Chapter Song - Dancing With Myself by Billy Idol
Two stern knocks rattle against the front door, echoing through the quiet house. The girls are fast asleep and even if it's almost half past twelve, working on a business is time grabbing and leads to many late nights.
I get up from my desk and head to the front door. Jen' probably forgot her house keys again, she's always quite a forgetful woman when it comes to her keys.
"I'm coming!" I call out as two more stern knocks rattle against the front door, and I quickly rush my way to the entry.
I swing open the door, a frown creasing between my brows as I come face to face with two solemn police officers and flashing red and blue lights.
"Are you Mr Thompson?" One of the officers asks, his wrinkled face is inherently creased into one of pity and sympathy.
"I am, what's this about officers?" I ask, glancing between the two officers in confusion.
"I'm officer Millard and this is officer Grayson," Officer Millard introduces himself and his partner and I nod in greeting.
The other goes to open his mouth to speak, but hesitates. "Maybe you should sit down," Officer Millard says and it only increases the confusion in my mind.
"No officers, just tell me what is going on," I state firmly, just wanting to get back to work and figure out why they're here.
Officer Grayson sighs. "You're wife," he says and I pit of worry flames in my stomach.
"What about her? Is she alright?" I ask panicked.
They share a knowing glance. "I'm sorry sir, your wife was killed in a car accident an hour ago, they tried rushing her to hospital but her injuries were to extensive," Officer Grayson tells me and I freeze.
I'm stuck in time, incapable of moving my body, although as I'm frozen in time I realise my body is collapsing to the floor, but I don't prepare myself for the fall. The officers brace me, grabbing both my upper arms and placing me to the floor gently.
They begin talking, their lips moving but no words or sound is coming from them. I can't hear anything, it's all a blur.
The girls. The girls. How do I tell them?
I shoot up from my bed, jolted awake by the heart aching memory. My hand moistens as I wipe the sweat off the back of my neck and forehead. Thump, thump, thump my heart beats erratically as sequences of flashes from the nightmare - memory - flash in my mind.
That night. It was something out of a movie, one of those dramatic T.V shows. The red and blue lights flashing in whirls of colour blinding your eyes as your hand curls with worry around the door handle. You're faced with two solemn police officers, trying to avoid as much eye contact with you as possible.
In the movies everything happens in slow motion, and thats exactly what happened. I don't remember falling to the ground, I don't remember having a panic attack and the two kind officers doing everything to help me calm down.
I calmed down, but it's as if I was frozen in time, my emotions stuck in a neutral of numbness. I'm not sure if that was just how I was coping, or if in the back of my mind I was just to terrified to face the reality, the heavy emotions of losing my wife.
She was only going out to get bread, thats it. Just a loaf of bread because Hallie was in a toast phase and dealing with a hungry toddler at 7 am in the morning is not fun.
So she hopped in the car, and drove down the road.
I didn't know the short peck on her cheek and haste 'I love you, be safe' would be the last words I ever said to her, as I carried Hallie upstairs to bed.
Sitting up, the still darkness of my plain bedroom once filled with love, now filled with loneliness and yearning for something, someone.
Checking the alarm clock next to my bed, the time reading 4:01am. Everyone is fast asleep, hopefully having better dreams than the terror I just had to endure all over again.
I walk through the dimly moonlit hallway, stopping in front of Daphne's bedroom door. I picture her snuggled between the bed covers, fast asleep.
I don't know what is brewing between the two of us. Since the day I walked out of my office and saw her dressed in a pair of casual denim shorts and an old New York Yankee's t-shirt, I instantly felt a spark. Just a short flick of flame in my heart, one that I hadn't felt in years.
I hung onto that spark, the feeling was almost something new since it'd been that long since I'd felt something towards another woman. Then the flame grew as we got to know each other, each day she'd come downstairs into the kitchen or already be there cooking breakfast and I'd feel a sense of home.
My heart felt complete, because it just felt nice to wake up and see someone so grounded and genuine. Someone so full of complete beauty to waltz around the kitchen barefoot and entirely filled with joy.
It reminded me of the mornings I'd wake up and Jennifer would be getting ready in the bathroom, putting her makeup on or applying her skincare. I loved watching her, her entire being filled me with joy and I could've watched her for hours.
Then when she died, the joy vanished. Except with my girls, they were my saving grace, my pure angels that kept me from completely vanishing into a hollow shell of myself.
Then Daphne came along and that same joy, that same awe I had for Jennifer, now felt for Daphne.
