Strangely, the day I ran out of words...
...was the happiest day of all.
— J.
Jihoon felt fantastic.
No, he should feel fantastic, especially after the night he and Yingyue had. But insomnia had struck again, and it weighed down on his supposedly euphoric state. That's why as soon as dawn's light began to filter in through Yingyue's bedroom windows, Jihoon had carefully eased himself out of bed. She murmured something unintelligible as if protesting his absence, then continued on with her light snores. Despite his fatigue, a smile lifted a corner of his lips. She was the cutest little thing.
After carefully donning his clothes, he decided to go on a brisk walk around the neighborhood. The crisp spring air filled his lungs with a fresh burst of energy zapping his tiredness away. This was probably his favorite time of the day. When the moon and sun fleetingly share the same sky and the stars quietly made their exit, when only a few other souls moved around like characters in a shadow play, that's when Jihoon felt the most at ease. This moment marked the end of a restless night. This was when he could stop pretending to sleep and make his way out into the world where he could focus his attention on tasks other than the thoughts in his brain.
After a kilometer or so, the sky had made its transition from midnight and lavender to hazy red orange. From experience, he knew his secretary was already awake so he apologetically gave her another early call. For the first time in a while, there was something else he'd rather do other than work. So he informed his secretary he was taking the day off so she could rearrange his schedule. With that done, he made his way back to Yingyue's house, buying food on the way so he could surprise her with breakfast in bed.
That, of course, didn't turn out the way he expected. As soon as he got a good look at her clad in that black satin robe, which hugged her every curve, he'd lost every other desire except the one craving to have her. And now, after a long and leisurely repeat of last night, a delayed breakfast, and a quick trip home for a shower and change of clothes, they were now in his car.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, observing her face with concern.
She had a determined expression, her jaw raised in a stubborn tilt and her eyes meeting his head on. "I'm sure. I want to do this."
"But isn't it a little too soon?"
Yingyue firmly shook her head. "Last time I saw my therapist, she encouraged me to challenge myself to go out, to actually confront my fear."
His gaze lingered on her face a little more. On one hand, he was glad she was taking active steps to combat her anxiety disorder. Last night, she told him about how she had gone back to regularly seeing a therapist and taking medication. Yet on the other, he wondered if she was pushing herself too much too soon. Healing took time. He, of all people, knew that. Already half a decade dealing with his trauma and yet, he was still no where near defeating his own insomnia.
"I know you're worried," she said, raising a hand to cup his cheeks. "But I really want to do this. And there's no one else I'd rather do this with than with you. If things don't go as planned, you'll save me won't you?" She quirked up an eyebrow and gave him a teasing smile.
He grinned back and turned his face to kiss her palm. "Of course! I'll be your hero."
"Perfect! Then shall we go?"
"Let's go!"
After helping Yingyue with her seatbelt, Jihoon buckled his own then started the car. Earlier, Jihoon had declared he was ready to do her bidding for the entire day. Although it surprised him to hear she wanted to go to the cinema, he would help her accomplish this challenge to the best of his abilities. After inputting the name of a nearby mall into his car's navigation system, he pulled out of the curb and made his way out of an alley into a wider tree-lined avenue. Since it was already half past ten, they managed to avoid the worst of Shanghai's Monday morning rush. Still, they had to slow down to a crawl when they reached a busy intersection. At the stop light, Jihoon unlocked his phone and handed it to her.
"Play some music."
Provided with some distraction, the slight frown he had observed marring her forehead immediately disappeared.
"What should I play?" She asked, tapping on his phone.
"Up to you. You can play anything you want."
"Really?" A mischievous twinkle lit up her eyes. When he nodded his affirmation, she gleefully scrolled through his music app and soon, a very bright, bubblegum pop tune blasted from the car's speakers. Jihoon tried to hold back a grimace, but his attempt must have failed because she let out a loud laugh.
"What's the matter?" She asked.
He shook his head. "Nothing. All's good."
"Are you sure?"
He valiantly nodded, pressing his foot on the gas pedal as the light turned green. For her, he'd endure fifteen minutes of the most gratingly annoying songs ever made. For goodness sake, whoever thought it was a good idea replacing actual lyrics with repetitive monosyllables must instantly be put to the guillotine. From a marketability standpoint, he understood the concept of ear-worms, but if he had to listen to anymore na-na-na's and ta-ta-ta's, his ears will surely start to bleed. Fortunately, before that happened, she switched the music to something more familiar. It was a song from his morning drive playlist.
