I woke up two days later to a message from Sav: They think Abigail can be released today.
I wasn't sure if my heart stopped beating or beat a million times faster.
After taking a moment to process her words, I stumbled out of bed and rushed as fast as I could to get ready and head toward the hospital.
"Wow. You look fantastic," Sav said from where she casually sat in one of the uncomfortable waiting chairs when I hobbled into the waiting room fifteen minutes later.
I was sure I looked like a zombified homeless man, from my black tank top with a wrinkled flannel haphazardly pulled over it and a pair of hopefully clean drawstring sweatpants, to my wild hair that I had barely run my hands through. Not to mention the solid four hours of sleep I had ended up getting last night which most likely left purple bags under my eyes behind my most likely crooked glasses that I had thrown on instead of taking time to put in contacts. Though, really, the eye bags seemed to be normal these days.
But what I looked like was beside the point. "When is she getting released? Do you know anything else?"
She stood with a small sigh. "They're not even completely sure if she can be released today. It's just a possibility. And since I'm not Abigail's family, they wouldn't tell me anything besides that. You'll have to talk to Doctor Andrews to know exactly what's going on."
That was very unhelpful. I deflated into the seat next to the one she had been sitting in.
Slowly, she sat down too. "But... I think they'll finally let you see her. You know, legally."
I glanced at her skeptically, wondering how she knew I had gone to see her without permission.
She gave me a perceptive smirk. "Miranda and I are pretty close," was her only explanation.
Before I could reply, the double doors opened and a man in a white doctor's coat and shiny black dress shoes walked into the waiting hall. He looked up from his clipboard and met my eyes, his steely grey ones sending a slight shiver down my spine. He wasn't the same doctor that Kaybree had had.
"Mr. Stallard, is it?" he asked as he approached, his face void of any emotion.
I stood and, slowly, Sav did as well, staying behind me as silent support. "Yes, sir."
He nodded definitively. "It says here that you are to be Abigail's legal guardian."
I tried not to flinch at the phrase "legal guardian." But, technically, I guess that's what I was becoming. "Um, yes. Yes, I will be. I am." I hated myself for stuttering and jumbling up my words.
Again, he nodded, a gesture that was starting to make me uncomfortable. "Alright, well, here's the update. Abigail's lungs have strengthened enough that we took her off of oxygen earlier this morning. It took her body a little while to adjust, but her progress is exemplary. We see no reason for her to stay in the incubator any longer. Though she is still small, her natural body functions are stable and normal. While her organs and lungs will still need to be regularly monitored, I don't see a need for her to stay here any longer."
I realized I had stopped breathing while he had explained the situation and took a deep breath. That was it. She was going to be released. This was good. Really good. But for some reason my stomach still rolled.
"We were thinking we could have her ready to leave within the next hour and a half if that's okay with you," Doctor Andrews said, tucking his clipboard under his arm.
Panic roiled up my throat, but I wasn't sure why. Pushing it down, I bobbed my head. "Uh, yeah. That sounds good. Great."
"Would you like to meet her?"
Meet her. I was meeting Abigail.
"Yes," I breathed.
He led the way to the double doors, but for some reason I couldn't get my feet to follow. He looked back and raised his bushy grey eyebrows.
"Kason," Sav said gently, resting a hand on my shoulder. I could somehow feel the warmth of her palm through my flannel. "You want to see her, don't you?"
I met her eyes. "Of course. I just..." I swallowed. Blinked. Took another breath.
She raised her brows just as Doctor Andrews had, but it looked so much less condescending on her. More reassuring. "Do you want me to tag along?"
Though I didn't want to seem weak, like I wouldn't be able to take care of Abby without someone else, I couldn't find it in me to try and do this part by myself. So I nodded.
Together, we followed Doctor Andrews.
Though I remembered most of the way to where Abigail was being kept, I didn't remember the trek feeling so long. Or short. Both at the same time.
When we made it to the larger room that led to all the individual rooms, Doctor Andrews scanned his access card and held the door open for Sav and me. Sav let me walk in first, let me look strong. I was internally grateful.
"Abigail's room is this one." The doctor gestured to the room I remembered, with the door and the window looking in.
Inside the room was a nurse. Not Miranda. An older lady that was carefully removing the lid to the incubator.
