" So hear me out, let's just act cool. Cool as in, just pretend that even though we are a little shocked at having each other as mates, we are still taking it in stride. We will go about our day as we normally do and if someone asks about the mating ceremony or anything, we can simply say that we are just taking this relationship slow, getting to know each other better", I said, fairly confident that, at this very moment, acting like us being mates, was no big deal, was the best plan of action.
Though believe me when I say that my wolf was completely against the abhorrent idea and he made that abundantly known, by pushing really hard, trying to come to the forefront of my mind, and taking over.
I fought against him, determined to not let him mess with my feeling at least for the time being. With a lot of willpower, I was able to push him to the very back of my mind where he had resided for most of last year.
I knew that my wolf was extremely pissed with me, but this was something that needed to be done. The last words that I heard from him before I pushed him to the dark crevices of my mind were, " You are making mate sad" and soon, all I was left with was a nasty headache and a sinking feeling in my gut.
It really pained me to do this, to make my wolf suffer but this was indispensable.
It was clear as day that my wolf had already accepted Sam's wolf as his mate, even though I was nowhere near wrapping my head around this entire thing. It was obvious that it will
take me a while to sort out my feelings, toward this utterly unexpected situation that moon goddess has decided to spring on me.
Thus, in the meanwhile, I needed a quick plan of action, to buy me some time and also not make my pack mates hate me in the long run.
But alas, if the growl that left Sam's throat was anything to go by, he, like my wolf, clearly did not agree with my so-called plan.
" Really taking it in stride and getting to know each other better, that is your great plan? Did you just forget that we have known each other since we were not even old enough to wipe our own butts? Or have you completely forgotten my existence in your life, in the one year that I have been away.", growled Sam, staring me down. If looks could kill, I would already be 7 feet under.
"Your farce of a plan is so not going to work, I say that we just tell everyone that we are mates and that given the fact that 'you are as straight as a pole' your words not mine, you cannot accept this mating bond", Sam finished, still very much glaring at me, though his voice did hitch at the end, clearly indicating that his wolf was so not happy with whatever he just said.
He really does look sad, I thought, looking at his grim face and sad eyes and suddenly out of nowhere, I was hit with this obsessive urge to take him in my arms and keep him there, until all that was left of his face was a happy smile, directed at me, only me. I really wished that I could blame this strange feeling on my wolf but that would be a lie.
Oh my moon goddess, what kind of sorcery is this, I thought, feeling emotions that were becoming excessively difficult to name. But I knew that I just can't give in now so I took a deep breath and powered through.
" We can't do that. It would just not set the right example for our pack members if their Alpha goes around rejecting his mate and that too because he is a man. I may be straight but I just can't let people think that rejecting their destined mate, chosen by the moon goddess herself, was something that was okay to do", I said, getting up from my chair and walking to the other side of the room.
I opened the wall safe using the safe code and took out a box. I could feel Sam's eyes following every move of mine. I turned, facing him again, and continued trying to make him understand that pretending to be a happy couple was the best idea, at this very juncture, maybe not for not ourselves, but for the benefit of our pack.
" It goes against every one of our teachings and principles and as the Alpha of the pack, it is my responsibility to uphold them, not go around spitting on them", I said looking directly into Sam's eyes, trying to convey the fact as to how important it is for us to do this.
After a beat, he looked away, turning his gaze towards the floor. Once it was clear that he is not going to say anything in retaliation to my statement, I continued.
" So, I am going to keep the fact that I am straight on the back burner for the moment and pretend that I am happy to have finally found my mate after waiting for a full year, so happy that his gender is obviously of not such significance", I said, this time quite confident that I have finally convinced Sam of my plan.
What I was not expecting was an angry man charging toward me. In a blink of an eye, his hands were clutched around my collar, his eyes blown with anger.
" You fucking jerk, I want no part in this dirty game of yours. I knew I hated you for a reason and thank you for reminding me again that you really deserve nothing from me, not my respect and more certainly, not my love", growled Sam, his eyes showing traces of golden, clearly indicating that his wolf was on the forefront.
Love, he said, where did that come from? All we have ever had between us has been unbridled unexplained hatred.
I still remember there being a time when we were really close, so close that after everything that went down with Rico, once I was able to tolerate being in the presence of a person who were not my parents, it was Sam that I wanted to meet and just play with him like old times when the world seemed to be a better place and my heart was incapable of holding so much grief.