Of course the two are completely different, and I wouldn't compare the two. I've grown since her death and healed in a way where the thought of her memory brings a smile to my face and not a an aching twist to my heart.
My heart is ready. Ready for someone new, new love, someone to spend alone time with, kiss, laugh with and walk through the rest of life with so I'm not entirely alone.
Making my way downstairs and through the quiet house, I walk into the kitchen and towards the fridge. I pour myself a chilled glass of water and gulp it down in one go, without breathing a single breath.
My throat is still dry and I feel my throat tickle as I let out a dry cough. Fuck, am I sick?
God no, I can't get sick, not the fucking time. I'm sure I'm fine and my throat is a little dry, thats all it is, because I can not get sick, not right now when work is incredibly busy. As usual.
***
I'm sick. I woke up this morning with a raging headache, a dry cough that turned into something grosser, a high temperature and fever. I am sick and it took all my energy just to walk downstairs, until I collapsed onto the couch.
The girls ran over, Bridie with a mouth full of cheerios ad Hallie with a half eaten piece of honey toast in her hand. Their faces were etched with worry and confusion, then I tried talking and my voice sounded like a frog got lodged into my throat.
Then they realised I was sick and scattered away like I had a death eating virus. Not even a hug or kiss from my girls, it was incredibly disappointing.
"Are you alright, Danny?" Daphne comes over, standing in front of me with worry etched on her face.
I let out a throaty cough and her face twists with distaste. It's gross, I know and not how I'd love a girl I'm pining for to see me. I thought she'd at least see me naked first.
"Yeah," I choke out, and she stares at me with more worry.
She sits down next to me and I get a whiff of her lavender vanilla scent, and I already feel the tiniest bit better. "I'll grab you a blanket, a cup of tea and some medicine to help with the headache," she tells me.
I frown. "How'd you know I had a headache?" I ask, because I didn't mention I had a headache and you can obviously only tell I have a cough.
"You winced and rubbed your head when the girls screamed at you when you came downstairs," she explains and I nod. Right, that was painful, yet they still didn't give me hug or kiss.
She stares at me for a couple more moments, her honey brown eyes filled with such worry and care, filling my heart with that same spark I felt when I first saw her. Although the flame is bigger and brewing at a constant rate.
Turning away from the tense eye contact, she gets up and heads back into the kitchen and I hear the girls distant chatter over the morning news playing on the T.V.
Soon enough I'm handed two tablets for the headache and a glass of water, which I instantly use to swallow down the tablets to rid myself of this raging headache for good.
"I made you some ginger tea, it's good for coughs and I know it may be weird, but some pineapple, it's really good for coughs. Or if you don't like pineapple I can make some lemon and water, I had that when I was younger cause' we couldn't afford pineapple, but anyways..." she drifts off after her cute ramble.
"Oh, and here are a fresh box of tissues," she smiles and I stare at her with such gratefulness, but a small thought is nibbling at my brain.
'We couldn't afford pineapple'.
I know pineapple can sometimes be expensive, but it's not anything people can't afford. It's a fruit you find in any grocery store or supermarket, it's not like it's some exotic fruit from Peru.
I choose to leave the comment alone, plus she gets up and leaves in a hurry as she scrambles to get Hallie and Bridie ready for the day. She rushes Hallie upstairs to get her ready for school and Bridie comes over to me and makes her a way to the spot next to me.
"Daddy, are you dying?" Bridie asks me and I chuckle. Bridie never fails to say the most randomised and most out of pocket things, she's also a pro at jumping to conclusions.
"No sweetie, I just have a cold," I assure her and she nods, relieved i'm not 'dying'.
Daphne leaves to drop Hallie off at school after getting Bridie ready for the day. Bridie then joins me on the couch again, although keeps a fair distance because she doesn't want to catch my 'zombie sickness'. Her words not mine.
I flick through the channels, trying to find something amongst the normal channels, except it's all filled with random 'day' movies which are entirely random and filled with no plot and mediocre acting.
"Daddy?" Bridie's voice drags and I hum in reply, trying not to ache my sore throat.
"When do I get to go to school?" she asks.
I take a sip of the ginger tea Daphne made me, then place it back on the side table. "In a few years," I reply and she nods. "Why?" I question, knowing theres always some sort of reason behind her questions.
She shrugs. "I just miss Hallie," she pouts and I smile.
Bridie adores her older sister more than anything. She loves her with her entire heart and her heart is big. Bridie admires her sister over anyone else and thinks she's the coolest person to walk the planet. Her words, not mine.
