Soon jisung was taken to the school's infirmary, he was taken care by the nurse who was on duty, and he was allowed to be absent from classes while he stayed there. when he came to himself and had more strength to stand up, nurse met him sitting on the bed across from him, jisung still felt lost, his head was still processing where he was.
" You should eat more sweets, you passed out exhaustion and stress..."
jisung nodded not looking at her, just down at his feet. he really felt exhausted, so exhausted.
" ...but it could be something more?"
She titled her head making Jisung slightly look at her smile.
" Jisung Mrs.Kim Chaeyoon is open to talk with all students...whatever is bothering you, you shouldn't keep it to yourself...alright? "
he just nodded, oh now he remembered, the exam...
" You can go home, you got permission from your home teacher...and someone is already waiting for you outside. "
Jisung face light up from all the thoughts, he quickly pick up his bag leaving the room where he was placed, it is not possible that minho came to picked him up, he must be standing in front of the school with one his hand in his pants and another with a cigarette, he jumped over a couple of stairs that were in front excited to see minho, he stopped in place and shrugged his shoulders when he saw a person he didn't think he would see.
" You feel better?...well you look much better."
Jisung blinked nervously being seen by hyunjin. he didn't say anything but of course it was obvious, jisung was hiding something from him.
" We have to talk."
Jisung shook his head about to walk right pass hyunjin, but he was stopped.
" jisung I'm serious."
and that's how it was, they had to find a place and sit down behind the school, jisung was irritated and dying of fear, he couldn't keep his mouth shut in front of hyunjin, hyunjin is a friend who knows everything about him and he knows everything about him too, he was hiding so much from him that he couldn't even look him right in the eyes, he was ashamed and hyunjin read him like a open book, he could only continue to lie but it wouldn't work.
" Is it about the debt...something is wrong?"
Jisung kept on biting his lip, hyunjin gently stroking his hair as he waited for jisung to speak.
" hyunjin....I...I feel like I am doing something wrong...s-something really wrong...but, but I'm enjoying it...and I am aware of it all...but..."
"What? You start doing drugs?"
jisung laughed, breaking his anxious face, seeing his sincere smile made hyunjin truly happy.
" and?..."
"...nothing, there is just someone I really really like...and I don't know what to do about it."
" Oh...is it the guy we already talked about?"
Jisung nodded, tears holding on edge. hyunjin immediately pulled him in a hug, caressing the back of his hair. he felt so little holding on hyunjin's shirt as he burst into tears, like a kid he needed a hug, hyunjin couldn't even imagine how much, he just kept on giving him a shoulder.
" You like him so much...don't you? hmm? " hyunjin pouted as he asked the boy who didn't even have to answer.
" It's so messed up...if I tell him...if I tell him that his...his..."
Jisung couldn't bring those words and actions out of his mouth, he was too afraid to even tell hyunjin.
" ....Cmon you gotta go refresh"
Jisung was pulled with hyunjin wherever he was going.
" No...I have to go home"
" Not now."
Hyunjin put him on his bike and drove him to the river that was near their school, people usually had picnics there, it was beautiful, along the way they bought some food, that's what hyunjin bought, but he didn't care who give money for it like jisung did. jisung expected hyunjin to ask questions but he didn't, he just lay down on the grass with one hand behind his neck and the other over his forehead to keep sun out of his eyes.
" Why don't you lay down?"
Jisung listened and lay down next to him, breathing, he didn't want to think about anything now, he tried to control his trembling breathing, he imagined minho in front of him, above him, he smiled at him and jisung smiled back, everything was much easier, now he held his hand, he could feel it, it was warm, he opened his eyes looking at the blue clear sky and minho wasn't there anymore but he felt easier, as if his thoughts had calmed down even if he still could feel them somewhere in the air.
" jisung..."
he turned to the voice of his friend, who was actually holding his hand.
" You look tired..."
While looking at the dare face of his friend he thought about his words, was he really tired? No he was feeling alright, he was feeling alright, jisung convinced himself.
Hyunjin was very worried about his friend's lost look, he couldn't pressure him to speak, whatever it was it affected jisung very bad, maybe he was looking at hyunjin right now but his thoughts were not there and his eyes looked as if they hide all sadness of his.
Hyunjin brought his body closer, pulling jisung in hug, as they lay, jisung's arms didn't immediately wrap around hyunjin's side, his head rubbed against his school shirt, tears left traces on his cheeks.
" just hold me..."
Hyunjin kissed the top of jisung's head, patting his hair, right after his lips continued to kiss his forehead, his cheeks, he stopped when he saw jisung's eyebrows furrowed, he didn't feel comfortable, that's why hyunjin stopped, put back his chin on top of his head, holding him tightly.
"What have I said about time after school?"
jisung stood in front of minho with his shoulders hunched, his was scolded by minho who was annoyed, jisung tried to explain himself.
