The house was dark and vacant looking as Harley and Lucas came shuffling back in, so Harley didn't notice the figure resting on the sofa until it stood, moving cautiously over to the pair who had just entered.
As the moonlight filtered in through the kitchen window, Axel's sorrowful face was illuminated, eyes downcast apologetically. Lucas' jaw ticked, a little peeved at Axel himself after the discussion he had with Harley. He still believed it was his fault for causing the fracture that now cracked his and Axel's once rock solid relationship, but something about the way Axel conducted himself recently, with all of them, rubbed him the wrong way.
He nodded to Harley in farewell, knowing Axel was trying to speak with him privately, and he acknowledged Axel with a stare for a split second as well, before leaving the two in the kitchen and heading up the stairs to retire for the night.
Harley gazed at the side of his brother's face as Axel watched Lucas leave from over his shoulder, before turning back to his younger brother with a deep sigh.
"I know it's late, and I don't want to keep you up," he started softly, and Harley elected to stare at his dirty shoes instead of meeting his brother's eyes. He wasn't strong enough for that right now. "But I just wanted you to know that you are right. Completely right. If you're willing, I want to talk about it tomorrow and apologize properly. Nothing has made me hate myself more than knowing I was the reason you broke down. I love you, Harley. You will always mean the world to me," he sniffed, nodding to himself as Harley remained silent, before following the path Lucas' took back up the stairs.
Everything felt cold and lonely in the empty kitchen by himself, and Harley was quick to retreat to the solace of his own room. He was still pissed at Axel, and was almost hoping to make him feel his wrath for a little longer, but the entire reason he got so upset in the first place was because he wanted Axel to change. If he wanted that change, he would also have to put in the work with his brother.
As he crawled into bed for the night, neglecting his entire nighttime routine just to go unconscious for a while, he was hopeful for a positive outcome from all of this. Maybe he could convince Axel to have a dignified conversation with Lucas too, so that he could finally get something positive out of this as well.
It would be a nice gift in return for all of the kindness Lucas had shown him tonight, though he knew the man was drowning in discomfort the entire time while dealing with him.
On the other side of the house, Lucas threw his wallet onto the damaged nightstand next to his bed, slumping down onto the mattress with a deep sigh, and slowly shrugging his black hoodie off his tired body. A soft knock echoed through the room, causing Lucas' head to whip up in surprise.
"Come in," he grunted, peeling off his worn Superstars and flinging them off to the side. The door cracked open, just far enough for Axel's body to fit through. Lucas settled his steely gaze on the man, electing to simply remain silent and wait for Axel to start talking,
"I, um, just wanted to say thank you. For going after Harley and taking care of him," he whispered, as if something in the room would shatter if he spoke any louder. Lucas frowned slightly, shaking his head.
"Not a problem."
"Although. . ." Axel dipped his head down to stare at the floor, his light brown fringe falling into his eyes as his fingers tapped lightly on the door. Lucas rarely has seen Axel acting so meek and forlorn. "I'm surprised you went after him. I thought you hated him."
Lucas snorted, rolling his eyes. "I don't hate him. Besides, it's not like he would have wanted to see you."
"Right," Axel winced slightly. "Just thought it would be Daniel, since they seem to be the closest."
Lucas felt himself bristling at the sudden middle of the night questioning, when all he wanted was to pass out on his mattress." Did you need something, Axel?"
"Nope. Sorry. Thanks again," Axel replied quickly, shutting the door with a small click behind him, as Lucas bored holes into the wood with his lingering gaze.
~
Harley woke up the next morning with his stomach in knots, feeling sick with the anticipation of speaking to his brother. He hated feeling this way with Axel, and it almost made him hate his brother even more for making him get angry in the first place. If he wasn't being such a dick, they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place, and Harley wouldn't have the disgusting nausea he was currently dealing with first thing in the morning.
As he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing his teeth and clutching the counter with his left hand, he thought about the dream he had last night. No doubt all of the stress he was under was beginning to affect his dreams, causing them to be incredibly realistic and making him feel rather agitated.
He was sitting at the lunch table with Jonas, back in high school, eating their food in the exact same spot they always did during the school year. Harley was nearly finished with his sandwich before getting distracted by Jonas' odd look towards the corner of the lunchroom, lips pressed together and slightly downturned, with his thick eyebrows knitted together. Harley's chewing slowed, as he glanced between his best friend and towards the corner where a group of rowdy teenage boys seemed to always be hanging out.
"What's up?" He asked, and Jonas merely flicked his eyes towards Harley for a moment, before settling his gaze back towards where it originally was.
"Kyle is like. . . glaring at you. Now he's saying some shit to his friends and they're staring over here too," Jonas mumbled, shrinking into his seat a little.
"What?" Harley looked over towards the table for the first time, noticing the same thing Jonas was observing. Kyle, with his sandy blond hair and flushed face, was giving him the dirtiest look in the world. Harley threw his hands up, as if to ask: the fuck is your problem?
The mean mug on the teenager's face turned even darker, now twisting into an evil sneer as he lifted his hands, miming the motion of cocking an imaginary shotgun. He aimed it towards Harley as his head tilted to the side and one eye slid closed, making a quick flick up as if to fire, lips slowly forming the word "boom" as he grinned.
Harley blinked at him in shock, and he could have sworn that the empty air in Kyle's hands had suddenly turned into the metallic gleam of an actual shotgun- before everything went dark.