I watched with my lips slightly parted as she gently swaddled Abigail up in a blue and white hospital blanket. Abigail's frail little limbs were wrapped up and her bright eyes stared up at the woman with wonder.
Just seeing her, healthy and beautiful, made the nerves in my stomach calm slightly.
Doctor Andrews reached for the handle. "Go on in."
I looked at him for a moment, before I turned to Sav. I didn't even have to say it. She nodded and slowly followed behind me as I stepped into the small room.
There was barely enough space to fit the nurse, Sav and me, and all the equipment. Doctor Andrews lingered by the door.
The nurse, with a few wrinkles set in her forehead and around her mouth, smiled. "Would you like to hold her?"
I looked at the small bundle of blanket and baby still laying in the incubator. Without thinking about it, I said, "Yes."
She reached down and slowly scooped Abigail up. Before handing her to me, she instructed, "Make sure to support her head but not with too much pressure."
I nodded. She held Abigail out to me and, with my heart beating rapidly, I let her lay her in my arms.
My first thought was how light she was. I knew she was small but I felt like I was barely holding anything as I pulled her closer to me, trying to support her.
But then her eyes focused on my face and she peered up at me. I watched her back, feeling everything inside me at once. Peace, panic, love, fear. It was all swirled through my mind and my heart as I met her clear, bright eyes.
She was helpless which meant I couldn't be. I had to take care of her. Prepared or not, she needed someone. She needed me.
I suddenly felt something I hadn't felt yet. Readiness. Not because I was prepared to take care of a child. Not because I knew anything about what I was doing. But because there was nothing in the world that I would let hurt her. There was no way I would ever let her fall.
Finally, I felt a small smile pull to my lips. A slight laugh, maybe mixed with a bit of a cry–though I'd never admit it–bubbled out of my mouth.
In response, Abigail hiccuped.
I laughed again.
"She looks kind of like you," Sav muttered from where she stood next to me.
I glanced over at her. "You think?"
She nodded, smiling slightly. "Though she might be cuter."
I snorted, turning my grin back to Abby.
"We'll need to run a few more precautionary tests before she can be released," Doctor Andrews interjected. "But that will give you time to get things ready."
I looked at him and nodded, my face falling. Right. I needed to make sure everything was ready back at the apartment. I had set almost everything up on one side of my bedroom in the past two days, but there were still a few things. Luckily, on my rush out the door this morning, I remembered to shove the baby carrier in the back of my car. Unluckily, I hadn't remembered anything else. Like clothes for her to change into.
On our walk back to the waiting hall, my arms feeling empty after holding Abigail, I glanced at Sav. "You wouldn't mind doing me a favor, would you?"
"What is it?" she asked, eyeing me. Though she seemed open to it.
"I know you've been here for the past few days but would you mind staying just a little while longer while I go back to my apartment to grab some of the things I need?"
She shook her head. "Of course not. Besides, from the slight panic on your face when Doctor Andrews mentioned getting ready, sounds like you might need a little set up help afterward, too."
How she had been able to read that so clearly on my face was slightly impressive. "I might."
She shot me a knowing smile.
I rushed to my apartment to gather up what I might need. I knew that they were still making sure everything was ready for Abby to leave, but I didn't want to be gone very long.
But, despite this, I paused at Kaybree's door. I wanted to check on her before I left again. And tell her that Abigail was one her way here. She had the right to know.
I pulled out my key to Kaybree's apartment and unlocked the door. As I slowly entered, I called, "Knock, knock."
"In here," Kaybree's soft voice floated from her bedroom.
I closed the door behind me and made my way to her separate room. She sat in bed, her comforter sprawled out over her legs and a book in her lap.
I paused and leaned on the door frame, taking in her state. Though her hair was messy, she had at least put it up. Though there were bags under her eyes, they weren't as dark as a few days ago. Though she was in bed, she had enough physical and mental strength to sit up.
It was all good news to me.
"How ya' doing?" I asked casually, knowing that she hated that question. But I had to ask it.
She shrugged. "I'm doing."
I chuckled, sitting on the end of her bed at her feet.
"Where were you this morning?" she asked curiously, though I heard a slight hitch in her words. A bit of worry. "You're later than normal."