"I know, but you'll get use to not seeing her all day and plus you get the whole afternoon when she comes back to play," I tell her and wipe some hair off her forehead.
"I'm back!" A feminine voice calls out and my heart instantly beats an extra beat at the sound of her voice.
Bride instantly perks up like I do, and bolts off the couch meeting Daphne halfway in the hallway. Collapsing into her legs and wrapping her small arms around her long pale legs, I take in the thickness of her thighs and the soft smooth skin that draws me in and makes me crave to run my hands over.
She picks up Bridie and places her on her hip, as Bridie begins playing absent mindedly with the ends of her blonde locks.
"How are you feeling? Did the tea help?" she asks, coming around and sitting next to me on the couch, Bridie on her lap.
I'm taken back by her worry and eagerness to help, because I'm not use to it. I mean Jennifer was exactly how she is now, getting me what I need and running around making something warm for my throat. I grew not use to having that help from another, use to the situation of taking more energy within myself to grab medicine and balance two girls while also sick.
It's relieving and makes my heart swarm with fiery warmth.
"Yeah," I smile. "It helped a lot actually," I say and she smiles.
That smile. So bright, so happy and joyous. It's filled with thousands of sun rays, that bounced from the sun and filled her with warmth and love.
"Good," she nods approvingly. "Did you need anything else?" she asks.
"Uh, I'm okay, thank you," I reply and she nods again, then gets up moving to the kitchen with Bridie hot on her tale. Those girls follow Daphne like she's mother goose.
Mother. Mum. Mummy.
Nope. Dude, you're thinking way to far and you don't even know how she feels. Well, her reaction to whenever I get remotely close to her tells me otherwise.
As the random 'day' movie passes by, my eye lids grow heavy and I feel them slowly shut and with the background noise of the T.V and distant traffic, I'm lulled asleep by the calm.
***
"Danny," a soft whisper echos. I shift in my position and make myself comfortable on the couch again, ignoring the soft voice.
"Danny," The voice is louder but still soft, as a gentle hand shakes my shoulder lightly.
Slowly I lift up and open my eyes. With my hands, I wipe my tired eyes and am met face to face with Daphne.
A soft smile caresses her pinkish lips and at this close vicinity I can really inspect her face. She has light freckles that cover her nose, and a light blush coats the apple of her cheeks, and the big brown eyes look into mine and I feel calm.
Completely calm, like my throat isn't aching and tickling as I fight the urge to cough and my head isn't starting to ache again. Fuck, not another headache.
"You know you're meant to nanny Bridie, not me," I make a joke.
She laughs lightly. "She's fine playing outside, plus you're the sick one and need help," she assures and I nod, not minding one bit.
"Thank you," I say.
"You need to stop thanking me, this is my job," she shakes her head.
I grab her hand, feeling the soft delicate hand thats so warm and comforting, compared to my gruff calloused hand from years of hard labour.
She freezes, and I watch as the goosebumps on her arms and neck arise almost in slow motion at the touch of my hand with hers.
"No, taking care of me isn't your job and you nannying the girls is so much more than that. You care for them and me, you treat us and make us feel like a family," I tell her, and her eyes fill with such emotion I can't tell what it is.
"I-" she stutters and I fight the urge to smirk, knowing I do have a certain control over her. "Um- thank you, that means a lot," she smiles.
I smile softly, taking in her soft demeanour. "Just the truth," I reply.
She blushes, but looks down and away to hide it, but I saw it anyway. "I'm going to make you another tea, did you want anything to eat?" she asks.
"I'm okay," I answer and she almost runs out of the living room, obviously flustered.
I like that power I have over her, the way just the fervent touch of my hand, or heated breath of mine tickling her neck makes her body prickle with goosebumps. There's no point in denying there is something between us, it's obvious and it was there the moment we first met.
Especially since we were both checking each other out, I'm not sure if she noticed me looking her up and down. But I sure did notice her.
"Daddy, I'm bored," Bridie comes back inside, Petunia followed behind her.
Ah, the worst words to come out of a child's mouth. Maybe not the worst, but definitely quite annoying since you have to find something for them to do, although they say no to every suggestion you make.
It's an impossible battle.
"Hm, how about we play a bored game?" I suggest and to my surprise she agree's.
I tell her to go ask Daphne if she wants to play and soon enough the three of us - plus Petunia - are sitting cross legged around the wooden coffee table, a game of Monopoly laid out in front.