"How about I make an assumption about the kind of person you are based on your most frequently played songs?"
Raising a curious brow, he briefly glanced her way. "Go ahead then. Tell me, what does my taste in music say about me?"
"Hmm... let me see..." The tap tap of her nails against the screen momentarily replaced her speech. "All songs are in English so... definitely someone who grew up overseas?"
"Wow, amazing powers of deduction! I never would have guessed that."
"Right?" She giggled. "I'm so talented at this. Let me try some more."
"Go ahead, then."
She skipped to the next song, listened for a few seconds or so, then moved on to the next one. After a few minutes of this, Yingyue settled on a soft ballad then shifted in her seat so her body was angled towards his.
"I'm ready with my conclusion," she declared.
"Wonderful! Because I've been dying to hear it."
Ignoring his obvious sarcasm, she went on, "According to your playlist, you're a somewhat depressed yet hopelessly romantic dude."
"No way!" He huffed in protest. "Okay, the depressed part may be accurate, but a hopeless romantic? Me?" He puffed out his chest.
"I mean... 'Falling' by Harry Styles?"
"It's very relaxing!"
"Sure... How about 'Angel Baby'? 'Never Not' by Lauv?"
Jihoon paused, focusing his attention on making a right turn. To his relief the mall where they're supposed to go loomed ahead of them. On second thought, perhaps it hadn't been a good idea to give her access to his playlist. Until she pointed it out, he hadn't realized his choice in music had veered towards intense pining. Warmth flooded his cheeks.
"It's your fault anyway," he grumbled.
"What did you say?"
"I said it's your fault."
"Me? How is your music taste my fault?"
Instead of replying Jihoon slowed down to enter the mall complex. Once they were lining up to enter the underground parking space, he turned to meet her gaze and said, "Miss Hu, haven't you realized? They're all songs about you."
At her flustered expression, he smirked then went on driving forward, whistling to that one rare joyful song is his Spotify about falling in love every summertime. Was there a law that's the opposite of Murphy's Law? Because today, everything that could go right was going right. Like now, by some miracle, they found an empty parking spot directly opposite the mall entrance. He drove towards it and successfully backed into the spot at his first attempt.
Next to him, Yingyue cleared her throat. Turning off the engine, Jihoon glanced at her with a proud grin. Though she rolled her eyes, she was clearly amused.
"Mister Kang Jihoon?"
"Yes, Miss Hu Yingyue?"
"Just now, I read some song lyrics."
"Oh?" He unclasped his seatbelt. With those restraints gone, he was now able to scoot closer. She been seating too far for too long. He was itching to hold her. "Do you have some thoughts about the lyrics, too?"
"I do have one."
Unable to bear it any longer, he reached out and clasped the back of her neck. She had the softest skin. Plus, he loved feeling the weight of her silky hair between her fingers.
"Just one?" He asked, his voice coming out huskier than intended as his breath began to quicken at the sight of her increasingly dilated gaze.
"Just one for now."
She caught her lower lip between her teeth. Jihoon was so tempted to lean down so he could free it with a kiss, but he held himself back. For now, he was content to temporarily enjoy the sweet taste of anticipation.
"Tell me then," he urged.
"I was thinking I don't really believe in angels, but..."
"But?"
She unbuckled her own seatbelt, threw her arms around his neck, then whispered against his mouth, "But I do believe I can be your baby."
A shocked burst of laughter escaped his lips, but as soon as it came out, it was swiftly silenced by her kiss.
"Don't you dare laugh," she said, quickly burying her face against the crook of his neck. "That was so cringy I want to die from embarrassment."
"No, don't," he exclaimed. "I loved it!" Jihoon pulled away so he could tilt her chin up and stare at her. The sight of her hopeful eyes, red-stained cheeks, and rosebud lips hit him like a meteorite, shattering his remaining defenses. And in the aftermath, when all the haze and dust had settled, one thought emerged as bright as a star.
I love you.
But also he said was, "Shall we go now, baby?"