I felt a little bit of guilt stir in my chest. But then I remembered... "I went to the hospital."
She stilled, staring at me. I smiled at how exact her and Abigail's eyes matched. "And?"
"Abby gets to come home today."
Kaybree seemed to stop breathing, her book forgotten as her eyes flicked away from me and lost focus.
I started to wonder if I should have told her when, finally, she said something. "Will you..." She paused, coming back into reality and meeting my gaze again. "Will you bring her here?"
I shifted on the bed. "Well, she'll be staying in my apartment... That's what you wanted, right?" Though I wasn't completely ready to take care of Abigail, I wasn't sure how I would feel if Kaybree wanted her back.
"I know," she clarified slowly. "I know... I just meant... Can I maybe see her? In person?"
I exhaled. "Oh, yeah. Of course." I smiled and reached out, taking her hand. "Be warned, she might have the hiccups."
Kaybree gave a closed lipped smile at that. Though it was small, I still savored it.
Making sure that she had everything she needed, that she was comfortable, I started to make my way back to the hospital. But before I could leave Kaybree's apartment, she stopped me. "Kason?"
I looked over my shoulder.
"I'm sorry I..." She stopped, trying to figure out her words. Her eyebrows were scrunched as she restarted. "I'm sorry that I forced all of... this on you."
I felt my heart warm as I smiled. "It's okay, Bree. What's important is that both of you are healthy and taken care of."
Her eyes became slightly glassy as she nodded. "You're good at that."
"What?"
She smiled sadly. "Taking care of people."
My heart panged.
I made it back to the hospital, my heart a little heavier and my head a little foggier. But I tried to push it all away and remember that Abby needed me right now. I couldn't be distracted.
As I walked in, flurries started to dance down from the sky, adding to the icy slush that had covered the streets of New York City the night before. I hadn't even realized the clouds had built back. Good thing I grabbed several layers of clothing and an extra blanket for Abby.
When I made it back to the waiting hall, Doctor Andrews was talking with Sav. His expression seemed stern, but Sav was unreadable. When the doctor saw me, he said one more final thing and then stepped toward me. "All the tests have been coming back fine so if you want to follow me, we can get her ready to go."
I nodded as my heart fluttered anxiously. This was happening.
As I passed Sav, I gave her a questioning glance, silently asking about what was going on with her and the doctor. She just shrugged and followed me toward the doors. Though I was still curious, I didn't push it.
When we made it back to the special baby care room, Abby's room's door was wide open and the same nurse who had been there earlier was turning off machines and watching Abby. When she saw me, she smiled and waved me in.
I awkwardly pushed through the doorway with the infant carrier car seat on my arm. I hoped I didn't look completely incompetent, but by the way Sav seemed to be holding in a laugh, I probably did.
"You can just set that here," the nurse instructed, gesturing to a table-like holder that looked like it was made specifically to hold carriers. I plopped it down.
"Alright, so just a few procedural things before you book it out." She smiled.
I tried not to fidget. "Okay."
"First off, I'm sure that this seems obvious, but when you transfer her to and from the car seat carrier, make sure to be gentle yet supportive. And don't get the buckles too tight, but tight enough that she will stay securely in the seat if anything happens.
"Also, did you bring some other warm clothes for her?"
"Uh, yeah. Here." I spun around the backpack to where it rested in the front and unzipped it. I pulled out a footie pajama onesie, a beanie, and an extra blanket. "Will this work?"
She grinned wider, almost looking proud. "Yes, those are perfect."
She went on to show me how to put the clothes on Abby without manipulating her arms and legs too aggressively. Abby gurgled a few times during the process but didn't cry.
"And, finally," the nurse said once Abby was dressed and strapped in, "I need to give you this." She turned and opened the cabinet on the wall, pulling out a small machine. Her smile was slightly muted as she held it out to me.
"What is it?" I asked as I took it from her. I was heavier than it looked.
"It's for when Abigail sleeps... Because her lungs are still a little weak from being born prematurely, it's best to monitor her breathing. Also, it might be best if I show you how to perform CPR for infants, just in case."
I swallowed, a little nauseated at the thought. "Will I really need it?"