I'm against Bridie and Daphne who are a team, since Bridie is a little young for Monopoly, but still understands the basics of the game.
"50 dollars please," Bridie flashes her open palm towards me, with an expectant look in her eye as soon as my piece landed on one of their properties.
I shake my head and hand her the plastic 50 dollar note. "Pleasure doing business with you," I smirk and she nods her head approvingly.
Daphne picks up the pair of dice and shakes it in her hand, then drops them onto the bored as they roll outwards.
"A six and a two!" Bridie calls out, holding the dice in her hands.
"Mhm," Daphne hums. "Can you take a guess on what six plus two is?" she asks, and a look of thought etches on Bridie's face.
"Um, seven?" she guesses and Daphne chuckles lightly.
"Close, it's eight, but you'll get there," she assures her and Bridie nods her head, not sad she couldn't add the two numbers.
One of my favourite traits about Daphne and how she cares for my girls, is how calm and supportive she is. Daphne encourages the girls to try and if they fail, she assures them it's okay and that you just have to pick yourself up and try again.
And if that isn't the main lesson I want to teach my girls in life. If you fail, just breathe, pick yourself up and try again.
Continuing our game, Daphne gets up randomly and heads over to the corner where a bunch of my records sit. She runs her fingers over the vast collection of records, ranging from metal, rock and a lot of oldies.
"You have such a good collection," she says, picking a few records out and starring at their covers.
"Thanks, you can play one if you want," I say and turns to me with an excited gleam in her eye.
She picks a record out from the small shelf that holds my records and record players, taking the disk out of the cover, but I can't see so I'm not sure what she's about to play.
Placing the disk on the record player, she toys around with the handle part until it sits on the record smoothly and she turns the nob for a certain song.
'Dancing with myself' by Billy Idol echos through the quiet living room. Fuck and a good taste in music?
"This good?" she smiles, sitting back down and Bridie crawls back into her lap.
"Perfect," I smirk. "Great taste in music," I compliment and a light pink creeps into her cheeks.
"Thanks, pride myself on it," she retorts and I chuckle.
About to get back into the game, Bridie jumps up onto the coffee table and begins dancing to the song, knocking over the pieces but she could care less.
She wiggles to the song and jumps on the coffee table and at first i'm surprised but then a massive smile takes over mine and Daphne's face, as we watch her dance to Billy Idol.
I've raised her right, and I hope I get a card from her in the future, thanking me for giving her such great music taste.
I don't like all that pop shit. But Taylor Swift is an exception, Hallie loves her with every atom I swear and If I'm being honest, I've gotten fond of her songs.
Tidying up the Monopoly game, Daphne goes to pick up Hallie from school while Bridie and I eat a snack in the kitchen as she blabs about her 'Barbie' world and how her Ken doll is being bad and he's now in dragon prison.
"Daddy!" Hallie runs into the kitchen, catapulting herself into my legs and I kiss the top of her head.
"How was school?" I ask her she shrugs.
"It was okay, but we had to do P.E and I don't like running very much," she complains.
"Neither," Daphne agree's as she unpacks Hallie's lunch box.
"Come on, lets play," Bridie growls and drags Hallie out of the kitchen and to the playroom.
I walk around to Daphne and grab the empty zip lock bags and throw them into the bin, as Daphne fills up her water bottle and places it back in the fridge for tomorrow.
I watch as Daphne places back a few containers from Hallie's lunchbox. Watching as her hair lightly flows behind her as if a light breeze if drifting through her hair. She's so naturally beautiful, with her round face and heart shaped lips that create a sense of instant love and innocence about her.
She smiles casually as she passes by me and out the kitchen, telling me she'll be in the girls playroom if I need anything and with that she's gone.
Walking out of the kitchen a small pang of guilt sizzles in my stomach, I'm attracted to Daphne and I think it's more than just attraction. But I feel almost guilty, as if I'm committing some sort of high infidelity against my wife, yet she's gone and she would want me to move on.
Perhaps it's because it's new and I haven't been with anyone other than my wife, except the girlfriend I had in grade school for one day.
I shouldn't feel guilty, not when I deserve a new love in my life and someone to spend these lonely years with. Because I sure as hell am not spending it making one sided small talk with the pilates princesses and my employee's at work.
Fuck no. I need someone I can talk to, more than small talk, a person who can listen and be there when I need to get something off my chest. Her me work through a tough situation and watch the girls grow as we both guide them through life.
And we means Daphne and I.
***