But once he turned his back to me, at a time when I needed my friend the most, his eyes holding nothing but pure irrational hatred for me, hatred indeed became the only word that I have been associating with Sam, for a long time now and he made sure that he reminded me time and again that the feeling was mutual.
" You want us to behave like a NORMAL couple, are you fucking kidding me. There is nothing normal about the moon goddess playing this dirty little trick on me", said Sam, his eyes were completely golden now, his voice sounding more and more animalistic. I knew that it was only a matter of seconds before he lost complete control and his wolf took over. That would be a complete disaster.
So, as his Alpha, my first instinct was to take a hold of the situation and prevent him from doing anything stupid.
" Control your wolf, Sam. Don't force me to do it for you. You know it's treason to attack your pack Alpha, mate, or no mate. Get your fucking hands off me", I growled loudly, trying to send a clear message to his wolf that it needs to back off.
It took a few minutes but Sam was finally able to get his wolf in control. His hands came off my collar but he simply stood there with his hands flat on my chest, breathing heavily.
Once he realized where his hands were, he immediately backed off a few steps, his hands falling off my chest, creating distance between us. His face was filled with anguish and it looked like he was in physical pain, trying to keep his wolf at bay.
After a few minutes, which seemed like an eternity, he said in a very low voice, only audible to me thanks to my wolf hearing.
" Okay Alpha, you win, I agree to your plan. You want us to come off, as a normal couple going about their normal day, in their mate-induced bliss, then I will be the best fucking fake mate that you have ever seen.", he said, stopping to take a deep breath, as if contemplating something.
Soon he straightened his posture and looked straight into my eyes, his eyes now sparkling with determination.
" Though, before we get started with this farce of yours, you need to know one thing. My wolf already considers your wolf as his mate and I fear that there is already a pair bond formed between them. Thus, whatever you are currently saying is just driving my wolf crazy. He thinks that you and your wolf are rejecting us and believe me, he is taking it pretty hard", the words were spoken with a hard voice but Sam's eyes were a completely different story, holding such venerability and sadness.
His words were successful in garnering a response from my wolf, even from the deep dark corner of my brain. Such a declaration about his mate's feelings was enough for him to fight against the tight leach I had put him on.
I am not going to lie and say that I remained unaffected by Sam's admission. My heart did skip a beat and a strange warmth spread throughout my body.
The implication of his words was pretty clear to me. A pair bond between two wolves was no joke and we would be fools to take it lightly.
Thus, this knowledge that there was a pair bond between our wolves already, especially in a situation such as ours, should scare the living daylight out of me but I was surprisingly calm, maybe the events of today have finally shocked me to numbness.
" Okay, so our wolves have already formed a pair bond, do you know what that means?", I asked Sam, my voice the very definition of calm.
" I am also a wolf for heaven's sake, Xav, of course, I know what that means. It means that I am irreversibly fucked, very much stuck with a straight bloke, for god knows how long. Pair bonds are a fucking pain in the ass, can't break them, can't even take a fucking break from them. There is a reason that couples with pair bonds are literally nicknamed "satellites" that cannot get out of each other's radar. But doesn't it take at least a few weeks for fated mates to form a pair bond?", shouts Sam, surely freaking out but still trying to not break down in front of me.
Suddenly it hit me that if we already have a pair bond, then even after this phrase of the magnetic pull subsides, it would still be impossible for us to stay away from each other for more than a few hours, until...until we mate with each other. This thought made me swallow hard but still did not evoke the panic that I expected to come with it. Has someone cast some sort of a spell on me, because again what kind of sorcery is this?
Though one look at Sam's panicked face forced me out of my musings. My first natural instinct being, to go to him and scent him, helping him calm down but I knew that this was not an option right now.
" I understand that you are freaking out and I know that...", I started calmly but Sam's loud voice effectively cut me off.
" Are you fucking kidding me, you really understand? That is what you have to say? Why aren't you freaking out even more? You are supposed to be the straight guy here with a gay guy for a mate. Why are you so calm, is this really all business for you, where you are trying to just cut back on your losses? Do you have no feelings at all? I am your freaking mate for fuck sake with a pair bond between us", shouted Sam.
