"So, I'm his favourite, huh?" Bucky is watching Sam finish wrapping the padding around the last tree trunk. After helping him set up the others, her thoughts suddenly drifted back to their last conversation and she can't help smiling to herself as she asks.
"Yeah." Sam turns to face her, sees her expression and can't help smiling, too. "Actually," He tells her, smile widening as he slowly walks over to her. "Since he's been able to read, he's been obsessed with both you and Steve." He chuckles as he adds, "I think he's got a little crush you."
Bucky is grinning, but tries to nonchalantly ask, "And what about you?"
Sam looks slightly confused. "What about me?"
Bucky rolls her eyes at his cluelessness, just barely holds back another grin as she asks, "Am I your favourite, Sam?"
Sam shoots her a slightly withering look, but she can see he's trying not to smile. "I think you know the answer to that already." He rolls his eyes at her when she chuckles, and nudges his shoulder into hers as he passes.
Bucky is grinning as she turns to follow him. She glances over to the house, spots Alpine hopping up onto the porch. "So, she remembers I'm still here. That's nice."
Sam chuckles, glances over to the white fluff ball. He then picks up the shield and holds it out to her. "Wanna do the honours?"
No matter how touched she feels right now, Bucky holds up her flesh hand and shakes her head. "You first, Cap."
Sam shoots her another withering look, but it's only half-hearted. However, he nods and slips his right hand through one of the straps and just feels the weight of it for a moment. He can feel Bucky's eyes on him, but he stays silent.
Bucky watches him line himself up with the closest tree, watches him take a deep breath before tossing the shield as hard as he can. It's not too good, but not too bad of a throw either, though she has to stop herself from stepping in out of instinct when he almost fails to catch it as it darts back to him.
"Shit." Sam hisses, eyes flicking automatically to hers, his then narrowing when he sees her trying to hold on to a smile. "Oh, you think you can do better?" He scoffs when she shoots him a "what'd you think?" look and says, "No metal arms allowed." He then holds the shield out to her again, this time challenging her to take it.
Bucky arches a brow, quickly accepts the challenge with narrowed eyes and takes the shield from him with her right hand. "No metal arms." She nods, even holds her metal arm behind her back and tries not to smirk when he rolls his eyes. She stands beside him, lining herself up with the same tree before tossing the shield. Maybe a little too hard, she thinks, and maybe not too perfectly either. She quickly realises her miscalculated throw, and just in time to move herself in front of Sam as the shield flies towards him. Out of instinct, her metal hand comes up to catch it, and her eyes are instantly wide as she slowly turns to face him.
Sam's eyes are almost as wide, though he looks slightly amused. "The fuck was that, Buck?"
"I'm so fucking sorry." Bucky still looks rather adorably distraught, quickly hands the shield back to him.
"It's fine." Sam laughs. He can see that Bucky doesn't think so, so he quickly tries to distract her by teasing her. "You sure you're right-handed? Or did you just do that on purpose?"
He's happy when it seems to work, because Bucky is then quickly shooting him a withering look. "I'm sure. And no, I did not." She then looks slightly sheepish as she explains, "I've never actually thrown the shield with my right hand before. The last time I ever carried the shield with this one," She lifts her flesh hand. "Is right before I fell." She shoves down the memories, lets the Soldier deal with them instead. "Plus, I usually just let this one take the brunt of everything." She lifts her metal hand, shrugs and says, "Shuri made sure this one doesn't feel too much pain." HYDRA wasn't so giving, of course, but she leaves that part out for now, doesn't want to put a dampener on things. "And I forgot how bouncy the shield is." She ends with a frown.
Sam has to laugh at that, because - "It's made of vibranium. Like your arm." He arches a brow, shoots her a pointed look.
"Yes, Samuel, my arm." Bucky scalds him. "Which I don't use as a boomerang."
"But you do use it to fall through shit... Steve did the same with the shield. Saved mine and Nat's asses from you by doing it." Sam grins because she's now shooting him that adorable glare of hers, the one where he just knows she wants to bitch-slap him with that metal hand of hers.
"OK, are you gonna use that against me forever?" Bucky arches a brow.
Sam grins. "Nah, only when the occasion arises."
"Uh-huh. So, just to annoy me then? Which is pretty much all the time." Bucky doesn't know why she asks, because -
"Pretty much, yeah."
"Great."
Sam smiles somewhat innocently as he then asks into the short silence, "By the way, you on the plane? Best superhero landing I have ever seen."
Bucky glares at him again, unaware that it's just what he desired from her. "I hate you."
Sam is laughing then. "You know I still have it on film, right?"