"I-I was on time to be driven home..."
Since jisung was driven home by minho, jisung was in front of the school in time to be driven home but that was not the point not to minho.
"you got sick and was out with friend half of the morning, teacher sent you home!"
younger was silenced, minho was right, how could he do that, he should get home right away and not waste his wonderful time with hyunjin. but minho was worried about him, which made jisung's heart tremble.
"I'm sorry hyung"
"leave"
He said not looking at jisung as he sat back at his desk, jisung was broken, minho was mad at him, he shouldn't have left school. before he could say anything minho gave him a look that said he had to get out, minho didn't want him now.
He went back to his room where he laid down in his bed, feeling like everything he was doing was wrong.
"it's alright your used to it"
He shook those sudden thoughts that kept crawling to his brain again and again. younger soon fell asleep with a soaked pillow and trembling hands, just how he had been sleeping lately.
It was some sunny sunday morning, jisung wake up to wet feeling on his naked chest, going up to his neck, he smiled to tickled feeling. It was another beautiful morning with minho kisses jisung adored. The sun was beating through the curtains, it was time to get up.
" morning"
" morning " minho answered with a warm morning voice, as he got out of bed, jisung watched him walk to the bathroom, he nuzzled his smiling face back to minho's sheets still wearing his scent, of him and sex of last night. While minho was off to the bathroom, jisung quickly changed the sheets and cleaned up the room, waiting for the bathroom, he always wanted them to share a shower but minho never did, or said anything about it.
When he came out of the bathroom with wet hair, in a black pleated bathrobe, jisung approached him and gave him a peck before leaving for shower, during that time minho was dressed up, at his desk with already lit cigarette and a glass of coffee.
since it was sunday morning at that time, minho mostly had a relaxing time reading his book, jisung stayed in his room too bringing books to study but of course not to distribute minho, he was studying in silence on minho's bed, not willing to leave his side. at the silenced room of two men reading, low volume radio was playing.
While jisung was studying, he noticed he was repeating the same sentence in his head, repeating the same paragraph already few times, he couldn't remember, he felt dumb, again those thoughts messed around his head.
" Are you crying?"
"sorry." He quickly wept them away.
"What's is it?..."
He was thinking to finally say it, about that night, it tortured him, every single minute.
"I failed one subject..." but he couldn't.
"you shouldn't fail them, is something distracting you?"
Jisung was in silence, so many things crossed his head, but he couldn't tell them, so he acted like it was nothing.
"I usually give you time to study, wasn't that enough?" minho said looking irritated and it was true.
"I'm sorry..." taking a deep breath he apologized once again.
he had all that time minho talked about, but all he did was laying on his bed waving his legs in the air while writing about him, which he deeply regrets now. jisung's mind was messed up, he craved for comfort, just someone to tell him it's going to be fine. he rubbed tears on his red cheeks, sniffing, feeling like minho was killing him with that stare, and he should calm down, but his hands trembled.
He couldn't face minho so he wanted him out of his room, just for now, he wanted to be alone. But minho left his table and approached jisung who was sitting on his bed.
"I'm leaving for Japan tomorrow"
It was so sudden, jisung's eyes shined with tears as he blinked, but minho smiled at his reaction.
" I'll be back for like...three to four days."
"C-can I go with you--"
Minho shook his head in no, jisung was quick to respond.
" But i always wanted to visit--"
" There is no need. I would tell you to go if I needed you."
again minho shook his head not allowing, he wasn't needed? jisung kept looking at the gorgeous face of older.
" You'll back?...."
" mhm " minho mumbled nodding his head, jisung tiny neck was pulled by minho, he invented kiss, passionate one, like always his head felt so little in minho's hands, slowly his fingers played through jisung's hair, they're lips pulled and pressed, jisung didn't really know minho reason of kiss but he would never mind or oppose those lips, he enjoyed, their body's rubbed against each, minho smelled so fresh of his coconut scented shampoo, their lips played in the fire creating tension, jisung moaned titling his head back as his body moved up to down, minho hands rubbed crotch through jisung's trousers, his eyes closed starting to squirm on minho's hand, leaving breathless moans, minho smiled nuzzling face against jisung's neck, his mouth was open, scrunched eyebrows as he moaned.
"Ah! Ah! h-hyung"
"look at me, look at me.."
Minho whispered, meeting half open jisung's eyes, almost like it was his kink to watch jisung being pleasured, jisung was clung on minho's board shoulders as he bounced feeling heat filling up in his tummy. minho wasn't even hard he just liked making jisung feel this way. jisung let high pitched moan slightly clasping on minho's shoulder as he came in his not so clean clothes now. minho kissed his sweaty neck, kiss after kiss.
"you did good"
Jisung moved exhausted, meeting minho's eyes.
