable showing emotions with them.
"Who told you that?" he asked.
"Who else? Your admirer, of course!"
"Admirer? Which one?"
I almost scoffed at Xaiver's confidence. Mabuti na lang at napigilan ko agad. I didn't know how he asked that question nonchalantly.
"You fucker! Si Zoe!" iritadong sigaw na ni Hariette mula sa kabilang linya. "She called me to ask kung totoo ba. She said you're getting married to your secretary. Kakagaling ninyo lang daw sa Manière para sa wedding dress ni Chantal. I don't know anything. I even asked her if she's going crazy or what. Nakakahiya, Kuya! I'm your cousin! Alam ko dapat, 'di ba?"
"Hari, please calm down...."
"No!" She was adamant. "And hindi mo pa ako sinasagot, Kuya! You are changing the topic! See?!"
"I'm not—"
"Is it true then?" muling paninigurado niya. "Are you getting married?"
Xaiver didn't answer right away. During that pause, I felt his eyes on me, so I averted my gaze from the screen to him.
"Hello? Kuya Xavi? Are you still there?" Hariette grew impatient because of his silence.
"Yes..." Xaiver whispered, still looking at me.
Napalunok ako. The beating of my heart in my chest got faster and faster with every second.
"Yes? Yes, what?"
"Yes..." he repeated. "Yes, I'm marrying Chantal."
Sandaling natahimik si Hariette. Pati ang puso ko ay saglit na tumigil sa pagtibok bago nagpatuloy. It might have been a great shock to her as it was to my heart. Kahit na nadinig niya na kay Zoe, sigurado akong iba pa rin ang manggaling 'yon mismo sa pinsan niya. Iba rin ang madinig ang mga salitang 'yon kay Xaiver habang diretso siyang nakatingin sa mga mata ko.
"Damn..." That was the first word we heard from Hariette after a few seconds of silence. "Why didn't you tell me, Kuya? Pati raw si Tita hindi alam?"
"I didn't want to tell anyone yet. I still haven't talked to her mother," simpleng sagot ni Xaiver at kasabay no'n ay ang pag-iwas niya ng tingin.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Hindi niya pa sinabi kay Mrs. Dela Vega ang tungkol sa kasal namin dahil hindi pa namin nakakausap si Mama? Pero bakit pa kailangang hintayin 'yon? Dapat sinabi niya na agad!
"Oh my God, I can't believe this is really happening..." wala sa sariling sabi ni Hariette. "You really didn't tell anyone in our family? Kahit si Kuya Knoa?"
Xavier sighed. "Knoa knows."
"What?! He knew, and I didn't?!"
"Hari..."
"I can't believe mas pinagkakatiwalaan mo si Kuya Knoa than me. And how come he didn't give me a hint?" Hariette was in disbelief. "Ugh! I hate you both!"
"Hari—"
The call ended abruptly. Wala siyang takot na pinagbagsakan ng tawag ang pinsan. Hindi nga lang nagtagal ay muling tumawag si Hariette. Parang isang minuto pa lang ata ang nakakalipas kaya agad din 'yong sinagot ni Xaiver.
"Yes, Hari?"
"Set me a date with Chantal. I wanna get to know her. Bye," dire-diretsong sabi niya at muling binaba ang tawag.
Xaiver could only sigh at his cousin bago tumingin sa akin. "You heard her. She wants to hang out with you."
"Hmm... Sige," sabi ko na lang dahil alam kong hindi rin naman ako makakatanggi.
My encounters with Hari were always brief and formal. My impression of her was the usual socialite, philanthropist. She's kind and fun, pero makikita mong medyo may arte rin talaga. I had no idea which side of us would click. Sana nga lang mabilis ko siyang makapalagayan ng loob.
"Sa pagbalik mo kay Diego, I'm sure she'll be happy to accompany you. I'll give you her number para kayo mismo ang magkausap," he continued, seemingly liking the idea that I would spend time with his cousin. "And by the way, I'm gonna be very busy until Saturday. I'll be in Cebu for a business meeting. Gabi na lang ako pupunta sa inyo pagbalik ko ng Manila."
"Ha?" Napakunot ang noo ko. "Pupunta ka sa amin? Para saan?"
Xaiver mirrored my expression as lines appeared on his forehead and quickly gave me a glance. Kahit na parang gusto niya pa akong titigan nang mariin ay hindi niya magagawa dahil maingat pa siyang nagmamaneho.
"We'll talk to your mom, remember?" paalala niya sa akin. "We've already started with the preparations. We can't delay this any further, lalo na't napapalapit na rin ang kasal natin."
Nang mabanggit niya si Mama, naalala ko ulit ang sinabi niya kanina kay Hariette. Hindi niya pa sinasabi sa pamilya niya kasal namin dahil hindi pa namin nakakausap si Mama. I didn't know he was still waiting for that.
Then again, naalala ko ang huling pag-uusap namin ni Mama tungkol kay Xaiver. I asked her how she would feel if I ended up with someone like him. Her answer wasn't exactly positive. She had reservations.
Tingin niya ay magugulo lang ang buhay ko kapag napasok ako sa mundo niya. Hindi niya nga lang alam ay sumugal na ako noong tinanggap ko pa lang ang posisyon bilang sekretarya niya noon.
Kahit papaano, I just hoped she wouldn't find it hard to accept Xaiver. Ayaw kong suwayin siya kung sakaling tutol siya, pero wala na akong magagawa. I already signed the agreement. It would break my heart to break hers, but I have to if she forbids.
Naisip kong hindi ko dapat hintayin si Xaiver. I have to talk to her first. Ako muna ang magsasabi. Sa akin muna manggagaling. Kapag humarap sa kanya si Xaiver, gusto kong alam na niya. I wanted everything to go smoothly pagdating niya sa Sabado. Kaya naman kahit mahirap, kailangan kayanin ko.
Iyon lang ang naglaro sa isipan ko habang kumakain kami ni Xaiver. My mind was already set straight on that goal when I arrived home. Pagkapasok ko sa bahay, agad ko siyang nahanap sa sala, nanonood ng paborito niyang teleserye. Nang mapansin niya nga lang na nakauwi na ako ay agad siyang bumaling sa akin. And the moment she smiled, I only felt guiltier.
Hindi ko maisip kung paano ko nakayang itago sa kanya, kahit dalawang araw pa lang, ang tungkol sa pagpapakasal ko kay Xaiver. She's the only family I have left at nagawa ko pa siyang pagtaguan. What kind of daughter am I for choosing that to happen when I got home that night?
"Chantal!"
Naputol agad ang pag-iisip ko. My mother was already standing in front of me at hindi ko man lang 'yon mamamalayan kung hindi siya magtataas ng boses.
"Kanina ka pa tulala... Ano ba ang iniisip mo?" tanong niya, punong-puno ng pag-aalala ang boses at ekspresyon. "May problema ka ba? May... hindi ka ba sinasabi sa akin, anak?"
I swallowed hard and bit my lip. Ang madinig pa lang ang boses niya ay dinudurog na ang puso ko, pero dapat ko nang gawin ang kailangan. Patagalin man o pabilisin ang pagsabi sa kanya, isa lang din naman ang magiging kalabasan. Gaya nga ng naisip ko kanina, mas mabuting sa akin niya muna malaman.
"Ikakasal na po ako," I blurted before chickening out.
Wala nang bawian 'to.