"So, Autumn..." Jordan takes a sip of his coffee.
He turned up outside my bedroom door twenty minutes ago, two coffees in hand, a big smile on his lovely face. I checked the time and it was seven. Seven in the morning. What normal eighteen year old wakes so early?
I wanted to be mad at him and I wanted to slink off back into bed. But I couldn't and I didn't. How could I turn him away when he'd so thoughtfully brought me coffee? Not just any coffee, but the best coffee in the world.
I glance to him and his gaze seems to travel down my neck and then the length of my shoulder. A warm feeling enters the pit of my stomach.
We've been like this for the last two days, a little duo. He brings me coffee, we wonder around. He walked me to my first cheerleading practice before he went to rugby. We go food shopping together, dance in clubs together, drink together, watch TV together.
We're inseparable.
Even when I'm not with him, I think about him, which usually causes a huge, pathetic smile to spread across my face. Five days together and I'm completely besotted.
"So?" I repeat.
His lips twitch. "It's the last day of Freshers. We have been here a week."
"Yeah." I say. "Kerry's declared tonight is the night she will finally bag a man, and Reign came to my room last night to cycle through fifty different outfits she might wear."
"I smoked a joint with Rory and stayed up until three in the morning playing playstation." He pauses then adds. "And eating an uncomfortable amount of biscuits."
I smile, "That sounds like a good night."
"Kind of like tonight is set out to be. It's meant to be epic. I heard there's going to be U.V face painting."
"They've named the whole party glowjobs."
He laughs, "You're joking?"
"I wish." We fall into a comfortable silence and walk on. I bump his shoulder with mine. "What time is pre-drinks?"
"Rory said six. I think he's going to force us to play drinking games until we go blind."
"Well," I laugh. "It's a good way to get everyone drunk as anything."
"And to get Kerry a man."
"Don't be a dick. Kerry is pretty and she's nice."
He gives me a sour look. "Kerry likes organised fun."
"Everything is organised fun. Glowjobs is organised fun."
His gaze roams around my face. "You like her?"
I nod.
"Then I do, too." He smiles. "We're a team, you and I."
That's pretty symbiotic of our friendship, we like the same things, laugh at the same things, have each others backs.
We walk around, chatting. Then we go back to halls, eat croissants, and watch Come Dine With Me.
At midday, Reign and Kerry come rushing in, completely panicked.
"What's wrong?" I immediately ask.
"We have to start getting ready for tonight!" Kerry shouts, taking Reign into her room.
"But it's midday?" I call.
"Exactly!" Reign says as they disappear behind Kerry's door. Jordan and I throw each other a surprised look. Reign's head suddenly pops out the door again. She's glaring at me. "Well?"
"Well, what?"
"Are you going to come and help?"
I'd like to say I'm quite happy pigging out and watching Come Dine With Me, but the look on her face tells me it's more of a demand than a question.
"Sure," I sigh, getting to my feet. I look back wistfully at Jordan, whose got that small amused look he only reserves for me. "Cya."
"In a bit," he says, then he bends forward and turns the Playstation on.
***
Six hours. That's how long it takes us to get ready. Never in my life have I spent six hours getting ready. Kerry and Reign vetoed every single one of my outfits. Instead they've forced me into on of Kerry's dresses.
It's a bright pink corset dress with balloon sleeves. It's too short and too tight. I can just about breathe. It tucks in right at my ribs and fluffs out on my hips, like an actual corset from the eighteen-hundreds.
"Why don't you take a picture?" Reign is saying to me. "It will last longer."
I've been stood in the mirror for a while. I don't look like me, I look thinner, curvier, prettier. My makeup (done by Reign) is immaculate, the pink eyeshadow brings out my green eyes.
"You look amazing." Kerry says, she's looking at me all awe-struck and it makes me shuffle uncomfortably.
"She looks perfect, but some of us would also like to get in the mirror." Reign chides.
I step out the way. Kerry is wearing a navy blue glitter dress that turns a Hi-Vis silver under UV lights. It perfectly hugs her small frame, her glasses are now contacts, and her short curly hair has been straightened long.
Reign is wearing an orange dress which is much like mine, except hers is off the shoulder and love heart shaped. She's given herself eyeshadow to match and she looks unreal.
