Hey guys, so as I said before, I'm revamping this story so I just changed the ending of chapter four and the story will go on from here. I recommend reading this story from the beginning again because it has been a long time since I've updated.
Reina
"Wake up..."
"Wake up..."
"Wake up..."
The chanting in my head made me open my eyes but that's exactly when I realized it wasn't in my head. It was from him. He was here. He was in my room. He was calling me.
"You up?" He looked at me curiously. I nodded at him, dumbfounded. He wasn't supposed to be here... at least not yet.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as soon as I found my words.
"I'm back. I came straight from the airport to see you. I missed you ma."
I sat up and looked at him. "You missed me?"
"I did." He knelt down in front of me and held my hands.
"But you didn't return my calls or texts or emails and it's been so long and..." I was about to ramble on and on but he shut me up with a delicate kiss. I couldn't help but caress his face, holding our lips and bodies in place. "I know and I'm real sorry about that but I was hurt. I didn't know that you'd forget about me and move on so fast."
"But I didn't. I felt alone so I got drunk and I did something I should'nt have and I regret it so much. I should've just went with you to Japan, we could've still have been together."
"It's alright Reina. I'm here now. I'm here for you and my child." He lowered his head and pressed his lips to my now-obvious stomach.
"I'm so confused..." I stood up and walked across the room. All of this was happening so fast.
"Don't be. I'm back and I missed you." He stepped to me and once again grasped my hands. "I'm not gunna run like that again... I was dumb as hell for that."
"Really?"
"I promise bae. And I want you to move in with me so I can take care of you and the baby."
"But what about Damien?"
"Who?" His eye brows scrunched up.
"Damien... Damien King... the reason why you stayed away?" I was getting a little concerned.
He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't remember but uh, get ready and pack your clothes, we're gunna go soon."
"Okay." I walked over to my armoire and started to pull out articles of clothing. "Um can we make two trips because I don't think I can fit all of my cl-" His phone started ringing and he cut me off. "Hold on." He pulled his phone out and I watched as his finger hovered over the answer button. "No, don't answer that."
He averted his gaze to me with a quizzical look on his face. "Why not?"
"Just don't." I had a bad feeling about it.
"It'll only take a minute, chill." He answered the call and excited my room to speak in private. After he shut the door, I ran to it, trying to pry it open but to no avail, it wouldn't budge. Frantically, I began to bang on it and panicked. There was no way that after seeing him for only a few minutes, he'd slip from my grasp again. "Rafael please!" I screamed. "Please come back!"
I woke up from my nightmare in a sweaty fit. My heart was racing and I could feel the baby frantically moving around; I needed to calm down. I got out of bed and walked down to the kitchen where I rummaged through the fridge until I found a raspberry Greek yogurt. I took this opportunity to think about Rafael; I wondered what he was doing, if he was thinking of me, or even if he even thought about me anymore. I just felt like a lost child because the person that I love and cared for so much doesn't want anything to do with me and I just feel like I want to cry.
I feel as if I'm regarded as a smart person but half of the things that I do are so dumb. I can't believe that pregnant again and I don't know who the father is. I can't believe I'm not taking this test only because I'm scared of the results. I'm not sure who I want to be the father at this point because either way things will change forever; If Damien is the father then Gabby will have a full sibling but and I won't have a chance with Rafael. If Rafael is the father then I'm pretty sure Damien would never speak to me again even though he said he would. Who even knows if I have a chance with Rafi, I haven't spoken to him since February, a month ago.
I took a look at my phone and noticed I had a new message.
Terrell: Wyd?
Over the past few days, Terrell and I have been talking a lot. Initially it was just to set up play dates for the girls but he's actually pretty chill and wise, in addition to being a goofy ass nigga.
Reina: How do you even know I'm up?
Terrell: I didn't, but now I do
Reina: I had a nightmare
Terrell: you're a baby ma.
Reina: stfu
Terrell: come chill with me
Reina: it's 2 am, what's even open?
Terrell: this bomb ass diner by me.
Reina: ...
Terrell: ......
Reina: Send me the address, I'll be there in 35 .
Terrell: ii.