" be back soon..." jisung said.
Minho nodded giving the younger a gentle forehead kiss.
It was tomorrow, minho left in the morning, jisung leaved him to the airport and then he was driven to school, minho left him with money and driver and everything he needed, but jisung didn't want that, he only wanted minho wishing he would back soon, he felt down all day at school, but not in front of felix, he didn't want to show it in front of felix or anyone in the house.
When he was back home, he spent time in minho's room, looking around like he did last time, he gulped, deciding to look in that drawer again, he opened it with a trembling hands, there was nothing inside, he picked up the other papers and there was nothing, minho must have take the gun.
Jisung let the radio play at low volumes the way minho always liked, jisung thought of dancing with minho, in this huge room, here, with bare feet at this carpet, jisung smile waved on his face as he moved from side to side with open arms and slowed moved, it was waltz most beautiful and romantic dance jisung wished he danced with minho.
As song was over and passed to another, jisung turned off the radio and lay back on minho's bed being bored wasting his time, he rolled over sheets now looking at the diamond chandelier, every time he looked at it would remind him of minho and sex, he missed minho.
Jisung's birthday was coming really soon, his eighteenth birthday that felix was very excited about, he liked preparing something for him because jisung never celebrated for already known reasons, hyunjin would always buy him little chocolate muffins from their favorite store and bring them to school, and felix would always buy him some gift even if jisung strictly didn't allow, he didn't want to be a burden, ever.
And now felix headed towards his brother's room, he wanted to try to talk for the last time and create something between them, when he got too close to the door, it was slightly open, he looked around, he wasn't sure if minho had left the house or was inside, he didn't even see any of his bodyguard in the area except outside, he sneaked in making sure that his sneaker footsteps were not heard when he walked in, he was curious what kind of soft sound was coming from his room, probably one of his girlfriends.
everyone in the family suspected that minho was bringing girls from all around because they actually never paid much attention to these people minho invented, they been going and leaving, and no one set foot on the third floor of house servants not until it was allowed by minho.
He peeked, the room was lighted of morning sun even if he couldn't see much from that corner of the door, there was a feeling of emptiness as no one was in, so he stepped in hiding against the wall, soft voices were coming from the side of the room where the bed was, maybe he just could go and avoid it, it's minho life, but no, he peeked, he saw what he didn't even think of, jisung, his friend touching between his legs with minho's shirt on, felix's eyes shook as tears welled up, he shocked stepped back and walked out of the room unaware if he made any loud noise, jisung was in minho's bed this whole time, as he walked with a quick steps down the hall, all the details slowly collected, his written crush was minho, none other than minho, red marks he secretly saw over jisung's body were by minho, other servants were often called to clean the third floor because jisung wasn't doing that duty, that's why they hated him, that's why he can't hang out with his friends anymore because of minho offered more? disgusting.
Before he reached the stairs, a voice called for him
" Felix!"
He stopped, jisung was running towards him, dressed, he couldn't even look at him, when he got too close everything was clear to jisung, felix found out everything, his nightmare came true, now his best friend couldn't even look at him, felix was upset, why his brother? he wouldn't mind anyone else but out of all his own brother he was sleeping with.
"Felix...I...I can explain"
Felix sigh almost rolling his eyes, biting his lips, thinking what to say, actually there was nothing to say neither felix wanted to hear any of that. so he cut in, he was the one he should speak.
" ...it was you, minho hyung was doing it all with you--"
" Felix--"
" You sold yourself for debt?! to my brother....over months you have been with me, looking at me, hugging me, while on the other side you have been sleeping with my brother.....why? I know i couldn't pay off your debt but.....but....I really thought you have some self-esteem jisung..."
Jisung cried trying to hold his dear friend's hand but the younger refused
" ....oh...the notebook you be writing about your crush...It was minho hyung....you like him...that's why you didn't refuse....isn't it?...."
Realizing everything, felix was in pain, tears were flowing, his face saying he was disgusted and disappointing, he wished minho had never come. jisung couldn't say anything, everything felix said was the harsh truth, which jisung was blinded by, but he still carried it. jisung covered his face crying.
" I really...really wanted to have something with my brother......and you know that-"
Jisung shook his head immediately hearing that, no he never wanted to stand between them, never, he knew how much felix wanted to be with his brother but minho was the one who refused and pushed it away, it wasn't jisungs fault, it wasn't jisungs fault...
" --you fucking know that and you....and you!...ugh god fuck! fuck i can't look at your fucking face!"
he yelled turning to walk away, jisung couldn't let that happen, he held him.
" No...no...no felix please....please...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...please felix..."
jisung sobbed and begged on felix's hand he held, but he was pushed.
" You disgust me! jisung you fucking disgust me!"
"Felix..."