Lynn is sat on the floor smothering herself in blue glitter, she's starting to look like an oiled Christmas ornament, her baby blue dress is certainly shaped like a round ball. None of us dare broach the subject with her. When Reign tried she all but got her head bit off.
"I feel like a Powerpuff Girl," Kerry says.
"I can see it," I concur. "But in the best way."
"You look fantastic." Reign says. "We all do. The boys are going to be completely knocked off their socks with no idea what's hit them."
I think of Jordan. "I hope so."
I've seen him in action with girls. He is flirty. But he doesn't get anyone else coffee everyday, or spend most of his waking moments with them. He doesn't call them his soulmate or laugh at everything they say.
I don't think it's unreasonable to assume he's feeling something for me - but I don't have the balls to make the first move.
Depressingly, I think we're going to be in this perpetual limbo forever. Going around in circles. A tumble dryer of emotion with no exit door. I'm too scared that if I do say something, and I am wrong, then what we have now will vanish.
I'd rather have this than nothing at all.
"Come on," Reign says to Lynn. "It's six-thirty and I'm desperate for a drink."
"I'm almost done." Lynn says.
Surprisingly, she still has glitter to smear on. Reign throws me a look and I bite my cheek to stop myself from laughing. After another twenty minutes we finally fall into the kitchen. The boys are already there, playing flippy-cup.
They've all sprayed their hair electric blue and are wearing various, brightly coloured, Hawaiian-style shirts. Rory's is the most outlandish, and with his orange hair and blue tips, he looks a bit like a mad professor that's been electrocuted.
Jordan loses the game and in horror, I watch as he picks up a shoe. A Chelsea boot, to be exact, and drinks from it.
"What was that?" Reign demands, horrified.
The boys turn to look at us.
"A shoey." Rory says, simply.
"A who-y?" Reign responds.
"It's Australian, you drink from a shoe."
"But..." Reign is struggling to understand. So am I. "Why?"
"Fun, init." Nate shrugs. He takes it from Jordan and holds it out to Reign. "Try it."
"If I'm going to be vomiting tonight," Reign says, wrinkling her nose and stepping away from the offending object. "It'll be from consuming too much alcohol, and not because I ate toe jam from someone's athlete-footed-shoe."
Nate turns the shoe to his lips and downs it, then gleefully looks at our mortified faces. He shrugs, "It's the last day of Freshers."
"Come on," Rory says, "One more round of flippy-cup, then we'll head out. Girls vs boys."
"A normal game of flippy-cup?" Kerry asks.
"Yes, Kerry." Rory says, a little moody. "We'll hide the shoe."
We all circle the table whilst Rory and Nate lay out the cups to restart the game. I notice Jordan positions himself so he'll be my opposition and I grin at him. When our eyes meet there's an intensity there I haven't seen before, an almost longing.
"In a losing mood tonight are we, Nicholson?" I say.
He grins, "I rarely lose, Summers."
"There's a first for everything."
"Let's go!" Rory shouts, and the game begins.
I look around the room and feel insanely grateful for the people I landed in halls with. They might be a bit weird and drink from a shoe, but they're funny, friendly and welcoming. I bet there are some people who have started Uni who aren't so lucky.
As the game goes on, Jordan's eyes on me seem to get more intense. It's like he's sending me a highly concentrated bout of energy. It feels as if I'm stood with my face against a fire.
I don't really know how he's doing it. I think it's in the way he's stood, his brows lowered, staring from under his eyelashes. His whole face seems strong and contorted, and his concentration doesn't waver from me for a second.
If he's trying to throw me off my game he's absolutely succeeding, because I am losing. Every few seconds my eyes wander back to his face and not much else seems to matter.
I'm thankful when we lose and the boys win. Glad when we get out into the fresh air and Jordan's eyes are off me. I'm drunk already and I hang back with Kerry and Reign whilst the boys and Lynn lead us to the bar.
"What was that about?" Reign is asking me.
"What?"
"Jordan and you."
"Yeah," Kerry says. "What's going on there?"
I feel my cheeks blaze. "Nothing!"
"Oh, come on." Reign says. "You're together all the time, you laugh at everything each other says."
"Tonight he looked like he was trying to hypnotise you." Kerry frowns.
"Or undress you and fuck you on the table." Reign adds.
"Either way," Kerry continues. "If you want something to happen, then tonight's as good as any."
I look at the back of Jordan's head. How can the back of someone's head be beautiful?
Maybe I am willing to risk it all.