" What do you want me to do? Shout at the top of my lungs and run around like a headless chicken, cursing the moon goddess for this. Do you really think that both of us being hysteric is going to help our situation?", I said with a stern voice, though still trying to keep my tone somewhat placating.
I was not done yet so I continued, however this time I forced my voice to lose its edge, trying to sound as comforting as possible, " Listen, I know that this day has been a lot for both of us and we both need some time to think and process everything through. But you have to understand that while we do that, we need to still let everyone know that we are mates. An Alpha hiding the fact that they have found their mates is never taken lightly by the pack members, they will see this as a betrayal and that is the last thing we both would want, right", I asked Sam, looking at him intently, waiting for his response.
After I saw him nod his head, I powered on, " So, let's just maintain this brief facade before we can decide how we are going to deal with our bond in the long run", I said, continuing to look at Sam, waiting for a reaction for him.
Once he realized that I am waiting for some kind of cue from him to continue, he again nodded his head briefly, prompting me to continue. Surely I did not miss the fact that even though he was finally getting convinced of my plan, his eyes looked sad and resigned.
I wish I could erase that look from my mate's face. Would I even be a wolf if that is not my first instinct?
We have been hit on the head with a lot of unexpected events today, how am I even standing here and not sulking and overthinking about everything under a cozy blanket in my room, is the greatest mystery for me.
" Meanwhile, I don't want either you or your wolf to think that we are rejecting either of you. No one is rejecting no one, okay? We just need some time", I said, my words, extremely tender, as if it has a mind of its own.
" Okay, I agree with everything you are saying. It's not like I have any better solution to offer. I do understand that declaring the fact that we are mates cannot be postponed, people will be deeply hurt if they think that we kept them in the dark. It will really shake their trust in their Alpha. So, let's fucking go for it", said Sam, looking everywhere but at me. I knew that he was not done yet so I patiently waited for him to continue.
" However, going forward with his arrangement, my only ask from you is that please spare my wolf's feeling in all this, please take care of the words that leave your mouth, and please for the sake of my sanity, refrain from sleeping around", he hissed through clenched teeth as if, even the thought of me sleeping with someone else gave him physical pain.
" Yes that is fine with me, it's not like I go around doing that as it is", I said, not sure why I felt the need to defend myself.
" And I-I would appreciate it if you u-uh you do the same", I stammered through the words, overcome with the intense need to make sure that Sam agrees. He simply nodded his head.
As I was about to continue, determined to fine-tune this plan further. The door to my office opened suddenly, and my mom walked in, saying, " Xavy, you have ignored talking about the preparation for the Spring festival long enough, I think...", she cut herself off when her eyes fell on Sam and she made a beeline for him.
" Sam, my darling, you are back. Why didn't you come and say hi to me, you know how much I have missed having you around", she said hugging Sam tightly, stoking the hair at the base of his nape.
Despite being very much aware of the fact that this was my mom showing affection to my mate who she considered as a second son, my eyes just zeroed in on her hand on Sam and all logic simply bid adieu to my brain and a loud growl left my throat.
Believe me when I say that I was extremely embarrassed for the loud possessive growl that left my throat, directed towards my own mom, hugging my mate, please understand that I was ashamed enough to exile myself from this very planet.
I would like to blame my wolf for this but alas, he was still residing in some dark corner of my brain, somewhat placated after my talk with Sam but still sulking, he did have a role in it but then the growl came far more from my human side than from my wolf side. I am so fucking done with this mate shit, can I die now, please.
In a minute, my mom's eyes were boring into me, she seemed taken aback and I could not blame her for it.
" Did you just growl at me?", asked mom in a very clipped voice. The tone of her voice was enough to send dreadful shivers down my spine.
She glared at me, looking really pissed at such disrespect from her own son. And believe me when I say that I am not stupid and I could really have come up with a million excuses or could have simply said a 'NO' but then again maybe everything that has happened today had just finally weighed down on me enough to short-circuit my brain completely but I fumbled for a minute and then blurted out, " He is my mate" as if that explained everything.
Fuck me...
Author's note - Hey everyone, Merry Christmas❤️. Hope you enjoy this chapter.
The song above is a cover of Issues by Julia Micheals. I think that the song is reminiscent of the fact that both our boys have their own issues that they need to wade through, to hopefully get their HEA.
So, how do you feel about this cheaper and what do you think Xavier's mom's reaction is going to be to the news? Do let me know in the comments below.