Nothing could have sobered Ash faster than the flagrant terror in Miles' voice, or the way Benjamin's eyes widened at the sound of a struggle coming from the kitchen. They had thought nothing of the faint clatter they had heard a few seconds ago, but that cry filled them with a rush of adrenaline.
Ash got up to his feet so fast he knocked over a bowl of chips from the coffee table, yet Benjamin had already sprinted across the living room. Ash couldn't have had more than a few seconds to take in the scene in the kitchen, before rushing to help, but it remained sharp and vivid in his mind.
Miles wrestling with Eli on the floor, the muscles in his arms straining to keep him in place. Eli writhing to get back to the knife and smearing Miles' shirt and arm with the blood which was dripping from a cut on his forearm. Eli's panicked scream when Benjamin pressed him against the floor to lie on his stomach.
Ash kicked the knife out of his reach, staring at the others in terror. Miles was trembling when he retreated in a corner and hugged his knees in. There was a smear of blood on his cheek. Benjamin kept whispering in Eli's ear, until Eli seemed to calm down to the point he didn't need to be restrained.
When Benjamin pulled Eli in his arms, embracing him tightly, he snapped at Miles: "I told you we shouldn't keep drinking, but you always do what you want. Just look at what you've done. Why do you have to be so damn stubborn all the time?"
"I'm sorry." Miles didn't take his eyes off Eli, who was shaking and taking in sharp gasps of air. Then Miles buried his face on his knees and started sobbing. "I'm sorry, I didn't.. I wasn't.."
"Of course you weren't —" Benjamin started, glaring at Miles, but Ash cut him short.
"Ease off, Benjamin. You didn't tell him why it was so important, and we could all have said no. He didn't force us to drink. It's not his fault." Ash snarled at Benjamin, recovering from the shock enough to get his legs moving.
Ash made his way to Miles and slid to the floor next to him. Miles was pulling his hair, so Ash gently pried his hands free from the disheveled locks. He wrapped an arm around Miles and pulled him to his chest. Ash moved his hand up and down Miles' arm, while Miles trembled with the effort of trying to hold back his tears.
"What happened?" Benjamin asked, frowning when his eyes skimmed the cut on Eli's arm. It had already ceased to bleed, and it wasn't nearly as bad as Ash had first thought it was.
"I.. I don't.. He just.. I.. I'm sorry." Miles whispered and pressed closer into Ash's embrace as if that could keep him from having to answer any more questions.
"We're all tired and in shock. We can talk about this tomorrow, okay?" Ash decided. His voice was deep and unwavering, making sure Benjamin knew not to push Miles any further.
After Benjamin nodded, Miles stumbled up and disappeared into the bathroom. He came back with a first-aid kit and when he handed it to Benjamin, he avoided his gaze. Ash could tell from the way Benjamin looked at Miles how much he already regretted raising his voice at him.
Miles picked up the knife next, wiping it clean with a dishcloth, and then proceeded to gather the rest of the knives and other sharp objects. He only made it halfway until he had to take a deep breath and lean on the kitchen counter. When he pressed his eyes shut, tears fell onto his cheeks. Then he took another deep breath and continued his task with shaky hands and rigid movements.
"Miles, are you okay?" Benjamin asked, softer now that the worst shock was over. When Miles didn't react to his words, Ash walked to Miles and set his hand on his shoulder. Miles shut the last cupboard, done with his task.
"I'm okay." He told Benjamin, with a thick yet firm voice, but didn't turn to look at him. Then Miles turned his attention to Ash, his eyes averted to the height of Ash's shoulders. "Hide these and make sure everything is okay in here. I need to get cleaned up."
Then Miles turned on his heels and locked himself into the bathroom. Soon they could hear the water running. Ash didn't like the idea of Miles being alone right then, but he couldn't exactly leave Benjamin to take care of Eli and the mess in the apartment either.
Once Benjamin was done dressing the cut, he took Eli to the living room. Eli hadn't said a word yet, and he had a faraway gaze in his eyes when he lay down on the couch. Benjamin sat on the edge of the couch, and brushed his fingertips along the ruddy spot on Eli's jaw. There would be a bruise by tomorrow, and it must have come when Benjamin wrestled him against the tile floor.