Sav must have heard the slight panic setting in because she pushed herself off the wall and stood beside me. "As I've been learning in nursing school, it's always better to be over prepared."
I met her eyes, clenching and unclenching my jaw. "Yeah... I guess you're right."
Finally, after learning everything I might need, the nurse led us back out to the waiting hall. I couldn't help but keep looking down at Abigail, hoping that I was carrying her steady enough. But every time I looked down, she just looked back up at me, no tears in sight.
"Alright, a few final things before you're on your way," the nurse said, sitting down at the nurses station. "First, when would be a good time to schedule a follow up appointment?"
I shifted. "Um, whenever would be fine. I won't be going back to class for a while."
"Okay." She clicked a few times on her computer. "How about next Thursday, at... Would one thirty work?"
I nodded. "Yeah, sounds good."
"Great." She typed something and then grabbed a card from a holder on the desk. Scribbling out the date and time, she slipped it to me. I shoved it in my back pocket.
"And, just one more thing. I promise." She chuckled before turning in her chair and rifling through a filing cabinet. She took a moment to find what she was looking for, long enough to make me glance at Sav nervously.
She raised her brows and lifted one side of her mouth. Somehow it helped.
"Ah, here we go." The nurse turned around and slid a thick piece of paper toward me. "A birth certificate."
I stared at it as she held out a pen. "I thought... I thought this was already filled out."
"Nope. But all you have to do is write her full name and then sign as her legal guardian."
It sounded easy enough, I guess. I grabbed the pen from her hand and looked at the lines that I needed to fill out. Last name. I wrote out Stallard. First name. Abigail. But then the line for her middle name stared back at me.
I looked at Sav. "I never asked Kaybree about a middle name for her."
She looked over my shoulder at the paper and then back at me. "Can you call her?"
I pulled out my phone and decided to try it. It rang several times, making me start to worry. But, eventually, Kaybree's tired voice drifted into my ear. "Hey."
"Hey, Bree. Um, I'm at the hospital filling out Abigail's birth certificate."
She was quiet for a long moment. "Okay," she whispered.
I cringed, not realizing that it might be hard for her to know what I was doing. But it was too late now. "Any ideas for her middle name?"
Again, she was quiet for a long moment. I wondered if maybe she was too tired for this, but Abigail was her baby. She deserved to be a part of this, even if it was hard for her.
Finally, Kaybree took a breath. "No. I want you to pick."
I blinked. "Me?"
"Yeah. You're taking care of her. And I value your opinion. So... yeah... Please?"
I sighed. She always used "please" and I melted. "Okay. Are you doing okay?"
"Yeah. But you woke me up from my nap."
I chuckled breathily. "I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."
"Love you."
"Love you, too."
I hung up and licked my lips. "Well, that didn't help."
"Let me guess," Sav said. "She wants you to pick her middle name?"
Her normally contagious smile couldn't get past my new stress. "Yeah. Have any ideas?"
Sav thought a moment before shaking her head. "Any names you like?"
"I don't know. I haven't really thought about... names. Like I said, I wasn't really ready for this."
Sav rolled her eyes though she was holding back a smile. "Yes, you've told me on multiple occasions."
I glared at her but it was mostly playful.
"What about naming her after someone? Like your grandma or something?"
It was a good idea but... "Hm. Abigail Patricia?"
Sav couldn't restrict her laugh on that one. "Or someone else?"
I let that idea brew around my head a bit. I liked it because then I wouldn't have to come up with something completely on my own. But who should I name her after?
Then I had an idea. "Would it be weird if I picked Bree?"
Sav raised her brows. "For your sister?"
I shrugged. "Yeah. Even though it's not the same, it's close and it would still help my sister feel like Abby has her in her life... maybe?"
Sav looked at me, in that inspective way she did sometimes. And then she smiled her gapped tooth smile. "I like it. It's sweet and it flows well. Abby Bree."
This time, I was able to smile. "Okay. Cool." So I wrote it down on the line and signed my name.
And Abigail Bree Stallard was officially ready to go home.
A/N YAY!! Abby is finally coming home! It took so long so I'm super happy that the time has come. AND now that she is out of the hospital, more stuff is going to start to happen. I'm so ready! What about y'all?! What do you think is gonna go down? XD As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter here! ----->