I walked back into my room and changed into a black PINK track suit and a pair of midnight black KD's. I want into the bathroom and quickly brushed my teeth then tied my hair up in a bun and then I was out. I locked up the house quietly, trying not to wake up Dyogi, and then I got in my car and began to drive. I quickly made it to the eatery and once I spotted Terrell, I slid into the booth, across from him and watched him as he played some game on his phone. He looked up at me and jumped. "Oh damn. I didn't even see you come in."
"Well yeah, you're all into that dumb game, start paying attention."
"You're mean as hell when you wake up in the morning, you know that?"
I looked at him and sighed. "My bad... I just had a bad start."
"Was it because of that dream you had? That nightmare or whatever you we're telling me about."
"Yeah, I guess."
"What was it about?"
"My ex."
"What did he do?"
"He left."
He had a confused look on his face. "In the dream or forreal?"
"Both. Literally and figuratively. In the dream it was figuratively, but in life, he left me."
Terrell chuckled. "I highly doubt that."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you're a beautiful educated woman who can take care of her shit." Sounds familiar.
"Well, he did leave me, so believe it."
"Why?"
I sighed. "It's a long story."
"I got time." He grinned.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Alright." I went on to tell him the story involving Damien, Rafael and I, making sure to not leave out any details. I could tell T was getting a little confused because as I recalled every detail, every memory I had sounded crazy; I can't believe that I went through all of this drama in the past few months and it has ceased to stop.
"Damn." He mumbled. "That shit is crazy."
"I know... and I feel really bad about what I did but at the same time, I'm tired of crying over it. I just wanna be past all of this drama, this isn't good for the baby."
"Then how about 'chu stop." He shrugged.
"How? How can I do that, I live with Damien and still have feelings for that Rafi."
"Let go of how you feel about that Rafael guy because the reality is, it doesn't matter if you fucked around with someone else, if he cared about you like he said he would, he would be at least communicating with you by now. You can't waste your time on someone who doesn't care about you and as for Damien, treat him like he's your roommate because he is. You still might have love for him like you say you do but you're obviously not feeling him like you should because he's offered to take care of you and what you need but you don't want him."
"...I do want him... I mean I still love him but he's always pressuring me to get back with him and I'm not really for it."
"Then let those niggas go. Stop thinking about that Rafael kid, and be JUST roommates with Damien."
I sipped on my vanilla milkshake and shrugged. "It's not that easy."
"Of course it's not but you have other things to worry about. Your salon is about to reopen in a few weeks, you have a baby on the way and what you need to do is take that test-it disconnects you from one of those dudes which you kind of need. You need to start fresh and if you need me, I'll be here for you; Madison and I will be here for you and Gabby."
I smiled, that was a really nice gesture. "Thanks T. That's really nice."
He gave me a head nod and replied. "It's my pleasure Ma."
After that, we chatted for a few hours and it honestly felt amazing talking to someone who is relatively new in my life. I mean, my friends are great and I love them to death but every single one of them still has a relationship with Damien so if I talk about him, I kind of feel like a snitch. Also, Terrell and I are in the same boat, with him being a single father and me being a single mom, sort of. It was just good to openly talk with someone, I was glad I came out.
I looked down at my four empty plates and signed, "Alright, I should get going; the sun is going to rise soon and I have to take care of some business."
"Iight." He got out of the booth and helped me out of my side- this big belly was starting to get in the way. He graciously payed the bill and we made our way out to our cars. "So we'll link up soon? Me and you? Or us with the little girls? Or just them?"
I laughed, "Yeah, whatever's good for you."
"Iight, sounds good." He pulled me in for a quick hug then smiled. "Bye Rei."
"Bye Ugly." I giggled as I climbed into my car and made my way to a secluded area of Brooklyn Heights, a place I used to be all the time. As I pulled up to Rafael's house, I just started to think about all the times I've been here, usually to talk about my issues and seek refuge or whatever was going on betwewn Damien and I. Rafael was such a good listener and gave the best advice but now I can't seem to wonder if he did all that and acted that way just to get with me. That seems like as far-fetched thought but at this point, I didn't know.
I unlocked his front door and made my way into his bedroom where a lot of my stuff was. I packed shirts, pants, dresses, all my cosmetic stuff and tons of toiletries into one of his bags I found lying around. After I finished packing, I sat on the bed to catch my breath.