" I don't want to see you again or talk to you! when minho hyung leaves don't even think of coming to me! ever! "
Felix left, jisung watched him leaving through a blurry look from tears, felix really meant it, jisung knew him, he meant every word he said, jisung couldn't think of how to apologize, explain because at the end of his thoughts was "I don't want to lose minho" even if his best friend just left minho was playing with his head, he knew it was end, he would never talk to him again, smile, ride a bike, birthday surprises, go shopping, play late games while having a snacks, all the precious memories, things that kept jisung alive fell through his fingers, just because of him, he should have hidden it better.
Jisung cried a lot as did felix in his room, they had no each other to comfort, felix was crying in his bed and jisung was crying on the cold tiles of bathroom, he was holding a lot and it was suffocating him, he thought of all the things at the same time that happened in the past month, jisung felt like he was carrying a heavy burden for his existence.
"jisung you fucking disgust me!"
"it's alright you're used to it"
Tears pushed one after the other, laying on the cold tiles felt as if he was cooling his red hot cheeks.
The next day he was driven to school with one of minho's bodyguards who stayed in korea, it was like every summer but it was totally different, that night jisung didn't close his eyes, he get up two hours before he was supposed, to erase tears and take care of his swollen red face.
when he met hyunjin he gave him a hug that no one in whole world could know how much it meant. While they were talking and walk towards school entrance jisung saw felix who came with his bike, oh how much he missed it, felix just passed by in the distance and entered the school, hyunjin saw him.
" Lix!--oh! I guess he was late for class "
Jisung lowered his gaze, feeling the guilt that was tearing his skin and heart, he held his tears tightly even if he was sensitive from last night, he didn't need a reason to burst into tears right now, so he quickly walked in making hyunjin run after him, he had no idea but he would find out soon.
Can it get worse, jisung asked himself, when will everything end he thought, while sitting in the chair in front of his homeroom teacher, she loved jisung and jisung had great respect for her as a very strong teacher who always managed and pulled up with all kinds of things in this school, jisung always admired her and always wanted to be strong like her, he always made sure that he wouldn't make her work difficult, even if he was a student, and now he was just a disappointment.
" Look honey.."
She showed him his final grades for the penultimate semester, which means he had one more semester to improve his grades and that was the end, next year was senior year.
She didn't want to be harsh to jisung because it was clearly seen the last couple of months something was off, funny how everyone saw those times as jisung's change to bad, but at those times he was the happiest.
" are you planning to attend the college?"
Jisung's eyes meet her, did he? jisung thought, of course he did, but right now he didn't actually care, so he just nodded.
" Whatever is jisung you can talk to me, whatever you say I will keep it to myself and try to help you, right now it doesn't have to be about the grades but about your mental health, understand? I don't want you to suffer, school nurse told me you passed out the other day at hallway... and i was worried..."
Jisung was in silence, looking at his fingers as he picked them.
" ...should I call your mom?"
That got his whole attention, he got anxious, no, his mother must not know about this, no way.
"No...please don't tell my mother..please..plea--"
" ....it's alright jisung I just asked, don't need to worry, if you don't want me let her know I won't, but you have to go to someone and talk to them, everything you feel, pressure, delight, anxious, scared, stuff you enjoy... anything... what about hyunjin? you talk to him?"
Jisung nodded, but for a moment he thought what would happen if hyunjin would find out, he would leave him too just like felix did, he can't let that happen, ever, hyunjin was his everything.
"Alright then...talk to hyunjin, let your thoughts out wherever they are good or bad, and like I said a thousand times, I am here for you jisung, you are a really great guy, great friend and one of the greatest students and I won't let you pass that title to someone who doesn't deserve it as much as you."
Jisung smiled, feeling a little hope getting through his cloudy mind, he thanked and bowed to his teacher, he felt important, just for a moment.
On the way back he was driven by the same bodyguard, he didn't even care who it was, he didn't talk to him, he was looking out the window, if he would see felix somewhere but it seemed that felix stayed longer at school today, jisung felt so sleepy, his hair was messy, eyes half closed, he almost fell asleep in the car but few minutes they already arrived, he rubbed his eyes as he got out of the car.
" Thank you for the ride--"
Just then the phone rang from the bodyguard who drive him, jisung stopped looking at him speaking.
" they're coming back? he is already in plane? alright, alright I'll be there.
He was upset as he immediately got out of the car and headed towards house.
" Did something happen?"
Jisung asked worriedly.
"Get in house."
When he entered, that bodyguard shouted and called everyone to gather around to inform them about something.
" Mr.Lee is coming back, he wants you all in the main hall of the house in a few hours, he is already on the plane, I'll excuse myself now. "
The workers around the house looked each around and were confused just like jisung why minho was coming back? he felt worried, minho went mad crazy probably, but why would he come back, something big was going on, jisung immediately ran to change into his servant uniform, feeling nervous.
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thoughts?