Ash hid the sharp objects and knives at the back of a cupboard, wrapped in a cloth. Then he cleaned the last traces of blood from the kitchen surfaces and sat at the other end of the couch. Eli had already dozed off, but Benjamin was still brushing his hair and staring at him with sorrowful eyes.
"Will he be okay?" Ash whispered, keeping his voice low to not wake Eli.
"Yeah.. I just thought we were past this already. I know there's no cure for PTSD, but he has been doing so well for so long." Benjamin whispered back. "I really don't know what could have triggered him like that."
"It's not just the alcohol, Miles didn't —" Ash began.
"I know. I'll tell him how sorry I am first thing tomorrow." Benjamin promised. He rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn, reminding Ash how late it was.
"Get some sleep now. We'll talk tomorrow." Ash patted Benjamin's shoulder before getting up.
Miles was already sleeping, or pretending to be, when Ash laid down on the bed next to him. Ash slung a protective arm over him, staring at his profile in the dimly lit room. He was certain he wouldn't get any sleep, when the adrenaline was still bumping in his blood.
Things could have gone wrong in about a million ways: Eli could have cut deeper and bled to death there in the middle of their kitchen, he could have accidentally stabbed Miles when they struggled for the knife, Benjamin could have gotten hurt when he came to help,.. It had been way too close, and so entirely unexpected.
Ash scooted closer to Miles, breathing in the familiar scent of his body wash. Even the thought of anything happening to Miles was enough to stall Ash's breath, to twist his stomach in tight knots. Ash didn't know what he would do if he lost Eli or Benjamin, but losing Miles was too dreadful a thing to even think about. When Eliana was gone, he would need Miles even more than he already did.
Ash tossed around in the bed for what felt like an eternity, but at some point he must have fallen asleep, because he found the bed empty when he opened his eyes. He sat up, pushing his hair back from his face.
The floor felt chilly under his bare feet, when he walked across the shadowy bedroom to the bathroom. He took a brief hot shower, before cloaking himself in a thick layer of clothes. Miles was making breakfast: fried eggs, bacon and a variety of fruits and berries.
"Morning." Ash murmured and hugged Miles from behind.
"I washed the pan after frying the bacon, and I'll still have to make the coffee, and the eggs might be cold already, but.." Miles started rambling, parting from the hug and getting busy with the coffee machine. Just as he was done, Benjamin walked into the kitchen, his black hair a tangled mess from sleep.
"I thought I smelled something." Benjamin said and yawned, eyeing the breakfast feast on the table. Then he tilted his head to look at Miles, to continue: "Hey, I'm sorry for blaming you. I really didn't mean any of it. Of course I know it wasn't your fault, I was just beside myself. I'm sorry."
"Yeah." Miles muttered, still unable to meet his friend's gaze.
The breakfast was awkward, filled with long silences. Normally Miles and Eli would have kept the conversation going, but Eli was still sleeping and Miles wasn't in the mood for talking. In fact, all he did was poke his breakfast with his fork and stare down at his plate listlessly.
"I'm calling in sick today." Benjamin made a decision. "I don't think Prisca will take Eli in when he's like this, and I'm not leaving him alone just yet."
"Oh, okay, sure." Miles mustered a smile on his lips, when he glanced up at Benjamin. Then he stood up and took his untouched plate to the sink. "I should probably get going then."
Ash glanced at Benjamin, who was staring back at him with knitted brows and troubled eyes. When Miles disappeared into the hallway, Benjamin started getting up, but Ash gestured to him to stay and followed after Miles instead.
"Hey, talk to me." Ash whispered to Miles and seized his wrist to keep him from running away. Slowly Miles met his gaze, eyes brimming with tears.
"It's nothing, okay? I need to go to work." Miles mumbled and picked his jacket with his free hand.
"It's not nothing." Ash told him firmly. He hesitated for a moment before adding: "I know you're angry at Benjamin, but he already feels bad about it, so.."
"I'm not angry at him." Miles breathed, shaking his head. He pulled his wrist free and put on the jacket. Then he tilted up his chin, looking at Ash defiantly. "He was right about everything. I almost got Eli killed, so tell me how I'm supposed to act normally around Benjamin now? I'm not angry at him, I'm angry at myself."
"No, it's not.." Ash began, reaching for Miles who took a step back and yanked the door open. His eyes were wide and pained, when he turned on his heels and stomped out of the door.
"Miles, don't.." Ash tried again, but the rest of his words trailed off when the door swayed shut in front of him.