"This shit sucks." I spoke out loud. "I thought our relationship was strong and I don't mean to lessen what I did but it was a mistake, we all make mistakes and I'm so tired of suffering through this pregnancy because I'm upset about what happened between the two of us. I thought you were a nice guy, I STILL have hope you're a nice guy but it's hard for me to categorize you when you're overseas in Japan NOT speaking to me. I fell in love with what we had. I fell in love with you and even though we we're together for just some months, I opened my heart again and you ran with it still in your possession. I'm not going to cry about you anymore and I'm not going to feel bad anymore, I've waited years over someone before and I refuse to waste my time again Rafael. This is it." I removed his keys from my key ring along with the ring he gave me on Christmas via Gabriella.
"Put it back on." A voice said from behind me. I turned around and there he was.
"Rafael? What? What are you doing here?" I was basically at a loss for words because I couldn't believe he was standing before me.
"I live here," he chuckled, "what are you doing here?"
"I was just uh, getting the last of my stuff."
"Don't." He walked up to me and took the bag out of my hands, settling it on the ground. I looked up at him as he looked at me and I couldn't help but to start to tear up. He sighed and wiped the tears from my face. "Don't cry Reina." He said.
"I can't help it." I replied as the tears gradually got worse.
He looked into my eyes and I could see the sadness in his. This wasn't how I wanted our first encounter to go when I eventually saw him again at all. I looked a hot fucking mess and now I'm crying, like always.
"I shouldn't have acted the way I did when we spoke in February," he said, "I know what I said and in my mind it sounded like a good plan, letting you do whatever you wanted but when you told me that you got with him, I shut down. I'm always gunna be second-best to Damien and there's nothing that I can do about that."
"That's not true." I shook my head.
"So you're going to stand there and tell me that you haven't done anything else with him since you called me back in February?"
"I mean we rarely kiss and do other shit. I haven't slept with him again."
"But you're living with him. You moved in with him." He said matter-of-factly.
"That's just because it was getting too hard to take care of Gabby and prepare for the new baby. It's not anything permanent, it was just a temporary time fix."
"Are you sure?"
"For me yes. For him, I don't know. He wants to be a family and I'm not sure about that yet."
"Why not?"
"He told me that if the baby was yours, he'd raise it like it was his own. I know Damien and I know that if the baby is yours, he would be really upset and he would resent it, I know he would."
"But if he wants to start a family with you, why won't you believe him and give him another chance?"
"I don't know how I feel about our relationship. He still tells me he is in love with me but I can't truthfully say that. I do have feelings for him but I know in my heart I'm not in love with him. Damien was my first everything and for a long time I couldn't let that go and I was living in this fantasy where he was going to wake up and we were going to resume life and we were going to get better. But time passed and I really didn't think he was going to wake up but he did and he was the same person for the most part. He still has a child's mentality and he has this temper that comes out of nowhere sometimes so it's hard for me to tell him that I don't wanna have sex with him because my heart isn't into it. I wanted Gabby to have the experience of being able to live with both of her parents but this isn't what I want." I paused. "I was independent for so long but when he came back and was interested in me it was nice but when you came around and we started talking, that was something amazing. I'm young as hell and I have a kid and you still loved me and I became so dependent on you to be my rock, to keep everything under control, I stayed with you a lot," I said gesturing to all the bags I had packed up, "and I felt something I hadn't before but when you left I still wanted that feeling so I just moved back with him."
"Damn," was all that he said. I could feel myself begin to hyperventilate which was beginning to be a normal thing for me but concerned him since he's only seen my upset like this once before. He guided me back to sit on his bed and sat next to me. I closed my eyes and began this breathing technique that my doctor suggested I do if I became panicky at any moment.
"You alright?" He asked after a few minutes in silence."
"Yeah I'm okay, sorry about that." I knew what I wanted to say to him. I knew that I just wanted to stay and catch up with him but I also knew that he was internally freaking out. I just told him a lot of stuff and had a panic attack right in front of him. I do want him to be a part of this baby's life if it is his but he doesn't have to witness the mess that is me so I stood up and put the ring and keys I still had in my hand on his end table. I walked over to my bags and picked them up. He looked at me and said, "You don't have to go Reina." However, the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice were telling me that he needed time.
"I have to," I lied, "I should be back before Gabriella wakes up." I didn't even give him a chance to say anything else because I just jetted out of there.
Rafael was back and I wasn't sure how that was going to change things but all I did know was that everything was going to get extra complicated now.
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