Bucky shoots him a serious look. "Still hating you."
×
They fall into a comfortable silence for most of the time they spend then throwing the shield around the yard or throwing it to one another. Bucky doesn't know how long they spend like this, but she doesn't care, just enjoys being near the shield and being near Sam. And Alpine has found herself a spot in the Sun, just outside the porch, and has fallen asleep. Because a cat can never sleep enough, that's her number two rule. Her first being: food is life.
"Feels weird..." Sam mumbles, doesn't really know if he's talking to her or himself. "Picking it up again." He elaborates, then tosses the shield and turns to face her just as she easily catches it with her metal hand and then turns to face him. "The legacy of that shield..." He sighs, tiredly. "It's complicated, to say the least."
Bucky looks at him, then looks down at the shield and finally, when she looks back up to see that troubled look on his (perfect) face, she knows she has to tell him. She has to make things right, in case they die before she ever can, but mainly because she at least owes Sam that. "When Steve told me what he was planning, he - we just wanted you to be the one. Neither of us ever really thought about what it would be like for a black man to carry the shield. How could we?"
Sam doesn't quite know what to say, but she's not quite finished anyway. He sees the sincere and rather guilty look on her face as she briefly glances back down to the shield, still in her metal grip.
"I owe you an apology." Bucky steps forward, holds the shield out to him, looks him in the eyes and says, "I'm sorry, Sam."
Sam takes the shield back, can't help smiling as he nods and says, "Thank you."
Bucky simply nods back, then says, "What happened with Walker and the museum, it wasn't your fault. I get it. It's just..." She tries not to feel stupid as she explains, "That shield is the closest thing I got left to family. So when you handed it over..." She doesn't want him to think she's only telling him to make him feel guilty, she just wants to tell him the truth. "It just made me feel like I had nothing left. It made me question everything - you, Steve, me... I know it's stupid."
"It's really not." Sam smiles softly. "Did you not just spend a day and half helping me fix that damn boat?"
Bucky smiles sheepishly again, slowly reaches into her back pocket. "Steve left me his book for a keepsake, but..." She pulls it out, nervously flipping through the pages. "I just thought if it could work for him, it could maybe work for me, too... The list thing, I mean."
"I understand, Buck. But Steve is gone." Sam tries not to sound so firm, but he needs her to know. "And this might come as a surprise to you, but it doesn't even really matter what Steve thought. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are."
Between her mother trying to make a sweet Catholic girl out of her eldest daughter, Steve practically being her idol from the moment they met and HYDRA getting their grubby hands on her for seventy fucking years, Bucky thinks that's easier said than done.
Sam sees the slight scowl on her face, tries not to smile, tries to be serious now as he asks her, "Can I ask you something personal?"
Bucky nods, mainly out of intrigue.
"You still having the nightmares?"
Bucky lets out a breathless laugh, nods and says, "All the damn time." She's scowling again as she says, "Just means I remember. Means a part of me is still there. Which also means the Winter Soldier is still inside me." She will absolutely never tell him that she still hears her voice, too...
Sam nods, shoots her an understanding look, but then he's smirking ever so slightly as he asks, "You up for a little tough love?"
Bucky can't bring herself to smile, even though she wants to. She simply nods, because she really does want to know what he thinks.
"I don't really blame you for the shitty therapist they gave you. I wasn't gonna say anything before, but Raynor was only getting you to do half the work. I know you're smart enough to figure out they were just using you to track down HYDRA strays." Sam scoffs, shakes his head when he sees her nod, then gives the supersoldier a gentle but stern look. "But Buck, you wanna pull yourself out of that hell you're in? Then you need to do the work. You've had barely 5 years to heal. You still got 65 years worth of healing. But you can do it."
"I've been making amends."
Sam smiles at the adorable way she seems to look at him for approval. "No, you were avenging. You were stopping all the evil idiots you were forced to enable as the Winter Soldier because you thought it would bring you closure. But you make amends with people to make them feel better. Now, I don't know if that book of yours is overflowing with people who actually deserve an apology, but I'm sure there's at least one person that you can start with. One person only you can bring closure to, and then hopefully, to yourself."
"...Who is Nakajima?"
Bucky gulps quietly, but nods.
Sam smiles, nods back. "Maybe start there."
"But I..."
Sam sees the slightly overwhelmed look on her face. "Just start with one. Slowly work your way up. No rushing." He adds that last part with a stern, but equally amused look.
Bucky finally finds a small smile and after a comfortable moment of silence, she chirps out, "Good talk, Cap."
Sam rolls his eyes, practically whines, "Stop."