That was when he had startled awake, shooting up in his bed disoriented and heart beating a mile a minute, before the dread of what was actually going to happen today settled into his mind with a coldness around his heart.
The lower floor of the house was eerily quiet as Harley descended the stairs slowly, looking around for another soul. He was almost convinced he was completely alone for once, before noticing Axel through the living room window sitting on the same concrete slab they had the argument on the previous night, a mug clasped firmly in his left hand as he smoked a cigarette in the other.
With a shaky breath, Harley decided it was best to just get it over with, and he opened the back door with a loud creak before slamming it shut behind him. Axel blew out a plume of smoke before glancing over his shoulder at Harley, quickly plucking his cigarette out of his mouth and stubbing it out on the concrete with a sad smile.
Neither brother said a single word as Harley settled down next to Axel, the two in a tense silence before Axel finally caved with a heavy sigh, and Harley was glad that he wasn't the one to initiate the conversation.
"Lucas would kill me if he knew I was smoking a cigarette," he laughed bitterly. "We promised each other we would quit together. I needed it though."
Axel looked over at Harley's face, which remained stoic as he looked down into his lap, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Axel sighed, gazing back out over their mess of a yard.
"I know you're frustrated, you expressed that very clearly. I've thought a lot about it last night, but I want you to tell me again, now that I'm not high and you're not yelling," he stared at his younger brother with vulnerable, pleading eyes, and Harley hoped that all of the nervous rehearsing he had done to himself of what he wanted to say helped him sound cohesive and eloquent enough.
"I don't know. . . I thought everything would be different," Harley huffed, ripping up the overgrown blades of grass by his feet. "Maybe I was being stupid, but I'm still upset about it even if I was being stupid."
"What did you think it would be like?" Axel questioned slowly, although unsure if he really wanted to hear the answer. He thought it might completely destroy him.
"I thought it was going to be you and me. Just like old times. But then I find out it's you, me, multiple other strangers, who I would end up feeling closer to than my own brother- it just all feels so wrong."
Axel's eyes casted down towards his coffee, as his fingernail played with the chip in the ceramic rim. "You're right. I should have told you, but to be honest, I was just embarrassed."
Harley's head shot up, never expecting those words to ever come from Axel's mouth. "Embarrassed? Why?"
"Because I've been on my own for this long, I should have an actual, stable job to earn an income off of instead of selling weed and booze. Maybe then I could have afforded a cheap apartment for you and I to live in, and you wouldn't be forced to live in a house filled with people who are strangers to you. You've always looked at me like I was something great, that I could handle anything, and I was ashamed for you to realize all of that is a lie. I've always known it was a lie, but you didn't. I thought with all the shit we've had to go through, losing a mother and a father, that you could have that. You could have an older brother that could keep you safe and happy. Maybe not six years ago, when I joined a gang and you got put with fucking Missy, but eventually, I could. Eventually," Axel's lips twisted slightly in pain, and Harley noticed with horror that his eyes grew glassy.
"Lucas looked at me the same way, you know. He was seventeen thinking some snotty, naive fifteen year old had the world in his hand. For someone so intelligent, that was something no one other than an idiot could do. When he told me he loved me, I didn't want to hurt him, I really didn't; but I was so pissed at him for falling for someone who could never be a partner for him. He deserved so much better than that, and I couldn't believe he would put himself through pointless pain and misery like that. Guess deep down, I just wanted to show him I was right," Axel finished, rubbing a hand down his tired face, before looking back at Harley with a crestfallen expression.
"I'm so sorry, Harley. I hate that you finally had to realize that I don't have everything together."
Harley shook his head. "I looked at you like that because I thought you were brave, and even though you were scared, you never let me see it. You were always strong for me," Harley started slowly, feeling his voice become weak and beginning to waver. "I hope you know I don't need you to have everything together. I just want my brother. That's it. Even if that means I don't have the best clothes or newest phone. I don't want you to work yourself to death to get me those things, when all I want is to spend time with you again." He furrowed his eyebrows, taking a deep breath as he turned towards Axel, but still refused to look at him. Suddenly, a pair of strong arms enveloped around his shoulders, pulling him into a warm chest that smelled like nothing else other than his brother- cheap pine tree cologne and cigarettes. Harley felt himself relax in Axel's embrace, and he quickly returned the gesture, burying his face into his shoulder, the soft fabric of Axel's white sleep shirt covering his cheek.
"I promise. You won't lose me," Axel whispered into Harley's hair. "And I won't lose you. We need each other."
Harley nodded quickly, sniffing as he picked his head up, Axel pushing his hair out of his eyes like he always did when he was a kid. The action would usually piss him off, but now that gesture felt so warm and comforting. He vowed to never complain about it again.
"You need to work it out with Lucas," he said strongly, finally meeting his brother's gaze, two pairs of emerald eyes identical to their deceased mother meeting each other. "It's obvious you need each other too, and this divide between you is pathetic to watch."
Axel chuckled, ducking his head before meeting Harley's face again. "I agree. We've been with each other through thick and thin. He ran from our former gang with me when I left, even though he would be labeled a traitor right along with me. Lucas is the most loyal person I know, and I don't want to lose him either."
Harley smiled at the small tale, hoping he could convince Axel to share more memories of him and Lucas before he came along. The fact that the tall man had stayed with his brother through all the years made Harley's respect for him grow, and the thought made him feel warm, his heart thumping uncomfortably in his chest.
~
We have some communication! YES!!! Does this feel like progress? Do we think change can really happen?
See you in the next chapter! Thanks for your support!